Damon. The sweetest sound that had ever escaped her lips. She held the pillow even thighter to herself and cried effortlessly more. It s all her fault, she thought. If she didn't climb the tree up to reach for the starball he would be still alive. But no, she had to climb up the tree and be such a dumb clueless girl. How could she do this to him? How could she ever forgive herself ? No, she wouldn't forgive herself. She was a murder and had to be punished. She would punish herself for it.
Never again would she love someone like Damon. He was her saviour. He understood her completely. He never underestimated her like the others (her so called friends). He believed in her. Bonnie sat on her bed and couldn't stop with crying. She had already used a dozen of tissues but that wasn't enough. Three days has passed since he died on this moon in the dark dimension. Elena and Stefan were both broken but at least they had each other. Matt and Meredith were not so sad about it but still they were shocked and feeled pity for him.
Everyone had someone except Bonnie. She had to deal with it by herself. And she would handle it. Somehow she would get through it, even if this experience would destroy her. Even if she would be someone else at the end. She would make it. She had to make it. Bonnie sat for hours on her bed crying her eyes out until she couldn't cry anymore. Nothing would come out of her eyes. Forcibly she hit her head so that something would fall out of her big brown doe eyes. She failed again. She was so sad and upset about it that she didn't know what to do in that moment.
Suddenly she heard a little tap on her window and collected herself. She glanced at the window but all she saw was a branch of a tree. She sighed heavily and looked up at the watch. It was one o' clock in the morning and she couldn't sleep because all she did was cry. She hated herself for being so weak, vulnerable and silly. She really was a silly little girl but Damon didn t see her as a silly little girl. After all she was his little redbird. His last reach towards light. She was his and she would always be his.
At the memory of Damon s speech the tears ran uncontrollably down her heart-shaped face. She never would forget how his innerself, his true soul (the kid) talked to her. He was so sweet and kind. Bonnie could easily imagine how Damon was as human. Surely he was, no, she corrected herself and added into her mind: He is a prince charming. As the child in him was talking to her, she wanted to confess her love to him. Unfortunately she couldn't. She didn't know why but she had a feeling that he already knew that she loved him. At least she hoped so.
Bonnie scolded herself again because of why she didn't tell him her true feelings. Damon was wrong, she was a stupid girl. Under no circumstances would she be truly happy again. She swore by god that she never would be really happy without Damon. A life without him wasn't a life. How could she live without her heart? Of course she couldn't live without Damon, her heart and saviour and soulmate. Never again would she see his gorgeous face, his seductively smile, his body, his everything. Additionally she wouldn't hear his smoothing voice again. Her whole life would she miss and crave him. She had a sadly future ahead.
She laid on her bed as all of a sudden something patted on her window again. Abruptly she rose up and walked toward the window. At first she saw nothing apart from a branch but then her eyes noticed a small black crow sitting on the window sill. The crow watched her curiously whereas Bonnie looked at the little crow in shock. No, it couldn't be Damon. He is dead, she thought. However she was tempted to open the window so that it could fly into her room. She certainly hoped that this crow would be her Damon. She sighed deeply and said: ''I wish that you Damon would be this crow but I know you aren't it.'' She looked sorrowfully at the black crow and still she wanted to open the window. She knew that the bird would fly away from her if she opened the window. Anyway she had nothing to loose, so why not open the window?, she thought by herself.
She breathed deep in, encouraged herself a little and opened the window. At once the crow flew away and Bonnie was gloomy. How could she still believe that somehow Damon would be that crow and come to her? Exactly she couldn't have faith anymore. She went a step back and yet her eyes were focused at the window. All at once she felt something or more accurate someone behind her back. She felt a hot breath on her neck and tensed. She was bewildered, horrified and scared to death. Who could this be?, she asked herself. She shivered at the voice that called her name: ''Bonnie.''
She recognized immediately that voice but couldn't believe that it was him. Again he said: ''Redbird its me.'' She didn't dare to look at him. After all it could be still a dream. No she couldn't look at him if she knew that it was all a dream. Still she wanted to see his wonderful face. Suddenly he touched her on the shoulder and she turned around. He smiled playfully at her as he saw Bonnie s shocked expression. ''Hello my little bird'', he said silky. Bonnie's jaw dropped when he talked to her as if nothing had happened.
She concentrated and asked warily: ''Damon is this really you? Or am I dreaming?'' Damon shook his head and replied: ''No its really me my redbird. Trust me.'' Bonnie couldn't believe this. This was so unreal to her. Regardless his reply she said: ''But how can you be alive. We saw you dying Damon. This can't be real. You are dead.'' He sighed and answered her: ''I'm dead well I think I m dead. I don t know if I'm dead or not. Look I'm on the other side now. You see me as a ghost or something like that...''
Abruptly Bonnie interrupted him and asked him: ''How long can I see you?'' He grinned and said: ''I wanted to say that before you interrupted me..'' Bonnie blushed mortifyingly and Damon contuined: ''I'm here but not for a long time. I just come back to see you again. I needed to see you since I imagined your face during my death. I pictured you and Elena and all of a sudden your names came to me. I couldn't remember anything even not myself but you. Later I found out who I'm. And still is my memory not full.'' Bonnie gasped and was happy and perplex at the same time. This was her chance to confess her love to him. Now or never, she thought. This could be her last chance to show him her true feelings.
She took a sharp breath, eyed him and said honestly: ''I'm certainly glad to see you again Damon.'' Damon gave her his brilliant smile. ''I'm certainly glad to see you as well.'' Bonnie smiled sweetly and said: ''I'm so happy because now I can tell you something very important. Something that I should have told you sooner but somehow I couldn't find the courage to say it. Now I can and I will tell it.'' Damon rose inquisitively an eyebrow and said: ''Well, if it is so important then please tell me my little bird. You have caught my interest.'' Bonnie nodded and got nervous. As her hand began to shake Damon took her hand in his and squeezed hers lightly. ''Don't be nervous redbird. Just tell me.'' He gazed keenly into her eyes and gave her comfort.
She gathered all her strength together and told him: ''Okay. I'm not really sure how to begin so...'' '' Start from the beginning.'' He stopped her. She nodded absently and contuined: ''Okay so the start. Since we first met and kissed, I liked you. Maybe it started with a stupid crush but it turned into something more. So more that I couldn't realize but it was there. The love was there and is there still. I loved you and I love you now more than anything. I even think that I fell for you since I laid my eyes on you for the first time. I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me and how I will miss you and missed you. Although you don't feel the same for me, I wanted to clarify this. Now I feel much better.''
During her little speech Damon's eyes widened in astonish. Especially when she was telling that she loved and still loves him. He barely could believe her words but he was so happy that she loved him. His soul jumped in joy and happiness at that moment. She smiled at him and he only returned her smile. Then he closed their little, took her face into his hands and pressed his lips onto hers. Bonnie was surprised at first but curtly she kissed him back with all her power and passion. Damon kissed impetuously and wildly. Her hand found its way to his hair and he pulled her closer to his. One hand held her face and the other was wrapped around her small waist.
Soon their heated kiss ended because she pulled away from him to breath. He grinned slinkily and said: ''Was I too hot for you my little red bird? Well, what can I say, I'm a master in everything.'' Bonnie flushed and giggled. Damon looked around and his gaze caught her bed which was covered with tissues. All at once Damon's expression turned serious. Why did she cry so much?, he thought. She watched him concerned and asked: ''What is bothering you Damon?'' He huffed and said contemptuously: ''What is bothering me? The fact that you were crying your eyes out over me obviously. You cried over something stupid as me. Little bird what is wrong with you?'' Bonnie looked at him in horror. How could he think that she was crying over someting stupid as him? He wasn't an idiot but he thought that he was one and that he didn't deserve her tears. She said softly to him: ''Because I missed you and I love you.''
Damon smiled genuinely and said in a low voice: ''I think I somehow figured it out that you liked me more than normal. Well do you know how I feel about you?'' She nodded and said sadly: ''Yes, you only like me. You care about me.'' Damon laughed and she was totally confused by his reaction. Was he crazy?, she thought. Suddenly he stopped his laughter and looked her soulfully in the eyes. ''The funny thing is redbird that I have feelings for you too. Before my death I couldn't assign them but now I know how I feel about you. Additionally I think that a part of me already knew my feelings about you but the other half of me was to blinded and wouldn't realize these feelings. In brief my little bird I feel the same for you too. I love y ...''
But before he could finish his phrase, Bonnie wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. This took Damon by surprise but of course he returned her hot kiss with as much passion as she kissed him. Damon took her in his embrace and wouldn't let her go. He felt like he needed her to life. He held her as if letting go of her would be to loose her. They kissed slowly and passionately until Damon broke off the kiss. Abruptly she released herself from him and smiled kindly at him. ''This was a nice change.'' He said in an amusing tone.
She chuckled and touched his arm. But as she touched him his body started to fade away. She pulled her hand away from him and gasped. ''What is happening to you ?''Damon sighed and answered: ''I guess I'm starting to vanish. My time has reached his maximum. I need to go Bonnie.'' Bonnie watched him with a frustrated mien. No, he couldn't leave her now. This wasn't fair, she said to herself. The tears welled up in her eyes and she cried desperately: ''Please Damon don't leave me again. I need you. I can't live without you. Please don t go. '' As she burst into tears he dragged her into his arms. He calmed her down with sweet words and when she was done with crying, he released her. Bonnie stared expectantly in his eyes. He touched her shoulders, moved his face closer to hers so that he could look sharply into her eyes and keep his severe expression.
''Look little bird, I will try to find a way back home to you guys. To you, Stefan and Elena. I won't give up to find a solution. I know how much you need, how much you all need me. After all I m your saviour. If I'm not here, who will protect you from the evil and the monsters my sweet little bird?'' No one she wanted to add but kept that in her mind. He grinned mischievously and said: ''Right. I'm the only one who has a right to save you. You are my maiden in distress.'' She rolled her eyes and said: ''Don't flatter yourself too much Mr. Salvatore.'' He smiled warmly at her and again he began to disappear. She looked mournfully at him and pleaded: ''Please Damon can you not go away now. Please just spend a little bit more time with me. I m begging you Damon. Please just be here for a little time more.''
Again she started to cry and tears ran down her pretty face. Damon wiped away her tears, kissed her forehead and said tenderly: ''Please redbird don't cry. I hate to see you cry. It hurts me too. I know this sounds crazy but its true. Listen I will come back.'' Bonnie sniffled and said: ''Promise?'' ''I promise. I will find my back home. I will find my way back to you.'' All of a sudden she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. Then she stepped a step back while Damon was grinning widely at her. He added: ''I know tha hard soul to save but somehow I will get around this. Yes I promised you this and I'm a man who keeps his promises. I will get around it. So please don't cry anymore. The tears you spill are not worth it.''
Bonnie contradicted him: ''Of course you are worth them. Neither are you stupid or worthless of my tears. You don't know how precious you are to me. You mean the ... '' He cut her with a kiss because he knew what she wanted to say. He read her mind. He meant the world for her. Also his time got shorter so he needed to make it useful and memorable. The kiss was a perfect way for it. Curtly he stopped the kiss and whispered into her ear: ''I knew little bird and now I will go.'' He kissed her gently on the lips and walked towards her window. Bonnie followed him and saw that he was starting to vanish again. She grabbed his arm and he turned around.
She let go of her grasp, glanced hopefully into his eyes and asked him: ''Can you take me with you please?'' He shook his head. ''No and if I could, I would' t bring you with me. That place is doomed.'' ''But at least I would have you.'', she protested. Damon didn't respond her, instead he kissed her hair and said his last words: ''Goodbye my little redbird.'' At once he vanished completely. She even didn't have time to catch him. Tears started to well up in her eyes and she let them stream down her face.
She collapsed on the floor and cried continually. She cried over Damon, over herself over everything. She couldn't take it no more. One moment she had him and the other he was gone. She cried out of sadness and happiness at the same time. She was so flustered at that instant that she even forgot about what she was crying her eyes out. Then she remembered that it was over the love of him, of Damon and she cried more. But right away she reminded herself that he gave her hope. This hope would bring him back again, she thougt. She needed to have faith and hope in Damon.
As this came to her mind, she calmed down and got up. She walked to her bed, threw the trash in her rubbish bin and laid on her bed. She had to be strong now. Damon didn't want her to cry. He hated it and it hurt him. All she needed was to be hopeful and soon he would be here, right by her side. A small smiled played on her lips as she fell asleep.
AN: So this is another oneshot. I hope you liked it :D I apologize for any spelling- or grammar mistakes. English is my second language so bear with me :) Anyway I hope you enjoyed it too. Reviews would make me very happy. Also for your information this idea came to me when I listened to the song ''Over the love'' by florence and the machine. It is a song from the great gatsby soundtrack and it is great ;) Listen to the song and watch the movie because it's beautiful. I only can recommend it to you. Even though it is sad it's wonderful :D