"Your son? You're not even related to him," Jack accuses angrily.
She swipes at the tears falling down her cheeks, about to respond until she notices movement out of the corner of her eye. She turns her head and finds Aaron standing in the doorway to the kitchen, stuffed orca tucked under his arm, and she takes the few steps necessary to reach him, lifting him up and holding him close. Luckily the almost three year old did not understand Jack's harsh words.
The doctor glares at the two of them for a moment longer before he turns and walks away.
Kate carries her son back upstairs and tucks him into bed. "Did you have fun with Veronica this afternoon?" she asks, kissing his forehead and trying to distract him from what he had just witnessed.
"Yes, Mommy," he smiles tiredly. "Jack read to me?"
"No, I don't think he can tonight, sweetheart. You want me to read?"
He shakes his head and frowns, "Jack mad?" He hadn't heard either of them ever raise their voices before, either at him or at each other.
She bites her lip for a moment before nodding, not knowing what to tell him other than the truth. "Yes, he's a little mad right now. But not at you."
"Okay. Good night, Mama," he says, yawning and closing his eyes.
"Night, baby," she says, running her hand through his hair before she stands and exits his room. She closes the door behind her and takes a step toward her own bedroom.
"Where were you today, Kate?" Jack asks again, stepping into her path and startling her.
"We've already had this conversation, Jack - I can't tell you," she replies, trying to go around him.
"Is Sawyer here? Did he get off the island somehow?" he sidesteps, blocking her once more.
"No, I was not seeing Sawyer. I already told you I was doing a favor for him. If he's gotten off the island, he hasn't contacted me."
"Then is there another guy?"
"What?" she asks, green eyes darting up to his in confusion. "Are you accusing me of something, Jack?"
"Answer the question, Kate," he demands, eyes darkening at her avoidance.
"I'm not talking about this with you right now. You're drunk, Jack. And if you are planning to stay here tonight, you can sleep on the couch," she tells him as she tries to move around him again.
A second later she is pressed up against the hallway wall, him invading her personal space with his right hand on her shoulder and the left on her hip. "Just tell me the truth, Kate. Is there another man? Is that where you went tonight?" he asks, voice rising again. She closes her eyes, trying not to imagine another man in Jack's place and the many times she had been in this situation, and doesn't answer. His hands tighten as he continues to keep her trapped against the wall.
"Mommy?" Aaron calls out, his bedroom door cracking open.
Her green eyes flash open again, eyeing the man in front of her nervously as her heart fills with worry for her son. "No, Aaron, don't come out here. Stay in your room," she instructs. To her relief, the boy listens and closes the door again. Jack isn't Wayne; she really wants to believe that he would never hurt Aaron. Then again, she had never expected to find herself in this situation with him either.
"Where did you go today?" he questions her once more, the alcohol on his breath overpowering.
"You need to leave, Jack," she steels her voice and her heart against this man that she no longer knows. Deciding he had left her with no other choice, she brings her right hand up to punch him, not wanting to hurt him but hoping that it would be enough in his drunk state to allow for an escape.
But he sees her fist coming, and his reflexes aren't impaired enough for her plan to work; he lets go of her hip and grabs her wrist, forcing it against the wall next to her head. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me the truth."
"If you really think that little of me, why did you ask me to marry you last week?" she retorts.
"Why is everything with you tainted with secrets, Kate?" he asks bitterly.
"I'm not the only one keeping secrets in this relationship, Jack. And I'm dealing with my problems, not drowning myself in alcohol to avoid them."
"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have any problems."
His words sting, and she takes a deep breath before responding, "Then it sounds like you have an easy solution to resolve those problems."
Jack hesitates, his grip on her loosening some, and she uses the opportunity to pull her hand free and shove him away from her. She expects him to retaliate, to come at her again, but he just stands there staring at her, his face a mixture of anger, hurt, and confusion. Her eyes still on him, she backs down the hall to Aaron's door and opens it. The boy is standing just on the other side, and he looks worriedly up at her. She picks him up, gives the doctor one last wary look, and quickly walks down the hallway to her own bedroom, locking the door behind her.
"We're going to have a sleepover, baby," she gives him a small smile, trying not to think about what had just happened to her, and sets him down on the bed.
"Sleepover?" he asks, his eyes blinking tiredly as he struggles to stay awake despite the recent excitement. He hadn't slept in her bed since before she and Jack had started dating except for the occasional early morning cuddling when he woke up way earlier than she wanted to get out of bed. "Jack sleepover too?"
"No, he's not going to sleepover with us," she replies, unsure whether Jack would leave or if he would end up on the couch for the night.
"Okay, Mommy," he says as she kisses him again, and she runs her fingers over his cheek softly until he is asleep. She hasn't heard any movement through the house, but she thinks that they are safe, at least for tonight. A few tears escape from her eyes as she thinks about the sweet boy asleep in front of her and the thought of his childhood becoming just like her own; she quickly wipes them away, vowing to herself that she won't let that happen. Minutes later she has changed into leggings and a t-shirt and is climbing in the bed, cuddling with her son while she waits for her mind to quiet down and allow her to sleep.
~Lost~
When she wakes up, Aaron is sitting beside her, his back to her as he slowly reaches his index finger out to touch her forearm. "What are you doing?" she asks sleepily, raising her hand to try to tame his bedhead.
Aaron doesn't answer, instead grabbing her hand and pulling it back from his head so that he can study the marks circling her wrist. He gently traces the bruises, careful not to apply too much pressure as if he knows it will hurt her. Finally he turns around to look at her, "Why Jack hurt you, Mommy?"
Kate hesitates, not realizing that he had actually seen what was going on when he peaked out from his bedroom last night while Jack had her pinned against the wall. "Jack was confused," she finally answers, settling on the half-truth as she is reasonably sure that he would never hurt her when he is sober.
"It hurt?" he asks, looking down at the bruise again, his hand still holding hers.
"A little," she answers, squeezing his hand as she sits up.
"I make it better," he informs her before he presses his lips softly to the damaged skin, just as she had so many times for his boo-boos.
"Thank you, baby," she smiles at him, wrapping both of her arms around him and pulling him closer.
"Don't worry, Mama," the blonde boy says as he returns her embrace. "I protect you."
She pulls back so that she can look him in the eyes, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders, "No, honey. If Jack ever tries to hurt me again, promise me that you will run and hide. You don't try to protect me. Okay, Aaron?"
"But I a big boy," Aaron argues.
"Yes, you are a big boy. But I don't want you to get hurt too. So promise me that you will run and not try to protect me, Aaron?" she reiterates. She had been much older than Aaron when she had first stepped in try to stop her stepfather from hitting her mother, and it is what ultimately led to him abusing her as well. Her own mother had never tried to protect her, either by telling her not to interfere or by trying to stop him from hurting her too.
He looks sad for a moment before he finally nods, "I promise, Mommy."
She pulls him close to her again, ignoring the pain in her shoulder as his head rests on the bruises that Jack had left there. "So what do you want to do today?" she asks, lying back down on the bed and tickling her son's side.
~Lost~
Veronica comes over to pick Aaron up in the late afternoon. Jack had to work last weekend so they had not had a chance to properly celebrate their engagement yet. They had made plans to go out tonight, but after what had happened the evening before, Kate has no intention of going.
Aaron greets her excitedly before he goes upstairs to pack some of his toys, a bag of clothes already waiting by the door.
"I hope he's taking you somewhere fancy tonight," Veronica smiles at her as they sit down at the kitchen table to wait for the boy to finish.
"Actually… I don't think we're going out," Kate replies quietly.
"Well, having a night in all to yourselves will be good too."
"I don't even know if Jack is going to come over," she admits, bringing her hands up to scrub them over her face.
"Kate, what is that on your arm?" Veronica frowns, eying the bruise that had darkened even further since Aaron examined it that morning.
"Nothing," she answers, not able to come up with a lie quickly like her mother always had ready, and she drops her hands back down to her lap.
"What's going on, Kate?" the nanny asks, concerned about the woman she had come to see as a friend.
"I just need you to keep Aaron safe tonight."
"Did Jack do this?"
"He was drunk," she says quietly. "I don't know who he is anymore. He isn't the same man that I met on the island; he isn't even the same man as he was when we started dating just a few months ago."
"Kate, I'm not just going to leave you here alone if he could hurt you again," Veronica reaches across the table to rest a hand on her elbow.
"Yes, you will. He probably won't even show up; we both said some hurtful things. But if he does… if he's drunk again… Aaron can't be here."
"I'll keep him safe, Kate," she promises. "But you need to keep yourself safe too."
"I know. I will. I don't know where Jack and I stand right now, what's going to happen to us. If anything like what happened last night occurs again…" she trails off with a slight frown on her face. "I love him. But I won't become my mother."
A minute later Aaron comes into the kitchen, "I all ready now."
The three make their way to the door. Veronica takes his overnight bags out to the car while mother and son say goodbye to each other.
"You be good for Miss Veronica, okay, Aaron?" she crouches down in front of him.
"I always good," he tells her with a smile. After a few seconds, a thought occurs to him, and he starts to fidget nervously. "Mama?"
"Yes, baby?"
His worried blue eyes meet hers, "Jack come home today?"
"I don't know."
"I no want to go with Veronica," he says, crossing his arms.
"You have to go. And it's going to be fun. Don't you always have fun with her when she watches you?" Kate tries to reassure her son, knowing his reluctance to leave is out of concern for her.
Aaron wraps his arms tightly around her, "Don't get hurt again, Mommy."
"It's going to be okay, Aaron," she says, pressing her lips to the top of his head. She wants to be able to promise him that Jack will never hurt her again, but she knows that that is not something that she can guarantee, as much as she wants it to be true.
"I love you, Mommy," he kisses her cheek before letting her go, his fears somewhat placated by her words.
~Lost~
When the doorbell rings a few hours later, Kate is very surprised to find Jack on the other side of the door. His hands are in the pockets of his pants, and he still has his suit jacket from work on. "Hi," he says awkwardly, somewhat disappointed that she isn't dressed to go out. Then again, as much as he had hoped things could go back to normal between them, he had recognized that there was virtually no chance of that happening.
"Hi," she says, standing in the doorway.
"Can I come in? I think we need to talk," he asks nervously, worried that she will turn him away.
After a long moment of studying him, she determines that he isn't drunk and steps aside to let him in. She closes the door behind him, and as she turns back to him, she subconsciously brushes her hair behind her ear with her left hand. He suddenly takes a few steps closer to her, hand reaching for her, and she tries to move away but finds her back against the front door.
But this time his hand is gentle as he lifts the edge of her sweater, having caught a glimpse of a mark on her collarbone with her hair now out of the way, and he gasps when he sees the extent of the bruising, matching the shape of his hand. "Kate…" he whispers, voice full of anguish, and his eyes stay glued to her skin. "I'm so sorry."
She remains quiet, not ready to forgive him though she is glad that he seems to feel guilty for his actions yesterday. Wayne never showed any remorse, nor had she ever heard him apologize, even to her mother.
Jack finally takes a step back, seeming to realize that they are in a very similar position to the one he had created the previous evening, and he rubs a hand down his face, sure that he has ruined everything.
Kate makes her way into the living room, sitting on one end of the couch, and waits patiently for him to join her.
He is careful to leave plenty of space between them as he sits on the other end. "I know that no amount of apologizing will ever make up for what I did, but I truly am sorry, Kate. My behavior last night was inexcusable," he says, not looking at her.
"You and Aaron are the only men in my life, Jack," she tells him, finally answering his question. "Sawyer has a daughter. He's never met her, but he had money that he saved for her. He asked me to make sure she got it. Her mother… she helped me out once when I was on the run; we've… sort of become friends. That's where I was last night, seeing her. And I should have just told you."
"No, Kate. I should have trusted you. I shouldn't have demanded that you tell me what you were doing, let alone try to physically force you to," he finally turns to her, eyes full of shame. "This is entirely my fault, Kate."
"Jack…" she begins with a sigh, hoping he won't react badly to her words. "You have a drinking problem."
"I had too much to drink last night, yes, but I don't have a problem," he defends himself.
"You've come home and had a drink every day since we got engaged last week. You didn't use to drink like that before."
"It's been a difficult week."
"Because we got engaged?" she asks, twisting his ring around her finger.
"No. Things have just been difficult recently."
"Because we got engaged?" she repeats, looking up at him.
"No, my drinking had nothing to do with you or us. Except when you weren't home last night."
"Why are you taking pills?" she changes topics.
"Pills?" he asks, feigning innocence.
"Yes, Jack. You left them on the bathroom counter the other day. And there was a bottle of something else in your jacket pocket when I went to do laundry. I looked them up - one was a pain killer and the other for anxiety. So what's going on with you, Jack?"
Jack doesn't know how to answer, afraid of her finding out the truth, his eyes falling on the bruises circling her wrist.
The silence extends for several minutes, her trying to wait him out and give him a chance to open up to her. Even after what he has done, she can't bring herself to just let go of him. When it seems clear that he isn't going to talk, she softly says, "I was pregnant."
"What?" his head whips around to look at her, eyes wide. They had never talked about having children, and he knew she was taking birth control; he isn't ready to be a father. As he reaches out to touch her stomach, her use of the past tense hits him, and he can feel the fear building up.
She pulls her knee up to her chest, blocking his hand from reaching her, still uncomfortable with his touch. "I was nineteen. I was maybe a month along. Had finally worked up the courage to take the test a few days before, and I was going to tell Tom that night when he came home from college. Wayne came home from the bar early that day. Ma was at work so he came looking for me. I don't even really remember what happened; I just somehow ended up at the bottom of the stairs. And then I woke up in the middle of the night in a pool of blood."
"I'm sorry, Kate," Jack resists the urge to comfort her. While he had always suspected that her stepfather abused her too, she had never confirmed anything beyond what he did to her mother.
"That night I promised myself that I wouldn't just stand there and take it anymore, that I would fight for myself. And I vowed that I would never let myself get into a relationship like that and certainly would never stay in one," she says, avoiding his gaze.
He takes in her words for a moment before giving a small nod, understanding what she is saying. "I messed up, Kate. And I am so very sorry for what I did. But after what you've been through, I completely understand why it has to be this way."
She angles herself toward him and frowns slightly, "What way?"
"We're over, Kate," he sighs, disappointed and angry with himself though he could not blame her for this decision.
"Is that what you want, Jack?" Kate reaches out to touch his arm.
"Isn't that what you want?" he asks, disappointment turning into confusion.
"No," she answers honestly.
"But your promise -"
"The Jack Shephard that I know - the Jack I fell in love with - would never have done what you did to me or to any woman. And I don't want to lose that man."
"I don't want to lose you either, Kate," he slips his hand into hers.
She bites her lip, hesitating for a second, before she continues, "The drinking and the pills have to stop."
"Okay."
"I'm serious, Jack. I can't trust that this won't happen again if you continue with them. I want to help you with this, but if you won't talk to me… You need to find help from somewhere, Jack," she squeezes his hand.
Jack closes his eyes for a moment, his mind racing. "Are you sure about this?"
"Yes, I'm sure. It has to stop."
"Not the drinking and drugs. I mean… are you sure about us? About giving me another chance?" he asks nervously, positive he isn't understanding her correctly.
"I meant what I said. I won't allow myself to be in an abusive relationship, and I absolutely will not put Aaron in the kind of situation I grew up in. So this second chance is all you are going to get. If it ever happens again, we really are over, Jack," she warns him.
"Thank you, Kate," he brings her hand up to kiss it and gives her a smile. Then he runs his fingers gently over the bruises on her forearm, careful not to apply any pressure and cause her pain. "I don't deserve it, but I am so incredibly grateful that you are willing to give me this chance. I never want to make you feel unsafe again. And I will get help."
"Good," she nods, watching him caress her arm.
"What… did I… are there any more of these?" he asks quietly, struggling to get the words out.
"Yeah… on my side."
"Do they hurt?"
"I've had worse," she replies, not really answering the question.
He hadn't wanted to bring the subject up again, but since she has, he cautiously asks, "You and Tom… were going to start a family?"
"Not intentionally. We had been best friends since I was six and then… became more."
"What happened?"
"I already told you what happened to Tom."
"I meant what happened between you two? You weren't still together when you went on the run, right?"
She shakes her head, "No, we broke up few months after I lost the baby. He wasn't too happy with me when I finally told him about it."
"Because you were pregnant or because you lost the baby?" he asks, scooting closer to her.
"Because I didn't tell him about it," she answers with a small smile. "I had always wanted to run away from home. Tom was the reason I never did; he wouldn't come with me. He would always tell me we'd go off on our own when we got older, that we'd get married and have nine kids."
"Nine?" he asks, surprised.
"Tom wanted nine; I… didn't want any. Kind of funny now, isn't it? I didn't want kids because I wanted to run. And the thing that stopped me from running, the thing that made me face my past, was a kid… and not even my own." A wistful smile crosses her face as she thinks about her first love. "Being his mother has made me want to stay in the same place for the first time in my life. It's the only thing I've been sort of good at… or at least I think I haven't managed to totally mess him up yet. Makes you wonder what would have happened if Wayne hadn't shoved me down the stairs."
"You and Tom could be living happily ever after with those nine children," he grins at her and laughs.
"I'm pretty sure nine definitely would not have happened," she laughs too for a moment before turning serious again. "You know, you remind me of him. He was a doctor too… or at least was training to be one when I… got him killed."
"So you have a thing for doctors?"
"Kevin, the guy that I did actually marry, was a cop, not a doctor," she replies, eyes twinkling mischievously at him.
"Right," he smiles at her. "Living very dangerously there."
Silence comes over them, Kate hoping that her honesty and openness with him about her past would prompt him to talk about his problems with her. She continues to fiddle with her engagement ring, twisting it around her finger.
"It doesn't seem like you want to keep that on," he acknowledges, nodding to her hands when she looks at him questioningly.
"Sort of seems like it's connected to our issues, whether it was the cause… or a band-aid to try to fix them," she says softly, sliding it from her finger.
"The issues are mine, Kate. And I assure you that wasn't the cause of them. But… I may have been trying to make it a solution to them," he confirms.
"Aren't these supposed to be 'our' problems if we were planning to build a life together?"
He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, "Yes. But I think they need to stay my problems for a little bit longer. And once I've begun to work through them, I promise that I will tell you about them."
"I just want to help you, Jack. And I won't judge you for whatever these issues are. I mean… you've managed to overlook the fact that I'm a murderer; I'm not sure that we can really get much worse than that."
"Please, Kate?" he asks, eyes pleading with her to let it go for now.
Kate looks down at the ring in the palm of her hand for a long time before she holds it out to him, "I think you should take this back."
"So we are over?" he asks, eyes fixed on her palm instead of looking at her face, worried what he might find there.
"I don't think we're really in any position to be thinking about marriage right now. But maybe… in time… you could ask again?"
Jack accepts the piece of jewelry, twirling it around in his hand for several seconds before pulling out his wallet to tuck it into a safe place. "Have you eaten yet? We've missed our reservation, but I can take you somewhere. Or cook if you want," he suggests, not ready to leave her yet. She looks away from him, and he can tell she's trying to find some way to let him down gently. "Okay, no dinner then. But what about ice cream?"
Her traitorous stomach grumbles at the mention of dessert, and she gives him a shy smile, "I guess I can't really say no now."
"I can get Aaron," he offers, standing up from the couch.
"He's not here."
"Oh…"
"Veronica's watching him," she explains as she also stands.
"He's going to be sad if we go to his favorite ice cream place without him," the doctor says, pulling a jacket out of the closet for her and holding it out so she can put her arms in it.
"You've already made the offer, Jack. You can't back out now," she teases as she pulls her hair out from the collar. Then she slips some shoes on, and they head out, walking side-by-side as they make their way over to the park a half mile away and the ice cream shop next to it.
"I promised Aaron we could do something fun this weekend since I'm not working. Do you think it'd be alright for me to come over and see him sometime?" Jack asks hesitantly as they walk, realizing that the boy wasn't home tonight because she was afraid of what might have happened. "I don't know what we're going to do, but you're invited too obviously."
"Of course," she says, avoiding the fact that Aaron knows what did happened between the two of them.
A few minutes later they arrive at the ice cream shop, which is quite busy. "You want to stay out here? I'll wait in line. What would you like?" he asks. They usually split some kind of sundae while Aaron has a chocolate kiddie cone with sprinkles.
"Surprise me?" she shrugs, feeling indecisive right now.
He debates for a long time while he waits in line; she isn't picky, especially when it comes to ice cream, but he worries that he will make the wrong choice. When he finds her ten minutes later, he holds out two sundaes, "Coffee brownie or chocolate mint?"
She looks from one hand to the other before selecting the coffee brownie one. As they slowly make their way back toward her house, they dig in to the sundaes. After a few minutes of silence, she holds her ice cream out towards him.
He trades bowls with her, "Kate… can I ask you something?"
"I think you've already asked a lot of things today, Jack," she points out.
"After he pushed you down the stairs, you said that you would fight back, that you wouldn't just stand there and let him hurt you. So why didn't you try to fight back yesterday? I mean… what happened was in no way your fault and you shouldn't have had to try to protect yourself from me. But… you didn't try to fight me."
"I tried to punch you, and you stopped me."
Somewhere in the haze of his memory he recalls this, and she obviously has the bruises on her arm to prove it, "Yeah… I guess."
She stops walking in the middle of the sidewalk and turns to face him, "I don't know Jack. I think I was mostly just shocked at what was happening. And it brought back memories that I was trying not to relive in that moment. And… well, I didn't want to hurt you."
"But I was hurting you."
"By the time I would have fought back, the damage was already done," she answers honestly. "I've had much worse than a few bruises. The physical damage fades with time. But the emotional damage… the distrust… the fear… that's what lasts."
He wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and tell her that she can trust him, that she has no reason to be afraid of him. But, as she said, the damage was already done, and only his actions moving forward could show her otherwise.
They maintain eye contact for a few extra seconds, neither sure what else to say, before they simultaneously start walking again, trading ice cream bowls once more.
~Lost~
"Are you okay, Kate?" he asks, hand brushing against hers cautiously as she enters his apartment, Aaron having run into the living room already.
"Tired," she admits with a sigh. "It's been a little hard to sleep the last few nights. And Aaron… insisted on another sleepover and was super wiggly and… well, I think he radiates as much body heat when he sleeps as you do."
"You want to lay down for a while?" Jack suggests, gesturing to his bedroom. "Aaron and I will go down to the pool, and you can join us when you've gotten some rest."
She hesitates, looking off in the direction her son went, "I don't know…"
"I would never hurt him, Kate. And I won't let anything happen to him while we're swimming."
Finally she nods, choosing to trust him, "Okay. I put sunscreen on him before we left. His floaties are in the bag."
"We go swimming now, Mommy?" Aaron asks, running back to them.
"Jack's going to take you down to the pool. You be good and listen to him, okay?" she instructs, squatting down to his level.
"You not come swim?" he asks, fingers running over the bruise that is starting to change from purple to green on her arm. After he had come home from Veronica's yesterday, he had examined her closely, looking for any sign of more boo-boos from Jack.
"I'll come join you in a little bit. Mommy's gonna take a nap."
"It too early for naptime," he argues, sort of worried about being alone with Jack.
"Well someone was squirming all around the bed last night so Mommy needs a nap."
"Not me," he says, looking up at her innocently.
Kate smiles and tickles his belly, "Of course not."
"Don't sleep too long, Mama," he hugs her tightly.
"You're going to be okay, baby," she whispers, brushing her lips against his temple.
Jack takes Aaron's hand, and together they exit the apartment, the bag of swimming supplies in his other hand. The pool is empty, unusual when it is nearly eighty degrees on an early Sunday afternoon. "You want some more swim lessons before we put the floaties on?" he asks, having given the boy a lesson a couple weeks ago. Aaron quickly shakes his head. "Okay, let me blow them up then."
Aaron pulls his shirt off and waits patiently. When Jack tries to stick the first floatie on his left arm, he kicks him in the shin.
"Ow, Aaron!" he exclaims, looking down at the boy in shock.
"Why you hurt my Mommy?" the little boy demands, picking his foot up again.
He has no idea how Aaron knows what happened the other night. Given her own past, Jack is sure that she hadn't told Aaron about it. He supposes Aaron must have seen the bruises, and he knew that they had been yelling at each other. "Aaron, stop!" he says, taking a step back to avoid the next kick.
"You mean to Mommy," the blonde boy frowns and puts his hands on Jack to try to shove him.
"Hey," Jack places his hands on the boy's shoulders and crouches down in front of him. "I'm really sorry for what I did to your mom, Aaron. I shouldn't have hurt her."
"Why you do it?"
"Because I was angry… kind of like you are now," he tries to explain, though he has no way to tell him that he was under the influence of drugs in a way that the almost three year old could understand.
"Mommy is good. No get angry at her again," he glares up at the dark-haired man.
"I won't hurt her ever again, Aaron. I promise," Jack assures him, no doubt in his mind that he will do everything he can to keep this promise.
"I mad at you, Jack," Aaron informs him, crossing his arms over his chest.
The older man finds it difficult to keep a straight face with the adorable boy in front of him, his stubbornness and desire to stand up for others reminding him so much of the woman currently sleeping in his apartment. "I'm mad at me too."
"You can't be mad at yourself," Aaron says, looking confused.
"Sure you can."
"Then I mad at me too."
"Why are you mad at yourself?" Jack asks.
"Because I no protect Mommy."
"Hey, don't be mad at yourself. I'm the one who hurt your mom so be mad at me, okay? And your mom is brave and strong, and she wouldn't want you to protect her," the doctor squeezes the boy's shoulders, trying to reassure him that things will be okay.
"You tell Mommy I kicked you?" Aaron asks nervously, worried not about getting in trouble for kicking the doctor but for not listening to his mother.
"I don't think she needs to know," Jack gives him a smile as he tries to slide the floatie onto the boy's arm again.
The little boy pulls his arm away, "You teach me to swim now?"
"Sure, buddy," Jack smiles, setting the flotation device aside.
A little over an hour later Kate comes down to the pool. She slides her sandals off, leaving them by their other belongings, then rolls up her jeans and sits at the edge of the pool, putting her feet into the water.
"Mommy, I learn to swim," Aaron calls, turning away from Jack as he paddles his arms and kicks his feet to make his way over to her. The doctor follows closely behind him, making sure he is okay.
"You're doing so great," she smiles at him as he grabs onto the wall next to her.
"He's quite the little fish," Jack says, coming up on her other side.
"I not a fish, I a boy," Aaron responds with a grin. He pulls himself along the wall until he reaches the ladder out of the pool, both adults watching him closely.
"No swimming for you?" he asks, nodding towards her street clothes.
"Thought Aaron would probably be getting tired of swimming soon. Plus… a swimsuit wouldn't exactly hide the bruises, and I didn't really want other people staring at me."
"There's no one else here," he says, glancing around the pool area. He thinks about pulling her into the water in her clothes, but given the somewhat fragile state of their relationship right now, he decides that probably isn't the best idea.
"Aaron doesn't need to see the other ones," she replies, nudging his side with her foot.
"Catch me, Jack!" Aaron yells before jumping into the pool a few yards away from them. Jack moves over, ready to grab the boy, but he makes his way to the surface on his own and starts treading water. He swims over to the ladder and climbs out again.
"I'm sorry, Kate," he says, coming to stand in front of her with one hand on either side of her knees.
"I know," she gives him a small smile.
The little boy jumps in again, slightly closer to them. When he makes it to the wall of the pool, he frowns down at his hands, "Fingers bumpy."
"Maybe you need a little break from swimming," Jack says, lifting the boy out of the water and setting him beside Kate. Then he heads to the stairs of the pool to get out of the water himself.
"Aaron!" Kate yells suddenly.
Afraid the boy had fallen into the pool, Jack spins around, ready to go after him. But the blonde boy is fine, much to his relief. She is the one who isn't quite as okay. He quickly turns back around before she can catch his smile.
"Why you no swim, Mommy?" Aaron asks, arms wrapped around her neck from behind, soaking her.
"I didn't really want to get wet," she replies, turning her head towards him.
"Oh…" he says, seeming to realize his mistake as he lets go of her. His blue eyes meet hers, "Sorry, Mama."
"It's okay," she tells him, relenting to the fact that she is already wet and wrapping her arm around him. "Did you have fun with Jack?"
"Yes."
Jack holds out a towel to them before drying himself off. She helps the boy dry off and wraps the towel around him. Then the three make their way back up to Jack's apartment.
Once inside, Aaron insists that he is a big boy and can dress himself, and Kate waits outside the bathroom door while he changes.
"I, uh… thought you might want a dry shirt," Jack offers, coming out of his bedroom in fresh clothes with a t-shirt in hand. "I don't think I have any pants for you. And if you want something else, feel free to go search my closet."
"Thanks. I think this will do," she accepts the worn navy t-shirt from him; her jeans fortunately hadn't gotten too wet. When he moves into the kitchen, she eyes the bathroom door shielding her son for a moment before pulling her wet white shirt over her head and putting Jack's shirt on.
The doctor watches her change out of the corner of his eye, careful to pretend that he isn't, and he again feels guilty when he catches a glimpse of the purple and green tinted skin on her shoulder and abdomen thanks to his hands. He quickly turns away before she can catch him looking.
Aaron comes out of the bathroom then and hands her his swimsuit and towel. "I hungry."
"We just ate lunch a couple hours ago before we came over here," she informs him.
"It's okay, Kate. I can make him a snack. He's a growing boy."
The boy goes to wait in the living room. After she puts their clothes in the bag of swimming supplies, she comes back to the kitchen to help him cut up a couple apples.
"What happened to your leg?" she asks after a few moments of silence.
"What?" he asks, pretending to be oblivious.
"How'd you get the bruise on your shin?" she points to it with the knife, having caught a glimpse of it when he was drying off at the pool.
"It's nothing."
"It wasn't there when we got here."
"It was an accident," he lies, meeting her eyes.
"It looks suspiciously foot-shaped for an accident," she answers, not buying his story.
"Don't worry about it," he turns back to spreading peanut butter over the bread, making them some sandwiches. When he feels her eyes still on him, he sighs, "I deserved it. Don't get mad at him."
"He did this?" she frowns, glancing to her son who is laying down on the couch. When the doctor doesn't respond, she sets down the knife and scrubs her hands down her face. "I told him not to protect me."
"He takes after his mother. It's not a bad thing, Kate."
"No, Jack. It's a very bad thing," she turns her back towards him and closes her eyes, upset with herself for letting this happen.
Jack places his own knife on the counter and steps up behind her, cautiously placing his hands on her upper arms, careful not to startle her or make her feel trapped. "You're brave and strong, kind and caring. And him learning those qualities from you is most definitely not a bad thing."
"I'm also broken. And he shouldn't have to learn how to be broken too," Kate says quietly, moving out of his arms and refusing to look at him as she goes back to the apples.
~Lost~
"Jack!" Aaron exclaims as he pulls open the front door.
"Hi, buddy. Isn't it your bedtime?" the doctor smiles down at the boy and ruffles his hair, glancing up at the woman standing behind him.
"You come read?" he asks excitedly, having not had a bedtime story in a while as he wouldn't let his mother do it.
Jack looks up at Kate, not sure how she feels about him just showing up at her door, but she gives a small smile and nod, assuring him that she is okay with this, "Okay. You go pick a book out, and I'll be there in a minute."
After Aaron has gone upstairs, Kate waits for Jack to explain his presence. Things between them were left in a tense state after their pool day, and they hadn't spoken since. As much as he had wanted to see her, he had forced himself to give her space.
"I need to talk to you," he instinctively moves closer to her until he notices the slight tensing of her body.
"I don't need more apologies," she shakes her head.
"I'm not here to apologize again. You asked me for an explanation, and I didn't want to give it to you. Now I'm ready."
A gentle smile crosses her face, "Go read to Aaron, Jack. He's missed you. And when you're done, I'll be waiting."
Half an hour passes before Jack returns. He worries briefly when he can't find her, but then he notices that the light is on for the back patio. She is curled up in one of the chairs on the patio with a cup of tea, the autumn evening a little chilly as he takes a seat next to her at the table.
"Sorry for just showing up. I should have called first," he says, looking up at the darkening sky above them, so different from the night sky of the island as no stars can be seen with the city lights.
"Thought you didn't come to apologize?" she replies, taking a sip of tea.
"I saw my father." Their eyes lock for a moment, and he can see the confusion gracing her face. "A few days before… what I did. Saw him a couple times when we were on the island too. Growing up he always told me that I didn't have what it takes, and I've spent my whole life trying to prove him wrong."
"I'm sorry, Jack," she reaches out, brushing her fingers over his hand.
"You're sorry? Kate, compared to what you went through with your own father, I have nothing to complain about."
"There are many different kinds of abuse, Jack. My father used his fists, yours used words. But maybe they weren't really so different," she assures him, sympathizing with what he experienced growing up.
He takes a few moments to consider this and work out how to explain what his father has to do with him hurting her. Before he speaks again, he flips his hand over and entangles their fingers, "Seeing him again brought those feelings back up. I didn't have what it took to get everyone rescued from the island. So I started drinking… because that's how I saw my father deal with his problems. Then when I went to see Hurley a few weeks ago, he told me that I shouldn't be raising him. I was already worried that I didn't have what it took to be a good father to Aaron, and Hurley's words didn't help. I asked one of my colleagues to write a few prescriptions for me, told her I was having trouble sleeping and had some pain return from an injury during the crash. You… you were on the phone with someone making plans and then you weren't home, and… well, I thought you might have someone else. We were never really together on the island, but you were always kind of going back and forth between Sawyer and me so I thought that maybe you were doing the same thing now."
"I wouldn't do that, Jack. It wasn't fair of me to do that to you and Sawyer when we were on the island. But we were in a committed relationship now; you had asked me to marry you. There never was going to be anyone else."
"I was stupid; I know that now. I just… I thought that he was right again, that I didn't have what it took to be your husband. And I turned to alcohol and the pills when you weren't home that night in order to deal with my problems. It's no excuse for what I did."
When she remains quiet, he pulls something out of his pocket, and he lets go of her hand so that he can put the chip in her palm. As she holds it up so the light can hit it, he says, "Two weeks, Kate. I know it isn't long, but I'm going to stay sober. For me, for you, for Aaron."
"Congratulations," she smiles, handing it back to him, and he can see that she is being sincere. After a moment, she sets her mug on the table and angles her body toward him, the smile replaced with a somewhat troubled expression, "It's just… why are you seeing your dad, Jack? He's gone… right?"
"I saw his body in Australia; he was dead. But… I found the coffin around the time I saw him on the island and… it was empty." He runs a hand through his hair, "I've been seeing a therapist, told him the story. Or what I could without changing our story. These feeling of not being enough have been there almost my whole life, and the therapist thought that seeing him again was maybe just a physical manifestation of these feelings."
"Maybe the alcohol or the drugs caused you to hallucinate?"
"I was at work when I saw him. It was late, but I hadn't been drinking. And that was the night that I asked for the prescriptions."
She nods, accepting this, "Have you seen him since?"
"No. It was just the once since we left the island."
Kate takes his hand again, "I want to help you, Jack."
He looks down at their joined hands, relieved that she is being so supportive of him when she had every reason to kick him out of her life. "The therapist suggested talking to the other survivors about what happened to us on the island. Hurley's… kind of crazy, Sayid's disappeared after what happened to Nadia, and Sun… well, she is still angry at us because we left Jin behind."
"I'm here for you, Jack. Whatever you want to talk about. Because what happened to us wasn't our fault. We had no choice but to leave the others behind." These same feelings of guilt had plagued her too during the first few months after their rescue, but she had learned to accept what had happened and to honor those left behind, particularly Claire, by taking care of Aaron.
He nods and squeezes her hand, "I know. But it's still hard not to feel guilty."
"And as for Aaron… you are so great with him, Jack. If Claire and Charlie could see him, they would be so proud."
"That's mostly because of you, Kate."
"He needed a father figure in his life. And you have nothing to worry about - you're not your father."
Jack loosens his grip on her hand, "I may not be my father, but I seem to be no better than yours."
"No," she adamantly says, shaking her head. "You could never be my father."
"I hurt you, Kate."
"And you feel incredibly guilty and sorry for doing so, something that Wayne never felt for hurting her or me. You've promised me that it won't happen again, and you've taken steps to ensure that it doesn't," she moves from her chair to kneel in front of him, both of his hands in hers now. "I forgive you, Jack. And I love you."
Jack lets go of one of her hands so that he can cup her cheek, "Kate…"
Before she can overthink, she leans up and presses her lips against his, kissing him for the first time in weeks. It lasts for just a few seconds, then she pulls back, resting her forehead against his.
"You're absolutely sure about this? I don't want to hurt you again, but I… I just can't trust myself," he closes his eyes.
"I trust you. And I am sure that this is what I want," she gives him another quick kiss. "But what I said before still stands. This is over if it happens again."
He stands, pulling her up with him, and wraps his arms around her. He presses his lips to the top of her head, happy to have her in his arms again, "I love you too, Kate."
They stay like that for several minutes, then finally pull back to look at each other. "You want to stay tonight?" she asks somewhat shyly.
"Uh… I have a surgery early tomorrow morning. But maybe this weekend I could come over… maybe stay…" he answers as they head back into the house and to the front door.
"Thank you for opening up to me about all of this, Jack," she says, leaning up to give him one last kiss.
"Of course. Good night, Kate."
~Lost~
Jack comes to sit on the bench next to Kate as Aaron goes to play on the jungle gym, several other kids running around the park on Saturday morning. He hadn't made it over to their house the previous evening, but he had come bright and early this morning, planning to spend the rest of the weekend with his two favorite people… or at least as long as she would let him stick around.
She gives him a smile and takes his left hand in her right. They sit silently, his other hand running softly over her forearm; her skin is back to its usually hue, but he can't help but remember the marks he had left there.
"Jack?" she says, biting her lip nervously as she turns from watching Aaron to look at the man next to her. "There's something I have to tell you."
The doctor squeezes her hand and waits for her to continue.
"I'm late."
"Late?" he frowns slightly. She nods, glancing over to check on Aaron, then looks back at him as she waits for his reaction. "But… I thought you were on birth control?"
"I am. And I didn't miss any."
"We haven't…" he frowns, trying to remember when they had last been together.
"The night you proposed. I think we celebrated a few times," she offers a hesitant smile at the memory.
"How long?"
"About a week."
Jack takes a moment to process this. He turns toward her, letting go of her hand as he reaches out, fingers brushing over her abdomen. "Have you taken a test?"
She shakes her head, "I bought one when I was out yesterday. But I was hoping that you would be there when I take it."
"Of course," he brushes his lips against her cheek.
"Are you okay with this?" her green eyes meet his brown ones.
"I… It's not the best timing. But I will be there for you and for him or her," he promises. "Are you?"
She nods, "Yeah… we can make this work."
A strong desire for this life - this family - with her comes over him, and he smiles as he asks, "So… how soon do you think we can get Aaron to leave?"
Two hours later Aaron is watching cartoons while Jack and Kate are upstairs sitting on their bed as they wait for results. She had actually bought two tests, having stared at them on the shelf for a long time unable to decide which one would be best. The alarm he had set goes off, and they stand, walking together into the bathroom to look at the pregnancy tests sitting on the counter.
"How accurate are they?" she asks, their eyes meeting after reading the results.
"They're pretty accurate. If you take it too early, it may be falsely negative. But if you're a week late…"
Kate looks away from him, trying not to be disappointed. Though he can't directly see her face, he can see it reflected in the mirror, and he pulls her against him.
"It's probably stress, Kate. My actions are just causing all kinds of problems."
She brings her hand up to wipe at her eyes, "Jack?"
He pulls back enough so that he can see her face, "Yes?"
"Do you think… could I…?" she stops, now refusing to meet his eye as she realizes what voicing the question might do to them.
"Kate…?" he gently squeezes her upper arms, prompting her to continue.
"No. No, it doesn't matter," she wipes at her eyes again and tries to pull away.
Jack lets her go, giving her space as he faces his own disappointment as he looks at the tests again. And suddenly it hits him, how she had lost the baby before due to her father's abuse. He tosses the tests in the trash and hopes that he hadn't caused it to happen again.
She is laying on her back on the bed, her hands on her stomach as she stares up at the ceiling. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed next to her, careful not to touch her as he nervously asks, "Have you had any bleeding at all?"
"Not since last month," she shakes her head slightly, looking up at him perplexedly.
"There's usually some bleeding when there is a miscarriage. But… it could still be possible," he explains, turning his face away so that she can't see him wipe at his own eyes.
"Hey, it isn't your fault," she sits up, not missing the tears in his eyes despite his efforts to hide them. One of her arms wraps around him as she leans into his side.
"It could be."
"You didn't hurt me anywhere that would have harmed the baby."
"Maybe not. But I caused you stress and that may have resulted in a miscarriage too."
"There might never even have been a baby. And anyway… it's probably better this way right now," she tries to reassure him.
He wraps his arms around her, and they stay like that for several minutes, gathering strength from one another. Finally he asks, "Do you want a baby?"
"Before the island, the answer would have been no. I'm still not even sure that I wanted the baby with Tom. But everything changed when I started raising Aaron, when you and I started dating. And now… I love Aaron, but I want to have a child of my own."
"Then we'll have a baby, Kate."
"You want this too?" she looks at him questioningly.
He smiles and nods, "Yes. I was kind of sad to see the negative results too if I'm being honest. I realize now how much fun I've had helping you with Aaron, and you've helped me to see that I can be good at this. I want a family with you."
"Maybe we could stay a family of three for a little longer though?" she asks hesitantly.
"Yes," he leans in to kiss her. "But when our relationship is stable again, when you're ready, let me know."