My Weird Little Brother
Disclaimer: I do not own Xiaolin Showdown, though I do own Tiffany.
Okay, just for the record, I never asked for a baby brother. I wanted a puppy! I asked if we could take this strange pink creature back and get a puppy instead, cause, like, it totally creeped me out. Daddy just laughed. I don't think he realized I was serious. I was only three, after all.
And he thought it was cute when I would carry him around, "like a little doll", he always said. Actually, I was looking for a place to dump him. Like in the toilet, but he wouldn't fit. I tried throwing him in the trash, but Mom always found him. "Tiffany," she'd say, "don't put your brother in the garbage." I think she thought it was cute, too. My parents are so clueless.
And it's just gotten worse now that he's a teenager. He won't respect my privacy or my stuff, he's in and out at odd hours, and I swear I've even heard him talking to himself. Either that or he's got a girlfriend stashed in the basement, though personally I think Jack's afraid of girls.
I still would rather have a puppy. Less . . . weird.
Take the time I found him in my room, rummaging through my drawers.
"Jack! What do you think you're doing?"
"I need something stretchy," he said, without even looking up. "Something elastic—ah, here we are!" And the creep grabbed a fistful of my hair bands and ran out the door, right past me, before I could stop him.
"You bring those back! Mooooom!" I chased after him, but he's a quick little guy, and I didn't catch up till he was at the door to the basement.
"Ooh, you're in trouble now! Here I come, Jack . . ." I got about halfway down before I saw what he'd done with the place.
It looked like Dr. Evil's lair. There were gizmos and gadgets that I couldn't even begin to understand everywhere I looked. Jack was attaching my hair band to something when I ripped it out of his hand.
"Hey! Tiffany! I need that!"
"Did it ever occur to you to ask?" I looked at the thing he was assembling. "What is this?"
"I call it . . . my Jackbot!"
"Ooookay, you've been sniffing glue or something. There is no way this thing is ever going to work!"
"Says you!"
"Do Mom and Dad know about what you're doing down here?"
"Are you kidding? They only come down here if we blow a fuse or something. They could care less what I do."
I so do not believe this. When I was his age, Mom and Dad watched me like a hawk! They never let me do anything! And the Little Prince here gets away with murder? It's just not fair!
There was a big glowing map of the world on one wall, with dots on it in various places. "What's this for? Geography lessons?"
"No, I'm trying to determine where I'll start in my conquest of the world. Which do you think is better, Europe or Asia?"
"Conquest of the world? Okay, that's it, no more Pinky and the Brain for you, pal!"
"I'm serious! If I start now, I can be Supreme Ruler of the World by the time I'm twenty-five. If you're nice to me, I'll let you have a continent."
"Yeah, right."
"Okay, how about a country then?" He pushed a button on his control panel. "France okay for you?"
I could not believe this. The kid was seriously whacked if he meant all of this! "Wait till I tell Mom about this! You are gonna be in so much trouble!"
"No!" He stopped me before I could get to the stairs. "Please! If you tell her, she'll take all this stuff away!"
"Well, yeah, I think that's kind of the idea." I stepped around him and started upstairs.
He blocked my path. "Have I told you, my dear sister, how much I love you? You are my favorite sister, after all."
"I'm your only sister. Move, Jack."
"I'll do anything for you, anything at all! Just don't tell Mom about this place! It has to be our secret!"
"Anything?" I smelled serious blackmail potential here.
"Anything! I swear! I'll clean your room! I'll wash, wax, and vacuum your car! I'll reprogram your cell phone!"
"Why would my cell phone need reprogramming?"
"Cause I kinda . . . took it apart and put it back together. I think I lost your address book, but I can get it back!"
"You touched my phone?" Nobody touches my phone! Not even in an emergency!
"I only needed to look at the insides! I put everything back where it belongs! I just need to reprogram everything, and it'll be good as new!"
"It better be. After you finish with my phone, you can clean my room, wash my car, and do the dishes for the next week."
"Next week?" He didn't look happy.
"Otherwise . . ."
"Okay! A week it is! I'll have that phone back to you tomorrow!"
"Tonight."
"Tonight?"
"Or the whole deal's off."
He swallowed. "I guess I can do it by tonight. I mean, of course I can! You will keep your end of the bargain, right?"
"Of course I will." If I play this right, I thought, I may never have to do chores again! What do you know, Weasel Face turned out to be good for something after all!
"Oh, and Jack?" I said, as I started back up the stairs.
"Yeah, Tiff?"
"France sucks. Give me Spain instead."
I don't think he'll really conquer the world, but it pays to have him on my side.
Maybe I can even rent him out to my friends.
Yeah, okay, he's weird, but he does a great hot wax. (I mean on the car, you sickie!)
And since I got my phone back, I can get signal anywhere. The only problem is, I keep getting this girl who speaks Japanese. I don't know anybody who speaks Japanese! Am I talking to Japan, or what?
So he's still annoying. And I never did get my hair bands back. But he looks soooo cute in that little apron while he's drying the dishes!
He's so much more entertaining than a puppy.