Author's Notes: I cannot be blamed for anything that happens in this drabble. I SWEAR I'm not responsible. Reno is… He always is.
Puppet Mayhem
"Reno…" Tseng said as he watched the redhead set up a video camera in front of the bar.
"Yeah boss?" the younger male asked as he ran to grab a cardboard box from his office and place it behind the bar.
"What the hell are you doing?" the Wutain demanded as he watched Reno duck behind the bar.
"Working on my mission report," Reno responded, his voice as cheeky as ever.
"Do I want to know?" Tseng asked with a sigh.
"Nope," Rude said as he sat on the couch facing the bar with a small bag. He offered the bag to Tseng, "Popcorn?"
"Why in the world would I want popcorn when Reno is…" Well, he really didn't know HOW exactly to explain what the young Turk was doing.
"Filming his mission report?" Rude asked with a smile.
"Filming? You can't even see him!"
No sooner than Tseng had said this than the red light came on upon the camera, the record triggered by Reno and a small remote behind the marble top bar. The next thing he knew Reno seemed to be narrating.
"Once upon a time there was a big and powerful corporation called Shin-Ra Inc," Reno's voice came. When he mentioned Shin-Ra his hand came up and placed a toy tower on the bar.
"They had these powerful fighters that they hired who did lots of cool stuff like getting drunk and shooting people. Those were the Turks." Now the tower was joined by some puppets glued to Popsicle sticks. One had bright red fuzz on the top and red marker on it's face. The other had black string for hair. The third was painted brown and had Barbie doll sized sunglasses.
"Are those supposed to be us?" Tseng asked, only to receive a shushing from Rude.
"The Turks, Reno, the cool one, Rude, the quiet one, and Tseng, the one with a stick up his ass all got called down to Heidegger's office about a mission." Now a fourth puppet showed up, this one made out of a tennis ball.
"Turks," Reno said in a voice that was an obvious mockery of the ugly bass of Heidegger, "I want you to kill a traitor for me."
"So," Reno said once he threw the Heidegger puppet over his shoulder and into a bottle of rum, breaking it, "The Turks went out." Now the puppets bobbed up and down until Reno hit the tower aside to show they had left the plates.
"And then they found the guy." The Turk puppets were now confronted by a puppet that looked like it had a pencil in its eye.
"The guy didn't have a pencil in his eye," Tseng protested.
"Shhhh!" Rude said, "It's getting to the good part."
"And then…. POW! BAM! SHOCK! BOOM!" Reno shouted as he repeatedly hit the victim puppet with the Turk puppets. "ACK! OWW! Please stop! NO! Not the leg! AHHH! OH MY GOD YOU JUST RIPPED OFF MY BALLS! Oh my god, I'm dead!"
Reno tossed the mangled puppet over his shoulder after the Heidegger doll.
"And that is how the Turks beat the traitor. Way to go Turks!" Reno said, jumping up from behind the bar.
Tseng sighed as Reno bowed to imaginary applause. Finally the red-head turned off the camera.
"One Question," Tseng said with a sigh.
"Yeah?" Reno asked with a smile.
"Where did you get string that looked so much like my hair?"
"Uh…." Reno stammered for a minute before dropping the puppets and bolting from the lounge. Once the young Turk judged himself to be a safe distance away he shouted back the reply, "YOUR HEAD!"
The next day when Reno came into work Rude could have sworn he saw part of a puppet sticking out of Reno's ear at an odd angle.
Moral of the story? Don't cut off Tseng's hair while he sleeps.