Chapter One: Beginning Anew
Life seemed to have taken a completely different turn than I could have ever expected. I was free. Free. The word itself seemed too immense. I never thought I'd feel what true freedom was. Yet here I was, in a lavish villa, given everything I'd ever need and more. No longer would I ever be a possession to be owned. No longer would I feel the sting of repression. My voice held meaning and I was eager to use it for the cause I believed in. The cause that Spartacus had started. The Bringer of Rain continued to elude capture, killing Romans at every turn. I would do everything in my power to further his cause and rejoin him once again. I listened for any whisper of him and the gladiators he fought with. His safety and those who fought with him were a constant in my mind. My only desire was to find them and one again be reunited with my love. Varro. It had taken weeks to fully heal; even now there were scars that I would carry for the remainder of my life. Scars that would tell my story. I wasn't ashamed of them. Each scar on my back was a reminder of the love I felt for one man. A man I pined for whose whereabouts was yet unknown. They had kept themselves well hidden, frustrating me and filling me with a sense of guilt that I had yet to find them, all the while living with a rich Roman who was eager to give me anything I pleased. Anything to keep me under his wing.
Standing in front of a mirror, I felt as if I was betraying the ones I loved most. Varro. Spartacus. Crixus. Naevia. Mira. Even Agron and Duro. All of them were living as fugitives and here I was in a beautiful home, safe, and having found people who cared about me, who I cared about in return. For as much as my life had changed, it had become far more complicated than I could have dreamed. Feeling obligated to people other than the ones that I longed to be reunited with. Every day I woke with the intention of leaving, going and finding my love and the others. And every morning I found another reason to stay. Caius. Felix. Antonia. There was always a reason to stay even if there were just as many reasons to go. But I couldn't bring myself to betray the people who now looked to me for answers. Answers I didn't have. Caius was the Roman and yet they were looking to an ex-slave for the answers they sought. I didn't have any answers. All I had was a pulling inside of me that would lead me to the ones whose arms I was ripped from. I would find Spartacus and I would help him. At the moment, I would help him by bringing numbers. I would have something to offer when we were finally reunited. I would be useful. I would be needed. And I would be home.
Standing in a beautiful peach colored stola - a gift from Caius - I stared at my reflection. Something I still couldn't get used to. I wasn't the same girl I used to be. I'd lost several pounds in the weeks I'd been with Paulus and my appetite had never fully returned. Many things had changed and my reflection was one of them. If it weren't for Caius I wasn't sure I'd be as whole as I was. He had spent many nights sitting and talking to me to calm me when nightmares plagued my mind. It was weeks before I willing allowed anyone to touch me. My skin still felt fragile. Paulus had taken much from me but I made myself a promise that I would not let him break me. The memories of my time with him only fueled the fire inside of me to destroy the Romans. Other than the man I loved, there was only one trustworthy Roman and he was my protector and my provider. Caius had given me everything I could ever want, all without prompting or desire. He had given me many gifts since he rescued me from the clutches of a mad man. I attempted to repay him for the kindness he had shown me. For providing for myself and all the others rescued from Paulus and all those I took under my care. I felt as if I truly was giving something back. But my freedom was something I could never repay him for.
Continuing to stare, I took in my features for what felt like the first time. My brown hair was partially braided; the braids intertwined in a knot at the back of my head, the rest of my hair lay in curls down my back and over my shoulder, different from the heavy waves it naturally lay in. My green eyes, cheeks, and lips accented with powder and paints. I felt beautiful. More beautiful than I ever had before. I couldn't help by smile at my reflection, feeling like a woman of note, worthy of the love of a man like Varro. I hated that I loved the feeling, erasing my smile and vowing to never don a Roman garb again once I was reunited with my family.
"Lea." Caius's voice said from the doorway. "You look stunning."
"It's only to further help the Rebel cause." I told him, pushing all thoughts of my appearance from my mind. "I must look the part if I'm to get any answers from Romans."
"I know." He said coming up behind me, rubbing my arms as he looked at my reflection over my shoulder.
"You're a good man." I told him.
"Not good enough." He said sadly, turning away from me.
"Caius, don't start this again." I frowned, following him from the room. "How many times must we go through this? I cannot give you what you want."
"Just part of you would be enough." He told me sadly.
"Caius." I repeated, gripping his hand so he would stop walking away from me. Turning, I took both his hands in mine, making him meet my eyes. "We've been over this and over this. Why do you always try and make me feel guilty about my choice? I chose him long before I met you. It's not fair for you to hold him over my head. You know I love him and nothing will ever change that."
"You can love more than one person." He stated.
"You're right, I can and I do." I told him. "I love you, Caius. But the love I feel for you isn't as strong as the love I feel for him. Not by half. Why do you make me say things that will hurt you?"
"To keep my own feelings in check." He said and placed a kiss against my forehead.
Wrapping my arms around him, I buried my face in his shoulder. He was always making me hurt him. I felt guilty every time. I owed him my life and my freedom. He'd done so much for me and I couldn't give him what he wanted. I never would be able to give him what he wanted. I worried for his state of mind. I didn't want him waiting for something that was never going to happen. I could never feel for him the way he wanted me to. I just hoped he'd stay the same Caius I'd grown to love. For I did love him. I simply wasn't in love with him. Nor would I ever be. Not in this lifetime or any that follows.
Going to market, I hoped to catch a whisper of Spartacus and where he may be. We had yet to come close to where he was. Part of me wanted to send a message in some way but I didn't know how to do it without alerting someone who shouldn't know. Only I wasn't only looking for Spartacus. I also listened for any mistreating of slaves. I had freed several since I'd been with Caius. Weeks had gone by and we weren't any closer to Spartacus than we had been when I was rescued. Over a month had passed since Spartacus started his rebellion. I was eager to see him again and I longed to be in Varro's arms. To feel his touch. His kiss. To drown in the blueness of his eyes. Though part of me worried about what I would find once I was reunited with them. I was unsure of how Varro would recover from the death of his wife. But it didn't matter. No matter the state he was in I would be there for him. I would be with him for the rest of my life. All I had to do was return to him.
"I don't care about what you've done. I only care about what you're doing." I said coldly to a brothel owner.
"You cannot come here and tell me how to run my business." He replied venomously.
"Look at her!" I yelled at him, pointing at the slave in question, a young woman badly beaten, still shaking from the shock of what happened to her. "She has been severely mistreated and you simply let it happen because you want the coin given for her."
"Yes, men pay and she does their bidding." He said blandly.
"At what cost!" I yelled. "She is terrified and you could care less!"
"She is here to pay off a debt. What happens to her while she accomplishes that is not my concern."
"You son of a bitch." I said calmly before striking him across his face. "Come." I said holding my hand out to the girl; she tentatively reached out for it before the man gripped my wrist. "Release me." I told him coldly.
"She has a debt to pay off." He told me.
Pulling out a small bag of coin, I threw it in his face. "This will cover whatever debt she has. With interest." I told him coldly before gripping the girl's wrist and ushering her from the brothel.
Swiftly moving through the market, I put her in the coach before I turned to look for Caius. When he finally came into sight, he was moving toward me with purpose. "What did you find?" I asked him eagerly.
"They've moved south." He told me.
"Where?" I asked with furrowed brows.
"I'm not sure. But I know its south." He replied. "Did you have any luck?"
"Another slave girl." I replied sadly.
"Lea, if you keep freeing slaves we're not going to have any other choice but to join the Rebels." He stated with a hint of annoyance. "That and you're going to spend all my coin." He added with a smile.
"Apologies." I told him putting my hand on his chest as I stepped closer to him. "I couldn't do any of this without you."
"It's not as if I mind." He smiled putting his hand over mine.
"Stop that." I said shoving him gently. "Now let's get our newcomer home and then we'll see what's in the south."
Nodding, we both stepped into the coach and we were once again on our way home. Once we were at the villa, I set Antonia to the task of tended to our newest member, bathing and clothing her, making sure she received a good meal. Moving through the halls I made sure everyone was cared for, personally seeing to the ones that weren't. Caius's villa was bigger than any I've been in before but was less extravagant than even my old home. He was a simple man, never arrogant in what he owned or did with his life. He was truly rare among Romans. He had become an ally and friend I cherished above all others I was currently with. He was kinder than anyone I'd ever met and was gracious with his resources in order to assist me.
Because of his generosity, our home had become crowded as of late. We'd run out of beds for everyone to sleep on weeks ago. Purchasing cushions for those who had to sleep on the floor. Caius was gracious enough to provide enough food and water for all, never a night passing without full stomachs. He even provided enough clothes for everyone's backs with some to spare. He never hesitated to offer his coin and belongings to the men, women, and even children that now shared his home. He truly was amazing in every way.
Having given my own away, I now resided in Caius's chambers, though it was not my first choice. It took time for me to be comfortable sleeping in the same bed with another man, feeling guilty every night when Caius took his place next to me. Wanting my love there, not him. Though he was ever the gentleman, never more than an accidental brush of flesh against flesh. He never once attempted to escalate our relationship – not physically – making my respect for him grow. He was constantly saying things he shouldn't but he never acted on them. And after everything he'd done for me I let him get away with more than I should have. It was as if I held him on a pedestal, only it was one of respect. He held me on a pedestal as well, only it was one of safety and future possibility. Only I would never be able to give him what he wanted. The only way it would happen would be if Varro was no longer of this world. Even then, I would be so damaged that what was left wouldn't be worth having.
"I'm exhausted." I told him as we lay in bed.
"You've had a busy day." He replied sleepily.
"South only has villas before the mines. Do you think that's where they're heading?" I asked.
"I do not know." He replied. "If that's where they're headed, it far from all the Romans they so desperately want to kill. They're searching for something."
"Or someone." I frowned.
"You?" He asked looking at me.
"Or another." I said looking back at him.
"Who?"
"I'm not sure." I replied. "There is only one that a gladiator would go to the ends of the earth for."
"Naevia." He said sadly.
"If anything has happened to her…" I said as tears filled my eyes. I draped my arm across my forehead.
"She's all right." Caius said propping himself up on his elbow, looking down at me. I nodded at him. "Varro as well." He added as a tear slid from the corners of my eyes. "I promised I would return you to him. I will not break that promise."
"Gratitude." I said my voice thick with emotion, before wrapping my arms around his neck.
Resting himself on top of me, I hugged him tightly as I felt his arm move around me. Sitting up, pulling me with him, he held me firmly against his chest as I cried for the people I loved, silently praying that I would be with them again soon.
Come morning I was bent over a map of the south, continuing to weigh each possibility in my mind of where they were heading. According to Caius, I couldn't simply get on a horse and run till I found them. There had to be some sort of plan or I would be sure to fail. Not only that but I had a following starting in the villa. I had saved the majority of the salves under our roof and most wanted to repay the favor by joining the Rebels. We were thirty strong now and they were eager to spill as much Roman blood as Spartacus had.
"What news?" I asked Caius when he'd returned from town. He shook his head. Sighing, I nodded at him. "I've sent messengers to these three villas." I told him pointing them out on the map. "They are to make simple inquiries to try and find out if anyone from Batiatus's house passed through or if the villa has been captured by Spartacus."
"We'll find them." He said gently rubbing my back.
"When?" I asked throwing my pen onto to map. "When will we find them? When will we leave here and try to find them? When, Caius, when?!" I finished; my voice now a yell.
"Lea?" Antonia said gently.
"Apologies." I smiled at her. "What is it?"
"Two more slaves have joined us." She said gently. "Two that are quite unexpected."
"How so?" I frowned.
"Two gladiators have come calling, having left their home without their masters' knowledge." She replied.
Swiftly moving from the room, I rushed toward two figures in the entryway. Slowing, I took in our newcomers. Both were dirt covered, wearing nothing but subligarias and tattered cloaks around their torsos. One was German, tall and very well built. His short hair and clean shaven face showed his chiseled features. The curve of his jaw reminded me of Paulus, making him look that much more intimidating. He was hardly scarred except for one across his left eye, making it appear that he may be blind in it. The other was even taller, leaner but looked as deadly as any gladiator. His hair was long, falling just past his shoulders, pulled partially back. I should have been more nervous than I was, yet only excitement filled me, for they were the first gladiators to join us. If there was one thing I knew about it was gladiators. After my many experiences under my former masters I felt as if I knew the ways of gladiators more than the common house slave. My heart soared at the sight of them, feeling like we were finally making progress.
"Welcome." I smiled at them. "We are more than pleased to have you join us."
Both held serious expressions, though a smile broke across the face of the taller who swiftly embraced me in a hug. "Gratitude, Lea." He told me with a smooth voice.
"We've been waiting weeks to slip away to join you." The German told me with a husky voice.
"I am Lucius." The other smiled.
"Otho." The German added.
"Gratitude." I beamed at them. "Please, come eat, drink, bathe and rest. You will not be without while under this roof."
"No guarantees once we leave, eh?" Lucius smiled.
"Once we leave there are no guarantees of anything." I smiled back.
"Gratitude for the hospitality." Otho told me as he looked around.
"Come." I said starting to lead them through the villa. "We're mainly house slaves here. We have two healers as well and a handful of body slaves, but we're making do."
"From what we've heard you're doing better than just making do." Lucius told me sweetly. "With the help of one Roman."
"Caius Laelius Sulla." I smiled fondly. "He may be Roman but he's our biggest ally. He's provided everything and more for those who are here."
"Have you heard anything about Spartacus?" Otho asked.
"Whispers. But the only concrete facts we have is that he's moved south." I replied.
"Why?" He frowned.
"The reason is yet unknown." I stated. "But your arrival has made me eager to set out. I feel as if your presence will motivate those who are afraid. It's hard to keep spirits high when they have only ever known them to be ground under heel."
"We will do everything in our power to assist." Lucius told me with seriousness.
"It is much appreciated." I said putting my hand on his arm.
"Do you know when we are to depart?" Otho asked.
Shaking my head I replied, "No." The German nodded before moving off, Lucius following him, smiling as he put his hand on my arm as he walked away. In the next moment Caius was at my side. "They are with us." I smiled up at him.
"They will be an asset to our little rebel group." He said putting his hand on my back.
"Yes, they will." I said with a hint of giddiness. "It's all coming together. We should set out soon."
"And go where?" Caius asked with a hint of annoyance.
Turning to him, I frowned, "I feel as if you're purposely stalling our departure."
"Where are we going to go?" He asked again.
"South." I frowned. "They are down there somewhere and I want to be with them." I said going from the edge of anger to sadness. "I know you want to keep me safe in your home but my home is with Varro and Spartacus and Naevia and Crixus. They are my family. My heart calls to them and I wish to be reunited with them. Sooner rather than later." He clenched his jaw and nodded at me before quickly walking away from me. "Caius." I called after him.
I hated hurting him but he seemed to almost force the words out of my mouth. He always said things that led me to reply with words that were going to hurt him. He knew my desires. He knew my plan and yet he still found a way to make me stay. If Spartacus was south then we would move south. If a band of rebel gladiators could travel unseen then we could as well. I simply needed one more piece of confirmation and I would be gone. With or without any accompaniment.