Which Way Is Up?
I create chaos wherever I go. That being said, it's no wonder that I found myself wrapped up in a supernatural mess. When Edward had left I sought comfort through Jacob. The problem was that when Edward returned, I was still seeking comfort in Jake.
It had taken a while to convince Edward that spending every hour of every day together wasn't good for any relationship. At first he protested, not wanting to lose a moment with me now that he was back in Forks. After a while though, I had to insist. He only denies me one thing, sadly though, that was the thing I wanted the most. I wanted physical contact beyond a little kiss, I wanted a wanton touch or a heated embrace. Edward refused to give in when it came to physical love.
It started out innocent enough. I would go down to La Push once or twice a week and spend some time with Jacob. We'd go out into the woods, making sure to stay within the boundaries of the reservation, and trade shy kisses. Those kisses soon turned to long sessions of true kissing then fondling. Now, here I sit, unable to think of anything other than those secret moments with Jake.
"I don't like you going out so… under-dressed," Edward's voice sounded from the corner of my bedroom.
I jumped about a foot in the air. You'd think that I'd get used to it after a while. I turned to see him smirking, sitting with ease in the old rocking chair that graced the far corner of my bedroom.
I looked down, curiously, at my clothes. "I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt," I retorted. "It's not often I get to wear shorts in Forks."
"True, but I don't have to like it."
He was up in an instant, with his arms wrapped around me. His lips grazed across my cheek. I inhaled deeply and lost myself for several seconds. He loved that he still had that power over me. I honestly couldn't help myself when it came to his mesmerizing abilities.
"Are you sure you wouldn't rather spend the afternoon with me?" He nuzzled my neck, twirling a lock of my hair around his finger.
I hated it when he did this. It was hard to tell him no but I knew it'd be even harder to go another week without seeing Jacob. I reminded myself how lucky I was that Edward couldn't read my mind.
"I'll be back before you know it."
"Smelling of dog, no doubt," he made a sour looking face. "I'll be here, waiting."
My old truck roared as I headed to the reservation. My heart pumped faster the closer I got. The memory of last week gave me goose pimples each time I reminisced. Jacob had held me for hours while our lips danced against each other. When I had to go he took great pleasure in telling me how much he'd miss me until my next visit.
Jacob was sitting on the front porch when I pulled up, shirtless and seemingly at ease. He smiled, that big welcoming smile, when I threw the shifter into park.
"Shorts look almost as good on you as they do on me." I heard him call out as I hopped out of the rusty Chevy. I stifled a laugh. He made shorts look good, that much was true.
It wasn't long before we were walking along the beach, carrying our shoes in our hands. We fell into the comfort of our friendship easily, chatting about the people at our schools and complaining about the things in Forks that annoyed us.
When Jacob took my hand and led me into the forest of moss-covered trees, I remembered the heat between us. I stumbled, tripping over some green spongy thing. We were going deeper into the woods than we had before. He turned to me; a smile plastered on his face, and easily hoisted me onto his back. He walked slowly, telling me to duck every now and then as we passed under low hanging branches. Then, suddenly, he stopped.
He let go of my legs so that I could drop gently onto my feet. I looked around curiously, attempting to find something that distinguished this particular spot from the rest of the forest.
Jacob sat down on a large, overturned tree-trunk, and patted a spot next to him. I sat, straddling the log so that I could face him. He shifted, mimicking my position. Then, before I had a moment to think, his lips were on mine.
We kissed for what could have been hours. Time seemed to stop when I was with Jacob. My shirt was lying on the moss covered ground and Jake's hands were squeezing my breasts rhythmically. He had spun me around so that my back was against his chest. I felt his hot breath against my neck as he slid one hand down my side and swiftly unbuttoned my shorts. His fingers made a cautious trail from my navel to the line of my panties and back up again.
This was the furthest we'd gone. I'd allowed him to touch my chest more than once but I'd always had my top on. He seemed aware of the situation, becoming more shy and cautious as the moments ticked by.
I leaned my head back onto his shoulder and sighed deeply. He looked down at me, a shy smile creasing his lips, and stole a kiss.
"Bella," his voice was a ragged whisper. "We should stop."
It was usually me that stopped our hide-away moments. Time was the common restraint but I knew that we were nowhere near my curfew. The sun was still shinning above the canopy of green that served as the forest's sky.
"What's wrong, Jake?"
He kissed my neck, sighing heavily. I felt his hot breath at my ear, "I won't be able to stop, Bella."
His whispered confession drew a moan from my parted lips. I felt his hand tighten on my hip as he pulled me closer.
"I've never…" I began. His lips on mine cut my sentence short.
"I know," he managed to sputter between kisses. "Not here, Bella." He broke the contact of our lips and gazed down into my eyes. I saw reverence reflected in his brown eyes. "It should be special," Jacob murmured.
The sigh that escaped me was one of defeat as I righted myself and sought out my t-shirt on the forest floor. Jacob was shifting uneasily; I pretended not to notice the fact that he was pitching a tent in his khaki cargo shorts.
He closed his eyes and shook his head in dismay. I pulled the shirt over my head and walked toward him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I had to get up on my tip-toes to kiss him. The squishy ground beneath me only made it harder for my lips to reach his. Noticing my dismay, Jake wrapped his arms around my back and lifted me slightly.
"Jake, talk to me," I begged. The look of sadness had slid back into place, even after the kissing.
He took my hand, leading me back toward the beach. He kept his eyes on the ground as he spoke, "You'll go back and he'll be there." He sighed, knowing I didn't want to hear any of this. "He'll spend every night lying next to you while I lay alone in my bed, dreaming of waking up with you in my arms."
"Jake, I can't…"
"I know, Bella. You love him."
"That's not fair," I said jerking my hand away from his. He stopped, my unexpected outburst forcing his eyes to meet mine. I crossed my arms over my chest, "You act like I don't care for you."
He laughed sarcastically, "Care for me, huh?" He crossed his arms over his chest, mocking my stance. "You love your dead boyfriend and 'care for' me because I'm capable of touching you without accidentally murdering you?" He shook his head, disbelief coloring his cheeks, and began walking back toward the beach.
I struggled to catch up. Jake's long legs allowed for long strides that I couldn't match. "Wait," I called out. "That's not what I meant, and you know it." In my haste to catch up, I tripped over a branch and landed face first in the mud.
Within seconds he was by my side, helping me up. He was struggling to keep from laughing as he brushed the dead leaves out of my hair. He pulled a faded bandana out of his back pocket to wipe the mud from my face.
"I love you, Jacob."
His arms were around me again, pulling me close to his bare chest. His chin rested atop my head as his hand stroked my back. He sighed, "I fantasized about the day you'd tell me you loved me." I heard him huff with barely contained laughter, "In my daydreams, though, you didn't have mud on your face." We both laughed.
When we got back to the beach, we had already fallen back into an easy conversation. I knew, though, that the conversation would turn as we left the green canopied sanctity of the forest. Jake quickly dropped my hand, which he'd been holding since our earlier embrace. Out here in the open, even if no one was around, Jake and I were just close friends.
I sat on a smooth rock near the water while Jake went in search of drift wood for a fire. I had time to contemplate the turn in my life and emotions since Edward's return. I preferred to think of it as little as possible, honestly. I loved them both and the idea of choosing made me feel sick to my stomach. I was sure that Edward could never know and Jacob could never survive being second-best. I couldn't survive without either of them.
The casual conversation didn't turn until the night fell and it was time to make the drive back to Charlie's. Jake put the fire out while I stood far enough away not to cause any trouble. Once the darkness enveloped us, he wrapped me up in a tight embrace.
"I don't think I'll make it to next week," he said.
I kissed his bare chest, "Dream of me."
"I always do. It's just such a disappointment when I wake up alone."
A/N: This is my second Twilight fic ever, and my first one with a pairing, so please keep that in mind when reviewing. Constructive criticism is always welcome as are any comments. I hope you enjoy reading the fic as much as I enjoy writing it.