Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry/ You don't know how lovely you are/ I had to find you, tell you I need you/ Tell you I set you apart
Nobody said it was easy/ Oh, it's such a shame for us to part/ Nobody said it was easy/ But it's such a shame it's so hard/ Oh, take me back to the start
The Scientist by Coldplay
Adalind shook her head violently as she drove her small silver car up to her apartment. No! This can't be happening! She thought. She was better than this. Being deceived by the Grimm was not in any of her plans.
Tears began to well up in her eyes blurring her vision as she turned down the last street to her apartment. Adalind bit her lip hard in an attempt to prevent them from spilling over.
Her head felt like it was about to explode with so many thoughts colliding in her brain at once. She had failed. The blood of the Grimm on her face was a reminder of that. Her mother, so upset with her failure was a hard image to get out of her head. Adalind was used the disapproval her mother would show her, but this time it had reached a whole new level.
And then there was Renard. Renard whom she had loved since the first days their eyes had met had dismissed her so coldly. Adalind bit down on her lip even harder at the thought of Renard. The metallic taste of her own blood engulfed her mouth. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to forget all the pain from the day.
Adalind pulled up to her house, but sat still and silent, entranced in her thoughts.
One thing would not seem to leave her mind. She was nothing now. The Grimm had taken everything from her. No longer a hexenbiest, and no longer receiving any respect from the man she so deeply loved, she was nothing. She no longer had any reason to live.
I am nothing. No one loves me or cares about me. I have nothing to live for. Adalind repeated over and over. The words tasted wrong but so true in coming out of her mouth. They scared her just a bit.
In a trance, Adalind stepped out of her car and walked up the pathway to her apartment. She knelt down and found her extra key hidden out of sight under her doormat. Each movement was robotic and Adalind felt numb. She fumbled with the key a little as she opened the door and entered the scene. The air felt cold and eerie, just a reminder of the horrendous events that took place that night, just a few hours ago. Adalind felt nauseous.
She stepped further into her home and quietly sat on the middle of her couch. The former hexenbiest could not shake one idea from her mind as she tied her hair back in a tight bun. Her normally luscious blond hair felt cold, scraggly, and wrong in her small hands.
What do I have to live for? The question continued to pester Adalind and control every movement and thought she had. She dug through the deepest and most personal parts of her brain until it felt bare, but still Adalind found no answer to her demanding inquisition.
Reality hit Adalind hard when she realized that there really was no reason for her to stay on this dreaded planet any longer. She felt lost and alone with no place for her to go, nothing for her to do.
This is it. Adalind thought to herself. A couple of tears managed to sneak from her eyes and slowly drip down her cheeks. They felt warm and sticky against her icy cheeks. Adalind wiped them away quickly. There is no point in crying, she reminded herself. I am already broken.
Lethargically, Adalind pulled out her pocket knife from her purse sitting on the table next to her. The glistening blade of the knife felt cold and sleek in her hand. Adalind slowly moved the knife up to her neck, and paused. Her hand shook violently, and she squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears away. In that moment, everything else around her seemed to be frozen, and her life moved slowly past her in her memories. The pictures were blurred in her head, but she could make out some of the important ones.
Getting dressed for the first day of preschool, her first woge as a hexenbiest, and her first kiss with the man of her dreams were just three of her many flashbacks. And then there were the memories of Renard, which seemed to move by much slower.
The two of them lying entangled in each other's arms on his bed, promising they'd spend the rest of their lives together. Watching fireworks every Fourth of July on her front porch. Renard holding her close on this very couch swearing he'd never let her go.
What happened to all those cherished memories? Adalind wondered. But it didn't matter now. What has to be done was about to be accomplished. It had to happen, there was no way around this.
Adalind wrapped her hand around the knife, gripping harder. She slowly pressed the knife closer and harder against her neck, not quite cutting. Soon the pain would all be gone. Soon it would all be over. Adalind reassured herself.
Just then, Renard's car screeched to a halt in her driveway. He suspected trouble, he had never seen Adalind look so sad and depressed earlier that night. He was afraid of how she might handle her emotions. Renard rushed the open apartment door and caught sight of Adalind on her couch, a knife in her trembling hand.
Adalind glanced at Sean as he entered, and her hand shook even harder. Her eyes burned with unwanted tears.
"ADALIND!" Renard called, as he stood in the door way, frozen.
"No!" she screeched. "Don't come any closer or I will cut!" Adalind had a fierce, determined look in her eyes. Renard stared at her and felt guilty. This was all his fault, he still had feelings for Adalind and he took them out on her in the wrong way. Renard stood, inanimate for just a moment and then spoke softly and mildly.
"Adalind," he begged. "Adalind, please don't." Sean closed his eyes and his heart rate sped up. He inched his way forward with every word he spoke. Adalind's eyes filled up with more tears threatening to spill out. She had to do this, she had no other choice. The pain was overwhelming and unbearable.
"Adalind," Renard spoke again, as he opened his eyes to look directly into hers. He took a deep breath and sighed. "I love you. I've always loved you. If that even matters anymore." Renard continued to inch towards her as her whole body started to tremble.
"Adalind, you can't do this. You have too much to live for. I couldn't bare the thought of living life without you. Your talented and beautiful and smart and cunning." Renard paused and looked at her. Adalind tried to push Sean out of her head but failed. Her love for him was inevitable.
Adalind's hand released the tight grip she had on the knife, and it fell to the wooden floor with a clunk. Renard rushed over to where she was sitting and wrapped his strong arms around her slender figure. She collapsed into him and began to sob. It felt good to finally let all of the emotion and pain of the day out. Sean cradled Adalind in his arms as she continued to cry into his shoulder.
"You're not going anywhere, not as long as I'm around." Adalind's body continued to shake. Renard rubbed small circles on her back in an attempt to calm her down.
"We're going to spend the rest of our lives together, I promise." He stated this as if it were an undeniable fact. Renard brushed the loose strands of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.
"I love you." He whispered in her ear.
"I love you too."