Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any other character here except myself.

Darkon: I'm finally writing again and even though I have a penchant for not finishing a story, Its more likely because I don't want to think of any story as ever ending as life goes on no matter how you try to end the story, there's always more to put behind it.

Trio: I helped with this story some because Darkon didn't know how to write romance and needed severe help dude.

Sir: I'm just to test the idea as more feasible then the others Darkon has had in the past and still posted.

Primell: I help with the plotline writing because Squee asked me to help.

Darkon: Warning if you have a problem with bestiality you might have some problems with this story, however I or my team don't write any real lemons so it won't matter, but there will be a relationship between a human and an animal, in fact this story involves two such relationships and a normal relationship between same species as well as maybe a few mentions of cross species interactions, we're an open minded lot we are.

Primell: Then will you marry me squee?

Darkon: No.

Primell: Awwww….

Story: To Kiss A Snake.

Chapter 1: The kiss that should have killed.

It was an average day in the world of ninja and one boy with blond hair and blue eyes who in a fit of loneliness and somewhat limited intelligence because people abused him physically and mentally all his life, finally decided to end it all when he heard that getting kissed by a certain snake in the forest of death would cause a quick death.

People pointed him in the right direction hoping that under some circumstance that the boy named Naruto would die violently by the fangs of some of the most poisonous snakes in the world.

Too bad nobody told this particular individual that the kiss in question meant you had to get bit by the snake and not an actual kiss; this was one of the good mistakes the boy made…

The other was meeting a described dangerously deadly snake that happened to be born without poison glands as well as the ultimate fact that this snake had also been born fangless due to birthing complications on a day a demon attack konoha while heavily drunk off its vixen ass on demonic alcohol because of a frog summon slipping her a drug in the hopes of getting lucky with the giant demon vixen.

And this is how they met…

Naruto was crying, he didn't care if the hokage cared even slightly for his plight or that those at the ramen stand would miss him he wanted to die and stop all the glaring, whispers and beatings, he knew he didn't do anything wrong so if he died he hoped that he went to a better place than this.

Which is why he was making way for the forest of death and came across one of the snakes before reaching the forest which confused him but it worked for him if he could end it all sooner and then that's when things got awkward.

The snake that didn't have a pronounceable name in human tongue was a long green and white beauty with black and brown markings all down her back that looked like kanji that could be translated as 'She who fights with hugs' which was a horrible coincidence that that was how she was forced to lived; she had two decorative flowers somehow sitting on her slightly heart shaped head marking her as a female she was at least five feet in length and the same age as Naruto as her species was equally long lived so she was in fact nine and a half years old like Naruto.

(Not really a part of the story, but if said snake was born with fangs she probably would have kanji down her back that state 'She who fights with hugs and kisses' and a snakes kiss is deadly unlike this circumstance dude)

The three biggest things about this snake was that one she had no fangs, two she had blue eyes and finally like almost anything from the forest of death she had a human level of intelligence, thus why she was staring at Naruto who was staring back at her as he approached her.

Current thoughts running through the snakes mind where, why was this human approaching her and why did he seem to not be a threat despite the fact that humans are somewhat demonized by her clan of non summon snakes that had some of the most deadliest poison fangs around, in fact no ninja could summon them as they were considered wild and deadly animals.

Carefully Naruto got close staring the snake in the eyes which sparkled brightly in the dim sunlight, he wasn't aware that the snake didn't have fangs and even if he did he didn't know how poisonous it was to meet one that did, he was told that a kiss from this kind of snake could kill him and he damn well was going to get that kiss because he wanted to leave this world and he didn't think getting bit would kill him as he was specifically told to kiss it, he did this with no regrets except maybe for the ramen stand people and screw the old man for letting those people beat the tar out of him every year.

He quickly grabbed the snake by the neck near the head startling her as he puckered his lips and brought the snakes mouth to his as it tried to struggle from his sudden intrusion of her space, she had recently eaten and she had to snap a rats neck and that took some effort so she was a little tired when this happened.

She was born with some boa constrictor in her blood and that at least gave her some form of protection as she was physically strong enough to kill a normal human… key note being 'normal' by choking the crap out of them and even managed to kill a ninja once, but it was a traitor of the leaf and the guy was left to her once it was known what kind of snake she was.

Nobody wanted to bother this type of snake so they carefully and quickly removed the harmful stuff from the body that could hurt her at the behest of Anko the snake woman of Konoha, the meal wasn't all that appetizing but the snake didn't need to eat for three days after that and actually wondered why the human left their brethren in pieces for more than one snake to enjoy, but food was food.

Back to the story at hand Naruto's lips met the snake and it was unknown who was more surprised by what happened, the snake who instead of resisting opened her mouth and started giving tongue or Naruto who reacted in turn to getting tongue, by giving it back as they both closed their eyes and wander each other's mouth with fervor.

Naruto felt happy, 'so this is what dying felt like' he stupidly thought as he felt like he was getting lightheaded as the kiss continued on into its third minute and the snake was not letting up any either as its mind was blanked out on the fact that it was marking a human as its mate or the fact that it accidentally did this after he started it, because her kind pick mates by enjoyment of shared tongue and saliva, this was a glorious but odd occasion as she didn't know how this relationship would work in her less than simple animal mind if he managed to complete her.

While the snake was thinking in terms of accidentally marking her possible mate, Naruto was still thinking of death, eventually it became apparent that he was still breathing through his nose after five minutes and that while he was not dying he felt fulfilled somehow in kissing the snake.

He thought this was posed to kill him not make him feel so good as he moved his tongue just into the right spot in the snakes mouth causing it to convulse violently, finally he let the snake go wondering if he hurt it; Naruto was not aware of the gender, however when he stared into the snakes eyes it seemed to stared at him longingly and then it smiled.

Its smile held no fangs not that Naruto knew anything of snakes, he just thought this would kill him and the snake was smiling at him as if it liked him and after he just hurt it… or did he hurt it… it wouldn't be smiling quite like that if he did.

The snake was just happy that Naruto found that sweet spot in her mouth and that his tongue actually managed to touch it, she didn't care about mating at the moment because right now the princess of the deadly chakra poisoning snakes was currently smiling about the fact that this human crossed her path and managed to fully perform the ritual of marriage, the ritual of marriage always invoked instantaneous love among the snake that finally finished the kiss with their life partner.

She couldn't transform into a human as she was not a demon and it was unknown if she could use chakra or not but she was so damned pleased by the events that occurred that she didn't care if it was a human that would likely kill her kind if he had a chance, she didn't know how he knew of their ritual for choosing a mate but she could care less as this human was hers and nobody else would stake claim unless she says so, of course she never thought she'd end up in a marriage ritual this young but whatever, when she was old enough she'd figure out a way to mate with him.

Naruto after coming off from his first kiss; a rather raunchy one at that with an animal, high, quickly became depressed suddenly causing the snake to look at him pleadingly wondering what was wrong with her new found mate.

The snake for her salt understood emotion well enough, why did completing the ritual invoke sadness in her mate… maybe he didn't know of the ritual and thought he was doing something else, she slithered up his leg around his torso which she had to admit was very nice as torso's get and would be the most attractive thing to a snake, before finally resting around his neck and looking him in the eyes before quirking an eye in a questioning gaze.

Naruto of sound mind and body didn't have a single clue what he had just set in motion, just that kissing this snake didn't kill him, but it did feel very nice and when he felt it slithering up his body he felt it gently wrap around his neck before looking into his sad eyes and quirking one of her own in a questioning gaze that Naruto tried to understand why she was looking at him like that.

After a moment and given he's only been in the Ninja Academy for about three months and had spoken to a Aburame that once quirked its… his… her… whatever's eye like this, Naruto asked why he was looking at him like that and he said he was wondering why Naruto wore bright neon orange jumpsuit, the gaze was one from someone who wanted to ask a question.

This was what little Naruto could learn about body language as his education was being trampled on by every single person in the academy including the student themselves, he had no dreams of being a hokage now after all the disillusioning suffering he's faced, but being a good ninja was still what he wanted to be all he had to do was learn the basics then drop out and leave Konoha behind him unless he was required to come back for whatever reason or mission, he just hoped that never came up as he's not becoming a konoha ninja.

"Oh, I guess you want to know why I kissed you… are you a girl? I'm sorry but I really don't know much about snakes." After Naruto spoke the first bit the snake nodded once stopped then nodded again, her species did regulate learning how to understand human speech so in some circumstance they could understand anything a human might plan out loud, which is why when they lived outside the forest of death before that her clan avoided being burned alive by fire spewing humans who needed the space for building their bodies to extremely phenomenal strength that humans were known for having, in other words they were pushed out of their home for humans to build training grounds and they were much better for it as they thrived in the forest of death.

"Well… I guess I don't know what to say I heard from someone that getting kissed by a snake like your description would kill me and well… I wanted to die, but you had to go and ruin it." Naruto said remorsefully as he really didn't blame the snake, who didn't understand why the human wanted to die but she would make sure he would want to live no matter the personal cost, she was going to live with this human and make him as happy as feasibly possible even if it killed her as he was her life mate.

This was the beginning of a rather interesting relationship and the world's first self trained nin-snake, which also happened to have quite damning high ability in genjutsu skills that no villager would soon forget.

End Chapter.

Author Notes: I think we did pretty well for an opener don't you?

Primell: The snake's character design is Viper from Kung Fu Panda, only she has a slightly thicker neck and she's not in a Chinese based valley of animals so honestly this isn't a crossover but mild fusion rules apply, also can we get ninjutsu cats into the plot?

Darkon: I'll think about it, next up 'The Academic Snake VIPER'.