John Egbert was not looking forward to school.
A victim of troll phobia unceasing hatred of all trolls, he had a very difficult time going to public school, where there were always trolls bustling about, being huge douchebags and spray painting his locker and crap.
Luckily, there weren't any more trolls in John's school than there were humans, the population a good 50:50 ratio. However, when one hated (read: feared) trolls as much as John Egbert did, it didn't make your world too much easier either way. Trolls were still trolls, and in the end, he simply tried to avoid them as much as possible, though they typically didn't mind.
Though trolls and humans were viewed as equal in court, society, and everywhere else, the two groups tended to hate each other, constantly pulling things in order to sabotage them at work or school, bullying each other, and frequently attacking one another. While not rare, it was extremely uncommon for people of either group to befriend someone of the other, and downright rare to find trolls who would actually date a human and vice versa.
What made matters worse were that the trolls were actually naturally stronger than humans, as well as a bit faster. They didn't look anything alike, and with their horns, fangs, and claws, they tended to come off as quite intimidating.
Still, it didn't stop humans from attacking trolls, too, or doing things to make the other angry, nor did it stop rivalries from igniting between the two groups.
In fact, there was one particular group of trolls John and his friends had the most trouble with or hated the most, a specific group in which challenges, rivalries, and sabotages came and went when concerning the four human buddies. This group was compromised of ten trolls in all, three of which, however, claimed not to care either way, and had no desire to mess with the poor humans. That's not to say it stopped the other seven, and because of their superior numbers and strengths, not to mention the fact that most of them were a grade or so older, it tended to mean that the trolls won. Not always, however, but most of the time, even if the humans didn't want to admit it, the trolls won.
Suffice to say, the humans might have hated the trolls more than the trolls hated the humans.
Or at least, according to Jade, Dave and John did. Apparently the girls didn't much care for all the hate-fighting anymore, which, when introduced in the wee hours of the morning as the small group gathered in front of the school, was not exactly warmly welcomed.
"What do you mean?" John demanded, eyes widening in disbelief, "Those trolls have been messing with us since we were little wobbling toddlers! How could you not dislike them?!"
"Oh, I still dislike them. In fact, I daresay I still hate them," Rose clarified, "However, I have come to realize that it's both impractical and impossible for the entire race of trolls to be identical in behavior and personality. Some of them most be good, it wouldn't make logical sense for the whole species to be bad apples."
"How do you know?" John asked, flailing his arms about, "They're a different species! They have their own rules for things like that as far as we know!"
"Well, we don't know. And so I'm not going to pass the mighty hand of judgment on the whole lot quite yet."
"She does have a point, you know!" Jade exclaimed, immediately crossing over to join Rose's side, placing a hand gently on the other girl's shoulder.
"What about you, Dave? Are you still with me?" John questioned desperately, wheeling around to face his best friend.
"I haven't met any decent trolls. But it would be kind of ironic if I sided with the girls . . ." the blonde murmured thoughtfully, pushing his sunglasses back in place over his face.
"Dave!"
"I'm kidding, Egbert. Don't get your panties in a twist."
A snicker sounded directly behind them, a dreadfully familiar one, and with the feeling of his gut sinking, John turned to see what his friends were already looking at, knowing even before he turned who was behind him.
And indeed, right there in his face was none other than one of the trolls by the name of Vriska, who had an eye patch-like thing on one of her glasses' lends. A tumbling waterfall of black led all the way down her back, ending just a bit past her waist, her lips colored with blue lipstick (which was kind of odd to John, not that he usually mentioned it) and eyes lined in blue eyeliner.
"I always knew you wore panties, Johnny," she mocked, laughing to herself.
John felt his face heat up in anger and embarrassment, "I do not! Dave was just joking around!"
Normally Dave would go along with the other party in order to keep teasing John, but not when it was trolls involved. Especially this particular group of trolls, though when he looked around, John noticed he didn't see many of the others from Vriska's group, only Nepta and Equis, who were off a distance discussing something amongst themselves, and appeared very much focused on their conversation.
Was Vriska really risking coming at the humans alone? How weird. John was always used to at least a few members of the group hassling them, but not usually only one troll. It was abnormal.
"Leave us alone, will you?" Jade spat at Vriska, looking noticeably angry now. "We weren't even bothering you!"
"But John!" she gasped, taking a step forward, closer to him. Though he didn't like trolls in the least, he couldn't help but blush as her close proximity. After all, she was still a girl—and a very attractive one at that—and he didn't get much (if any) attention from that group, besides Jade and Rose. "How can you be so much of a jerk? I haven't even done anything yet, and already you're telling me to get lost? That's a bit rude, don't you think?"
He opened his mouth, but had no idea what to say to that. Dang girl and her stupid female charms!
Luckily, Jade swooped in to save the day. "Hey, no need to put him on the spot like that! We all know what you do to your 'friends,' and if that's how you treat them, we don't want anything to do with you!"
Go Jade! John's inner mind cheered, unable to hold back the grin that alighted his face.
"Hmph. I only play around," the she-troll said dismissively, flipping a long lock of black hair behind her shoulder and taking a blessed step back away from John, allowing him a mental sigh of relief. "But if that's how you want it, fine; I'll leave." She side-shayed away from the small group of humans, all of whom watched her until she rejoined her troll group, breathing loud sighs of relief.
"Anyway," Dave said, breaking the tense silence the troll girl left behind, "I randomly heard someone is currently dating an anonymous someone else."
"Oh yeah!" Jade exclaimed, jumping up and down happily as she turned to look at Rose. "Who's the lucky guy, huh?"
"Pardon me for any rudeness, but who said anything about my partner being of the male variety?" Rose asked, raising a delicate fair brow.
"You're into girls?" John blurted before he could help himself, receiving looks from all around. "Er, not that that's a bad thing or anything! I'm just—surprised. I never heard anything about your liking other girls. Then again, you've never really talked about guys either, now that I think about it . . ."
"So, who's the lucky lady?" Dave asked, ignoring the nervously babbling John.
"I'm going to keep that information to myself for now, as I'm still not certain whether we're 'officially dating' or not." she replied, shrugging her slim shoulders. "It's rather complicated, but I'll be sure to keep you three updated."
"Woo!" John and Jade cheered.
Dave didn't reply; too busy shoving his hands in his pockets and posing coolly to respond like a happy dork.
The four continued chattering contently, all the way until the bell rang, signaling that they needed to hurry up and get to class. Unfortunately, John had his first period alone, and so after walking with his friends to their lockers, which were a bit spread out, or as Jade preferred to say, "Miles apart from one another."
So it was here the young Egbert bided his friends farewell and headed to his English class, thumbs slipping underneath his backpack straps as he practically bounced down the hall.
The room was already three-quarters full when he entered, students spread out in clusters throughout the room, talking and laughing too loudly, though John didn't ever mind. His own desk tended to be deserted amongst the chaos of bodies and voices, which was nice, if not a bit sad. However, unluckily for him one of the twelve trolls shared first period with him, and it might not have been so bad, had this troll not sat diagonal to him, and had this troll not been one of the angrier, more violent ones.
Karkat Vantas wasn't even talking to anyone else when he walked in; instead, the older student sat in his desk, resting his sharp jaw on his fists, face twisted into a scowl as he stared ahead of him into the distance, brooding, most likely. It was one of the most dangerous times to be around Karkat, not only because he was already working himself up into a bad mood, but because he tended to say and do very confusing things that made no sense to John.
Trying to make as little noise as possible, John slowly tiptoed to his seat, gently setting his bag down next to his desk and very carefully sliding into his chair, being careful to keep it from moving and alerting the troll of his presence.
Luckily for him, Vantas didn't even seem to notice, too busy glaring at the air ahead of him to notice the nervous human just a few measly feet away from him. Which was good, because John didn't really feel like getting picked up off his feet by the collar of his shirt again, nor did he feel like wiping off the collection of spit that would splatter his face once Karkles began yelling at him.
He tried not to look straight at the troll, fidgeting uncomfortably in his chair. Somehow, he was certain if he anxiously watched Karkat, waiting for him to turn around and notice him, it would eventually happen.
When the bell signaling the start of class rang and the troll still hadn't noticed him, John breathed a loud sigh of relief, not caring that his nemesis finally started and turned to glare at him, because the teacher was in the room by then and already up at the board, calling for silence.
Karkat was forced to turn around and fix his attention forward, or at the very least, face forward and pretend to pay attention. John simply bathed in the happiness not being bullied by Karkat brought him until the end of the period. Unfortunately, that seemed to be where his luck ran out.
Usually John is one of the last kids to leave the classroom, as he's so slow getting all of his things together and zipping it safely into his backpack. He never minded his own slowness; in fact, due to his snail-like pace, he typically avoided too much traffic by the door of the classroom, which was always a good thing in his eyes. However, he didn't notice the teacher following the rest of the kids out of the classroom, nor did he observe the small detail that he wasn't totally alone as he stood up and began filing away his notes and textbook into his bag, humming obliviously to himself.
No, it wasn't until he felt something shove hard against his back, sending him stumbling so hard into his chair he knocked it over, twisting clumsily in the air only to fall with his body painfully and awkwardly draped over it, that he realized he had never seen Karkat Vantas leave the classroom with the other students, not that he usually paid attention to who all left anyways.
"Ow," John whined, pushing himself away from the collapsed chair, forcefully pulling his entangled legs away from the hard metal contraption.
Karkat snatched him by the collar before he could put anymore distance between them, pulling the dorky human up so his feet dangled above the floor just a centimeter or two, his face level with that of his enemy troll's, who glared with his strange eyes, the hatred and anger in their depths nothing unfamiliar to the human boy.
"Egderp," he hissed, lips pulling back into a sneer that revealed a row of pointed white fangs.
"Karkles," John choked back, uselessly pulling on the troll's hands in an attempt to force the other to let go of him. Of course, it didn't even falter the troll, but John refused to admit defeat so easily.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" he sneered, the anger radiating off of him in heavy waves.
John didn't get the chance to answer with his own retort before he was slammed on top of his desk, groaning as his back screamed out its pain, arching in order to attempt to avoid the blunt of the pain. It didn't exactly work, and probably only succeeded in making him look like a loony idiot, but Karkat seemed more focused on glowering at him from above than making fun of his dumb responses.
"Let go of me!" John exclaimed, wiggling around in a vain attempt to get out of Karkat's hold.
The troll's grip just tightened, and he slammed Egbert back into the desk again, earning a soft groan of pain. "Shut up, Egderp. Gog, I don't know how I stand your bull**** every day. It's the most annoying ****ing thing I've yet come across, which is surprising, since I'm friends with a bunch of untrustworthy moronic grubs."
"Well, so are you! So there!" John oh-so-wittily retorted, earning another body-slam. "Ow."
The anger on Karkat's face was enough to make John shrink back in terror, palms going clammy with sweat and eyes widening. His gray skin was actually ever so slightly flushed pink, his fangs gritted, dark lips pulled back to show off the impressive array of sharp pearly white's, dark eyes narrowed dangerously down at him. The frightened human fought off the urge to shudder or scream.
The troll opened his mouth, rage still oozing off of him in thick, heated clouds, but the bell rang, cutting in to whatever insult was about to spew from his mouth, and with a displeased noise, he threw John back into the desk and walked away, backpack already slung over his shoulder and body aiming for the door.
All John could do was release a breath he hadn't known he was holding, sinking back limply against the desk, not caring that he was going to be late for his second period.
-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]-
EB: i tried to take your advice. it didnt work :'B
CG: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN IT DIDN'T WORK? WERE YOU BEING A CHICKEN SHIT ABOUT IT? OR DID YOU BY SOME SOPER-INDUCED MIRACLE ACTUALLY FOLLOW MY FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS?
CG: NO, DON'T ANSWER THAT
CG: IF YOU HAD FOLLOWED MY ****ING DETAILED AS SHIT INSTRUCTIONS, IT WOULD HAVE WORKED
EB: i did follow your instructions! one of the guys i told you about was in my first period
EB: i was just going to leave with everyone else but i didnt realize he hadnt left. it was awful. he slammed me against the desk and everything! not that i want to sound like a whiny baby that poops myself every time i get scared, but it hurt!
CG: WELL SHIT. DID YOU STAND UP TO HIM LIKE I TOLD YOU TO DO?
EB: yes!
EB: well . . . sort of, anyway
EB: i couldnt help it though, he's really scary! And he's stronger than me, and has more friends than i do, and we were all by ourselves with no one around to hear or help me . . .
EB: so excuse me if i decided not to confront him quite yet! he could have seriously hurt me!
CG: DON'T BE A NOOKSNIFFING WRIGGLER. IF YOU WANT THAT ****ASS TO LEAVE YOU ALONE, YOU HAVE TO STAND THE **** UP AND TELL HIM TO BACK THE **** DOWN, KIND OF LIKE BARKBEASTS. THEY ATTACK EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME TO ASSERT DOMINANCE AND SHIT. BE LIKE THE BARKBEAST.
CG: OR BETTER YET, BE THE BARKBEAST
EB: you want me to be a dog? im not sure thats going to help much . . .
CG: NO, SHIT FOR BRAINS. I WANT YOU TO GROW A BULGE AND DEFEND YOURSELF. GOG HELP ME IF YOU DIE OR SOME SHIT.
EB: awww. do you worry about me? :B
CG: ABSOLUTELY NOT. GOG. I COULDN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I DESPISE YOUR STUPID EMOTICONS AND IM-****ING-PROPER GRAMMAR. IT IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING I HAVE ENCOUNTERED SINCE MY SO-CALLED FRIEND REPLACED ALL OF MY FOOD WITH THE HUMAN "CRAYONS" OF VARYING COLORS.
CG: IT WAS THE MOST HORRIFYING THING I'D SEEN. IMAGINE BEING ALONE, HUNGRY, AND WEAK, EXPECTING A CHILLBOX FULL OF FOOD AND THEN BAM. TROLL BLOOD-COLORED HUMAN CREATIONS EVERYWHERE.
EB: thats awful! what did you do?
CG: I WENT TO MY MOIRAIL'S HOUSE, WHAT THE **** DO YOU THINK I DID? I WASN'T JUST GOING TO STARE AT THE CRAYONS AND STARVE.
EB: well thats a relief, i guess. did you ever talk to your friend about it?
CG: IF YOU MEAN DID I YELL AT HER IN THE MOST INTIMIDATING AND PARENTAL WAY POSSIBLE, THEN YES. YES I ****ING DID.
EB: oh. shoot. i have to go now.
EB: see ya later!
CG: YEAH, YEAH. ABANDON ME AFTER I GIVE YOU MY WISE ADVICE AND CHEER YOU UP WITH EMBARRASING AS SHIT STORIES. SEE IF I CARE.
CG: DIDN'T WHATEVER ACTS AS YOUR GUARDIAN TEACH YOU BETTER MANNERS?
EB: *giggles* okay, but seriously, i have to go now! bye!
-ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]-
CG: WHAT A LITTLE GRUBSHIT
John was feeling a lot better once the lunch bell rolled around, and happily bounded over to sit with his friends outside at their usual lunch table. Rose and Dave were already sitting at the table, talking quietly amongst themselves whenever John plopped down next to them, grinning happily.
"'Sup Egderp," Dave said by way of greeting.
"Hello to you, fellow classmate," Rose waved, smiling ever so slightly.
"Where's Jade?" John questioned, still smiling as he set his lunchbox out on the picnic table, praying that for once, his dad hadn't packed a slice of cake or a single cupcake away with the rest of his meal.
"I do believe she is waiting in line to receive her lunch tray," Rose commented, sipping at a water bottle thoughtfully. "She'll be back any minute now. Did you adoptive father pack you anything interesting today?" Of course, his friends knew all about his complicated family circumstances, but that was alright, as John wasn't too hung up or hurt over it anyway, and besides, he also knew all about THEIR really complex family dynamics as well.
John opened up his lunchbox and peeked inside dreadfully, feeling the bile rise up in his throat as he spotted the container sitting on top of the rest of his lunch, filled with none other than the most unspeakable, evil dish to ever be baked into existence: Betty Crocker cookies.
"Take them!" he commanded, throwing the container towards Dave and Rose, who both lunged for the plastic box at the same time, pushing and clawing at each other as they fought over it. For some inane reason, the two thought his dad's pastries were "delicacies," as did most everyone else who ever seemed to have the misfortune of meeting and tasting one of John's dad's desserts.
The rest of his lunch was, thankfully, normal: a PB&J sandwich, a sandwich bag full of baby carrots, and a bottle of water. Lunch of the champions.
Dave had just taken claim to the container of cakes, holding them up higher than Rose could reach, when they were suddenly snatched from his thin hands entirely. All three human freshmen looked up into the grinning face of Gamzee Makara, who honked a small horn gleefully, eyes shining. "Sup, mother****ers?"
Obviously, this was loosely inspired by one of Zilleniose's plots off of tumblr. Just for anyone who suddenly got mad or felt a strange case of deja vu.
And yes, I do have a lot of my own ideas, so I'm not a total copycat. Thank you.