One Night in Havana
Blue shift was ending for the day and Betty was in an uncharacteristically light mood. Days had gone by, months, almost a year, since Kate Andrews had left. Surprisingly, thinking about this was becoming less of an obstacle for Betty. Her normal life had resumed rather horribly but with no word and no sign, with all the time that had passed, it was becoming easier each day for her to put Kate in the back of her mind where other things did dwell, only to swarm up on occasion, perhaps when nights become a little too dark, and days proved themselves to be a lot rougher than usual.
For Betty, today was not one of those down days. Today was the unofficial start of spring, and the sun had come up in the morning to greet her unexpectedly. Funny how the world can cheer you up like that, send you a little smile and change your whole day. Betty had felt that foreign warmth on her walk into work, and something sort of switched in her, it felt like the first real morning she had had since Kate left her that night. Warm spring rays cascaded down upon her face and they gave rise to a newfound and unexplainable hope. The hope that someday soon, it wouldn't hurt as much. It was like she was awakening from a long dream-riddled sleep, or emerging from a cave after winter hibernation.
"Betty! Betty, you have to come out tonight!" Gladys caught up with Betty on the way into the locker room.
"I don't HAVE to do anything, princess." She kept on walking despite her friend's labored breathing. Betty was quickly stripping out of her coveralls, eager to make her way into the shower and out of the dark factory before the sun all but disappeared for the day. It was a good job but it was all she could do to stand up all-day long and not crumble into a billion tiny pieces with all that was swimming through her head; she needed some light, she needed the sun, she needed a lot of things that she wasn't getting and she was determined to get them today.
"There's a new place I want to go to! It's all Carol talks about lately!"
"Look, you know I'm not into that fancy stuff you two gits get up to. I'm just a po' working girl" Betty mocked her and Gladys noticed, this was something she didn't do much of anymore, something positive, something hopeful. Gladys had been watching Betty closely for many months. It wasn't until this mocking returned recently that Gladys could feel confident that Betty would indeed be able to recover from all the damage that Kate had left when she carelessly disappeared from VicMu and the town all together after a few harsh words and a push from her daddy.
"Oh, it's not like that Betty! It'll be fun! Carol says they have a new act every week and this week there's a bit of buzz over the new singer in from two towns over. She's supposed to be a real knock-out! I'm telling you Betty, voice of an angel! It's been all over the papers!"
"Appealing to my tastes, are we?!" Betty joked again. Gladys blushed, trying not to stare at her naked friend who had gotten undressed in half the time it was taking her to do the very same thing. Her busy mouth must have been preoccupying her. She didn't know why but she was compelled to push Betty right above her hip bone, so she did.
"Hey!"
"Sorry, you're just too cheeky to deal with sometimes. Now what do you say?! I'll pick you up at 6?!"
Betty was hesitant to say yes. New places made her nervous first time out, she liked her old haunts, and she liked knowing where she fit in. But Gladys did made a point of mentioning this "new singer" from two towns over, who was rumored to be a "knock-out!" And Betty couldn't help but feel a leap inside, and the possibility that perhaps the night would bring her out of her blues. She had missed the sweet crooning of Kate Andrews and it would be comforting to indulge in a night of song in a new place where she had never been before. "Well yeah, if it'll get you to stop poking me in the buff, I guess I can stand a night out with my dingo friend Gladys."
Gladys smiled, finally ready to hit the showers. She knocked Betty hard on her shoulder, pushing her towards the steam. "That's enough lip out of you McRae! I promise you, this will be fun! Now get out of here before I get ideas."
Gladys was a strange one but Betty had grown fond of her dark-haired princess. Showers were quick, changing was effortless. Gladys couldn't stop talking about all the great things that Carol had been saying about The Havana.
"It gets so hot and people just keep dancing the night away, like they're really in Havana, can you imagine?!" Betty couldn't imagine. She had no idea where or what Havana was but from everything Glady had been saying, it must be some sort of heat-ridden island filled with sweating people who love to drink and love to dance, not much different than everywhere else, maybe just more alive.
"How is it hot with these cold nights we've been having?!" Betty asked, confused.
"Oh, I don't know, it's just these things that Carol says. For all I know it may be freezing! I never really gave it a thought…"
"Great… so you don't even believe her?!"
"Of course I do! She just… she has a tendency to exaggerate, and can you blame her?! Life around her is dull as dishwater…"
"Oh… well.. I won't be mad if it's not all it's cracked up to be."
"Don't say that! You'll ruin the evening before it's even begun!"
"Fine.. see ya at 6."
"Bye Betty!" Betty took off towards the rooming house, she didn't even turn back to watch Gladys hop into a car with Carol and drive off rather quickly like a couple of kids on the town. Their lives really were a lot different, but to Betty none of that mattered anymore. Gladys had been a real good friend to her and that's all that really mattered now.
Later at home, Betty fiddled with her hair. She decided to wear a dress since this was a new place that Gladys had recommended and not some place that she was used to. She sat in front of her mirror and smiled at herself before glancing over at the picture of Kate she had pressed into the inside of the mirror's frame. A certain sadness swept over her but she tried her best not to let it drown her. "Looks like I'm getting over you, kiddo… or at least trying…" She had gotten into the habit of talking to the room as if it were Kate's room, and enjoying the silence as if it was Kate's silence. It was almost like being haunted, except it felt somehow emptier. At least with dead people you know there's a chance of them actually hanging around.
A knock came at the door and she heard laughter.
"Betts! I'm here!"
"Hold your horses!" Betty took a deep breath in for good measure and surveyed the girl in the mirror from head to waist. "Not too bad Miss McRae." She said to herself, or to the room, or to Kate. And then she winked at the picture, kissed her fingers and pressed them lightly over Kate's glowing face. This had become a ritual for her; every time she left her room she would kiss the picture, it felt wrong not to do it. In spite of all the damage she caused Betty still loved her, and she still didn't blame her, she just wished that where ever Ms. Marion was, she wasn't beating herself up over everything that had happened, and she wished that she was safe and sound, away from evil hands and voices, away from everything that wasn't happiness.
Betty grabbed her purse from the night stand and left the room, not bothering to put out the light or straighten her bed sheets, or hang up all the dresses she rejected before finally settling on the one she was wearing.
The drive to Havana was over an hour long but they stopped at a food joint right off the road, ate some bad diner food, and chatted about people that Betty didn't know. Carol had come with her boyfriend Terrance, and Terrance's sister Lois came with her friend Dorothy. Both the girls were a bit young for the outing, but still old enough to have a drink or two without supervision. Betty enjoyed listening to them gossip about all the girls she didn't know. They were all either married, or running from something, and Betty felt an innate connection with all of them. Glady's friendship had turned Betty a bit soft on the rich folk. Now she wasn't as cold and cut off to those in life who had it easier. Gladys was the strongest woman she had ever known and it made her see everything in a new light.
Pulling up to Havana, many cars were parked outside. Most of them were jalopies compared to the car Terrance had brought them in. Betty took note of these things. The types of cars meant that this was a place for all types, but the amount of cars indicated that either Havana was HUGE or Havana was popular among the married crowd as well as the youngsters.
"Lots of buggies in Havana?" She phrased after a large bout of silence.
"Oh Betty, it's the cat's meow!" Carol said, excitedly. "Did Gladys not tell you?! You can get lost inside, simply lost! At least… I know I have before…" Carol thought back on something and Terrance placed his arm around her shoulder and offered her an endearing look, an unspoken promise that he will remain close to her at all times.
"Great! I like the sound of that!" Betty said truthfully, lighting up a cigarette as they walked towards the door. Seeing a few people crowded together at the entrance she decided to hang back for a moment, take a breather, smell the air, and try and relax before going in. Something about this place had her on edge, she could feel her teeth start to hurt, so she leaned on the wall and tried her best to calm down.
"You comin' Betts?!" Gladys asked, not wanting to leave her outside all alone.
"Yeah, sure. I'll be in, in a minute. Just want to feel the air for a second."
"Ok, but you better not disappear on me. I don't want to go all khaki-wacky without you."
"Kill the sirens princess, I'm not goin anywhere." Gladys allowed Carol to pull her inside but her eyes were having a hard time leaving Betty's face. She didn't like it when Betty acted strange. Something in her felt panicked at these little things that Betty did almost all of the time. She was always on her own time, on her own wavelength and Gladys felt herself somewhat cut off from her good friend. There was just no way of getting into that pretty little head of hers. Carol's hand felt sweaty in Glady's palm, and it comforted her a bit. She rushed up to Carol, hanging onto her for dear life, ready for a new adventure.
"Where's Betty?!" Carol asked, Terrance still hanging around her neck like a silent but handsome statue, looking real hard-boiled.
"She just needed some air, she's coming, don't worry."
"Well, I did warn her about the whole, getting lost, did I not?!" Carol was a bit worried, she wasn't particularly fond of Betty, but she knew how much Betty meant to Gladys and because of that she would always feel responsible if something bad happened to her at a new place she recommended, even if it was a gin mill a bit swankier than Betty was used to.
Outside Betty watched the couples enter Havana. They were all very different. Some came in groups, others in pairs. A few men came in stag, one after the other, and two groups of girls, one older and one younger, giggled passed her in a similar vain. Betty didn't know why but she felt nervous about this place. All the cars in the lot, all the fun that was already being had without her, it all seemed separate from her. She tried not to, but she kept thinking about Kate. She breathed in hard on her cigarette dreamily, allowing herself to wallow in a closed-eye-vision of the redhead that she misses.
Kate would've loved this place, she would've loved this night, and they would've danced for hours, drank for hours, laughed for hours, all night, all together. Betty opened her eyes, frustrated. The cold air was getting to her. She sniffed the air eerily, wondering how Carol could compare this place to a tropical island. Once the sun went down, it was all freezing all the time. Betty stomped her cigarette out, took a breath, and headed inside.
Carol had been right. As soon as Betty stepped inside, the heat was all around her. She checked her coat at the door, leaving it with a suspicious looking young woman with fake flowers in her hair. People bumped into her from all sides while she passed a staircase leading up to some other level, the noise surrounded her in a comforting hum. Betty liked this place already. She was too short to see the whole of it but there were people everywhere, tons of people and Betty liked people, she really did. She often noticed that people didn't naturally like her right away, but that didn't bother her none because she liked knowing people and watching them do all the crazy things that they do.
She walked for a distance before bumping into a wooden railing and leaning over it to see that not only was this place huge, it was above a GIANT dance floor that faced a large stage. A jazz band was playing. Betty hovered above the dance floor looking down at the large group of swing-dancing patrons. She didn't see Gladys anywhere, but she didn't mind that. It was good to see so many people having fun all in one place, even if she wasn't one of them. She watched the man with the saxophone as he hammered out a few upbeat bars of Alexander's Ragtime Band. Betty liked that he was playing all by himself, the melody all his own. She had only ever heard that melody belted out by wily trumpets, so this new sound was southing and somehow erotic.
She lit another cigarette, anxiously, not really knowing why her apprehensions were acting up. This bar was so comfortable and she was too settled already to even think about heading off to get a drink. She leaned on the wooden rail and shifted her weight onto one leg and then the other, taking the cigarette in and out of her mouth slowly like a pro. People all around her laughed and touched one another, and she listened to the jazz, inviting it in, leaning over the wooden rail, feeling at peace with the night. In all honesty she would be happy to spend the whole night alone like this, connecting with the jazz and mingling with her own cigarette smoke in an intoxicating dance. But she mentally told herself that after a few songs she would have to go find Gladys, she knew the brunette would worry about her and a little dancing wouldn't kill her.
Downstairs on the dance floor, somewhat under the overhanging mezzanine, Gladys danced with Terrance's sisters; they all traded off, spinning around and around, laughing together and rocking on their heels. Gladys kept an eye on the staircase, she was hoping for Betty but the blonde still had yet to make an entrance. Carol watched Gladys anxiously, which was something she had been doing a lot of recently, something new that she couldn't quite explain to herself. She couldn't help but feel that her friend was pulling away from her slightly in every way possible, and that feeling saddened her constantly.
Nearing the end of the song a gaggle of trumpeteers stormed the stage, speeding up the song to a comically fast pace, so that dancing was a frenzy and the song ended in uproarious laughter from all corners of the room, the front, the back, the top, the middle. The song ended and everybody cheered, raising glasses, and whistling where clapping wasn't enough. The laughter trailed off into conversations under the pitter-patter of the never-ending drum beats that played evenly between tunes, leading one song into another unexpectedly and without much needed effort. Gladys and Betty watched from different places as a handsome man stepped out to the microphone, borrowing the foot of the stage and commanding attention just by being present.
"Welcome, folks! The night is just getting started! Blood's a pumpin', beauties are dancin', and we're all gonna get a treat now, a real treat! We got ourselves a singer in town, for her first night in Havana, lets give her a real welcome, everyone! Here ya go red!" The man muttered, extending his arm out to a woman somewhere off to the side of the stage. Betty's heart stopped dead. "Let's hear it for Kate everybody! The lovely red, a real cutie who knows how to sing the blues…" The man squeezed Kate's shoulders for luck as she grabbed the microphone and began to talk. Betty was so star struck that she almost dropped her cigarette of the mezzanine.
Somewhere downstairs, Gladys was rushing towards the stage, teetering on the edge of tears and happiness. She wanted nothing more than to touch Kate's feet. Carol chased after her leaving Terrance and the girls to the back of the dancehall.
"Hi everybody, it sure is a nice night isn't it… I felt the sun this morning.. you all feel the sun today? It's an odd thing really." Kate's voice was so soothing that Betty found herself touching her skin in response to it, and not-so-surprisingly, she wasn't the only one melting away beneath Kate's softly spoken words. If Betty hadn't been so stunned, she would've noticed the entire hall grow a bit calmer and the mood turn from raucous to romantic. Kate continued to speak, leaving nothing out, telling the whole room her troubles and bathing easily in the spotlight feeling almost anonymous among a crowd so large.
"I've been having these low down blues." Betty was listening but everything felt so surreal. She didn't know what to do, so she just stood where she was, leaned in even more onto that steady rail, and buckled herself in for a night of heartache with her lost love. Kate kept on talking, not knowing at all that Betty was in the room.
"Real bad blues, you know the type… But then this morning, the sun. It came right up out there, right up out of nowhere. And it shined its light on me through the clouds, like it was choosing me out of all the people in the world, choosing me to feel its warmth… And I hope that's how you all feel tonight, because I'm choosing you too. We're all in this together, so let's get this night started." Kate seemed to shift on the stage, feeling a little something before continuing her opening speech. "This one's for a very special friend of mine. A beautiful girl, her names Betty, and I miss her so very much, so this goes out to her. Betty, wherever you are, I'm thinking of you tonight and I've got you in my heart…" Men in the crowd whooped and whistled at Kate's speech and Betty nearly fainted hearing her name coming out of Kate Andrews so effortlessly. Tears had rolled themselves down her cheeks, but she was oblivious to them. As Kate began to sing, Betty noticed the song. It was the first song she ever sang at Tangiers. It was, "I Wished on the Moon."
Kate was more than everything Betty had remembered. She had grown some confidence in her absence, and grown even more beautiful, which was something Betty thought to be physically impossible. But even at this distance Betty could see, that Kate was even more stunning, and her voice had adopted some sort of sorrow in her absence, it was something Betty could hear as well as feel. Kate was no longer just playing at those Billie Holiday blues, she was feeling them now.
At the foot of the stage Gladys hovered near Kate's feet. She was a little taller than the lip of the stage and she looked up at Kate hoping, that at some point, Kate would see her. Carol was tugging at Gladys's back now, confused by her friend. She had no clue as to why Gladys had run like she did.
"Gladys, what are you doing?!"
"Look Carol! Look up! It's Kate Andrews." Gladys yelled over the music, still not managing to be very loud at all.
"Well.. for Heaven's sake! It IS Kate Andrews!" Carol couldn't help it, in the middle of the ballad she shouted up from the crowd, "Kate! Kate Andrews! You look at me Kate!" Gladys laughed at her ridiculous friend, Carol was obviously excited. But it was no use for Carol to even try, Havana was so loud that even during a slow song, their voices couldn't be heard over Kate's beautiful singing and the muttering conversations that hummed beneath that.
"It's ok Carol, let's hear her sing. I've missed her voice. Will you dance with me?" Carol blushed and smiled, taking Gladys up on her offer.
"Of course, I'll dance with you!" They danced almost intimately, but not as close as Gladys had danced with Kate before. Kate had a way of pulling you into her, and Gladys had never ever danced like that with a girl, only ever with Kate. And she'd probably never dance with any woman like that, except Kate, never again in her whole life.
The song was nearing the end and Betty wanted desperately for it to keep going. Her mind wound itself around Kate's opening words, and hugged them tightly. There was no mistake that Kate was talking about her, she even said her name. As Kate ended her song she rose her hand up as she had done that night at the Tangiers, and her arms scanned the crowd for someone or something to land on, to end her song on a high note, picking one person out of the crowd, just as the sun had chosen her that very morning.
Betty gulped as Kate's hand somehow made its way up to her, finding the blonde on the balcony, and pausing there, high above the stage. Kate Andrews had found her, after only being in the room with her for three minutes, tops. There was something magnetic about the two of them, and that story about the sun. It was all too much for Betty, way, way too much. What did it all mean?!
Kate looked dumbfounded on the stage. She stared up at Betty with desperation in her eyes. Never had she even imagined that Betty would be there, in the crowd, at this random stop in her tour. She stared up at Betty, wishing she could magically lift her up off the balcony and carry her down to the stage, just by looking at her. If she could just do that she'd get a stool from backstage and sing all her songs directly to Betty, give her all the words she had been waiting to give.
A sound tore her from Betty's gaze. "KATE!" It was yelling, they were girls, and they were yelling her name. "KATE!" Kate looked down to see Gladys and Carol laughing and waving below her. From the place where she was standing, they looked like two independent faces floating up at her from the crowd.
"Gladys!" Kate said, looking down upon her friends. The microphone picked up her words. And at the sound of Kate's voice, Betty felt a jolt go through her and she made her way for the door feeling nauseous and overcome with emotion. She couldn't handle any of this right now. She rushed out of the bar, not knowing at all where to go, knocking a few lounge lizards in the back and making a scene that was quickly forgotten once the door had shut behind her.
"You'll have to give me a moment folks, it seems I have a few admirers I haven't seen in a very long time! Take it away Anton!" Kate motioned for her band to play, and a heavy jazz tune picked up the beat. Suddenly the whole room was dancing again; people were being lifted up onto shoulders, and twisted around the dance floor. On the side of the stage Kate looked up to where Betty had been standing, hope rising within, but Betty was no longer there. Kate's eyes muddled over. Was Betty ever even there at all, she wondered. But she had too little time to think about it, cause Gladys was here, and that was something she was sure of!
She rushed off the stage, her red dress fluttering in the body heat of the crowd. "Gladys!" she yelled, running right into her friend and hugging her like her life depended on it.
"Oh Kate! You were amazing!" Gladys stroked Kate's beautiful red hair, lifting her up off her feet in a giant hug. She pushed down the fly-aways in Kate's hair and breathed in the familiar smell of Kate Andrews. If she had to describe her scent she would say it was something like lavender and springtime, but in her head that description sounds fanciful and she laughs at herself for even thinking it.
"Was that?! Was that Betty I saw?!" Kate blurted out, desperately, clinging to Gladys so glad to be seeing her. She didn't want Gladys to feel unloved, but she really did have unfinished business and she couldn't wait to see Betty again, her heart leapt at the chance.
"She's here!" Gladys blurted out excitedly before adding much later, "But where?!"
"Up there!" Kate said, pointing up to the mezzanine, where people were drinking and talking above them.
"Oh.. I don't see her.." Gladys mused, a little worried.
"She's not there anymore." Kate said, looking at Gladys. They both looked at each other, holding each other's forearms, joined together in worry but also in joy, they smiled together slyly. Gladys took Kate's hand, understanding her friend's desperation. She thought about how Kate should probably be singing, and how this was all interrupting the show that was hers.
"Come on, let's go find her." Carol watched them, she would go back and find Terrance, this was their whole deal, and he was probably worried sick about her after what happened last time in Havana. She had almost been abducted by a particularly handsome soldier, he may have been what some would call a drugstore cowboy, but he didn't look it in his uniform. His uniform had made all the difference and Carol almost did leave with him, just like Gladys left with Lewis that one night during the dance.
Gladys led Kate behind her towards the stairs with every intention of climbing up them and knocking everyone else out of the way. She wouldn't be able to rest until she found Betty and brought these two kids together. Of all the bars in all the world, and Kate Andrews, had wound up in Havana tonight, Gladys thought to herself, almost laughing aloud. People from the crowd kept touching Kate's shoulders and her arms, complimenting her on such a great song. If Kate wasn't so excited thinking about Betty she would stop and mingle a little, and take care that her dress didn't' get pulled because she only had a few dresses for her shows and this one was her favorite. Secretly she felt relieved that she was wearing it now, knowing that Betty was here and that Betty had seen her. Her heart beat extra fast at the thought of Betty seeing her in the red dress she had picked out thinking instantly and shamelessly, Betty would love this on me.
"Hey, where's Betty?" A man yelled from the crowd, smiling. He was watching the two of them rush off in a tizzy. How clueless he was to the actuality of the situation. He would've really been laughing if he knew all the facts.
Somewhere outside, Betty was having a panic attack. She couldn't go to Terrance's car because she didn't have a key. She couldn't go back inside because the air was too tight for her breath or feel comfortable. She paced the edge of the parking lot, smoking a bit violently, and wiping tears from her eyes, trying to get herself together. She probably didn't even see me, she thought to herself. That was probably just something she did, not knowing I was there… But she knew these were lies. She knew that Kate did see her, that Kate had found her. What she didn't know was why or how, or what would happen now.
Gladys walked Kate all around the bar. They assaulted anyone with Betty's build before looking down at the dance-hall over the rail where Betty had been standing just moments before.
"I don't see her…" Kate said, more worried now than before. "What if.. what if she doesn't want to see me…"
"Are you kidding me with this Kate Andrews! You're all that girl thinks about. It's like you have no idea how much you mean to her. I can hardly even see Betty anymore behind that torch she's been carrying for you!"
"I'm sorry.." Kate said. She was unsure of how to respond to all that Gladys was saying. Gladys seemed a little upset, she stopped herself from giving her anger to Kate, and this wasn't the time to make her feel guilty. Glady hadn't realized how angry her voice would come off. She softened her gaze and looked at Kate lovingly, trying to sound a little less like her mother and a little more like herself.
"I'm sorry too, and I didn't mean that. Come on, she must have gone outside." Kate felt hopeless now. She had seen Betty before. Why on earth would Betty run from her?! It must have been how she had left things, all that she had said, all that she had not meant. She thought for sure that Betty could see through her words, but things were complicated, they were so messy.
Outside Betty leaned on a random car, she was almost in a pushup position, looking down at the dirt. She breathed in and out as if it were the only thing she could do in this whole world right now, the pain of it was sharp and biting. Two men came up out of nowhere, seeing Betty on their car.
"Hey! Get your filthy mitts off my car!"
"Oh yeah, you wanna go mister?! I aint no frilly dame!" Betty was yelling at them. She stood up quickly; a fight was what she wanted. Gladys and Kate could hear her from the door of Havana, they both looked in the direction of her voice before turning their slow walk into a fast jog in Betty's direction.
"Oh-hidee-ho! Look at this Ronald, we've got ourselves a fighter!"
"Yeah, I'd say you have. Now we gonna go or what?!" Betty stepped back from the car, finding her center of gravity and finally finding some air with this added adrenaline.
"Betty!" Gladys shouted, running up to the group. "Betty, what are you doing?!"
"Oh nothing princess, just having a talk with this fine gentleman. Isn't that right Ronald?!"Betty said, condescendingly, to the man's sheepish friend who was neither amused nor battle-ready.
"Well, right. I mean, no. Your friend's a psycho!" Ronald said, from behind the larger man. His arms were folded but he made a point of dropping them just to flex for Gladys. With his sleeves rolled up, it worked; Gladys flushed, at the sight of his large biceps, unknowingly.
"Betty, what did you do?!" Gladys asked, grabbing Betty's arm, hoping to soothe the situation.
"Not. A. Thing!" She said, angrily in staccato fashion, raising her head higher with each word until her eyes were almost facing the sky and her mouth hung open quiet naturally.
"She had her dirty mitts on my car!"
"Hey! What kind of thing is that to say about a lady?!" Gladys scolded him, insulted.
"Some lady," he scoffed.
"Come on Betty, let's go." Kate said, holding out her hand. Betty looked down at the hand to her side, tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn't tell Kate how much it hurt to be near her. She would never understand. When Betty didn't grab her hand, Kate forced her to, squeezing hard on her friends cold fingers.
"We're leaving now, I suggest you do the same." Gladys said, standing up straight, to look tough. The man with the car held both his arms up in surrender.
"I'm a sucker for a pretty face." He said, watching them leave, almost gloating. None of them turned around and Gladys trailed behind Kate and Betty, putting a little distance between herself and the men in the car. When the distance felt large enough Gladys slowed her pace considerably so that her two friends could walk alone and perhaps have a conversation, semi-private and long overdue.
Kate held Betty's hand in hers tenderly, and they walked quickly towards the side of the building. "Betty, what are you doing?" Betty didn't speak. Kate tried not to make eye contact with her, she had seen the tears in her eyes. "Were you picking a fight with those men? Betty, they could've hurt you." Kate couldn't help staring at her friends face and her arms and her face again. Betty still remained silent. She had no response to being scolded by Kate. If anyone should be scolding anyone, she should be scolding Kate right now. The girl just up and left, she told her she loved her, and then she just disappeared! How could she possibly have a rational conversation right now, about anything? She could understand if Kate didn't love her, but even as a friend she owed her more than that, more than a few months of worry and panic and sadness all her own.
"I—" she started, " I can't." Betty said, not really knowing what she was going to say, or what she couldn't do.
"Come here Betty." Reaching the side of the building Kate grabbed Betty's other hand and slowly spun her around to rest on the wall of the Havana. Betty rested on the wall, looking down at Kate's dress, trying hard not to see her, and not to cry. "Betty," Kate said, looking at her friend, searching for the eyes that were refusing to see her. "Betty, I'm sorry." Betty's hands throbbed as Kate squeezed them, she wasn't squeezing hard but the touch was something that Betty wanted too much, so the throbbing could not be helped. Betty wondered if Kate felt it but she didn't care if she did. "Betty…." Kate was trying to get her attention but she knew now that she had hurt her much more than she had thought. She should've written, she should've come back months ago.. She should've at least apologized for what she had said, as a friend, as a good friend. Kate's voice was growing weak with its pleading.
Kate let go of one of Betty's hands, trying to think of what to do. She hated that she had hurt her so much. Kate couldn't stop herself, she was feeling too much and she had to hug her. Betty felt Kate's whole body press up against her own and tears fell from her eyes now, in the comfort of Kate's arms. "Oh Betty… I missed you…" Kate said, feeling perfectly comfortable, not carrying anymore that Betty was refusing to see her. Somehow being with her was enough for now. Being able to hold her in her arms and know that she wasn't alone, it was all that Kate had been wanting, all she had day dreamed about for months. Kate placed her hand on Betty's neck and Betty almost felt like she was back in Havana, heat rushed through her and she felt claustrophobic while still not wanting to move. She relented finally, she couldn't refuse to touch Kate anymore, not when the redhead had her so entangled her. Betty wrapped her arms around Kate, pulling her in, returning the hug and breathing in the familiar smell of Kate Andrews. After a while Betty spoke.
"I felt it too ya know.."
"Hmm?" Kate mumbled, startled. She was so comfortable she could've just drifted off to sleep right there in Betty's arms.
"The sun. I felt the sun today… just like you said." Kate didn't move, her cheeks flushed now, realizing that she had already talked to Betty without realizing it.
"Oh Betty, you heard everything.." Kate mumbled, blushing, but Betty just went on speaking as if Kate's embarrassment wasn't adorable, endearing, and utterly perfect.
"I didn't know why it made me feel so happy. I guess it was because of you after all. The world must have been trying to tell me something.. perhaps that today was the day I would see you again." Kate hugged Betty tighter to her. It was cold outside but she felt warm in her arms. After a long silence Kate couldn't help but ask Betty something.
"Betty… there's been something that I've wanted to do for the longest time…"
"Oh yeah, what's that?" Betty asked.
"Well… will you look at me first?" Kate asked, returning herself to the place she was before. Holding Betty's hands in front of her again. This time Betty did look at her, but she looked like she was about to break, and Kate couldn't help herself. She leaned in and kissed her, taking liberties now, ones that she perhaps didn't deserve anymore, but she didn't care, she had to do it. It was all she had been wanting since the moment Betty ran out of that Bar. Kate kissed her, breathing heavily, and steading herself with a hand on Betty's neck and another on pressing lightly Betty's waist causing the blonde to tuck herself forward with pleasure. A thousand lonely nights just disappeared into unimportance. Kate's chest rested on Betty's, tears falling off of both their faces. Betty could feel Kate's whole body resting on hers, pushing her up against the wall, holding her in place. A fever hit her and her legs grew weak. She steadied herself on Kate's hips with her hands and moved her face away from Kate, forcing her into a hug.
"Kate… why? You can't just use me…" Betty felt everything way too strongly. If Kate wasn't holding her up against the wall, she would surely fall to the ground.
"Betty, I'm not." Kate muttered, confused. Somehow she was hugging Betty even tighter than before; she was finally getting everything she wanted.
"Then what are you doing?! What's going to happen after tonight?!" There was a silence now, Kate panted on Betty's shoulder, feeling her body pressed to Betty's, feeling the ecstasy that was this feeling of actually getting what she wants, actually being Betty's, letting herself be Betty's girl.
"Is it using you if I want you? I mean, if I want you, more than anything I've ever wanted in this whole world?!" Kate pushed herself off Betty, feeling abused by her words. She had been spending months pining away for Betty, months remembering all that had happened, and feeling bad for what she had said and how she had reacted to that kiss of all kisses. Betty almost fell to the ground when Kate pushed off of her, but she held herself up on the wall, her dress riding up on her for a second and then falling back down over her knees.
Kate paced in front of her, angrily, wiping tears from her face. "I'm supposed to be in there right now singing. But all I've been doing for months is singing songs to you. Songs I knew you could never hear… I'm just now realizing how sick that sounds."
"It doesn't sound sick…" Betty said, standing up off the wall finally taking the time to look at Kate.
"Well than how does it sound?!"
"Sounds about the same as me talking to your picture every day. Me kissing your picture goodbye, and praying to you at night. And seeing you everywhere, in corners, on the street, in windows and mirrors…" Kate stopped her pacing, holding her side in frustration. Some pair they were. It was hard to look at Betty now, like this. Betty was crying but she wasn't standing weak anymore, and she wasn't avoiding her gaze. She was staring at Kate, in that dress, under the moonlight and cursing herself for all the torment that she was feeling. Why couldn't she just be happy right now?!
"Some pair we are, isn't that right baby?!" Kate said, so naturally that it stung. Betty walked up to her, grabbing both her hands just as Kate had done before.
"It's my turn," she said, not giving Kate the chance to think or see. She pulled Kate's hands around her waist and she kissed her slowly, breathing heavy, and rocking her in her arms, placing a hand on her neck and feeling her pulse rise with her breathing.
They could hear the jazz music from inside, and they swayed to the slow song, kissing all the while, until a faster song was played and they could breathe at long last.
Kate rested her forehead on Betty's, still holding her close by her waist. Betty was smiling now and that made Kate so happy, she had missed that smile more than Betty would ever know.
"I mean it though, I love you…. What's going to happen after tonight?!" The words made Kate want to cry, would Betty be afraid like this forever now?!
"You can come with me, ya know… wouldn't be much of a life I guess."
"Hell, it would be our life." Betty said, throwing Kate for a loop.
"Our life," she repeated, a red smile spreading along her face. "I like the sound of that…"
Even though Kate was supposed to be singing, they stayed outside like that, dancing to the band, swaying in the cold night air, and holding each other in the night. Gladys never came out to get them and they spent most of the night in each other's lips, feeling dizzy instead of sorry. Feeling loved instead of abandoned. Not really knowing at all what would happen when the night ended.
"I'll be here for a couple of days, if you want to come and stay with me."
"Of course I want to come and stay with you… unless, do you want to come stay with me?! I'll bring you back for your show tomorrow, I promise."
Kate smiled, hugging Betty with her arms on her top of her shoulders, pulling Betty in and kissing the side of her cheek. An intense sense of calm enveloped her. "I'd rather be with you in your room than anywhere else in all the world." Somehow Betty knew that she was telling the truth.
"I'd really like that." Betty said, suddenly so very confused about all the time they had spent apart. If Kate was in love with her, what was it all for. She wanted to know, but she didn't want to ask, not now. Not when things were so perfect and she knew they had time now, Kate had told her they had time.
"Come on," Kate said, walking off towards the parking lot. "Im gonna sing a couple of songs, and then you'll take me home," she paused for a second, looking back at Betty and holding out her hand, "with you."
Betty smiled, taking her hand. Kate noticed how red Betty's face was, how her eyes were red from crying and her lips were red from being kissed, and tasted, and her cheeks were red from enduring the cold, and being wiped at for tears. This was the most attractive Betty had ever been to her and she'd never forget the way she looked right now in this moment with the moonlight at her back. She had messed her hair up running her hands through it, she had roughed up her dress from pushing at her body, grabbing at her sides, and pulling down on the fabric when taken by moments of intense passion.
Kate knew that she probably looked just as manhandled. She knew it but she didn't care. Tonight she was Betty's girl and tonight she was happy. She was finally happy.
The girls walked back into the bar, a man held the door for them as they entered. Kate wanted to pull Betty back up onto her, but she had to sing, it was why she was here, how she was able to be here.
She was slowly making her way to The Tangiers, that was her plan all along. She would have a gig there in two weeks, it was two towns over. She didn't want to tell Betty because she knew the warning would just make things worse. She had planned to go and find Betty. To visit the factory, visit the boarding house, talk things out, apologize. She imagined that things would take much longer than a night to figure themselves out, but they didn't. Betty knew she loved her, and she knew she loved Betty. It was simple really, rather simple.
Gladys was drinking near the door. Her and Carol had become quickly inebriated. Terrance was watching on joyfully, a dopey expression on his face that came with too much booze and fun.
"Kate! Betty!" Gladys screamed, running at them wildly. "Thank god you made it!" She surveyed the two. "Whoa… If I didn't know any better, I'd say you two just attacked each other."
"That's pretty much what happened," Betty responded. Looking at Kate and nodding bashfully, trying to avoid the looks that Gladys was shooting at her glowingly.
"Oh. Well, come on, lets go to the bathroom, I'll fix you up Kate! The manager was looking for you, he seemed… upset." Kate let Gladys take her, her hand already feeling lonely for Betty's. Betty watched them go with a heavy heart able to breathe for the first time tonight.
Carol walked up to her seemingly out of nowhere. "I got you a drink!" She said, handing Betty a peach colored beverage."
"Thanks!" Betty said, taking a sip and letting Carol play with her hair. Carol was trying to make her look a little less wild, she tucked her hair behind her ears and curled a few strands of Betty's hair in her fingers just to see what would happen. Betty sipped her drink, looking up at Carol, watching her watch her.
"What on earth happened to you?!" She asked.
"You have no idea…" Betty said, truthfully, downing her drink in a second large gulp.
"That good, huh?!" Carol said, smiling. And Betty felt as if she was seeing Carol in a new light, for the first time.
"That good." Betty smiled, finally feeling safely at home in Havana.