Title: Hurting Ducky
Author: caz251
Character/Pairing: Leroy Jethro Gibbs/Donald 'Ducky' Mallard
Word Count: 1101
Rating: pg-15
Summary: Ducky's thoughts and feelings on the events from S3 Ep23 to S4 Ep3
Spoilers: Series 3 Ep23, Ep24 and Series 4 Ep1, Ep2, Ep3
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, and am making no money from this.
AN: My first NCIS fic, I'm absolutely addicted have watched three and a bit series in two weeks. Let me know what you think, criticism is always welcome.
When he arrived he was met by Ziva, she could tell him all about the crime scene, but she didn't have much to tell him about Gibbs, she couldn't tell him what hospital he had been taken to or the extent of his injuries. Tony was able to tell him more, Jethro had been taken to a Plymouth hospital and was stable for now. Arriving at the hospital it was to find Director Sheppard and Abby already there and Jethro in a coma. The Doctor's couldn't find any reason for him to still be in the coma, they were sure that the only reasons were psychological, but Ducky couldn't think of anything that would make the other man reticent to waking up.
He stayed with him for hours, the worry he felt for the other man was indescribable, the relief he felt when he awoke was short-lived. His memory was gone, the last fifteen years, all missing. He couldn't remember him, all the time they had spent together over the years, they were just gone, he wasn't sure what he could do to bring them back. There were a myriad of different memories that he could try to use as a way to bring Jethro's memory back, but many of those memories were deeply personal and not something he wanted to talk about in front of Doctors or Nurses, he knew Jethro wouldn't appreciate it. He did however have a story that might help, he started to retell the tale of the time his mother had left him on a ferry, a story that he had once told Jethro, one that had prompted the man to promise he would never forget him, a promise he had never expected Jethro to break.
He had never expected it to hurt so much, that Jethro couldn't remember him and all they had had together, then to find out that he had been married four times and not three and had a daughter. He knew that neither he nor Jethro had told each other everything, but he would have thought his lover would have told him about his family. When Jethro walked back into NCIS he couldn't have felt happier, he was alright and he remembered them, he could deal with his lovers silence some other time, they had plenty of it, or so he thought. He hadn't expected what had happened next, he certainly hadn't expected Jethro to quit, it was something he hadn't ever thought he would see happen.
Jethro had given his team over to Tony, said his goodbyes, then asked him to take him home, he had done it of course. He drove them back to Jethro's, expecting the other man to go straight to working on his boat, instead he had sat down in the lounge and began to talk without prompting. He explained why he had never told him about Shannon and Kelly, his reasoning and actions plausible to Ducky, and while he was still upset that the other man had not allowed him to help him deal with his grief over the years he understood.
They had talked for a while, not touching upon Jethro's leaving NCIS, he knew that when the other man made his mind up about something that it was made up. The early hours of the morning saw them heading to Jethro's bedroom, their coupling more life affirming than any other time, even after the time Ducky had almost died in the funeral home, Leroy having made love to Donald gently that night unwilling to hurt him further. Because that's who they were, they may be 'Ducky' and 'Jethro' or 'Gibbs' to others or in public, but when it was just the two of them in the privacy of either of their homes they were Leroy and Jethro.
Ducky was quite sure that he was probably one of the only people to call Jethro Leroy, and while they may not have told each other everything their relationship was built on love and trust. They both had an urge to protect the other, neither of them wanting to hurt the other. That was something that had always been truth, and that's what made Jethro's actions unacceptable, not his silence, but his abandonment. Waking the next morning Ducky had found the bed empty beside him and Jethro's side of the bed was cold, and had been for a while, cold enough that Jethro probably got up as soon as he knew Ducky had fallen asleep.
After checking the basement, finding it empty of life, he checked where he knew Gibbs kept his passport, only to find it to had gone. He could understand Jethro's reticence to talk about his dead family and his unwillingness to still work for NCIS, but the course of action he had taken was one that wasn't easily understandable or forgivable. Leaving him and the country without so much as a goodbye would take a lot of making up for, if the other man ever came back that was, as although he loved him he wouldn't go chasing him. Even if he had gone about it the wrong way, Ducky knew that the man wanted some privacy, and that wasn't something he would intrude on, he respected the other man too much.
He heard nothing from the man for months, only for him to show up when Ziva was in trouble and take over. Finding out that Abby had been trusted with the details of where he was and how to contact him had hurt as well, Jethro obviously not trusting him to respect any boundaries that he set showed a lack of faith. They hardly spoke throughout the whole time that the team were trying to clear Ziva's name, and when they did the conversation was stilted and formal. He knew by the way the other man acted that he didn't intend to stay, but finding out that his house was on the market was a shock.
Then everything changed again, suddenly Special Agent Gibbs was back, he had the desk back, the attitude was back, but he had still made no attempt to get Duck back. Every word that passed between them was about a case, he was Doctor or Dr. Mallard and Jethro was Gibbs or Special Agent Gibbs. He didn't know what was going to happen between them, but the way things were going weren't good for them in any way, he just hoped that they could resolve their issues, and soon, he missed the other man. Not just as his lover, but as his friend and confident.