"COME ON BARBIE LET'S GO PARTY!" Deadpool cheered whilst eating a chimichanga as he swerved on the highway listening to 'Barbie Girl' by 'Aqua'.

"Hey! Shut that fairy shit off ya faggot!" A trucker screamed. Deadpool spit his food all over his windshield. He whipped his desert eagle out in the direction of the direction coming from the direction of his direction.

"DON'T YOU EVER DISRESPECT BARBIE GIRL YOU MOTHER FUCKER. OMNOMONOM!" Deadpool said eating his food in one bite.

"I'M SORRY!" The trucker cried out.

"Don't tell me you're sorry you son of a bitch… Tell Barbie you're sorry…" Deadpool ordered in his deepest darkest voice… Which was a bad impression of Batman with his fingers holding his nose to add extra nasally appeal.

"I'm sorry." The trucker said before crashing into other cars.

"Ha that idiot done crashed his darn tootin car, what an idio –" !BAM! Deadpool flew out the front windshield as he crashed.

"Hello there Deadpool…" Said a gun wielding GOON. With more dastardly GOONS behind him.

"Why did the author of this story choose the word 'goon'? Da fuck?" Deadpool asked getting up.

"FIRE AT THIS PSYCHO!" The man said Deadpool walked towards them as he was shot with bullets.

"You fuckers chose the wrong day to mess with me… Because today I'm Batman…" Deadpool said with a white piece of paper attached to his chest with the bat symbol drawn on with pink crayon.

Deadpool threw a smoke bomb pellet on the ground when it eviscerated he was gone.

"Where did he go?" !CRUNCH! a neck snap.

"BATMOBILE I CHOOSE YOU!" Deadpool shouted throwing a pokeball at the middle of the street. The Batmobile spawned and shot them all down. Deadpool walked over to the last man alive who was giving his last dying breaths. Deadpool whipped out his 12 inch cigar and smoked it through his mask.

"Why'd ya do it son. Why'd ya done wrong me, that aint right I tell you what." Deadpool said with a cowboy hat on.

"The tacos, the chimichangas, the quesadillas, you were eating this whole cities food supply out." The man said coughing.

"So what yeh telling me is that this was an inside job heh? A real wise guy eh? Real funny business huh?" Deadpool said now in a dark brown trench coat and fedora.

"Yes." The man stated.

"NOOOOOOO!" Deadpool screamed to the clouds.

The next day at las Vegas. Deadpool woke up yawning. He went into the kitchen and poured himself some fruity pebbles.

"SOME FRUITY CEREAL FOR A FRUITY MOTHA FUCKA LIKE ME." Deadpool shouted. He checked his to do list.

"Kill some guy. Kill Some guy… Kill some guy? Oh yeah kill that guy. Kill that guy too. Maybe kill this guy. OH MY GOD I get to kill another guy! And eat a chimichanga…. Hmm something's not right here…" Deadpool said holding the green crayon in his hand. "Oh yeah I forgot that I had to eat a chimichanga after every kill to have been killed." Deadpool stated to himself.

"OH SECRETARY MEOWZORE! Ring me up for a busy day!" Deadpool shouted.

"Meow?" His cat Meowzore meowed confused while it tilted its head.

"Oh yeah. Please…" Deadpool said about to go with just his swords his pistols were on the table next to his finished bowl of fruity pebbles.

"Am I forgetting something?" Deadpool said stopping in a serious voice. "OH YEAH! ALMOST FORGOT!" Deadpool walked back to the table to grab his coloring book before leaving.

Deadpool spent an hour dismembering, he spent an hour gun battling, he spent an hour grenade tossing, he spent a day carjacking, he spent a day assassinating.

"The light's green but ima spend my time lighting this cigarette." A cop said in his car trying to light his cigarette. !BSSH! The glass shattered as a red and black hand emerged, another one with a sword cutting off the seat belt. The cop was yanked out the crinkly window.

"No one's above the law. Punk…" Deadpool said in a police outfit over his costume.

"What the fuck?" The cop said.

"Beep boop, mother fucker… That's robot for you've got the right to remain silent you punk." Deadpool said calmly. "Hey author of this story? You gonna give me some babes to be praisin me while I NAB some baddies?" Deadpool asked.

"OH MY GOD ITS DEADPOOL OH MY GOD PLEASE SIGN MY COMIC BOOK!" A fat geek said emerging from the shadows. His breaths shaky and audible. More erupted from the shadows. Neck beards. Acne. Untrimmed hair. And more.

"AAAAAAH!" Deadpool screamed in a nine year old girl's voice as he ran.

"Who's gonna win this fuckin deal them Russian pieces o shit?" Italian Joe asked.

"Patience my 'sun burned' friend." A yakuza member stated.

"Yes us!" The Russian mobster stated.

"Not in a million years senor." The Mexican cartel man said.

"Nah me!" The Colombian drug lord stated.

"Nope us." The African war lord stated.

"ME!" Deadpool said dropping from the glass ceiling. He shot them all down.

"SMOOTH CRIMINAL!" Deadpool saiding using Michael Jackson's trademark moonwalk to dodge the bullets which somehow worked. How it worked? I don't know.

"KILL THIS FUCKING RED FUCK!" The mafia men all shouted.

"Annie are you ok?" Deadpool said dancing in circles around the bullets. His dancing lifted him up into the air. Light glistened from his body and angel wings sprouted.

"BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!" Deadpool shouted shooting them down with his own guns. Finger banging them to death instantly.

"YOU'VE BEEN HIT BY, YOU'VE BEEN STRUCK BY A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! OW!" Deadpool said as he collected the cash.

"Excuse me may I get some more measly soup?" An orphan asked.

"MORE!? YOU WANT MORE!?" The man shouted.

"Yeah give it to 'em cause DEADPOOL'S buying this whole orphanage… Why? So I can of course teach the youth of America to look up to heroes like me!" Deadpool suggested.

"Deadpool I would like to thank you for saving the world from nine different world ending threats…" Trump stated.

"No problem my wall building friend. I swear with your marriage status it's almost like there's a wall between you and your wife!" Deadpool said in an appreciative tone.

"For your reward I am offering you some babes." Trump said as women entered the scene.

"YES! I sure hope the story doesn't end before I can start the love train on these lovable women." Deadpool stated.

The End.

"GOD DAMN'T!" Deadpool yelled.