By The Sidelines Chapter 1, a gakuen alice fanfic

By the Sidelines

For someone I know who really wallowed himself in self pity.

*NOTE: Please read the whole text. We dont want to miss an awesome twist by jumping into conclusions :)

He never knew this time would come. He never predicted this scene before his eyes. He always knew things and always sure of what would it become. He's above the rest. A bloody genius for Kami's sake. But what happened? He glanced upwards, his heart twitching; an unbearable pain in his chest starts to form. He can't look. He can't bear the pain. He can't even stop the tears that threaten to fall; yet, before gravity does its work, he made his way out of the suffocating room.

He slammed the door and started wandering aimlessly. Walking to where his feet would take him. Truth to be told, his feet brought him to one familiar place: the Sakura tree. Our sakura tree he mused bitterly. The tree seems to feel his agony, for as the wind blew every tree, his tree just stood there. No evidence of movement. None of the usual swaying with the wind. It's weird perhaps the tree has life. The tree that he feels somewhat connected to his heart and soul. His tree was his only sanctuary. A haven he could always he could always go especially at times like this. But then again, he never knew this day would come. He always perceived this tree is the only place he could think but never in a million years had he planned to shed tears in between the branches of the sturdy tree.

Water starts to dwell up in his eyes before falling to the ground. A solitary moment he never wanted to have. The tinge of bitterness towards his best friend and his new found love just added fuel to the cynical tears he is making. He wants his best friend to be happy cause that what he should be. But there's a part of him that negates the thought. Could he be just selfish just for a moment? Can he just feel the love he had?

That memory starts to haunt him again. That day. That dreaded day when he felt the wrath of the greatest humane feeling. LOVE. The picture is still vivid.

He lay there in the hospital bed due to another asthma attack. He cursed himself for being a workaholic. His health will hinder him from reaching his dreams if he didn't give a damn about it. He looked up from the white ceiling as the smell of alcohol and chemicals clouded his senses. He made no movement as the door opened and someone stepped in. Probably a nurse to check on him. He closed his eyes but he still hears the shuffling of seat to his side.

"Na-chan.." A feminine voice spoke to him, he cracked his eyes wide open, recognizing the voice he loves. He tried to sit up, only to be greeted up by her gesture to stay still.

"What's up?" He strikes a conversation. He tried to find her eyes that somewhat hidden beneath her bangs. Something ain't right. Why is she so quiet? Why can't she look into his eyes?

"Uhm,ano.." She started, somewhat reserved. His heart thumped loudly. Every nerve in his body jolted in uncertainty. He rose his brows in confusion. She look at him, meeting his eyes for a brief moment then shrinking back to her previous form. Head hung low, the beautiful crystals hidden underneath her hair.

"Are you going to say something or what?" He tried to suppress his irritation from the eerie silence. He heard her sigh before looking straight to his bloodshot eyes.

"Uhm, do you remember the time you asked me if I got my eyes on someone?" She peered innocently. His heart raced a million times. He clearly remembered that time. They were in the Sakura tree, sitting side by side enjoying the slap of wind in their faces. He asked that strange question just to stop the nagging feeling he always have whenever he see her talking to other guys. Must be jealousy but back then, he's still indenial.

"Yeah." He tried to sound as normal as possible. Could this be it? That feeling he always wanted to be reciprocated?

"Uhm, last night, I realized that I do have someone." She smiled sheepishly.

If it was even possible, his heart raced to an almost impossible speed. Is this what he's been dreaming of? His mind was clouded with different thoughts. She left him dazed and almost incapable of answering her back.

"uh, who is it?" He tried to quell his excitement and feign an indifferent look. But deep inside, it's the total opposite.

She beamed at him. A smile that almost took his breath away. He's silently praying while trying to conceal his inevitable fidgeting. Why does he have to be darn nervous?

"Ruka-kun! " He stared at her in state of shock. His body felt the shaking of his hand. He felt like his heart is ripped away from his body.

"Rruuka?" He stammered while faking another indifferent aura. His best friend? He was hammered by his own best friend?

"Hai! I just realized that last night when he asked me to dance. You know, when you left because you had an attack? He asked me to dance and I accepted it! He told me he like me, and I told him the same thing! By the end of the night, we're together!" She continued to blab while squealing happily. His mind is blocked by incoherent thoughts that are somewhat irrelevant from her rants. He clutched his fists and look down. He was supposed to ask her that night. That should be their night. But curse his asthma for being unpredictable. He never expected it to attack, must be because of the stress he had for preparing the program. The program must be perfect. Perfect just for her. But now he realize that he worked his butt off just to let his best friend reap all the things he sow

He closed his eyes, preventing the salty tears that endanger to fall. She didn't even realize that he wasn't even listening. Why does it have to hurt? Why can't he be numb for a moment?

As he was discharged from the hospital, he started to distance himself from his two best friends. The trio became a couple and a third wheel and sadly he's the one unattached. She seemed to feel the tension between the two of them so when the opportunity that the two of them were left alone, she grabbed it.

"Hey, I'm starving. I'm just gonna get some food okay?" She nodded his head in affirmation, watching her boyfriend walk away. His blonde hair swaying in every step. She turned her attention to Natsume who's up in the biggest branch while trying to fake a sleep.

She sighed. It's hard to always break the awkward silence between her, Natsume and Ruka. Ever since Natsume was out from the hospital, things became quite hazy and complicated. He started to ignore her and Ruka at times but still manage to be with them. Ruka is bothered abit by the change and it threatens her that their supposed perfect relationship with Ruka will not work if Natsume still tags along

"Natsume, stop faking a sleep and get your lazy ass here." She commanded while snapping her fingers. Natsume muttered a few string of colorful words as his feet touched the ground.

"What?" He snapped at her. What did he do? He wonders.

"What's your problem?" She asked straight forward

"I have no problem" he shrugged. He tried to obscure his irritation. He was trying his best not to mingle with their business but now a confrontation is added? "What a lucky day" he mutters silently with sarcasm.

"You know Natsume, this attitude of yours will get you to nowhere. And you know what? I'm better off without you." With that she stomped her way towards the canteen where Ruka is supposed eating. Natsume stood there, shocked and speechless. Her last words echoed in his head.

I'm better off without you

He runs his hands over his raven locks to release some stress. Twin falls formed from his eyes. He's frustrated. He closed his eyes for a minute to control the series of tears that might fall. He needs to be happy. To be happy for Ruka at least right? He sighed and concentrated to form coherent thoughts. He was a mess to begin with. He needed to clear his mind and let go of the past. For some odd reason, he started singing this peculiar song.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

I was at the top and I was like I'm at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby.
And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.
She left me, I'm tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby.
l

Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

"Natsume, just fucking let go of your feelings for her! Don't be fucking stupid, she's not worth the tears you're shedding." A voice piped up. He looked down only to be greeted by a pair of hazel eyes.

"What are you talking about? Go away. They need you there. Leave me alone." He growled at her. The brunette just shrugged and leaned on the trunk. She started to hum a very familiar tune.

"Yes Natsume, it's just a dream. But don't expect her to run back to you once again. Think that you're not just a toy whom she leaves when she founds a new one and will get back at you when she doesn't like the other anymore." Hazel and crimson clashed. A magical moment that seemed to last for a few minutes before the brunette turned away.

"You're a great guy Natsume, you deserve something better." She beamed at him. A heart melting smile he never expected form the resident ice princess of Gakuen Alice. She's Mikan Sakura for crying out loud! The student body president you should never go up against. She walked away from him while still humming the same song, Her melodious voice completely captivated Natsume.

He needed a new beginning. A fresh start with someone. Someone like Mikan Sakura perhaps?

Hey there! :) haha, i caught didn't I? You thought Mikan likes Ruka ne? :) haha well, there are so many stuffs going on in the next chaps. :)

REVIEW! :)

And oh! I do not own Gakuen Alice. Higuchi tachibana does :)