A/N.: Thanks to my Beta ParisAmy for her very good work and for being such a reliable beta-reader. I'm glad to have you =) I hope you enjoy this story, which is a little different from the rest I've done until now and it's a little experimental. Enjoy!

Prologue – We'll never go back to what we've once were, but we'll be back to what we can be

I watch my son. He's nervous – awfully nervous. His hands are shaking when he tries to fasten his tie. This is his big moment. I don't know how many years he was dreaming about this to happen. Well, I think he never had thought this dream would become true one day, but now it does. My son is going to be a married man at the end of this day. He deserves it. I know it's a little early. Both are still in College, both Berkley. But hell, why not? Sandy and I had gotten married in that age too and I don't think it had done us any harm. He's the luckiest man on earth, but there's a gleam of sadness in his eyes. This was his big day and he wasn't there – his best friend and brother. He looks at me with his round, brown and sad eyes.

"He's not coming?" He asks, still hoping I could give him another answer.

"I'm sorry, no." I have to answer, no matter how much pain it causes my heart to admit it. He nods and I see the sadness washing over his face, draining the happiness. This wasn't supposed to cover the luckiest day of his life.

"I think it is for the best that way. You know that what happened between him and Sandy … between him and me…actually between all of us had…hit him hard. He couldn't stay," I sooth him, wishing that he was here.

"After all you – we went through…he… I mean what about you? You've done everything for him and…It wasn't my fault. I mean, I'm not responsible for what…has happened between them or you and him, or am I wrong?" He asks me frustrated about the situation we're stuck in.

"No, nothing was your fault and what I did for him I did because I had the feeling that I had to do it. He tore out his soul for…the family – for us. He saved me and you. I only needed some time to realise that he did. I couldn't let it happen. And I guess this changed his view of life too. He went through so much within a short time. I guess this has shaped him." I explain to him. No, he owes me nothing. I did it, because it already had been painful, when he had left- when I came home and he hadn't been there. Thinking about what might have happened if we hadn't found out…I drive this thought away.

"But I guess he's sent you a card or a message. Did he?" I ask my son. I know the two of them had stayed in contact, through the whole time I thought I never would see him again. He had left, physically, but mentally he always had been there for us, giving us the strength we needed to get through all of the mess – only by being there for my son and giving him the strength he gave back to us. It's amazing, but also sad. He had hid – only been visible for my son, always there for him, giving him shelter when he had needed it, helping him, where he could. I guess without him being strong in the background, this family hadn't made it through this time. He had been so strong and never told any of us what went on with him, how miserable he was. Sometimes I think it's our fault. He had given us all his strength that there hadn't been any left for him. I know it's a strange thought, but that's what I really think.

"Yes he did, even a present. I didn't know that college students earn that much money." My son replies.

"I don't think he's a student anymore. I thought he was finishing his master months ago." I answer, but I'm not sure. I know where he is. He didn't disappear like last time, but what stood between us was still there and he hadn't been ready for a new start.

I admire him. Through the whole time he never had given up. He had worked like an ox and it had paid. He was young, but already successful. Sometimes I fear him. But most of the time I would love to be able to watch him do his work. He has such a peaceful aura when his pen scratches over the pad. He's really creative, not really an attribute that matches to him. He's talented and I envy him. The tough fight we had, had been worth it. But he never forgot where he came from, no matter how hard we tried to spoil him with our life-style-luxuries. You can see it starting from his home to his cloths. In his heart he'll remain the Chino-boy, who worked hard to get there where he is now, appreciating every change to his former life. He's grateful for everything and everyone, something we've forgotten about.

"Sorry, having to disturb you two, but I have to introduce you to someone Kiki." My Dad comes in. Ahh. He brought his job here? To this event? He can only be kidding. I can't believe it. This was a wedding, not a meeting. How the hell could he? Anger starts boiling in my stomach about his unbelievable ignorance.

"Who is it Dad and why did you bring him or her here?" I ask him, not hiding my fury about it. Yes, I'm grateful for what he had done – his support. I think without him I never would have been able to get through this – not again. Watching someone you love fading away is the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, and watching it twice is like a trip from hell and back in slow motion. Indeed I was astonished, when he offered his help – his personal help, not his money. He had been there for me and him, no matter the differences, which prevailed between them. It had brought us closer together, made us father and daughter again. I can look into my father's eyes again and call him Dad. I'd never been able to since I was a teenager, but now I am. I know he's not the cold rough man he pretends to be on the surface and he has stopped pretending to be around me. Somehow I would say we nearly have quite a normal father-daughter-relationship, if 'normal' even existed in our vocabulary.

"It's the boy I picked out for the internship and maybe…for being our new architect."

"Dad can't it wait until - " I try to cut the conversation about this short by making my point clear about the time.

"No, because his references are amazing. Scholarship at Harvard; finished his Bachelor with an all expectations exceeding degree. He conducted social projects in Africa and South America during his time as a University Student. He already worked for one of the big Companies in London and now finished his Master in Cambridge. C'mon, you need to know him." He says. I ignore the expression on his face. Well, I'm impressed by this curriculum, but this has to wait until tomorrow. Today is my son's day and nobody has permission to disturb the glory of his day.

"Dad, I can imagine that this is quite important for you, but …," I start a new attempt to stop his endeavour. I look at him and he has this devilish grin and then he makes a step forward – from behind my father's back. His look had changed. Of course it had…but…he just looks different.

"Is…is it really you?," I ask him.

"I think so," He only says. I jump towards him and take him into a big hug. He's still skinny. But hell, I don't care. He had come. He was ready, I felt it and I was grateful.

"And you haven't said a word!," I admonish my father, who still has this huge smile plastered on his face.

"So I hope you won't mind my additional guest," He replies, as if I could mind him being here today. I see my son stepping toward him, his face blank, but though a positive mood vibrating from his face.

"You're here…for today…man I can't tell you how great this is, to have you here on this day," My son says and takes him into a hug too. Now I can see in his face entire happiness.

"I couldn't miss this day - your big day. Honestly, when you told me first about her, I'd never thought it could become more than a dream," He answers with a faked serious expression.

"Uncle Ryan, back in Newport, who had thought about that?," My son replies with a smirk.

"Shut up, Seth." Ryan adds his glare to his answer and slaps my son's back of the head, unable to force the smile back into a serious mimic.

"But I thought you were living in London, busy working." A voice comes from behind. We turn around and see my husband. The two of them look at each other. I don't know whether it's now time for me to intervene, because I could never really figure out the state of their relationship.

"Well, I did part time. I finished my master degree in Cambridge this year and I received a job offer I couldn't refuse," He answers. He had made his way, even without us. Not that I ever thought he couldn't. He's probably the strongest and most stubborn person I met in my entire life.

"It's good to see you again," My husband says and steps a little forward. All this feels a little awkward, as there is a slight tension mixed together with all the rest of emotions pouring out of all of us, but then my husband pulls him into a hug too and I he allows him to.

"I know you can't forgive me for what I did to you, but I want you to know that I'll be always there for you. We are family." The last sentence was whispered.

"That's right, and next time I swear I'll kick your ass," He answers with a smirk and I know that things are okay between the two of them, not the same, but this is beyond impossible.

"Okay guys, enough sentimentalities, I have a serious problem to solve," My son breaks the strange atmosphere. We all look at him, curious to know what problem he has to solve now.

"Okay, you wait here and I have to find a…there he is. Luke!," My son screams. Luke Ward comes up to us.

"Yes…what in hell, are you doing here?," He exclaims, when he sees him. "Okay, you don't have to ask. Of course you want him to be your best man. Of course and don't worry, I'm not mad. I'm only glad to see you again."

"Thanks man, for your understanding."

"And what do I have to do?," He asks. His eyes – the mirror to his soul, tell it all: happiness, confusion, home.

The ceremony was wonderful. Summer is the most beautiful bride I've ever seen, and she looks so happy. Both look so happy: my son and she. This day will be one of the most – had been the most perfect day. Something I had thought of never happen again became true. We are all together now. There are little cracks in our relationships to each other, but I know we can overcome these conflicts. I'd never had even thought my father being member of this picture. I look at him and I know he has something up his sleeve.

"Okay, sorry that I have to claim some of the attention that appertains to you, but I have to tell you something," He says and looks at me. I still can't handle it when he looks like that. I still know him as the cold dragon that has cruel plans, which are driving me crazy.

"I plan to retire from the Newport Group." Now the bomb has exploded. I look at him. I can't believe that he really means what he just has said. He can't. His job is his life. He can't tell me that he really wants to retire.

"Kiki, I want you as my replacement," He adds. Oh. My. Gosh. That's not true, or? He never had wanted me as his replacement. I'd never been good enough for him. I'd never been able to make anything good enough and now this? What has gotten into this man? Whatever it was, it had gotten into him several years ago and I know what occasion had changed him.

"And because I need a new good architect and someone who can deal with all these stubborn contractors and construction workers, I think this is your job," He goes on and looks at Ryan. I look at him.

"And you knew about all this?," I ask him and slap his arm. He only shrugs his shoulders.

"But there's one obligation: I want you two working together as a team. You're supposed to be the heart of the Newport Group and the glum holding everything together. So I need you to work hand in hand," My father says. Well, this shouldn't be a problem.

"That's great man. I mean, not that I ask myself, why you're already finished your degree and I don't, but that's great. We can hang out together again. That will be cool, really cool. You know PlayStation marathons and…"

"Don't even think of that," Summer announces to him, but she is happy about Ryan's presence too, not considering what had stood between them when he had come back. He's here safe and sound.

"Seth, don't forget I have to work for your Mom," He replies. I look at him and I see that he's enjoying his time with us again, but he looks exhausted and pale. He hadn't regained his physical strength he used to have when he first came to live with us.

"Sorry, I just need some fresh air," He excuses himself and then gets up. I follow him outside. He's watching the horizon. It's a long time since he had been here.

"You look tired," I say to him. He looks at me.

"It's okay," He answers. I wrap an arm around his waist. I can't believe he's going to stay for now. I can't believe I'll see him again and again, day after day.

"Do you go to your checkups frequently?," I ask him. I know he's old enough. I know he can take responsibility. I only want to know. It's my mother's instinct overwhelming me. I hadn't had the chance to be a mother for him for years. I need to have it now, no matter how old he is.

"Sure," He answers, not turning his glance away from the horizon.

"And what does he say?," I ask on. I have to check on whether he's alright. I couldn't bear to find out he's sick again only by accident. If something happens, I want to be there from the very beginning.

"He's not too enthusiastic." His voice is quiet and calm, but neither afraid nor sad. He's a strong man and although his physical appearance might have suffered, his mental strength had grown.

"Bad?"

"Might be an infection, might be worse," He only answers. The Damocles' sword his hanging above his head once again.

"No matter what it is, we get through this, again and again, no matter how often," I tell him and squeeze his arm.

"And Sandy will be there for you too. We all will. I promise you from now on, nothing will tear us apart from each other. Not this time," I let him know and lean my head against his upper arm.

"Thanks…for everything."

"No Ryan, if someone has to thank someone, then it's me who has to thank you for helping us during this time, for being there for Seth, for coming back and being there for us again."

"It feels good."

"You're home now."

"Finally."

Finally, my lost son came back.