Just a little piece of mind.
~
He knew time. Time went fast, without reason. Time was effortless, unstoppable. Absent and present. He had never given much thought to time and its value. But now, it seemed, time was all he could think about it. Suddenly time was vulnerable and valuable.
Memories taunted him, images filled his mind, clouded his judgement and spiked up his needs to a whole new level. A whole new kind of free will. He couldn't quite figure out what it was he craved so much, until one day… One blissfully quiet day, he realized that maybe, just maybe, there was time to leave his haven of peace and harmony for something many of his companions thought of as horrible and awfully… humane.
"Tell us, Castiel," they would command him, quietly. "Why does it appeal to you so much?" And naturally, he wouldn't dare to explain. They wouldn't, couldn't understand. He was sure.
Sometimes he wondered why he was created, not as a mere human, but as an angel. Because sometimes, once in a while, he felt so out of place.
Like a library book placed in the wrong genre, a black sheep in a family of white ones.
"Tell us, Castiel," they would chime, every time his gaze drifted off. "You can tell us. What is so special about it?" This was what bothered him most. He wanted to explain. To say that it was not Earth, that had enchanted him so. He wanted to tell his brothers and sisters that it was not Earth itself that had caught his eye. It was humankind that kept fascinating him. And not just that: it was Dean Winchester.
He had never experienced 'love'. Probably never would, either. After all, he was an angel of the Lord. His job was not to love. In fact: his job was not to feel. It just wasn't his 'cup of tea'. Even if, deep in his heart, love seemed to be a strange, overwhelming but over all pleasant feeling. Why his family still disapproved of a human's emotions, he did not know. What he did know was that he could not hide from his own fragile humanity. He was not human, he would never be human. But he still had that spark inside of him that many hated. That spark of…compassion.
Of course, he didn't question his Father's Will. But nonetheless, his own will brought him to that one particular place. The small house his…friend stayed in and for once, he decided, he would take his time.
So he rang the doorbell, knowing 'popping in', as Dean called it, would not count as a pleasant surprise. Not right now, at least. So he waited, patiently. After all: time was merely an effortless passing. An illusion you had no control of. It did not bother him.
He waited, patiently and then when the door opened, it felt like time literally stood still. Of course, this was impossible. It was completely nonsense, but he felt it freeze.
Orbs of green widened, visibly, the dark shadows beneath them falling away for just a few seconds, while they filled with something… There was a pause and a loud swallow and then warmth everywhere.
He did not have much experience with hugs. In fact: all the times he had been embraced by someone, it had been very unpleasant. But this time, this time, it did not matter. Because the person that hugged him was Dean. There was no factor of right or wrong. Just two painfully broken and shattered halves made whole.
Castiel knew time. And he knew that, right now, it was on his side.
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