Total Eclipse of Adam's Heart

The Step That Changed Everything

It wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't mean to let it slip out. If I hadn't been so angry with him, if I had thought before I spoke. Well, I didn't, so I guess it doesn't matter now. He'll never speak to me again, that's for sure. That thought along upsets me more than it probably should… I wonder if there's something more here that I never considered before.

Earlier that evening

There was nothing unusual about this day. Clare and I got into a fight and hadn't spoken since lunch. Honestly, she was getting on the last of my nerves with all this goody-goody bullshit. I needed to cool off and to get her off my mind. It just so happened that Adam was coming up to the lunch table at the very moment I decided I wanted to hang out with him that afternoon.

"What happened?" He asked catching the look on my face and that Clare was sitting across the table staring at anything but me.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." I said loud enough for her to hear, not caring at this point that she shot me a dirty look.

Adam glanced at her, then back to me and started to talk rapidly so she couldn't say something to get us fighting again. "I figured as much. Oh well, I'm sure you'll patch things up in no time. Say, I got a new comic, you go to The Dot this afternoon & read over it?"

He took the words out of my mouth. "Sure, I got some new stuff too I wanted you to look at."

"Awesome." Was that total elation on his face or what I going nuts?

He sat down, & ate in silence, the air around me & Clare was always tense at lunch when we were fighting. I ignored her as best I could without getting up & leaving. When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch I didn't even say goodbye to her. I got up & walked to class with Adam rather than try to apologize for whatever I did wrong this time. I wasn't ready to do that. I didn't want to. I didn't feel sorry.

"You don't even remember why you were fighting do you?" He asked as we walked at a moderate pace heading towards his class rather than mine.

"Nope."

"Then why not apologize?"

"'Cause I don't know what I did. So, I don't know if it's something I'd apologize for this quickly." The look on his face was priceless.

We were nearing his classroom too fast, I didn't want to stop talking. For some reason, I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want the good time we were having to end, even if it was just discussing a fight. I didn't want to let him go. It was a weird feeling, one that I normally would have spent a long time thinking about, but I didn't.

"But you are going to apologize at some point right?" That was a question I hadn't thought about.

"Honestly, man… I don't know." His face fell & I wanted to wrap my arms around him & console him for some unknown reason.

We were at his classroom now & I faked a small smile. "Later."

Then, I walked away. I could feel him standing in the door way staring back at me. I could tell he was worried because he didn't say goodbye. I knew it hurt him to see me like this. I knew all of these things but no matter how I tried I couldn't shake the feeling of want him beside me. I walked into my own class with my head spinning full of these thoughts that wouldn't leave, not that I really wanted them to. I ignored the history lesson & was in my own head the entire hour.

When the bell rang, and the end of the day came around I was still not ready to see him again because I hadn't thought things through just yet. Still, I walked out to the parking lot, spinning the ring of my keys on my middle finger. He was there waiting for me by Morty. I plastered a smile on my face but the look that crossed his proved he wasn't buying the act. After we were comfortably listening to a new band that wasn't a part of my typical genre, Breathe Carolina, he asked.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I didn't look at him, I couldn't.

"You're lying, tell me. Is it about Clare?" How could he be so naïve?

"It isn't about Clare." I tried to sound reassuring. "I'm just tired."

We were nearing my house now & thought he still didn't believe me, he let the subject drop & changed to the music for conversation. Despite the band's poppy techno sound with a bit of scream thrown in I like them a lot. Currently the part we were listening to didn't help my issues.

I'll see it in you by the person you are in me (and you forever)

I'm simple like this, just simple as can be (it's me and you forever)

I said it before but I got to believe in me and you forever

I wanna see me in the person I am with you (and me forever)

"What is this?" He asked looking at me like I was on drugs.

"Breathe Carolina. Put Some Clothes On."

He laughed & my stomach flipped. "I like it."

After a bit more driving & a bit more discussing the band that was playing we got to the house. I didn't want to leave the car, I didn't want to leave out bubble of almost normal in a weird way. I knew I had to though, so I got out & before I could think to stop myself I opened his door for him, just like I would have for Clare. He looked a bit annoyed by it & just glared at me before heading up the stoop to the house.

And that's when things went terribly wrong.