A/N: Well, thank you guys for the great reviews on Hardest Part. Since I wrote that, I had an elective ultrasound to confirm that Baby Rastelli is a girl (we had the early blood test) and she is… Unfortunately, it looks like she has only one kidney, and she has a large pocket of fluid in her abdomen. It could be as simple as a cyst, or it could be fetal hydrops, which depending on causality can be fatal. In most cases, actually, it's fatal by birth and of those who make it to delivery, only a small percentage make it to their first birthday - because of underlying medical issues. So I'm truly praying for a cyst. A majority of my family is unaware of the pregnancy and so I have basically no one to talk to and I am super freaked out. I go back on Valentines Day to confirm what the mass of fluid is, how her left kidney (she definitely has a left kidney) is functioning, and if her right kidney is simply hiding. If you're the praying type, send up a prayer for Piper Grace, please. So that said, I've turned to music and banal tasks to keep my mind occupied and the song Like I Loved You by Brett Young very loosely prompted this one shot.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Janet Evanovich
Every moment of our break up shredded my heart further. It was almost like she had rehearsed it, maybe even practiced it on him. Anytime Steph had something difficult to say, she rehearsed it somewhere - her head, to her steering wheel or reflection in the rearview, I'd even caught her practicing a difficult conversation with her mom to Rex once. I knew I wouldn't change her mind, once she had it made it up, that was that. Steph was stubborn as a mule, and twice as ornery.
She tells me we can still be friends, but I don't know. She was my whole world no matter how I showed it. My affection never came out wrong, and months after we split, I could see that. Steph was with Ranger now, and because we'd been part of each others lives so long - no matter how negative some of those experiences were - I was trying. She came over every few games for a beer and a slice, and we yelled at the TV together. I gotta say, though, hanging out in this bar with Ranger and a few of his "merry men", Stephanie, and her best friend Mary Lou was a new level of hell.
I fully admit that if I had been different, had been able to reason differently, we may not be apart now. I had molested her as a child, and that was not okay - the fact that I didn't know any better doesn't matter. I should have known better, maybe listened more during mass. As an eighteen year old, I should have treated her with dignity and respect and not thought or acted with my prick. I don't regret that I took her virginity, but I do regret the way it happened. For gods sake, I could have at least taken her to the backseat of my car. And writing about it afterwards was a shitty, scared teen boy thing to do. I regret that, too. Maybe more than anything, I regret not keeping our private life private. Then, and more recently.
The way I acted outside of every accident scene, every mishap, was abominable. In retrospect, the way Ranger reacted was the way I should have. Hugs, and kisses, and making sure she was okay. Truth is, most of our problems weren't her fault, they were mine, although we both lacked capability in the communication department.
"You seeing anyone new, yet, Joe?" Mary Lou asked me quietly, taking a sip of her beer. I guess I'd been caught staring in the mirror behind the bar, at the happy couple dancing on the floor.
"No… not yet. She's a tough act to follow," I replied, averting my eyes from the mirror.
Mary Lou hmmed in agreement.
The truth is, Steph was encouraging me to find someone else too. I wish she'd stop suggesting it, because it just pounds the fact that she never loved me like I love her into my heart further. She acted like we were never more than friends, friends with benefits at most - and maybe for her that was true, but it wasn't for me.
She never loved me like I love her, and I can probably learn to live with that. It's just taking time. I'm getting better about not calling her after I've had a few too many, and eventually I'll stop calling her. She doesn't want to know. She was making the effort to be my friend, but I struggled in my darkest moments with the idea that maybe that was just to placate me instead of because of our past.
One day, I'd be able to move on, and she will be fine with that. I guess that's the type of break up everyone wants.
Seeing her with him now, I can admit that she is happy. He makes her happy. I don't know how, because he seems to communicate less than I do and he is even more protective. I imagine it's the way he goes about it. He's more supportive than I ever was, and aside from locking her in his building during the Slayer incident, I don't think he's ever tried to clip her wings. Let's be honest here, she needed to be locked away then. There was a gang hit out on her, and working gang related homicide there is nothing pretty about a gang hit. There is nothing pretty with that life at all. I didn't want to see my girlfriend that way, and I was relieved when he let me know that she was safe in lockdown. Then she escaped, by stungunning one of the merry men.
Ranger was good for her, though, and I could see that. She was happy, and she was safer. That's all I wanted for her. That's what friends do.
The music in the jukebox changed to a new song, Like I Loved You by Brett Young, and she was standing beside me. "Dance with me?" she asked.
Why the hell not, I thought, getting the nod from Ranger in advance. I wasn't about to poach, and as fit and trained as I was, I didn't think I could take him so best to get those boundaries clear in advance.
As we swayed together, she smiled at me, and told me she had set me up on a date. I had to be at the semi casual restaurant at 7 the next evening and I'd find the lady of my dreams next to a window with a tulip painted on it. I doubted Stephanie was really setting me up with the girl of my dreams, since I was looking at her, but I played along anyway.
"Yeah? What's her name?" I asked her, smiling a little because she was making more of an effort for me than I was making for myself.
"Anastasia Manoso. She's one of Carlos' younger cousins. She's new to Trenton, and she's a teacher. He actually suggested her. She has a little boy, about four years old I think. His name is Emmanuel. He's charming, and mischievous. I think you'll all get along great."
And she was right. We got married two years after our first date, and Emmanuel was my best man. Steph was maid of honor. I signed the adoption paperwork the same day.
Finally, Steph and I loved each other the same way - as friends. And finally, I had a family that loved me like I loved them.