Draco and the Boy Named Sheldon
Author's note: Hi there! This is my first ever fan fiction that I had the audacity to publish.
I know this is an extremely random crack ship between Neville Longbottom and Draco Malfoy, but I just had the urge to right this little story. I hope you enjoy, all critique is welcome!
Disclaimer: All of these characters belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling.
"Hey Neville!" Luna Lovegood prodded the boy with a quill to get his attention as they made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Neville turned and Luna knew right away that he wasn't feeling quite like his usual self. His usually flushed cheeks had taken on a sickly greenish hue, and his body was quivering slightly as they walked.
"Are you alright?" She asked in a concerned tone as they pushed through the crowd of students and into the Great Hall.
"Y-yeah…" He stuttered, and from the light of the flickering candles overhead Luna could see sweat start to form on Neville's face.
"Are you sure? You look pretty horrible."
"Well thanks a lot…." Neville managed to say as his lip began to quiver rapidly. Luna had stopped walking and was now eyeing her friend rather suspiciously.
"Are you going to be sick? I should take you down to Madam Pomfreys!"
Before Neville could open his mouth to reply, Draco Malfoy, who had been stuck behind the two for a while now, shoved the boy impatiently and snarled, "Hurry up, you fat ass, you're taking up the line!"
Neville suddenly felt as if his stomach had twisted into a tight knot, and before anyone could react, he threw up. The vomit spattered on the floor with a sickening splash and a good portion of it had landed on Draco's perfectly polished shoes. "My shoes!" Draco cried in horror, "Neville Longbottom just ruined my beautiful shoes!"
The whole school it seemed had stopped whatever they were doing to watch the scene unfold. "That ignorant slug just ruined my shoes!" Draco screamed again, his face flushing into a bright red as he jumped up and down like a spoiled little kid.
"He didn't mean too, he was feeling sick." Luna said calmly, watching with wide eyes as Draco unleashed his tantrum. Draco ignored her and began to scan the crowd for the one who had ruined his shoes. Neville had luckily chosen the perfect moment, (when Draco was too busy screaming to notice his surroundings) to duck into the crowd of students and retreat out of the Great Hall.
"Longbottom! Come out and face me like a man!" Draco shrieked when he had yet to find Neville among the myriad of students.
"What's he going on about?" Asked Ronald Weasely who was flanked by Hermoine and Harry. Harry and Hermoine merely shrugged and turned their attention back to Draco Malfoy who was now banging his fists on the ground in anger.
"It's Neville." A familiar voice snickered from behind them, and the trio turned to see the Weasely twins, red-faced and failing to hold in their laughter.
"What about him?" Harry asked, flicking his gaze between the twins and Draco Malfoy who had now begun to curl up in a ball and cry.
"Neville threw up, you see?" Said Fred, grinning mischievously, "But I wouldn't go praising Neville for this, it was all us!" The twins smiled at each other and were both beaming as if they had announced the birth of a baby.
"How was it all you?" Hermoine asked, furrowing her eyebrows.
"We gave him polyjuice potion!" George laughed, "and we managed to make the effects last much longer than an hour."
"You did WHAT?" Hermoine screamed almost as loudly as Draco had done just a moment earlier.
The twins held up their hands in surrender, "calm down, it's just a prank, that's all." George sounded as if he were preparing himself for a lecture that was bound to come.
"Whose hair did you use?" Hermoine said much quieter this time, as a few students had begun to watch them with interest.
"That's the thing…." Fred started, looking up at the ceiling as if asking the heavens for support.
"We're not sure…" George finished for him.
The Great Hall was filled once more with an uproar that seemed impossible to cease. Hermoine was screaming a lecture at the twins, and everyone but the Slytherins, who were seated at their table, heads down in shame, were watching Draco sob uncontrollably; pointing and laughing at his pitiful state. Luna Lovegood on the other hand, knew just what to do. Surreptitiously, as to not attract attention to herself, she slipped out of the hall and made her way to the spot she was positive Neville would be in. No one was watching as the blonde girl pushed the door open to the boy's bathroom and disappeared inside.
Neville Longbottom felt much different compared to his state just a few minutes earlier. His nausea had disappeared, and he was no longer quivering, he thought it had just been a mild food poisoning, or perhaps too much butter beer from the night before, but as he stepped out of the bathroom stall nothing prepared him for what he saw next.
He definitely wasn't Neville anymore, or so, he didn't look like Neville. He was taller and thinner, with shaggy brown hair and a thick pair of glasses perched atop his crooked nose. "Wha-?" He wondered in shock as he studied his unfamiliar face in the mirror.
"No need to be frightened." Neville whirled around to see his friend Luna Lovegood, who had been shamelessly standing in the corner of the boy's bathroom for who knew how long.
"Luna?" Neville cried, in a mixture of shock and awe at her daring move.
"Yes, but don't be afraid, it's only polyjuice potion." Luna flipped her long wavy hair over her shoulder.
"Oh, then should we go to a professor?" Neville asked, turning back once more to study his new appearance in the mirror.
"No!" Luna cried, making Neville flinch at the amount of command in her voice. Then, more quietly she added, "We must not ask for help, you must become this person, you must act like him, until the potion wears off."
"Why?" Neville asked, staring at Luna as if she were mad.
"Because…." She trailed off, as if she were unsure of what to say. "Because you will get the twins in trouble."
"The twins did this to me?"
Luna nodded solemnly, "yes, and you know how much trouble they get themselves into already…if they were caught doing this then they would surely be expelled. You don't want them expelled, do you?"
"I guess…" Neville said uncertainly.
"Good!" Luna chirped, "Then you're impersonating Sheldon Shellysquash, and if I'm right then you're in Hufflepuff."
"Sheldon…wha-?"
"Shelly-squash." Luna said slowly as if he were stupid.
"What about the real Sheldon Shelly…Squash?"
"We'll have to take care of him." Luna said gravely before brightening up again. "Just remember, you're in Hufflepuff, and if I heard right then this potion should wear off in a week."
"I have no idea what is happening." Neville mumbled, flushing a bright red.
"Just repeat after me; you are the real Sheldon Shellysquash!" Luna said reassuringly, her face lit up with some unknown excitement.
"I am the real Sheldon Shellysquash." Neville said uncertainly.
"You're the real Sheldon Shellysquash!"
"I'm the real Sheldon Shellysquash."
"Good Neville!" Luna said encouragingly. "You are the real Sheldon Shellysquash!"
"I'm the real Sheldon Shellysquash!"
"Who are you?" Luna cried.
"I'M THE REAL SHELDON SHELLYSQUASH!" Neville screamed, his voice echoing throughout the bathroom.
"Alright!" Luna grinned, grabbing Neville's hand and pulling him out of the bathroom. As Luna led the way back to the Great Hall, all the while dragging Neville behind her, they never stopped chanting;
"I'M THE REAL SHELDON SHELLYSQUASH!"