My fingers slide quietly and gently under the window, prying it up just so I can squeeze through.
I hit the ground feet-first, my boots making a THUD against the ground. I cringe at the racket I'm making, and then brush myself off, scanning the nearby landscape for any movement. As soon as I'm sure it's all clear, I start into a full-out sprint towards the orchards.
My brown leather boots thud against the ground and I pull my olive green jacket tighter around me. Soon enough, I reach the third or fourth line of trees and press my back against one, heaving for breath. I sink to the ground and sit down, my back still to the tree's trunk. A few over-ripe apples sit on the ground next to me, and I scoot a few of them away.
This apple orchard- this small escape from the dreariness of everyday life, is what I call freedom. It's not much, but for now, it's all I can muster.
My breath catches up with me and I sit in the calm of the night. Crickets chirp and frogs croak, but other than that I'm alone.
Peace.
"Hello, gorgeous," I hear a voice that is too loud for this time at night say.
I quickly stand up, looking around me with my back still to the tree.
"Would you calm down?" The voice says again. The second time, I know who it is. "It's just me."
He appears. His pale skin and the moonlight reflecting off of it are such contrasts to his black hair and the dark night that swallows us both.
"Mark?" I ask. "You're not supposed to be here tonight." I let the agitation in my voice surface. I wanted to be alone tonight.
"Neither are you," he smiles wryly, and I want to slap the expression off his face.
"It's my faction," I say. "I can come and go as I please."
He leans closer so I can see the blue of his eyes, shining brightly in the moonlight. "It used to be mine," he whispers, and it's a sharp reminder of what tomorrow brings.
I shake my head. "I wanted quiet tonight. I need time to think." I sink back to the ground and he follows me, sitting across from me with our legs crossed so both our knees touch.
"It's not that hard," he says as he touches a hand to my cheek. He removes it when I look at him.
"Yeah, but I'm scared," I say. I don't know why, though. I'm too fed up with him to be telling him how I feel.
"Look, it's nothing to be scared of," he says. "You're the most Dauntless girl I know, and I live there. You'll do fine."
When I look up from my lap to meet his eyes, there's something genuine there. Something that is rare in Mark. He's concerned, and he wants me to come and be with him. I smile. "Alright," I say.
We both stand up and he places his hand on my cheek, his long fingers cool and refreshing. He kisses me quickly, surprisingly unsure for Mark. He is so confident. Almost cocky at times.
"Be careful," I say. His eyes scan mine.
"You too," he says. But the way he looks at me as he says it concerns me. Like I need to be careful. "I'll see you tomorrow?" He asks, as if to quickly brush his previous statement away.
I nod and watch him as he turns and goes, just like that.
It's almost magical to watch him, his thin frame and piercing eyes. Somehow he manages the trek from the city to the Amity orchards a few nights a week, and he does it for me. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around myself, savoring one of my last few moments here. I open my eyes, and I walk home.
•••
Morning comes with the smell of cinnamon and apples wafting through my door and my mother calling from the kitchen.
"Breanna!" She calls. "It's time to get up!"
I sit up in bed and stay there for a moment. *It's just a simple test,* I think. *everyone goes through it.*
I get out of bed and change into a pair of blue jeans and a red v-neck. Quickly I grab my leather bag and throw it over my shoulder, stuffing in my books and an apple. I push open the door to my room to see my mother standing at the stove, stirring something and my little brother, Jax, sitting at the kitchen table and reading a book. I ruffle his hair and look at my mother.
"Don't be late," she says. "Finn is waiting outside."
"Goodbye, mother," I linger, as though it were my last time here. It feels like nothing will be the same after this.
She turns around and wipes her hands on her apron. She tucks a piece of her long, chocolate brown hair that has fallen out of its loose bun behind her ear. She encases me in her warm arms, a feeling only a mother can give, and kisses me on top of my head.
"Good luck," she says.
I nod. "I love you," I say as we break apart.
"I love you too." She smiles and I walk out the door, only to be greeted by another warm smile and hazel eyes and dark blond hair.
"Hey," he smiles.
"Hey Finn," I smile back. He scans me over quickly and nods to his truck.
"I brought a friend along today," he says. "I hope you don't mind."
I look over at the bed of Finn's truck to see a boy our age sitting in it. He is tall and muscular, and looks a little like Finn. His hair is light brown, and his skin tan, contrasting with the white shirt he wears.
"It's fine," I say. I know I should acknowledge the boy, at least ask his name, considering he's from my faction and I don't know it already. But there is too much on my mind.
Finn nods at me again. "Come on, then."
We both climb into his truck and it starts with a couple turns of the key.
"This damn thing," he says under his breath. "It's on its last legs, but it's the only thing I got."
I ignore him because I know he's not talking to me directly, so I look out the window as the landscape blurs by us.
"Nervous?" He asks.
"No," I lie as I still look out the window. "Do I have reason to be?"
"Guess not," he says. The light shines in through the windows and the day is lovely and golden as we pass through the gates into the city.
"What do you think you'll choose?" He asks. He looks in the rear view mirror to check on the boy we're giving a ride to and then back at the road.
I chuckle to hide my discomfort. "No clue," I say. I straighten my hair and look out the windshield. "Why would I know that?"
"Just-" he starts. He looks in the rear view mirror again, as if he suspects that the boy is listening to us, and then back to the road again. "Bree," he says. I like the way it sounds on his lips. "Let's go to Dauntless. We could do it."
"Finn-" I almost gasp. I had never thought about what would happen if I did go to join Mark in Dauntless. I know I would lose my family, but I had never realized I would lose Finn. He's not more important than them, it's just, he's always been there and my mother is always so busy and father is never home and my brother-
"Come on," we pull into the parking lot of the Hub. "We could be so happy!" When he sees the lack of light behind my eyes, he turns away. "Sorry," he says. "I temporarily forgot that you have other plans regarding the male subject in your life."
"Finn-" I start. I want to tell him that Mark isn't the deciding factor in what I choose: I am. But I just look at him, wishing that things could be different.
"We're here," is all he says. He has already shut off the engine, and he climbs out and shuts the door after him. Out the window, I see him and the boy from the back of the truck walking to the school together, a smile plastered on Finn's face. As they walk by, the boy looks over at me and our eyes meet. One thing that sticks in my mind are his eyes, even though he looks away a second later. They are so piercingly green, even from a distance.
I push it out of my mind and jump out of the truck, unsure what waits for me.
***