Summary: A biology class in Forks, a lonely vampire at his table and a brunette girl who arrives in a rush. Nothing really original at first glance and yet...

This story was originally written my mother tongue, so I asked the great mistress of parody to help me, and...she said yes!

If you don't know her yet, shame on you. With all her lovely ideas, I can say she is the co-author to this (silly) story: miss Tiffaninichole (link in my favorite authors)

~ How are you feeling today? ~

EPOV

Arrgh, Oumph, Pfui, hiark, ouch, yuck, niark, giark, poukiark.

There was not enough onomatopoeia in my vocabulary to describe all I that I'd smelled. Since that girl had stepped in front of the fan's spinning blades, my heart dropped and my throat closed on impulse. I was pretty thankful for that, since my lunch would now stay where it belonged.

I looked around the classroom, read the feeble minds of the human children around me, only to find that they were as oblivious as ever. How could they not notice that intense stench?

I was well-aware of my supernaturally heightened senses, but could it be that I was really the only one to notice the wave which hit me with the delicacy of a tsunami? Though there was nothing imposing in her appearance.

Drats.

It slipped my mind that I was the only one in the class without a partner.

She had absolutely no choice but to sit next to me and be a constant thorn in my side. The girl cast an anxious glance my way and continuously sniffed her clothes and hair - although she tried to mask her actions by acting as if she were turning her head to look at something.

Yes, human girl. You stink.

I stopped breathing. That I could do. I could hold it for however long it took. I only hoped Mr. Banner wouldn't address me during class. Upon my ignoring our teacher, the girl would undoubtedly find me impolite. But her petty annoyance with me would be miniscule compared to the potential massacre that would occur were I to take a breath. Besides, she brought this on herself. No one sits next to the Cullens.

Didn't she see my scowl?

I had to get out. I had to escape. How could I skip class without bringing attention to myself? Fake an illness? After all, it wasn't very far from the truth. But what if Mr. Banner asked the girl to accompany me to the nurse's office?

Things could get very messy... blood does stain, after all.

If I chose to stay, I could kiss my broody and mysterious reputation goodbye.

I chose to focus on counting the seconds. When that failed, I began practicing my various pained expressions. I had an impressive catalogue with eighty-seven expressions to date.

The problem wouldn't fix itself. I'd have to drop by the front office and use my supernatural wiles to manipulate Mrs. Cope into changing my classes. The poor woman. Condensation fogged her glasses whenever I walked into her office. I still hadn't gotten the guts to listen to her thoughts. I dare not enter, lest I be haunted for eternity.

My thoughts drifted to the stinky girl. Long brown hair with auburn highlights, deep black eyes, a thin, almost translucent complexion.

I imagined myself letting her discover seventh heaven, making her scream and writhe around...

But why did she have to stink so badly?

Of course, it's not because the story is already finished in another language that we don't need reviews...