I soar through the clouds in my plane. I feel freedom up here. I can spend hours up here alone with my thoughts.
Matt taught me to fly, in the sky as well as in the ring. It was something no one ever knew about us. Whenever we had time off we would go flying together. It was up here that I fell in love with him. Up in the sky that he told me he loved me and we shared our first kiss.
The accident was a year ago today.
Matt and Jeff were scheduled in a 'Hell In The Cell' match against The Dudley Boyz. It was the first ever Tag Team match held in the Cell. These matches are known to leave the participants with plenty of injuries. How was I to know that I would lose the man I love in this match.
Before the match we were sat in our dressing room talking. Jeff had left us alone to talk. Matt held me tightly in his lap and kissed me. "Amy, I promise nothing will happen to me in this match. You know I'm gonna be careful. But please stay back here for me. I don't want you getting hurt out there or anything." I promised him I'd stay in the back until the end of the match but then I was gonna be by his side. He pulled me closer and started to kiss me again. He gently ran his hands through my hair and whispered he loved me. I told him to stay safe or else. Before I could tell him anything else Jeff came back in. He apologized for disturbing us but told Matt they were up next.
Jeff started jumping around in the pit to get himself psyched up. Mark and Devon joined us in a group hug. Everyone wished everyone else luck. Mark and Devon went out first. I could hear how fired up the fans were and wished I was going out there as well, but I had promised. I hugged Jeff tight and told him not to be an idiot out there. He just grinned and said he'd be safe. I turned to Matt and stepped into his waiting arms. I kissed him and told him I loved him and I had a surprise for him after the match. He grinned and whispered he loved me as well before kissing me. We kept on kissing until our music started up. Matt reluctantly pulled away and ran through the curtains with his brother.
I sat back in one of the chairs and watched as the match started.
The match was going fine. So far none of them had been seriously injured. I held my breath as I watched Jeff through Devon through the fencing to the outside. They started battling round the ring. Pretty soon Matt and Mark had joined them outside. Jeff and Devon made their way to the roof of the cell and kept on fighting up there. Suddenly I spotted Mark and Matt start to climb. I wanted to turn away from the screen but I couldn't. Jeff was laid out on the top of the cage, so was Mark. Matt and Devon started going at it near one of the edges.
It all seemed to go in slow motion. Matt seemed to lose his footing on the edge of the cage. I heard him scream my name as he started to fall. The fall wasn't planned. Devon just stood there staring as Matt hit the floor with a sickening thud.
I jumped up and started to run out. Joanie and Paul tried to stop me but it was no use. I pushed past them and ran out to Matt's prone body. I sat next to him and couldn't stop the tears. I wiped the blood from his mouth and softly said his name. He started to open his eyes and looked up at me. There was blood all over the place and he was in real pain. He choked out my name. I placed my fingers on his lips and told him to be quiet. He coughed up more blood. He whispered that he loved me and would always be here. I told him he couldn't leave me, I didn't want to raise our baby alone. Matt repeated 'our child' quizzically at me. I told him I had found out I was pregnant that morning with his baby and I wanted him to be there with me. He gently caressed my cheek before whispering he loved me again. I held onto his hand as his eyes fluttered close and he breathed his last breath.
We buried Matt at the end of the week. Jeff was there beside me the whole time but I don't remember much of that day. All I remember is watching my true love lowered into the ground.
I spent the next month crying for Matt.
One night I walked to his grave because I needed to talk. I sat down and asked him why he broke his promise. He had promised that he wouldn't get hurt, and that he'd come back to me. I didn't think I could raise our child alone. I needed him there with me.
I must have been there for almost five hours that night. I felt a breeze on the back of my neck and I knew it was Matt telling me everything would be all right. I smiled and promised to always keep him in my heart. The breeze seemed to whisper 'I love you'. Deep down it was Matt's way of comforting me.
I managed to get back into the ring a month ago. It's hard but I want to keep Matt's memory alive. After the accident Vince ordered the cell destroyed and has vowed never to hold another Hell In The Cell match again. Jeff still wrestles. Six months after the accident I went back to introduce everyone to Matt's son. I was walking around backstage looking for Joanie when I spotted Jeff rehearsing on one of the screens. He was at the top of a twenty foot ladder and was about to do a Swanton from the middle of the ring outside, next to the ramp. I spotted Joanie down the hall and told her I needed help. I told her to look after my son whilst I did something. I ran out into the arena and stood in front of the ring. Jeff noticed me and started to climb down. I climbed into the ring and walked right up to him. Before he could say anything I punched him hard knocking him down. Jeff asked me what I was doing. I didn't say anything I just pinned him down and slapped him again. I couldn't help the tears as I hit his chest. I asked him why he was trying to kill himself, did he really hate me that much that he wanted to make me bury my best friend next to his brother. Eventually I lost all of my energy and collapsed into his arms. He held me tightly and kept apologizing. He eventually explained that he wanted to feel closer to Matt. He didn't want to carry on without his brother. We spent an hour talking in the middle of the ring. Jeff explained how lonely he was without Matt and me. I promised that he wouldn't lose me because I'd always be here, and I'd be back soon. Jeff promised to calm down his moves, and since then he's really toned down his moves. He's started to incorporate a lot of Matt's moves into his matches. Now that I'm back we watch out for each other again, but we know Matt's always looking down on us.
So here I am a year later. I fly almost three times a week. I feel closer to Matt up here. Our son Matthew Moore Hardy, I named him after his father, is always by my side. Sometimes Jeff comes up with us, but normally it's just the two of us. Up here I can be free. All my tension disappears as I fly up here. Today's the first anniversary of Matt's death. I chose the exact time that he died to be up here. I fly above the clouds as the sun starts to set. Just before it gets dark I feel Matt's presence next to me. I whisper that I love him always. No matter where I am, if I'm lonely I'll just look inside my heart and There You'll Be.