The house was quiet, and Elena was finally starting to enjoy the peace as she laid her head back on the sofa in the living room. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in her bed in her comfortable pajamas already, but now she was physically too tired to move. She wondered if Jenna would be upset if she fell asleep here. Or if Jeremy would have a loving brother moment enough to carry her upstairs to her room.
As it was, she was glad she had stayed put when the doorbell rang. She glanced at the clock and groaned; it was well over nine p.m. Who could that be? Everyone was out and she was most definitely not expecting anyone, so this had to be a surprise visit. If she had been in her bed already she was positive she wouldn't have bothered.
When she arrived in front of the door, her hand ready to turn the knob, an instinct from long ago seized her up momentarily at the reminder of the fact that she was absolutely alone. Of course, those kinds of threats were long gone… but who could absolutely guarantee they would never come back, or that new ones would come knocking on her door? As she stood there wavering, she reminded herself of another important fact learned from the other lifetime; as long as you don't invite them in… you're safe. And she was the very last person who would invite a stranger in.
With a deep breath Elena grabbed the knob and swung the door open.
What she saw on the porch made her froze.
Memories long forgotten suddenly flashed in her mind's eye as if they had only happened yesterday. And with it, followed the pain. Always the pain.
"Damon," she breathed, trying to reel the memories in and regain her composure. There was a kind of panic—a certain kind of disorienting fear that had her in its clutches—that she couldn't make sense of and had absolutely nothing to do with him being what he was. What he would always be.
"Relax," he told her with that easy smile of his. "He's fine."
That was all he said, and yet Elena's body instantly lost all the tension that had previously held it rigid. It wasn't until then that she realized only one reason—the worst—had crossed her mind to explain why Damon might be standing there after everything they had promised her. And now she knew it was untrue.
"I noticed you didn't ask how I was. I would be hurt if I weren't so immune to it already," he sighed.
"I don't think you're due to check in again yet," she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. It wasn't a defensive posture as much as it was a means to comfort herself after the sudden scare.
"No, he isn't," he corrected her.
She looked at him in puzzlement.
Damon sighed again. "I'm checking up on you not for him this time. I'm doing it for myself. Is that okay with you?"
Elena gave him an uncertain look before she shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But you know I don't want you guys to be around here too often. Can't you check up on me for yourself while you check up on me for him? I don't see the need for the separate occasions."
He groaned. "You are always difficult. Just roll with it for once, alright? I promise I'm not going to get clingy and stalk you while you're sleeping."
Despite everything, Elena cracked a little smile. "Have you ever done that? For anyone's benefit?"
There was a millisecond of hesitation on his part before a scandalized look appeared on his face. "Of course not!" he said in abject horror.
But she knew better, and he knew she did.
She smiled again and walked toward the bench on the porch. "So, as you can see, everything's fine here. Not a single red flag since the last time you dropped by. Sorry to make you go through all the trouble for nothing."
"You didn't make me do anything, Elena. And it's not nothing when I—when we get another reassurance that you—and your family—are still alive and kicking."
She gave him a glare. It was typical of him to sound like he cared while being a jerk all at the same time. She wasn't sure how he could manage it for such a long time, especially given his lifespan.
"How's… everything on your end?" she asked hesitantly, looking down on her feet as she sat down on the bench. Damon followed and lowered himself beside her.
"Everything's fine. Still a bit moody, but that's hardly new."
Elena sighed, but decided against chiding him for his attitude. She also noticed with surprise that Damon was being very respectful toward the unspoken rule of never mentioning his brother's name. She was surprised he was sensitive enough to pick up on her reluctance to do that.
"How's… where is it you're staying now? Montana?"
"Haven't eaten anyone there yet, don't worry," he answered off-handedly, and she elbowed him in the ribs. He pretended as if she'd staked him, then relented, "Boring as hell. No place's as exciting as Mystic Falls. I doubt anything will ever be."
There was a faraway look in his eyes, and Elena suddenly felt guilty. "Look, I'm sorry you guys had to leave—"
"It's for the best," he cut in, sounding uncharacteristically sincere for the first time that night. "Since you two weren't even together anymore, there really was no reason to stay. Especially if us being away from here keeps you safer." He looked at her briefly. "You know that even if you're broken up he still wants the best for you, right?"
"Of course," she said, and as always when the subject came up, she couldn't help thinking back to that night. The night that she thought would never come. The night when they decided it just wouldn't work out, and not only because being together constantly threw them in danger. But because things just weren't the same again. They just… drifted apart. After everything that had happened, the impossibilities and the dangers they had to face, the messed up histories they had… Elena had to admit she was surprised that it was normal things that caused them to eventually decide to stop seeing each other. It was like any other couple who realized they didn't work anymore, no matter how strong the passion had been at the start. No matter how much they would always love each other.
Sometimes, love simply wasn't enough.
Besides, with him never aging while she continued to grow old, it would never work in the long run anyway, so maybe it was best to spare them even more heartbreak.
"But he's selfless like that," she continued, managing to not forget the conversation amidst her reverie. "You're… well…"
"Please, don't say it. You'll break my heart," Damon clutched his chest in a dramatic manner, and Elena rolled her eyes and dropped all attempt to be sympathetic to him. "But don't worry your pretty little mind about me. I can live wherever. It's not that big of a deal."
Still. Mystic Falls had been his home, his very first home. It seemed wrong to keep them out of there. She knew Stefan was more willing to leave, but that was because they'd agreed keeping away from each other would help them cope with the break-up better. Damon, though… he had nothing to do with it. He didn't have to leave.
But he did.
"I did it for you," he said after a few minutes of silence, answering the question she hadn't dared to voice.
She remained silent, somehow not surprised. She had known, of course. She had known for a long time.
"Thank you," was all she said, as soft as the whisper of the wind.
He didn't say anything. It was starting to get colder out, so she stood up. "So, I guess I'm going to head to bed," she said, avoiding his eyes.
He got to his feet and stood before her in front of the door, one hand on her arm. "Don't go yet," he said simply.
She finally looked up then, and saw him gazing at her. Their eyes met and for the briefest of seconds it felt as if her heart stuttered.
He leaned forward ever so slightly, and for a second or two was met with no resistance. But at the very last second she managed to jerk herself out of his thrall and looked away. "Damon…"
"Elena…" he replied in the same tone, which only frustrated her.
"What are you doing?" she demanded, trying to summon up the annoyance she didn't really feel. She was just really tired.
"I don't know, you tell me. What did it look like I was doing?"
She felt like stomping her foot on the ground. "Damon, I don't have the energy to play your games."
"I wasn't playing anything!" he exclaimed, looking at her. "I was deadly serious."
She sighed. "You know I can't."
"Why? You're still single, aren't you? Don't tell me you've started dating someone… human." He scrunched up his nose. "I mean, no offense to your kind, but I would think after dating one of us, they just won't taste the same." He grinned at his own pun.
Elena let out a frustrated groan. "That's not the point! I'm not dating anyone because I'm still getting over your brother."
"Oh, please, it's been eight months already. I think that's more than enough time to get over someone… Even someone as charming, devoted, selfless, and heroic as my brother."
She shook her head in exasperation. "You're just… unbelievable. I thought you just said you left for me. What's the point of all that if you… did what you just did?"
"Well, you were the one who said I didn't need to leave!" he threw up his hands as if this conversation was getting ridiculous. Which it was, but it was totally his fault.
"Damon, I'm not interested in going back to square one, alright?"
"What do you mean?" he seemed positively irritated now. "I thought you two broke up because of 'natural causes'. And I resent the fact that you would equalize the experience of being together with my brother and being together with me. If you haven't noticed, we happen to be completely different. And for crying out loud, Elena, I'm not even asking for a commitment or a relationship! Why does everything with you have to be so loaded? Believe it or not, I just wanted a kiss. Is that so wrong?"
She just stared at him, speechless. She was pretty sure this was the first time Damon had ever talked like this. If there were one frustration he never happily voiced out loud, it had always been when it came to her and him, and she realized she'd always taken that favor for granted. Now, facing all the long suppressed emotion head-on, she wasn't sure what to say. They'd never really, actually talked about this before. The knowledge had been out there for a long time—how he felt about her—and they all knew that. She knew that, Stefan knew that, and Damon knew they all knew that.
But they had just never talked about it. She couldn't believe how wrong that had been, and how wrong everyone was to be okay with it.
"When you… when you kissed Katherine… right here, thinking it was me… was that just about one kiss too?"
He looked as if that was the last thing he expected her to say. For a moment she could see the memory clouding his eyes, and he looked away. "That's different. That's wrong… I know that now. But now… now I'm not betraying anyone."
He looked so broken then that it both took her by surprise and caused pain in her own heart. They'd all been selfish at one point or another, and they had always thought Damon was the one who'd been guilty of it most.
But in reality, he was the most selfless of them all.
"Look… I'm sorry, Damon, I don't know what to say to you…"
"I don't want any promises, Elena," he turned back sharply, his gaze piercing her eyes. "No strings attached. No nothing. I don't care about all that."
She doubted that was true, but she didn't say anything.
"And I know that it's still a pretty shitty thing to do to my brother even if you're not together anymore. That's why I'm not asking for much."
She looked down on her feet, hating the fact that she felt so bad for him she almost wanted to give in to his request. But that would be wrong, wouldn't it? He wouldn't want her doing it out of pity. It would be worse than her rejecting him. "I'm sorry," she said again, and looked into his eyes for a moment; eyes that were so sad she couldn't stand to look into them for too long. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek softly, a kiss that lingered for a moment before she pulled back and slipped her hair behind her ear. "Good night, Damon." She gave him one last look, then turned and stepped inside. He didn't try to follow her and she managed to close the door with a soft click.
Damon stood there in the porch for a long time, until all the lights went out and he could hear Elena's footsteps climbing the stairs.
She hadn't exactly given him what he wanted, nor any promises. But she had given him a different version of the token of affection. It might not mean anything more, it might not mean anything had changed between them.
But for him, it was a start.