AN: Got this from another drabble. I thought this one was so cute, I had to expand it. So now, we have this!
Disclaimer: you're crazy to think an eighth grader owns Naruto
Unsuspecting as she was, she wasn't all that surprised when her little blonde gennin busted through her door and made a bee-line for her.
"Wha-!" Tsunade started to protest, being stopped by one of his hands clamped to her mouth.
"Please hide me!" He pleaded, his eyes watering and lip turned up in a pout. Tsunade gave a slight nod of her head and the boy huddled behind her chair as promised. Be fore she had the chance to turn and ask what he was hiding from, the large hulking-bulk of an oh-so familiar pervert barreled into her office, breathing heavily with his hands anchored on his knees. He looked up at her, his onyx eyes boring into her honey-brown.
"Have…did Naruto come through here?" He managed to get out between pants. Tsunade was about to tell Jiraiya no, but with her curiosity peaked and the large stack of paperwork looming before her, procrastination sounded like a good idea.
"Why are you looking for him?" Tsunade asked innocently, even batting an eyelash or two to get the desired effect on the man before her.
"Because told me a lame joke…" Jiraiya answered honestly. Tsunade felt her blood pressure rise at the infantile reason, and slowly began to reach back for the boy behind her chair and give him away, but her eyes fell upon her paperwork.
"What was the joke?" Said the Procrastinator. Jiraiya froze at the question, his eyes diverting to areas other than her.
"It's really stupid…nothing worthy of the Hokage and all her grace." Jiraiya sped through his words in one breath. Knowing he was lying, Tsunade sent Jiraiya the look, the 'do you want to be castrated with a dull knife?' kind of look.
Knowing the look all too well, Jiraiya gave a microscopic shake of his head and then sighed in defeat.
"Well Naruto said…that if we were a family, me being the father and you the mother…" Jiraiya started out a bit shaky.
"That it would be super dysfunctional and we would end up killing each other." He finished quickly and closed his eyes in the practiced manner he picked up from years of having to receive cruel and unusual punishment from the woman sitting calmly at her desk. Tsunade sat quietly in shock for a bit, remembering the day before when she had done something she never thought she would do.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Naruto had sprung into her office (unannounced of course) and had invited her to dinner with him. At first she sat with a manicured brow arched in confusion, then realized the boy's version of dinner meant a few (being generous here) bowls of that Ichiraku ramen he was always raving about.
The boy was still strained in some ungodly pose, waiting for her answer when she finally giggled a yes and left her office with him jumping out of his shoes, ready for ramen.
After three bowls for her and five for him, the two sat at the bar in utter exhaustion from their meal. Tsunade was getting ready to pay, Naruto pulling out his own frog wallet to pay for his share when the old man came up to the counter.
"No, no, no. These are on the house." He said with a hand raised, signaling for no arguing.
"Sweet! Thanks old man." Naruto chirped.
"Well the only reason they're free is because of your date here." Teuchi laughed with his head cocked towards Tsunade.
"Oh, please!" Tsunade laughed at the old man and his joke, Naruto grumbling a bit in the corner.
With thanks being yelled back, the two started walking away to their respective homes, the trail coming to a fork and the two having to go separate ways.
"Thank you for the meal, Naruto. I haven't eaten like that in years!" Tsunade giggled when she remembered herself slurping down those enormous three bowls.
"No problem, baa-chan! It was better because it was free." Naruto gave her a devious wink and a pat on his pocket where his wallet lay, still plump and prosperous. She was about to leave when she saw something on his face, a dried drop of broth on his cheek.
"Don't you know how to use a napkin?" Tsunade lightly scolded and Naruto gave her a befuddled look.
"What?" He asked, a bit scared.
"C'mere." Tsunade ushered him with her hand and Naruto took a few steps forward until he was nearly ten inches away from her. Tsunade licked her thumb inconspicuously enough and leaned down to meet his level (he was still so short). Taking his chin in her hand, she rubbed away the blemish with her wet thumb. Almost not realizing what she was doing, Naruto jumped back at the touch.
"Eww, gross! That's your spit, don't do that!" He shrieked as he slapped a hand to his offending cheek.
"Well at least you don't look stupid!" Tsunade growled, annoyed that he reacted like that after she did him a favor, ungrateful brat.
"Great, thanks! But now I look like a baby!" He called back, a small blush forming on his face from the foreign maternal gesture.
"Better that than stupid!" She lashed back with her sharp tongue, eyes gleaming with the sparkle of victory. Naruto knew he was caught and felt his blush deepen, quickly turning away to go home.
"Thank you…" He grumbled back as he headed home, the tiniest of smiles tugging on his lips as he held his cheek.
"You're welcome, brat!" Tsunade called back, turning to go home and shaking her head.
OoOoOOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
"I didn't mean it like that!" Tsunade defended out of the blue.
"What?" Jiraiya, confused as to what she meant. Tsunade reached back and grabbed the boy by the back of his fluorescent orange jacket and lifted him to her level. Naruto also wore a dumbfounded look; his sparkling cerulean orbs fixed themselves on her brown in an attempt to decipher just what she meant.
"You just had something on your face!" Tsunade said and Naruto gasped in realization, brow furrowing in defense.
"Well that's what it felt like, woman! That's what I see mothers doing to their kids!" Naruto defended. Tsunade nearly dropped him after his last few words.
"You really think of me that way?" Tsunade asked softly, a tear brimming in her eye.
"Well yeah, sure!" He said nonchalantly while he put his hands behind his head.
"You're always yelling at me like Shikamaru's mom and you always make sure I'm eating right like Chouji's mom, although I'm not eating as much as Chouji's mom lets him, but still. And…" The rest of his reasons seemed to dissipate before they reached her ears, she could only hear the thrumming of her heart as she stared at the boy she held by the collar. This was new, something she wasn't exactly expecting to hear when he first busted into her office.
Tsunade gently put him back on the floor when he finished and looked to Jiraiya. He was smiling at the boy's revelations.
"That was really sweet, Naruto." Jiraiya said when Naruto was secure on the ground. Jiraiya looked back to Tsunade, noting the lost look on her face and the smile she was trying to hide. But then her expression suddenly turned violent and she regained her vice grip on Naruto's collar, bringing him to her face until their noses nearly touched.
"Dysfunctional?" She growled and a few of her knuckles cracked for emphasis.
"Yeah because you and Pervy Sage are always fighting and yelling at each other. And you're always threatening to castrate him! What does that even mean?" Naruto shot back.
"And where do you fit into all of this?" Tsunade growled at Naruto, inwardly slapping herself for getting into an argument over pretend things. Naruto looked hurt, but then quickly fixed himself to where it was like she had never said anything.
"Well I kinda' look like you…" Naruto muttered with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Do not." Tsunade grumbled and Naruto shot up in surprise.
"Yeah-huh!" He said and gently grabbed a lock of her hair and compared it to his as he leaned his head in to meet his little spikes with her locks. Tsunade looked at them for a second, nearly letting loose the grumble she was holding in. Same color, nearly the same shade.
But that didn't prove anything.
"That's just a genetic trait that can pop up in a family full of brunets." She retorted matter-of-factly and pulled her hair out of his hand and set him back on the floor.
"You're just making stuff up so you can go around saying you look like a gorgeous woman such as myself." Tsunade snarked as Naruto gave a huff.
"Whatever, baa-chan. At least I'm not married to a pervert." Naruto shot back before he ran out of her office, narrowly avoiding a fairly large book to his head. Jiraiya had ducked behind a chair, in fear of Tsunade's wrath as he watched the woman seethe.
She turned to the only remaining occupant, casting a deathly glare at him.
"Get. Out." Tsunade rumbled and Jiraiya quickly stood and headed for the door.
"No problem, honey-buns!" He shot back with a grin and narrowly dodged Tsunade's chair as it was hurled his way.
With her chair in pieces and her temper hot, Tsunade opened her bottom drawer and pulled out the bottle of sake her palate was craving.
"My husband and son make me want to drink." She muttered and popped off the cork.
They would make me want to drink, too. I love pairings like this one because the anime already kind of displays the three like this, dysfunctional and crazy, but enough love to balance it all out. YOSH! Very youthful...makes me want to cry *holds in sob*. Thanks for reading and please review, I wrote two other stories inspired by Soraya the All Speaker's drabbles and like nobody reviewed (except Soraya herself). One is called Lions, it's about the day Sarutobi found Orochimaru cutting people in pieces down in his evil lair and Tsunade beats him up. The other one is called Business & Money where Kakuzu and Tsunade meet in her grandfather's home and again twenty years later. So check them out if you like Tales of the Leaves, I think my expansions are pretty beast.
PEACE :P