Aren't birthdays supposed to be happy things? At least, when you're young they are. But my mom, she kicked me out of the house.
I should have seen it coming, but I didn't.
I woke up and groggily looked around my room, that morning. And was startled into being truly awake when I saw that nearly everything I owned was packed into boxes. Mom was working on the things still unpacked- throwing them around without a care as to whether they were breakable, or whether it actually made sense to put them in the box they belonged in.
"What's going on?" I demanded.
"You're moving out," she answered without looking at me. "And now that you're up, you can finish packing your things on your own. You're an adult now; you don't need your mommy to do it for you.
I sat there, stunned, and looked around at what was left of my room.
Moving out? I thought blankly. It took a while for that to register. I was just… surprised. Sure, Mom wasn't the most maternal parent ever, but she was still my mother. Why was she doing this?
But where would I go?
It was this thought that startled me into action. I picked up my phone and called the only person who might be there for me.
"Dad?" I asked tentatively when the ringing stopped. He sort of grunted and for the first time I remembered the three-hour time difference. It would be four in the morning there. Oops. "Sorry about calling so early. I just…" And there I embarrassed myself by bursting into tears.
"Daddy," I choked out, feeling more like a little girl than I ever had in my life, "Can I come stay with you?"
"Why? What's going on, Princess?"
"I just need somewhere to live. I'll explain more later," I answered, taking deep breaths. I didn't know that I could handle an explanation just then without bursting into tears all over again.
And so it was that I found myself on a plane to Washington.
After the plane landed and I'd picked up my luggage, I looked around diffidently for my dad. I hadn't seen him since summer break, but I was sure I'd recognize him.
So where was he?
I stood around, looking at all of the people surrounding me. They weren't feeling this uncertainty. They knew that they'd be picked up, that whoever they were waiting on hadn't, for whatever reason, decided not to show.
What if I got stuck here? What if he'd changed his mind and didn't want me staying with him, after all? What if he simply never came?
"Remy? Remy Conroy?" someone called from behind me. I turned.
Who was he, I thought, stunned into place, and why was he calling my name? "I'm Remy," I called after unfreezing. I took a hesitant step toward him.
He looked my way. He was tall. Very tall. I myself was five feet, six inches, and he towered over me. I shook my head at myself. I was being ridiculous. Why should some guy I didn't know intimidate me? I walked as confidently as I could over to him.
"I'm Jacob Black," he said. "And your father asked me to pick you up. He's had a bit of an emergency at work so he couldn't make it. But he said he'd be home for dinner." I stared at him stupidly.
"I don't know you," I said. He looked amused and didn't say anything. "Well, what if you're trying to abduct me? How do I know you're really here because my dad asked you to be?"
Jacob laughed, actually laughed. "There's one way to find out." He took my suitcases from me as if they were weightless and I followed after him.
He made a good point.
In the end, it turned out Jacob wasn't a creep. After a strangely comfortable car ride- we chatted easily the whole time- he pulled into my dad's driveway and even helped me carry my luggage in.
He was about to leave when he diffidently rubbed his neck and gave me a considering look. "Why don't you hang out with me and my friends? We're going out for ice cream."
Refusal was on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it and made myself nod. It would do no good to push away a friendly invitation here. I didn't want to be completely friendless, and Jacob seemed like someone I could enjoy being around.
I waited at the table while Jacob ordered and paid for our ice cream- he insisted that I not pay this time, because it was my birthday. I felt bad going along with it, but not bad enough to argue too much. I needed to get a job and start saving up money, I knew. I didn't want to leech off of my dad forever.
I saw a couple of boys join Jacob in line. They were crazy tall like he was, and I could see the three of them huddled together in a corner while they waited for the workers to put together their orders. It was obvious they were discussing something they didn't want overheard.
I hoped to God they weren't talking about me. I hated it when people did, because people don't tend to say nice things about others, especially people they've only just met.
But neither boy glanced back at me, and Jake was grimacing. So it was probably something else. I looked away and felt my cheeks heat. I didn't normally ogle so openly, even when they were three attractive guys. I preferred to play it cool.
I was half Irish, half Quileute. And thanks to my Irish blood, I blushed ridiculously easily. Thanks, Mom.
Note the sarcasm.
After what likely seemed like a longer time than truly passed, Jacob came to the table, with his friends following close behind. I smiled up at him and he sat across from me. His friends, though, weren't moving.
The one was staring at me so intensely I felt immediately uncomfortable and blushed deeper, looking down at my lap. The other friend, who was standing behind him, nearly collided and had to fumble a little to keep from dropping the heaps of ice cream he was carrying.
How could he possibly plan on eating so much?
I glanced up at Jake and saw him look at his friend, the one who was still staring at me, do a double-take, and burst into laughter.
I coughed uncomfortably. This wasn't how I imagined my birthday.
"This," Jake said after he was done laughing, "is Remy. She just moved here. Remy, that idiot is Embry, and behind him is Paul."
I smiled awkwardly, focusing more on Paul because Embry was making me uncomfortable. "It's nice to meet you." I felt obligated to say it, but I didn't know whether I was lying yet. And I detested lying. So I glanced back to Jake, who was still looking wickedly amused. "What's going on?"
"Nothing. Here's your ice cream." He handed over my cup.
"It's not ice cream," I argued. "It's a milkshake."
"Milkshakes are ice cream, Remy," Jake challenged. I grinned.
This was just the kind of conversation that could break the sort of tension that was clogging up the air. "Then why aren't they called ice cream, hm?" I stuck my tongue out at Jake and he laughed, but didn't answer. He was too busy shoveling ice cream in his face.
Embry took the seat next to me, and in the process of sitting down, scooted the chair uncomfortably close to mine.
I'd always been a big advocate of personal space. Too close, in my book, was anything less than a foot away.
I didn't like the feeling I always got when people were closer than that. I could feel that they were close. People's presence makes the air hum with energy, and it's uncomfortable.
Whenever I explained that to someone, they didn't understand it. But even though I knew I was being absurd, that didn't stop me from shrinking away from people.
So I sat on the farthest corner of my chair, crushing myself against the wall to try and keep myself away from him. He noticed and looked mildly hurt.
I wanted to apologize, to explain, but I didn't know how, so I shut my mouth and drank my milkshake.
A couple of minutes later, a girl showed up and walked straight to our table. There weren't any seats left, but she didn't seem to mind. She sat on Paul's lap and gave me a polite smile. "Hi. I'm Lydia Gallagher." I felt self-conscious just being around her. She was so pretty and seemed so confident. I envied her that.
"That's a pretty name," I said. She smiled a little wider and I realized I hadn't introduced myself. No one had once called me socially apt. "My name is Remy. Remy Conroy." I didn't know whether I should shake hands with her or not, so I went back to my drinking and stared out the window.
Inwardly, I was yelling at myself, but old habits die hard. I didn't know how to hold a conversation with so many people. Maybe this was why Mom didn't want me around, I thought dejectedly.
"Hey, is something wrong, Remy?" Embry asked diffidently. I glanced over at him and was about to give a generic answer, but there was such concern on his face that I found the truth slipping out of my mouth.
"Yeah, you could say that." Then I realized how pathetic that sounded, so I added, "But it's nothing." That part was a lie. "I'm glad to be here." That part, strangely, was not.
"I'm glad you're here, too." Looking at him, I could tell he meant it.
Weird.
But I still tingled with pleasure. I never expected to be accepted so quickly.
Jacob suddenly pulled out his phone, though I hadn't heard it ring, and answered. I tried not to stare and in order to keep from eavesdropping, I looked back at Embry and said, "So tell me about yourself."
That was my foolproof statement that I whipped out whenever I didn't know what to talk about with someone. People always, always enjoy talking about themselves. Just tap into that and making conversation is suddenly almost comically easy.
Embry flashed a small smile and said, "I'd rather hear about you."
Again, I believed him. What was it about this guy? I wondered. Why was he so different than all of the other guys I'd met? I blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out something safe to tell him. "Well… today's my eighteenth birthday. I used to have a pet turtle named Harriet... and I can't eat anything that's red."
Embry laughed. "Really? Why?"
"It's always freaked me out. I'm not really sure." I felt a little embarrassed. But then, when didn't I?
"If only I'd met you yesterday. Then I would have had time to get you a present." I laughed, but he didn't. What, he was serious?
"That's very nice of you, but hardly necessary. I don't like getting presents. Especially not after today," I said.
There went my tongue again. Something about the eagerness in his face, the way I knew he was really listening to what I had to say, made me want to tell him things. His expression darkened. "What does that mean?"
"Don't worry about it," I mumbled, turning my head away again. He didn't want to hear about what my mother had done.
I didn't know whether I expected him to press the issue or not, but he didn't get the chance. "I've got to get going," Jacob said, standing and putting his phone back in his pocket. He shot a look at Paul and Lydia. Both of their expressions slid into sly amusement. They stood and said their goodbyes and left. I wondered briefly whether I'd be seeing them again anytime soon.
It hadn't seemed like either had very much interest in talking to anyone but each other. At least they weren't the sort of couple that made things terribly uncomfortable for those around them. They kept to themselves, but they weren't being too… intimate.
I might have imagined it, but I could have sworn I saw Lydia wink at me.
I began to stand, too, but Jake turned around and said, "Embry, you can drive Remy home, can't you?"
"Sure." Embry looked like he was going to add something, but decided against it. Jake had a conniving look on his face, and I had a feeling that it hadn't been a coincidence that I was left alone with him.
I smiled a little. This sort of situation was one I'd never been put in before. I'd read about it, but then I was always reading about situations I knew I would likely never experience.
I looked nervously at Embry and he waggled his brows suggestively. It was the most perfect move he could have made. I couldn't help but burst out laughing and he joined in.
I've always loved music, so maybe it's not so odd that I noticed how nicely our laughs harmonized.
I ever-so-slowly sipped the rest of my milkshake. I was consciously dragging out my time with Embry. After all, after we left I'd be stuck in an empty house.
I wasn't looking forward to that. Not one bit.
Besides, I liked being around him. Kind of like with Jake, I felt like we could be friends. But this was… different. There was something about him that drew me in. I wasn't sure whether I liked the feeling or hated it.
As we walked out of the ice cream parlor together, his hip bumped into mine. I felt that instant of contact spread through my entire body. I glanced up and my eyes met Embry's. Judging by his expression, he'd felt it, too.
We got into his car and I wondered what to say. While we finished up our frozen treats, things weren't awkward. Conversation had flowed freely. But now…
Silence is so loud.
Embry drummed the fingers of the hand that wasn't on the steering wheel along to some music I couldn't hear. He glanced at me a lot, but didn't say a word.
A sudden thought blurted out of my mouth, breaking the silence. "When will I see you again?" Embry grinned at this, which was good. It made me feel like less of a socially incompetent idiot for asking.
"Soon," he answered, but didn't elaborate. I looked sideways at him and stuck out my tongue. He grinned back. "Tomorrow?" he asked. His careful nonchalance seemed a little forced and an adorable blush was spreading across his cheeks.
"Alright. What have you got in mind?" I stared out my window, refusing to meet the gaze I could feel burning in the back of my head. I didn't want to show him how much I wanted to see him again.
Play it cool, Remy.
"How do you feel about heights?" he asked. Something about his tone made me look over at him. There was a dangerous look on his face. I sensed a challenge coming.
"I'm not afraid of them, if that's what you're getting at."
I knew instantly from the wicked that flashed on his face that this was the exact wrong thing to say.
"I was thinking we could go cliff diving," he said off-handedly.
"Cliff diving?" I echoed. Well, squeaked was more like it. "Are you serious?"
Embry barked out a laugh and pulled into my driveway. "I'll pick you up at ten."
I opened the car door and stumbled out. If that was anything like the way it sounded, then I was in trouble.
When I reached my front door, I turned back and saw Embry staring at me. I smiled at him and waved before going into the house.
"Where have you been?" Dad demanded.
I turned and looked up at him. "I was out with Jake and his friends. He bought me ice cream to celebrate my birthday."
Dad's angry expression melted into a slightly strained smile.
"Oh. Well, that's… nice." He turned and walked into the living room.
I wasn't sure what to do. Follow him? But things were so awkward. Go up to my room? And do what there?
Luckily, he made my decision for me. "Remy, why don't you come in here for a minute?" he called. I heaved a sigh of relief.
He was standing by a white cardboard box that had illustrations of kittens and puppies on it. He looked nervous and was blushing furiously.
"What's that?" I asked. I had a guess, but why would he have…?
"I got you something for your birthday." He gestured helplessly toward the box and I walked over to it and peeked inside.
A puppy. Small and black, it was, and terribly cute.
I'd never believed in love at first sight, but this pup pulled at my heartstrings, demanding my absolute adoration.
I was speechless.
"I just thought that… well, when you were younger, you used to talk all about the puppy you wanted. Had the name picked out and everything. And… well, if you don't want him I-"
I threw my arms around him, effectively cutting him off. "He's perfect. Archibald."
"I really had hoped you wouldn't inherit your mother's love of uncommon names."
I drew away from him, scooping up the sleeping pup and shooting him a playful glare. "What, you don't think he looks like an Archie?"
Dad kissed my forehead. "I think it's perfect."
I had the majority of summer break left to figure out what I would do about college next year. I'd applied to places around my mother's house, of course. I had been planning on staying at home to cut costs. But that was no longer an option. Dorm rates were practically criminal.
I was starting to think that it might be best that I stay with Dad, especially since I had Archie now. I was sure I could still get into at least a community college nearby. But I longed to break away, to do something radical and attend college somewhere totally unexpected.
I'd been holding back for so long that crushing impulses came naturally to me. I was working on changing that, which led me back to Embry and cliff diving.
I grinned as I walked with Archie up the stairs to my new room. "Archie, I couldn't have met Embry at a more perfect time." He sleepily opened one eye and stared up at me. I snuggled him closer.
Maybe this birthday hadn't been so bad, after all.
The next morning I woke up and took Archie out right away. By some miracle, he'd managed not to piddle on anything during the night and I didn't want to push my luck. It was a beautiful morning. It was a good omen, I told myself.
My internal clock was still adjusting, so it was ridiculously early when I woke up and I had hours to kill before Embry was supposed to arrive. I decided to take the time to unpack. I didn't have much with me; Mom was shipping most of my things, but they wouldn't be here for days.
After that, I decided to read to pass time.
I was in those killer last twenty pages when I heard knocking on the door. I groaned, but put away my book and ran to answer the door. After a struggle with the four locksf, I finally managed to wrench it open. When I did, Embry's eyes scanned over me, as if to make sure I was in one piece.
He gave my outfit an approving look, too. I was glad. I'd agonized over what to wear for half an hour, finally settling on black basketball shorts and a non-white t-shirt.
I stared up at him and neither of us moved. Suddenly, he smiled. "Let's get going." I blushed and followed wordlessly.
Once we were speeding down the street, he glanced at me and said, "Why are you being so quiet? I want to hear your voice."
"Why?" I blurted, then snapped my mouth shut. Why was it that I never managed to say the right thing? Maybe I was cursed.
"Because I like hearing what you have to say. Tell me something, anything."
So I said the first thing that popped into my mind. "I had a dream about you last night."
"Really?" Thank goodness, he sounded pleased rather than creeped out. "What happened?" I decided it was best not to answer this question. In my dream, I was getting ready to board a plane to Florida, where I would be attending college. Embry had sprinted past security, throwing a few choice punches, and begged me not to go. And he'd kissed me… I wasn't sure why I'd dreamt that or what it meant, so it was best kept to myself.
"Aw, c'mon, please?" he gave me a pleading look and I shut my eyes against it, willing myself not to give in.
"You look just like Archie," I blurted, grasping at any topic change that I could think of.
"Archie?" he asked, clearly confused and none too pleased. "Who's Archie, and what's he to you?"
I swallowed a giggle. "He's my new puppy. I got him yesterday for my birthday. You were giving me those puppy dog eyes."
Embry glanced my way and back to the street again. "Oh," was all he said. Then a moment later, "That reminds me. If you'll look in the back seat, I got you something."
I turned against my better judgment and gasped when I saw the big box with a pretty white bow on it. "You shouldn't have," I muttered, stunned. "We've only just met."
"I wanted to," he grumbled. He seemed vaguely embarrassed. I leaned over on impulse and kissed his cheek before turning back to the box. What was in it? I saw out of the corner of my eye that Embry lifted his hand and, seemingly in a daze, touched his cheek where I'd kissed it.
I glowed with pleasure and turned my face away to hide my grin. It was a struggle to get the box to the front seat because it was so big. But somehow, it was insanely light. "What's in here?" I asked. I could hear how astounded I was.
"You'll have to open it to see." I tore into the paper and opened the huge box, only to find… another box.
"Cute," I muttered sarcastically and opened the second box, revealing a third.
And so on, until I reached a small jewelry box. I shot a look at Embry and I knew my fingers trembled and I stared at it blankly, frozen.
"Well, aren't you going to open it?" I couldn't tell which Embry was more, nervous or amused.
"No… yes. I don't know."
"Yes. Go on. I can barely stand the suspense and I know what it is," Embry said with a light laugh.
"Pushy, pushy." But I did as I was told. Inside was the most beautiful necklace I'd ever seen- a delicate white gold chain with a matching pendant of a wolf. It was breathtaking.
"You shouldn't have," I said again, but my voice was a little shaky. I was touched. "But I'm glad you did."
Embry reached over and took my hand, weaving our fingers together. I was breathless, but I managed to say, "If you crash this car and kill me, I'm never speaking to you again."
"Relax. I'm glad you like it."
"I do. I love it. Thank you." I had to admit, it was kind of a weird thing to give someone you've just met. But it somehow seemed right for Embry.
When Embry pulled to a stop, I almost couldn't get out of the car, my knees were shaking so bad. But wasn't this the spontaneity I'd been craving? Besides, Embry was looking at me like he knew I wanted to back out, and like he'd never let me live it down.
That was all the push I needed to get out. When I did, he took my hand again and smiled. He led me to the cliff and I couldn't help myself; I looked down.
It was a long, long drop.
I backed up involuntarily and he laughed. "Scared?"
"What? No." Yes.
"Then go on," he said. I looked up and saw that he was grinning like a fool.
"Fine. But… you aren't going to jump first? And you're absolutely sure this is safe?"
"I've done it loads of times," he assured me. I took a step forward. Two steps.
"Then let's do it together," I suggested. He stepped up so that he was right to the edge of the cliff like I was and took my hand. I felt immediately safer.
"Three," I whispered nervously.
"Two," he continued.
"One," we both said at once, and jumped.
It was exhilarating. It was a long enough drop that I had time to look over at Embry while we were falling. I could only imagine how I looked, with my hair streaming above me and what I was sure was a too-bright glint to my eyes. But he was looking at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world.
I couldn't say I minded it. Not one bit.
We hit the water and the current ripped our hands apart. I managed to keep above water and swim back to shore and I looked out over the water, searching for that mess of dark hair.
Where was he?
But then he came up, spluttering and looking around frantically. When he saw me, he swam over incredibly fast. I hadn't known people could have that kind of strength in real life. When he reached me, he enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug. "I'm so sorry," he murmured. "This was stupid."
I pulled away from him and studied his face. He looked wretched. "You were afraid for me," I whispered, shocked. "I know how to swim, you know."
He looked pained. "But I-"
"Can we go again?" I asked, cutting him off. He studied me for several long seconds, then smiled the grin I was coming to love.
"Absolutely."
"I'll race you to the top," I challenged, already sprinting up the hill.
"You don't stand a chance," he called as he passed me. When I got to the top, I was heaving and he was leaning back against a tree, looking for all the world like he was posing for a photo shoot. He hadn't even broken a sweat. I rolled my eyes and tried to keep the heaving to a minimum.
I spent the whole next day on edge. Embry was on my thoughts much, much more than he had any right to be. I'd known the guy for two days and already he had me tied up in knots.
I played around with my college options for a while, but money issues were weighing on me. Mom certainly wasn't going to help me pay for college and Dad… well, I'd already asked so much of him and he hardly knew me. How could I ask for more?
It was time to find a job.
Besides, a job hunt would help keep my mind off of a certain boy with a wicked grin and a penchant for trouble.
How could someone like that also be so sweet?
Three restaurants, two fast food joints, and a retail shop later, I felt accomplished- and exhausted. I was already immersed in plans for a relaxing bath and book when the bus arrived at my stop. I was so caught up in my daydreams that I completely didn't notice Lydia until she waved her hand in front of my face, repeating my name.
"Wha-? Oh! Lydia. Hi," I stammered. She'd learn soon enough that this sort of thing was common for me.
"I was worried for a minute there. I just saw you and thought it might be a good idea for you to join me and a couple of pals for a girl's night out."
I did my best to hide my shock, but I was nearly positive I didn't succeed. Props to Lydia for keeping a straight face. A part of me, one that was embarrassingly big, told me to refuse the offer. You don't know this girl, it told me, let alone her friends.
But I was working on becoming a different, better Remy. One who was impulsive and fun. I could read any night. An offer like this, though… it was a first for me. "Absolutely," I heard myself saying. "What's on the agenda?"
Lydia's face lit up, like she really had wanted me to come. "We're going to the movies, then to a dance club."
My heart sank. "That's not really my scene," I confessed.
"It's not at all what you're thinking. No alcohol, no smoking. Just loud music and dancing. Please don't back out. It'll be a blast, I promise."
"Well…" Lydia gave me an encouraging smile and again my mouth formed words without my permission. "Alright. Why don't you help me pick out an outfit?"
"Great! And then we'll swing by my place so I can change and meet up with the girls." Thank goodness I wouldn't have to figure out what to wear on my own. I was clueless when it came to this sort of thing.
It turned out "helping me pick out an outfit" was girl-speak for "giving me a makeover." She even convinced me to wear makeup. She put curls in my hair, for goodness' sake!
When she dragged me over to my mirror, I almost didn't recognize myself. I looked like the type of girl I'd spent my entire life struggling not to envy- I looked like someone who would be friends with the self-assured, lovely Lydia.
A part of me that I wasn't proud of glowed.
In the car, Lydia glanced over at me and grinned. "Where'd you get that necklace?" she asked in a too-innocent tone.
I looked down. "Oh, this? It was a birthday present from Embry."
One of her brows lifted. I'd always longed to be able to do that. "It's beautiful," was all she said.
I lifted my hand and touched the smooth pendant, warmed from my own body heat. "It really is."
"This is Kim," Lydia said, gesturing to a kind-looking girl, "and Emily," she indicated, nodding towards the second girl in front of me, who was striking as much because of her beauty as the scarring on her face. To my relief, both of them grinned at me warmly and didn't seem to mind that I was here.
The movie was great, and I was glad we'd started off this way. It gave us something to talk about in the car ride to the club, where conversation was nearly impossible because of the music that was blasting so loud, the pictures on the walls were vibrating.
I felt so out of place.
But then Lydia and Kim linked their arms with mine and we followed Emily to the middle of the dance floor. I got so caught up in the fun of it all that I forgot to be nervous.
It had to be Lydia, I thought. She was goofing off, making up terrible dances- Toast the Bread, The Electric Eel, and the Apple Juicer being three of her better ideas. It was hard to feel self conscious around her.
No wonder Paul adored her.
And of course thoughts of Paul led to thoughts of Embry… What was he doing now? Was he thinking of me? If only.
By the time we left the club, we all were exhausted. I sat in the back seat with Kim and the two of us fought good-naturedly for room to sprawl out.
Emily, who was driving, blasted music to keep herself awake. Dancing takes a lot out of a girl, and we'd been there for hours.
Still, I managed to stay awake for the drive to Emily's house. She got out and said goodbye while Lydia climbed into the driver's seat. We all waved until Emily shut the front door behind her.
Lydia turned and looked at me and Kim with a question in her eyes. "Why don't you both just spend the night at my house? That way we can all get some sleep sooner."
I nodded sleepily and Kim grunted her assent.
During the short drive, I called my house and left a message for Dad telling him I was spending the night at a friend's house. I might be eighteen, but he would still worry about me if I never came home from my outing with no explanation.
When we reached her house, I curled up on her couch and was asleep in what had to be record time.
I woke up to the delicious scent of pancakes. When I looked around, I was disoriented at first and almost panicked when I couldn't figure out where I was before I remembered last night.
Pathetic as it might sound, it was hands-down the best night of my life so far. Just like the best day had been the one I spent cliff diving with Embry.
Washington seemed to be a good place for me.
There was groaning on the floor and I looked down. It was Kim. "Rise and shine, sleepies," Lydia called from another room.
I stood and straightened my clothes before following the sound of her voice into the kitchen. She was standing there flipping pancakes and chatting with some guy who looked like he was around my age, maybe a little older. They both looked in my direction.
"Remy! Finally. This is my brother Chris," Lydia said, gesturing toward the guy. "Chris, this is my friend Remy." The fake smile I'd plastered on my face melted into a real one. She'd called me a friend.
"Nice to meet you," I said, not quite meeting his eye. I suddenly wished I'd looked in a mirror before coming in here. Goodness only knew what I looked like.
"The pleasure," he said with a small smile, "is all mine." Cue fainting spell.
Lydia shot him a disapproving glare and he shrugged. She set plates of food on the table and said, "Dig in." Chris obviously took that literally. He barely spared the time to scoop pancakes and French toast onto his plate before shoveling it into his mouth.
Meanwhile, I gawked at the amount of food on the table. "What, are you planning on feeding an army?"
She laughed. "No. But Paul's coming by soon and that boy has a huge appetite. One of these days he'll end up eating the table if he's not careful."
I started eating faster. "I should probably get going before he gets here."
Lydia hit my arm. "Nonsense. We're all friends. Besides, I told him to bring Embry by, and Jared's coming to pick up Kim. It'll be fun." I felt my cheeks flush. Embry? Against my will, my hand flew up to my hair, trying to smooth it.
Lydia laughed. "Stop being ridiculous. Tons of girls spend hours trying to get that tousled look. Besides, he's not going to care what you look like."
That was easy for her to say. "What, are they dating?" Chris asked.
"In a manner of speaking," Lydia said just as I opened my mouth to deny it. "And now I'd better go wake up Kim. She'll want to eat before the boys come and there's nothing left but crumbs."
"Those friends of hers," Chris grumbled. "You'd think Lydia's exaggerating, but they're like animals when it comes to their food." I met his eyes for the first time and gave him a hesitant smile. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to that, but it would be rude to completely ignore him.
Just then I heard the front door open and I craned my neck to look around the corner. My heart was beating furiously and I almost laughed at myself. I was being ridiculous. Still, I couldn't help being bitterly disappointed when I saw that it wasn't Embry who'd arrived but a boy I didn't recognize. Jared, maybe?
Yup. Definitely Jared. Kim ran over to him and hugged him tightly. I turned back around and pushed my food around my plate. I was so caught up in my illogical misery that I didn't hear the door open again. Suddenly, though, someone was tapping on my shoulder.
I jumped and nearly sent my fork clattering to the floor, but I managed to catch it. I heard laughter behind me and beamed. I recognized that voice. I turned and stared up at Embry.
"You seem even taller when I'm sitting," I said without thinking, then blushed. Of course he did. What a stupid thing to say. But he just chuckled and took the seat next to me, helping himself to a stack of pancakes.
"Did you have a good night?" he asked, looking up and meeting my eyes and somehow still scooping up food from his plate at the same time.
It took me a minute to collect my thoughts. I felt like I could drown in his gaze. "Yeah, I did. I didn't know dancing could be so fun."
"Dancing? Ah. That explains the hair." He reached out and tweaked one of my loose curls. "I like it."
"Thanks," I mumbled. I took another bite and chewed very, very slowly, to keep myself from saying anything stupid again. But he seemed content to sit there in silence. Chris got up and dumped his dishes in the sink before walking out. "How was your day?" I finally asked.
"It was good. I missed you."
Missed me? He hardly knew me. But I heard myself saying, "I missed you too." He seemed pleased. Just then, everyone else entered the kitchen and suddenly, it was full of conversation and laughter. Embry scooted his chair right against mine to make room for everyone. I couldn't say I minded.
How long had they all known each other, I wondered. I felt kind of like a misfit. They were all so, so kind to me, but there was obviously a strong bond between all of these people.
Oh, how I'd longed for that sort of friendship for all of my life. I'd convinced myself a long time ago that it simply didn't exist except for in movies. Turns out I was wrong.
Breakfast was great, but after everyone had finished and the heaps of food we'd started out with had been demolished, nerves sank in. I was going to have to leave soon, and then when would I see these people again? I desperately wished I could be friends with them. They were so accepting, so kind. "Do you do girl's nights often?" I asked Kim.
"Only every week," she answered happily.
"How exhausting," I said, thinking about how much just one night had taken out of me.
"Next time, I was thinking we could hit this little café I found. Friday night is poetry night," Lydia put in. "It'll be something different. What do you think, Remy?"
I froze. I was being included again! "I think that sounds great." I glanced over to Embry and saw that he was grinning. It was like he was as pleased that I was being included as I was.
A little while later, Embry stood and said, "I'm going to get going." My heart sank and I did my best not to let it show. But then he held out a hand to me and said, "Coming, Remy?"
I took it and stood with him, calling goodbyes to everyone and a thanks to Lydia as he pulled me out the door. "Finally, I've got you to myself," he said. I didn't know what to say to that, but my heart flipped uncomfortably.
"Anything in particular you want to do?" he asked as we got into his car.
"Actually, I probably should get home and take care of Archie," I said reluctantly. "I don't know if my dad remembered to let him out enough. And he's got to be dying for a walk."
"So you really like dogs?" he asked with a trace of humor in his voice. What was so funny about that?
"Yeah. I've always wanted a puppy. Wait until you meet him. He's the most precious thing in the world."
"I think I'll have to disagree there," he muttered, so quietly I wasn't sure I was meant to have heard it.
I opened my front door and slipped in, grabbing hold of Archie's collar before I gestured to Embry that it was okay to come in. He took one look at the trembling pile of pooch and smiled a heartbreaking grin.
"You're right. He's great. And he adores you." I smiled at him, pleased by this. I'd never had someone adore me before.
Embry and I spent the rest of the day walking around, simply getting to know each other. I told him things no one else had ever known about me, and he listened without judgment. Being with him was unlike anything I'd ever known.
Embry had bought me lunch, and later insisted on taking me somewhere for dinner. I wasn't used to restaurants, but something about him put me at ease. I felt like I could do anything, go anywhere, be anyone, if he was by my side.
Afterwards, we went to the beach and watched the sunset. It was hokey, sure, but it seemed like the perfect end to a wonderful day. It was chilly, though, and he wrapped his arms around me. "You're so warm," I said sleepily, leaning my head back against his chest. I'd accepted this days ago as natural for him.
"It's because I'm a werewolf," he said, then froze like he hadn't meant to say it.
I froze too. "What was that?"
"I think you heard me," he said quietly, and cursed. I wriggled out of his arms and turned around to look at him. He looked stressed and nervous.
"There's no such thing," I said, as much to myself as to him.
"Actually, there is." I put my hand on the necklace he'd given me for comfort- that was quickly becoming a habit of mine. And then I realized that it was a wolf.
"You're serious," I said.
"Yeah, I am."
"Well, that… changes things." I wanted so desperately to be able to trust him. He was quickly becoming an important person in my life. But this was a leap of imagination I was struggling to make. Embry studied my face for a long moment, then got up and sprinted away. I watched his figure fade into the distance helplessly.
Where was he going? Was I supposed to find my own way home? Was he coming back?
I put my head on my knees and did my best not to think, concentrating on my breathing instead. I was just barely starting to feel a little normal again when I felt something cold and wet nudging me.
My head snapped up and I was faced with what could only be called a wolf, though it was like no wolf I'd ever known. It was several times larger, and… well, it wasn't attacking me.
Yet.
I stared up at it with panicked eyes and it backed away slowly, then plopped its bum onto the sand. "Good boy," I said faintly. It grunted and somehow looked… exasperated. He leaned his head forward and nudged my hand again.
"Oh, I'm an idiot," I groaned. "But you're not… you can't be… Embry?" I looked on the wolf with new eyes. I'd been beginning to think that conversation had just been a dream. But here he was. The wolf nodded and watched me with what looked like a calm expression, except his tail was beating the ground frantically.
I put my head down again and heard his footsteps running away from me. That was just as well. It was easier to hold a conversation with someone who can speak English. I twisted at my hair while I waited for him to come back, tugging so hard that it hurt. At least the pain kept me here in the present and reminded me that this was no dream.
What had I stumbled into when I came to Washington?
"Hey," Embry said, coming back and sitting several feet away from me, like he was afraid of how I'd react to him. The strangest thing happened, though. Where usually, I felt odd when someone was too close to me, I was getting that feeling because he was too far away. That was so backwards.
And another backwards thing? I should have been terrified. But all I was feeling was shock and curiosity.
"I'm sorry," Embry said. He wouldn't meet my gaze and was looking wretched. "It's too soon. I know that. I just… I wanted so badly for you to know. I just sort of said it."
I scooted closer to him and cautiously leaned my head against his shoulder. His arms, even more tentative, wrapped around me. I sighed happily. This felt nice. Really nice. I could stay here for days, I thought, and be happy.
"Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Why would I be?" I asked as though the idea had never occurred to me. Maybe I was playing down the enormity of what he'd told me, but that was as much for my own good as his. Besides, it wasn't like he'd ever given me any real reason to fear him. He'd always been a perfect gentleman.
His arms tightened. "I thought you'd run screaming. Thank you," he said seriously. On an impulse I turned my head and reached to kiss his cheek. "Thank you," he said again.
In the morning, I leashed Archie and we walked to Lydia's house. I didn't have Embry's number, but she did. And I had to speak to him.
Lydia's brother, Chris, opened the door and smiled widely at me. "I was wondering when you would be back," he said.
I was still struggling to find some reply to that when Lydia came up behind him and swatted him out of the way. "Shoo! She's taken."
I gave her a blank stare. "I am?"
"Well, close enough." She had the grace to look mildly embarrassed.
We stood there and she looked at me as if she was waiting for something. "Oh, right! Embry. I need to talk to Embry. Can you get his phone number for me?" Lydia smiled slyly and stepped out of the house, shutting the front door behind her.
"What's this about?" I touched my pendant and bit my lip.
"Do you know about…" How to put this? "Have you ever noticed… wolves… running around here?"
Lydia grinned. "He told you about the pack? Wow. That didn't take him long."
"Pack? There are more of them?"
She snorted. "I reacted the same way. Yeah. Ever wondered why they're all so tall, so close?"
Duh, Remy, I thought to myself. "So Paul…?"
"Yeah. How are you feeling about all of this? I know it's a lot to take in. I remember that the hardest thing to come to terms with was the imprint. Trust me, it'll all seem normal soon."
"Imprint?" I asked. She'd lost me. "What are you talking about?" Lydia visibly paled.
"Oh! Erm… nothing. Don't worry about it." Right. Like saying that wouldn't have the opposite effect. "Embry!" she called before I could question her further. "Get out here!"
He was here? Pas the confusion, I could feel excitement. The front door opened and he was there, smiling down at me. he was almost, but not quite, able to hide his nerves.
"Why don't we go for a walk?" he asked, eyeing Archie. I nodded and waved goodbye to Lydia.
Embry took my hand and I didn't pull away. I liked the way it felt in mine, big and strong. Comfortable and comforting. We walked all the way down the street and most of the way down another before either of us said a word.
"What's imprinting?" I finally asked while we paused so Archie could bark at a squirrel that was scurrying up a tree.
"Where did you hear about that?" Embry asked.
"Lydia. She thought I already knew about it and it sounded like it was related to… what you told me yesterday." I rushed out an explanation, hoping dearly that I hadn't just gotten Lydia in trouble.
"I see." Embry had a brooding look on his face and didn't seem inclined to say more on the subject.
"Alright," I said cautiously, "then could you answer some other questions of mine? That's why I was looking to speak with you in the first place." He nodded, so I continued, "How did you become a werewolf?"
Embry smiled. Apparently this question wasn't off-limits. "It's a gene we developed to protect the tribe from vampires."
"Hold up. They exist too?"
"Yeah. And trust me, you don't want to cross one. There is a coven nearby that's supposedly harmless, but… I don't trust them nearly as far as I could throw them."
"Oh. Should I be afraid?" I asked somewhat faintly.
He took one look at my expression and grinned. I could see amusement twinkling in his eyes. I was so glad he found this entertaining. "Not while I'm around." This was said with complete sincerity. "I'll die before I let anything hurt you."
I could hear my heart thudding. We both stopped walking, staring at each other.
I broke the long silence by asking one of the many questions I'd woken up with. "So you're not dangerous, then?"
"I try not to be," Embry answered. I could see what this honesty cost him. He was watching me like he expected me to run away at any moment, just as he had yesterday. "But if I get angry enough, I lose control sometimes."
"Have you ever killed anyone?" My voice was more than a little unsteady. He looked like I'd slapped him.
"Never."
"I'm sorry. I should never have thought-"
"No," he snapped. "I'm shocked you didn't ask sooner." His voice was biting, bitter.
I halted to a stop, tugging on the hand that was still linked with mine. He reluctantly turned to face me. I raised a quivering hand to his smooth cheek and repeated, "I'm sorry. You're the kindest boy I've ever known."
He smiled and it was like the sun coming out. For the rest of our walk, we talked about easier, safer things.
The next day, I got a phone call from one of the restaurants I'd applied at. I was hired. I did a celebratory dance, because I refused to look at this as a bad thing, and went out shopping. I spent my last fifty dollars on work shoes.
But that was okay, because I was going to be making money soon. Hopefully it would be quite a lot. Especially considering the embarrassingly revealing uniform they expected me to wear: a lacey black bustier, a scrap of cloth that pretended to be a skirt, and ridiculously high heels.
But at least I had a good figure. That had to be worth extra tips. It felt unclean, thinking that way, but what else could a girl do? It was a job and I needed money.
Still, I was always careful to leave the house with a long coat on, to keep Dad from seeing what I'd been reduced to.
I started training, and after three days they had me working insanely long shifts six days per week. It was exhausting, but I didn't mind. What bothered me about my schedule was that I hadn't seen Embry since the day after I'd learned what he was. He called me every single day, but half of the time he caught my answering machine and simply left several long messages.
I missed him, more than I'd care to admit.
Luckily, after my first six-day week, Embry was available on my first day off. I didn't feel like leaving the house, so he came over and brought with him a stack of scary movies and several boxes of microwave popcorn.
When he knocked on the door, I raced to answer it and threw myself into his arms, making him drop his bags full of movies and popcorn. I didn't think either of us minded. I felt his lips brush against my hair and I thoughtlessly lifted my face so that our lips met.
If I'd been thinking, I might have been nervous. As it was, there would have been no reason for nerves. He made a surprised noise and kissed back hungrily.
For the first time, I believed there was an animal inside him.
When we finally drew apart, both of us were not a little breathless and I had a feeling my lips would be bruised. It was worth it.
"How's that for a hello," I whispered breathlessly and laughed. "Now I'm really glad Dad's never home." I opened the door wider to let him in and we headed to the couch. I set up the first movie, not bothering to look at the title since I knew it would be something I'd never heard of anyway.
"I've never seen a horror film before," I said conversationally. He gave me an exaggerated look of shock.
"I didn't even know that was possible." I laughed sarcastically and he beamed up at me. My stomach flipped. It seemed like it was always doing that around him.
I sat on the couch, next to him but not as close as I'd like to be. I didn't know how he would respond to me leaning against him like I had at the beach, though I desperately wanted to be touching him in some way, even if it was the smallest contact.
"What are you doing over there? You might as well be miles away," he complained, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and yanking me closer. So I snuggled against him and watched the movie.
It turns out, it was for my own good that he was there. I had no stomach for horror films and more than once, I had to hide my face against his chest until he told me it was alright to look again. It would have been embarrassing, but Embry kept making lighthearted jokes about it, which somehow made me more comfortable. Besides, it gave me an excuse to be closer to him.
I would have been lying if I said I wasn't getting pretty tied up over him.
I fell asleep during the fourth movie. When I woke up, morning light shone through the curtains and I was settled cozily against a very warm Embry. I looked up at him, surprised, and saw that he was already up.
"Good morning," he said with a faint smile.
"What are you doing here?" I asked without thinking, then shook my head. "That came out wrong."
"You were looking so peaceful… I didn't want to wake you." I sighed happily and leaned back against him.
Thank goodness, I thought, Dad was out of town for the next couple of days. Eighteen I might be, but he was still my father, and he'd learned all of his parenting skills from sitcoms. Overprotective was an understatement with him.
But then I remembered that I had an early shift at work and bolted upright. "What is it?" Embry asked.
"Work," I groaned, looking up at the clock that was hanging next to the television. If I hurried, I wouldn't be late. I sprinted upstairs and slammed my door shut. I changed into my lousy excuse for a uniform in record time.
I was more than a little breathless as I dashed back downstairs. I rummaged through the coat closet in the front hall, looking for the one I usually used to cover myself before and after the shift.
I didn't even hear Embry come up behind me. "What are you doing?" he demanded. I turned around and couldn't think of what to say. His eyes were glowing with rage and he was so angry that his whole body shook.
I'd never seen such anger in my life. I took an automatic step back as I remembered what he'd told me weeks ago- he lost control and became a wolf if he got too mad. Something told me that that would be a very bad thing right now.
I thought about the scars on Emily's face. I'd never asked, but things slid into place just then. Claw marks, they might have been. I'd met Sam, and the rest of the pack, as well. Not one of them would have ever attacked her… intentionally.
I took another step back and put up a cautioning hand, as if that would help anything if he changed now.
"Embry, calm down. You have to breathe." The trembling continued. I blurted, not a little desperately, "Think about Emily! You said you'd never let me get hurt. Prove it!"
Embry jolted and screwed his eyes shut. His muscles strained, too, as he struggled to regain control. I didn't so much as breathe.
I couldn't remember ever having been more afraid in my life.
When Embry finally opened his eyes, they were clear, though his rigid posture told me he was still angry. He stepped towards me, looking ashamed of himself. "I'm so, so sorry, Remy."
I flew to his side and flung my arms around him, burying my head against his chest. He might have been the source of my fear, but now that the threat was over, it didn't stop me from turning to him for comfort. He'd quickly become the most important person in my life. I relied on him more than was probably healthy.
"I know. Just as I know you couldn't help it. No harm, no foul, right?"
But he wasn't letting himself off so easily. "Remy, if I'd hurt you… I don't know how I could have lived with myself."
"Then it's a good thing you didn't," I said briskly, pulling away from him. "Now, could you drive me to work? If I have to take the bus now, I'll be late for sure."
"You're not going anywhere dressed like that," he said tightly.
"Oh, yes I am. I have to earn money somehow." I headed for the door, coat forgotten, but he blocked my path. "You can't stop me."
"Watch me."
"Embry, why does it matter to you? You have no right-" He cut me off with a heated kiss.
"Sure I do," he said smugly, pulling away. I took a few seconds to gather my scattered thoughts.
"How do you figure?" I demanded. Embry looked uncomfortable.
"Be my girlfriend?" he asked. I snapped my mouth shut. Where had that come from?
"Alright." I was at a loss for words, and he smiled that wide grin of his.
"Now I have the right. I don't want my girlfriend going around dressed that way."
Oh. That's where it came from. I was a fool for not seeing it sooner.
I growled, frustrated, and snapped, "It's just clothes. If I was a lifeguard, I would be showing even more. Would it bother you then?"
Embry's brows furrowed and he was angry again. "What? No. but that's different," he spluttered.
"No, it's not. Money's money, and it's not like I'm stripping or whoring myself out. That you could object to and I would understand. Do you think I want to wear this? No. But this is what life's handed me, and I'm taking it." I pushed past him and started walking down the street towards the bus stop.
I heard Embry's car door open and shut, then the engine revved.
Good riddance, I thought disgustedly. Too bad I could see that the anger I felt was a poor cover for the hurt and shame.
The car pulled up next to me. Embry rolled down the window and said, "Get in." I kept walking and refused to look at him.
His car crept beside me. "I'm sorry, Remy! Please, let me drive you? It's my fault you're running late."
I took a dozen more angry steps then gave in. He had a point. As I pulled the passenger door shut behind me, I glanced at him and smiled softly. "Won't this make a lovely story? We started dating in the middle of our first fight." He barked out a laugh and I joined in, relieved that the tension between us was gone.
Life, after that, was good. It was easy. Weekly girl's nights with Lydia, Kim, and Emily- I started requesting those nights off- spending just about all of my free time with Embry, taking care of Archie, and eating most of my meals with my dad kept me busy.
Five weeks after I'd moved here, I already had my pattern and a group of people I was now comfortable calling friends. I felt more at home in Washington than I ever had with my mother.
When I got home from work one day, my whole life changed. The front door was hanging on one hinge and there was a cold, empty feel to the air.
I pulled out my phone and dialed 9-1-1, keeping my finger on the 'call' button, but not yet keeping it through. I had to know what I was dealing with first.
Maybe that was stupid, but knowing that it was didn't stop me from creeping toward the front door.
I was only halfway across the lawn then a wolf I recognized as Embry came hurdling to a stop in front of me.
"What's going on?" I asked him, not caring that my voice shook. I buried a hand in his fur for comfort. Of course, he didn't respond.
Still, he stepped in my way as I maneuvered around him, shaking his head furiously.
I looked around, searching for any sign that could tell e what was happening, but there was nothing, except… my father's car in the driveway.
Without consciously deciding to, suddenly I was sprinting into the house.
There was a metallic smell in the air that only added to my panic. I clomped up the stairs, taking them three at a time when I saw that the lower level of the house was clear. There were drops of blood trailing down the hallway.
Less eager now to see what was waiting in the room the blood led to- my father's room- I slowed and took a deep breath.
I heard footsteps pounding toward me and cowered against the wall. My hands were trembling so badly, my phone clattered to the floor.
Embry appeared at the top of the steps, in human form, and I threw myself into his arms. His lips brushed against my hair, but I didn't feel the normal comfort he brought. "I'm sorry, so sorry," he kept saying.
"Is it safe?" I asked, hating how weak I sounded.
"Yes. But you should come back downstairs with me. I've already called the cops. They should be here soon."
He let go of me, only to put an arm around my shoulders and start guiding me back toward the staircase.
"Dad," I said, refusing to budge. "Is he okay?"
"I'm sorry," Embry said again. I yanked myself away from him.
"What happened?" I demanded.
"A vampire followed my scent here. She was angry with me, seeking revenge. I'm sorry."
Before he could react, I spun around and ran down the hall, stopping at Dad's doorway.
I should have let Embry take me away from this. In the three seconds I stood frozen in the doorway, the scene burned itself permanently into my memory.
Embry picked me up, bridal style, and I buried my head against his chest, locking my arms tightly around his neck. I didn't intend to let go any time soon.
Though I screwed my eyes shut, I could still see the room.
There was a pool of blood with most of a leg in it. Blood splattered on the walls like paint. Unidentifiable pieces of insides strewn about with abandon. What was left of my father, crumpled in a boneless heap on the ground.
Whoever had done this had reveled in it. It was the stuff of nightmares.
By the time the initial shock wore off and I once again was aware of my surroundings, the cops had long since arrived. Embry sat talking with one in the living room, with me still cradled on his lap.
"I came over to see Remy like I usually do when she's getting home from work and found the door like that," he was saying, gesturing towards the front door. "I went into the house. I had to make sure she was okay. It was empty, except for… I called 9-1-1. Then she got home." It was a tidy way of explaining things, I thought, glad Embry had spoken with the cops before I did. I would hardly have known where to begin, having to leave out the supernatural.
"Is that what happened, miss?" I nodded woodenly.
After the cops told us we were allowed to go, Embry took me straight to Sam's house. Everyone was gathered there already, waiting for us.
Lydia rushed out of the door as soon as we pulled into the driveway. "Remy! I'm so sorry about your dad." She opened the car door for me and the instant I was standing, threw her arms around me. Kim came out, too, and joined the hug.
I was touched, but I was having trouble processing anything just then. It was like something in me had put up a defensive wall around my heart and had frozen my brain.
Good thing, too. I didn't know how to handle grief. No one I'd ever cared about had died. What can be done against this crushing weight that was pressing on my chest? These hands gripping at my heart and mercilessly twisting?
Maybe that shield wasn't working so well, after all.
We went inside and I curled up against Embry on the couch. Something about his arms locked around me, his eyes watching me, trying to see my heart, absorbing it, even, kept me grounded.
The rest of our friends sat around us. "What happened?" I asked, unable to stop myself.
Though my voice was quiet, I knew they'd all heard me. It was like everyone held their breath for a moment. No one was willing to speak. "Embry?" I asked.
Embry opened his mouth, shut it. Sam gave him a kind look and jumped in. "The sucker, we've been trying to chase it out of town for about a week now. Embry nearly caught it yesterday. It came after him. He spends so much time at your house… it's not surprising that it ended up there. We're just lucky that you're okay."
"My dad isn't," I reminded him. Silence fell again.
In the days before I was allowed back home, I stayed with Lydia. Emily and Sam would have welcomed me, but they were newly married and I didn't want to intrude on that. And Embry… well, I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I knew he wouldn't, but a little caution never hurt anyone.
Archie was missing. He'd run away when the door was left open, and no one had seen him since. I went to the house every day, setting out a bowl of dog food on the sidewalk in front of it, just in case he came back. I couldn't have him starve.
I cleaned every inch of Lydia's house in those three days. It was a good way to cope, cleaning. Something to keep busy. Embry followed me around most of the time, and even had to take away my scrubby brush once to get my attention. I felt bad, but he was worrying far too much.
Couldn't he see that I was fine? That I was handling it? That I'd strengthened my defenses against the hurt? I only cried when I woke up now. It was getting easier.
Still, busy hands didn't keep thoughts from flowing freely. I didn't know my dad very well. That tormented me. Now I never would. I'd started getting to know him in the month and a half that had passed since I'd come to live with him, but not very well. Most of my time had been spent working, or with Embry. I'd only seen Dad when our paths crossed or when we ate dinner.
I thought of a million questions I should have asked him, but never had. How did he and Mom meet? What were his parents like? What did he dream of? Was he happy with his life? Did he fear death?
And then there was the guilt that weighed on me every moment of the day. If I'd never come here, if I'd never met Embry, Dad would still be alive. And I felt even guiltier because I couldn't regret it. I felt like a terrible person because I realized that, if I could go back, I would still have moved in, I would still have chosen Embry. What kind of daughter was I?
And another personal torment was wondering, what would I give up for more time with him? A year of my life? Five? And what about people? Would I give up having met Lydia? And how much money was it worth to me?
No matter how I answered those questions, it always seemed wrong.
Still, the sadness of it I was managing. Dad wouldn't want me sad, I told myself. That helped, if only marginally.
Lawyers contacted me. Dad had left everything he owned to me. That had brought on a whole new round of tears, because I was glad that he had enough money saved up to pay for at least four years of college. And then I felt guilty for being glad. And so on, and so on.
But through it all, Embry stayed by my side. I was so lucky I had him. He didn't seem to mind that I wasn't quite myself. He didn't grow tired of comforting me, or at least, not so that I could see.
Every night before I went to sleep, I thanked goodness he was there. Without him, I don't know how I would have come out of this.
I quit that awful job of mine. I wouldn't need the money for some time, and I refused to stay there if I didn't absolutely have to.
I moved back into the house. There was nothing else I could do. I was terrified to go back in there, but it was mine now and where else would I stay? Before I entered, Embry insisted that he go in first to clean up anything that was left over. He didn't want me to have to deal with it.
He came out not too much later and held my hand while I took one step, then two. A third and I had crossed the threshold. I took a deep breath. It didn't smell like home anymore.
I would just have to change that.
Forcing myself to think past what had happened, to look at this practically, I went back up the stairs. My room was the same as I'd left it. Books stacked haphazardly on the dresser, a pile of clothes in the closet, the window half open. It was a shock to the system, to see it looking so… lived in. Normal.
To distract me, I think, Embry kept up a casual conversation. It was somewhat one-sided, until he asked me where I was going to college next month.
"I was going to attend the University of Florida."
"That's too far," Embry said. He stepped in front of me and suddenly had a desperate look to his eye. "I'll never see you if you move to Florida." My stomach lurched.
"You didn't think we'd last forever, did you?" I asked reluctantly. Reluctantly because I was starting to hope we could. But I had to be practical about it. We were young. It would be stupid not to go to a certain college just because your boyfriend lives thousands of miles away from it. Or so I told myself. I used to think sarcastic comments about people who did things like that. I couldn't turn into one of them.
Embry turned around and walked to the window, hiding his expression. I felt bad, but I didn't apologize. Saying sorry for being honest was something I tried not to do. "I don't want to give you even more to deal with. That's the last thing I want. I wasn't planning on bringing this up for a while yet. But… if it keeps you here… I think I'd better tell you what an imprint is."
I gaped at his back. For a minute, I was stupefied. Imprint? But then I remembered Lydia's slip-up, and that Embry had gone strangely quiet when I asked what one was. "Go on," I said cautiously.
"Imprinting is… well, it's this thing that sort of happens. You don't ask for it, but... That doesn't tell you anything." Poor Embry. He was flustered. If I wasn't so nervous about what he had to say, I would have been amused. Flustered and Embry didn't normally go together. "It's like you look at someone and you just know that they're it for you. The center of your world shifts so that they're the most important thing. That's an imprint. It's the way we find our… mates, I guess you could say."
I stared at him and he finally turned around, giving me a pleading look. "I don't suppose you're about to tell me you imprinted on me," I blurted. Embry just nodded.
"Oh," I said faintly. "So you…" My head spun. So he did think this would be a permanent thing, what was happening between us. "I don't know what to say to you."
"Say you won't go," he pleaded. "Say you'll go to school here in Washington. That's all I need to hear right now."
I plopped down onto my bed and peeled at the skin around my nails, refusing to meet his eye. This was a big decision. I didn't want to rush it, though my heart was shouting at me to just say it already. I must have taken too long, because Embry ran out of my room. I chased after him, but he was too quick for me.
After sitting, desolate and pathetic, on the floor for longer than I care to admit, I went online and looked into the nearest community college. It was still accepting students, because so few people had enrolled. I could do it.
And it would be cheaper, I reasoned. Besides, I wasn't being one of those silly girls who gave up great opportunities for a relationship that would probably not work out. Hadn't he just told me, indirectly, that I had forever with him?
Forever with Embry.
Instead of scaring me, it had me feeling better than I had in days. It was something, I thought, that I could get used to. Embry was someone I didn't want to live without. Couldn't live without?
With that revelation, I found myself enrolling online.
It was official. I was staying in Washington. Now to just tell Embry.
I sprinted down the stairs and threw open the front door, almost slamming it into Embry's face. Thank goodness for his quick, wolfy reflexes. "Embry! I was just coming to look for you."
"Took you long enough," he said. I noticed that he was leaning casually against the fencing that went around my front porch.
"You mean you just stood here and waited for me to come looking for you? You arrogant-"
"Woah, woah, steady," he cut me off. "I went for a run. You just have good timing. Still, it took you a spectacularly long time to come after me. Don't you care for me at all?" Though he meant that in a lighthearted way, I knew, it came out strained.
"I," I began, pausing for dramatic effect, "was enrolling in college here." I watched his expression melt from barely-masked anxiety to delight. He picked me up and spun me around in circles. I bat hat his head, laughing and telling him to put me down, but he didn't listen.
"I'm getting dizzy," I finally protested.
"Fine, fine. But wow! You're staying!" We looked at each other for a long moment, and he repeated, "You're staying." He leaned in to kiss me, but when we were a whisper apart, I heard excited yapping.
I ducked around Embry, running out into the yard. "Archie?"
He was there, barking happily and trying to run up my legs. I dropped to the ground and let him smother me with puppy kisses. "Archie!" I said again, laughing and crying and feeling happier than I had in my life.
I was staying with Embry. Archie was back. My financial worries were gone. So was Dad, but… well, he would want me to be happy. Every day I believed that more.
Embry knelt on the ground next to me and I grinned at him. "He's back," Embry said. I didn't bother pointing out that I already knew it. I was too busy petting Archie, cuddling him, cooing.
I'd missed the little bugger something fierce. Besides, he was a link to my dad. A personal one. He'd remembered, all these years, that I wanted a dog. That made Archie so, so much more precious.
After a time, I carried Archie back into the house and Embry followed. I didn't want to give Archie a chance to run away again. Besides, he was in desperate need of a bath. Wherever he'd been staying these past few days, it hadn't been very clean.
Later that night, I could tell that both Embry and I were stalling. I didn't want him to leave yet, and he didn't want to leave me. Honestly, I was afraid. It was getting easier, being in the house, but I didn't know if I could handle being alone in it yet. Every time I looked at the clock and saw that it was getting late, then later, my heart started racing and my palms started sweating. Without Embry, what was to stop the vampire from coming back?
Finally, I reached the point where I knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer. It was past two in the morning, and I was dead on my feet. Embry and I were cuddled up on the couch, watching bad late-night television. "Stay," I said groggily.
"I'm glad you want me to, because otherwise I was going to be spending the night on your porch. I'm not leaving you here alone." He was so perfect… it was no wonder I was in love with him.
Love? Wasn't it too soon?
I struggled to wrap my mind around it for a few moments before I relaxed again. Some people simply fall in love, I thought, and some… well, they plummeted, hard and fast. "I love you," I whispered as I drifted to sleep.
When I woke up in the morning, I was lying alone in my own bed with the covers tucked in up to my chin. I heard clanging downstairs, then a series of extremely creative curses.
Embry was still here. I grinned and dashed out of my room, sparing only a minute to brush my teeth before heading downstairs. He was there, making eggs and what looked like they were supposed to be waffles.
"My boyfriend, the master chef," I said, grinning. He blushed and didn't say anything. That wasn't like him. "Looks good," I lied. Now he did laugh. I almost let out a sigh of relief.
I knew why he was probably acting strange. He was freaked out about what I'd said last night. He didn't love me. And maybe he hadn't actually wanted to stay here with me. Maybe he was sick of protecting me.
I shook my head, trying to snap myself out of it. His strange mood was putting me in a worse one. Even if I didn't have faith in Embry and what was between us, there was the imprint to think about. Of course he cared, of course he didn't mind. Or so I told myself. But easier said than believed.
"Remy, I think we need to talk." I plopped down onto one of the chairs. I didn't want to embarrass myself by having my knees give out. This… it didn't sound good.
"What about?" I asked. My voice trembled a bit and I mentally yelled at myself. Way to play it cool. I lifted my hand to the wolf pendant I always wore for comfort. For once, though, it felt cold.
"I keep telling myself not to go here yet, not to push you. I know you're still recovering. But I don't think I can do this anymore." I think, in that instant, my heart stopped beating. I froze up, doing my best not to let my expression show the… anguish, the panic. He couldn't be leaving me. What would I do without him? I didn't know, but I had a feeling it would involve a lot of therapy.
It took all of the strength I had to keep sitting there, waiting for him to say the words that would effectively ruin the life I was trying to build. But they never came. The next moment, Embry was on both knees before me, forcing me to meet his gaze. I could drown in those eyes of his. He took both of my hands, but they, like my pendant, didn't bring their usual comfort.
Embry looked… worried. Like he really cared. That might have been the worst thing of all.
"Remy, I love you." I blinked once, twice. I was wrong? He wasn't leaving. He… loved me.
Looking back, I was a fool for not having confidence in him, in us. But I'd never seen anyone make a relationship work in the long-term. I'm not sure I even believed it was possible before Embry.
So when he continued with, "And I want you to marry me," it really threw me.
I stared at him, uncomprehending, for longer than was kind. Poor Embry had laid his heart out at my feet, and, in not responding, I was slowly but surely crushing it. But I was shocked. If anyone had asked me, even a month ago, if I thought I would wed, even years down the road, I would have said no. So I was very surprised when I heard, "Yes," coming out of my mouth. I clapped my hand over my lips and it was like the whole room was frozen.
"Yes," I said again, stronger. I laughed giddily and threw my arms around him. We sat there on the floor, not moving, not talking, for a timeless moment, just holding each other.
I remember thinking, 'so this is what the books were talking about. This is what people spend their whole lives yearning for.'
Looking into Embry's eyes, I could see the rest of my life. And it was going to be a good one.