"Just a Little Bit Longer" is a Can You Keep a Secret? side story of Chapter Fifteen written from Natsume's perspective. If you haven't read Can You Keep a Secret? yet – which I strongly suggest you do – you might find it difficult to understand some things written in here. So there. I hope you enjoy! :) Another thing I suggest you to do is to open the fifteenth chapter of Can You Keep a Secret and see how different Natsume thinks from how Mikan thinks Natsume is thinking.
NOW PLAYING – She's So High Above Me by Everclear
Sadly, no, I don't own Gakuen Alice.
Just a Little Bit Longer
a side story to Can You Keep a Secret?
Written by: Aminatsu032
He read the same paragraph for about the eighth time that afternoon, failing to comprehend its context.
Hyuuga Natsume wasn't normally like this – normally, he'd be finishing the whole selection by now, but the presence of a certain toffee-haired girl distracted him … and being away from her distracted him even more.
Natsume was alien to this feeling. He didn't know why but when Sakura Mikan consented that she'd be leaving ten minutes ago, Natsume felt the urge to give her more papers to work on. But he decided against it. Polka-dots had been through a rough week already – having a fight with her senpai, Harada Misaki, being robbed, being mocked at by his very own sister – she didn't deserve to be punished any more than she was now.
And somehow, he felt responsible about what Mikan was going through.
Natsume stopped reading idly at mid-paragraph when he heard heavy footsteps right outside his office door.
Natsume smirked. Nobody made those kinds of footsteps under Flame Corporation premises. Nobody but her, of course.
The door quickly opened and closed, revealing a very tense brunette.
Natsume raised his head from the files that he wasn't reading at all. "I thought you went back to the hotel already," he said, trying hard to hide any hints of interest in his voice.
Mikan stepped away from his door and walked towards her desk. "I …" she paused, "forgot something," she continued on lamely.
Natsume tried hard not to smirk. Forgot something. Hn.
Somehow, he was amused, because although she knew she was never good at lying, she still did it. And even though it wasn't really his business to know, he wanted to, still. Sakura Mikan had always been interesting to him.
He subtly watched her shuffle through the things inside her drawer. From the looks of it, she didn't exactly know what she was doing. She had that occupied look in her eyes, looking as though she was thinking hard about something. He wasn't sure what it was, until he caught her sneak one quick look at him.
Somehow, Natsume felt smug at what he saw. Che. The girl was thinking about him.
"You won't find what you're looking for unless you know what it is," Natsume remarked, still pretending to be absorbed by a paper full of complicated graphs and numbers.
The brunette paused for a moment, as if surprised that she was caught so soon, but decided on carrying on with her act as long as she could. Natsume had a feeling there was something she didn't want to see outside.
"I do know what I'm looking for," she said proudly.
Natsume scoffed. It was amusing how stubborn this girl was. "Oh yeah?" he challenged, finally giving up with the uninteresting folder he was reading and folding it shut. "Tell me what it is then, Polka."
Mikan raised her head at him, looking a little bit surprised. She had that thinking look in her face again and for about the millionth time since he had met her, he wondered, again, what the brunette was thinking.
Natsume looked at her seriously, realizing that among all the people he met, this girl was the hardest to decipher. No matter how much he had spent with her through the months of their pretend relationship, he never figured her out. Mainly because she always did things nobody could expect. It was like she had this impulse action to do things out of the ordinary – she smiled when she was supposed to be sad, she frowned upon the most shallow things and she had this tendency to strive harder when things were at its worst, which Natsume surprisingly admired.
"I …" the girl paused, seeming to have broken through her trance, "was looking for my pen."
Natsume nodded once, pretending to believe her. "Your pen?" he echoed, trying hard not to smirk at her newly-found confidence.
Mikan continued on with looking for her 'pen'. "Yes," she said as-a-matter-of-factly. "My pen."
"Let me help then," Natsume said, standing up and heading to her direction – a movement that seemed to have startled the brunette.
Natsume watched her; amused that she was embarrassed at what he did. "Y-you don't need to do that," she snapped failing to feign eagerness.
Natsume shrugged. "Well, the faster you get out of here, the faster I could concentrate without you making those strange noises," he said, inching closer to her.
Truth be told, that wasn't really his reason. Sakura Mikan wasn't really making strange noises, but he wanted to see if she was nervous enough about her lie that she would agree to what he said. And if she did, he could keep her longer than he originally expected.
The brunette knotted her brows together in confusion. "What are you -" she stopped in mid-sentence, realizing that he was just playing with her.
Apparently not, Natsume thought, trying not to smirk.
Mikan grunted in annoyance. "Obnoxious prick," she bickered.
Natsume tried hard not to smirk again, but failed. This was her, alright – the only person who could insult the president of the company she was working at and not get an immediate firing. "Liar," Natsume countered coolly.
Natsume saw the girl blush as she crossed her arms. "As if you're not a liar yourself!"
For some strange, unknown reason, Natsume liked it when she was annoyed. He noticed her face getting redder and redder. Hmm … he must have hit a soft spot there.
He reached for the paperweight Mikan had on her table. It was round, he noticed, but had a flat side at the bottom. "Let me guess," he said, toying with the object he had in his hands. "You ran into Harada, didn't you?"
Mikan looked away. Hn. I was right.
"We're not really..." she trailed off, softly, "...okay yet, I guess."
"Hn." She was frowning. The girl who always smiled was frowning. And somehow, seeing that annoyed him to unfathomable levels.
"You were right," the brunette admitted sadly, although he was not exactly sure what he had been right about. "I shouldn't have pushed her – I'm such a mess. I can't get anything right."
Natsume watched her as she shook her head and buried hear face in her hands.
Why was he feeling like this? Why did he feel that he was responsible, again, at her misery? If he hadn't asked her to become his girlfriend, then she would have never met Nobara. If she never met Nobara, she wouldn't eat those damn strawberries she was allergic to. And if she didn't eat those, she shouldn't have seen Harada Misaki and that new vice president, Andou Tsubasa, together that night.
"What do I do?" he head her ask.
Natsume didn't answer. The only thing he thought she could do was to get away from him. He was causing her misery.
"Who am I kidding?" Mikan muttered. "Of course you wouldn't suggest anything to do. It's not like you had to go through things like this. You're perfect … and as much as I know, I'm the only imperfect thing in your perfect world."
From Mikan's perspective, it looked like he was ignoring her, but inwardly, Natsume scoffed. Perfect. Polka-dots were telling him that his life was perfect – and that she was the only imperfect thing in it, when in reality, it was more like the opposite.
Natsume's life was fucked up. He was stuck with a job he didn't really want to do, he had parents who didn't even talk to each other anymore, he had a sister traumatized with relationships and he still had to deal with that lawsuit a client was filing (which he told Mikan earlier that he had taken care of, because he didn't want her to worry). As much as Natsume knew, this girl beside him was the only right thing in it. Every time he was with her, he was soothed … and every time he was with her, he felt that his life was a little less complicated that it was now.
"You're wrong," he said the moment he found the words to speak.
The brunette tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"About my life being perfect," he answered after a short pause. "It's far from it."
Mikan scoffed, not buying his statement. "What are you talking about? You're head of the biggest company in all of Japan, you're rich, you're probably the smartest person I know and you're unbelievably handsome." - Natsume smirked at this - "I mean, what for can you wish for?"
Natsume nodded slowly, still smirking. As he said earlier, you never knew what this girl would say or do next. "You think I'm unbelievably handsome?" he mused, looking at her.
The brunette blushed, seeming to have realized the implication of what she said to him. "What are you talking about?" she asked, looking away. "Everybody does."
Natsume shrugged and looked up again. So they thought he was perfect because of the obvious. Everybody does, her words echoed. Everybody – that included Mikan herself.
"There's more to perfection that meets the eye," he said quietly, changing the subject back from him to what they were talking about earlier. It wasn't like he didn't want to talk about himself – it was just that he was afraid she wouldn't understand if ever he did tell her. "Just like there's more to your relationship with Harada than you think."
She tilted her head again, as she did when she didn't understand what he was talking about – which was exactly what he feared. "I'm not really getting what you mean."
Inwardly, Natsume frowned. No. Of course she wouldn't get it. She was different from him. They were people from two different worlds.
"If you're really friends with her," he began, heading back to his perfectly-painted table, "then you can make your way out of this."
For a moment, Mikan fell silent. And from the looks of it, it looked like she was surprised hearing those words coming out of him.
Truth be told, he was surprised, too. He wasn't normally like this. He didn't normally give a damn about other people's business – except, of course, Sakura Mikan wasn't part of those whom he considered as 'other people'.
She was different.
Entirely different.
And so he found himself drawing closer and closer to her.
"Just get out of here," Natsume said, briefly meeting her chocolate-colored eyes. "You've wasted enough of my time already."
The brunette seemed annoyed at his statement, Natsume noted. She stuck her tongue out at him. "Well, I never asked for your help anyway!"
Natsume could have ended it right then and there. She would have left if he didn't say anything else. Only, he did.
Just a little bit longer, something inside of him pushed. Just a little bit longer with her.
The raven-haired boy picked up the folder he was previously reading, not bothering to open it in the correct page. "Yes you did," he said.
Mikan seemed more annoyed with this, which amused him even more. "Well that was a rhetorical question!" she snapped, shutting the desk drawer, gathering her things messily and stomping loudly towards the door.
Natsume waited for the door to be completely shut before he relaxed. As much as he wanted to be relieved that the distraction was gone, he felt as empty as he did before Mikan arrived.
Natsume rubbed his temples gently, beginning to close his eyes, when he heard the door quietly open again.
Natsume almost jumped in surprise, assuming it was another person, when he noticed it was the brunette poking her head in once again. "Hey, Natsume?"
"What is it this time?" he snapped, annoyed that as much as he wanted to scold her for not knocking and disturbing him once again, he couldn't find the strength to do so.
Mikan rolled her chocolate eyes. "I just wanted to thank you," she said, looking as though she wasn't serious. She was making funny faces at him now, a childish act that he found as amusing as the other things she did. "So there."
The brunette stuck her tongue out at him again before closing the door finally.
And for the first time in a long time, Hyuuga Natsume found himself laughing.
He paced back and forth inside his office, glancing time by time at his golden watch. She was supposed to be here ages ago, but he suddenly found himself left in the lurch by the one person whom he thought wouldn't.
"Isn't it about time that you called her, Natsume?"
It was Igarashi Kaoru who said it to her son as he carefully turned to look at her.
"I don't need to," Natsume replied. "She'll be here in a moment."
Kaoru rolled her crimson eyes that mirrored the exact shade of red her son's eyes had. "You've been saying that for the past three hours."
Natsume gritted his teeth and glared at the raven-haired woman sitting casually in his black leather couch. "She'll be here," he repeated, his voice hard and knowing.
The woman shook her head slowly. "I don't understand the blind faith you have in that woman," she said bluntly. "She's not coming, Natsume."
The raven-haired boy said nothing in reply. Arguing further wouldn't do any good, for he knew deep down that his mother was right.
Except he'd be caught dead before admitting it.
"I understand that she's your fiancée," Kaoru continued, "and if you think that it's worth it that she's holding your performance back, I will respect it. But I sure hope that you know what you're doing."
Natsume watched as his mother stood up slowly and headed for the door.
"The board members are already expecting you at the board room," she said as she left. "I'll be taking charge of the meeting until you decide to sort out your responsibilities."
And with a click, the door closed, leaving Natsume staring blankly outside his office window.
'… the blind faith you have in that woman.'
Natsume closed his eyes tight for a moment, composing himself, before he went back to typing his report. The board members weren't satisfied with his performance earlier, and he knew that even if he was the president of the company, the grown-ups would still criticize him about his job.
Especially since he was only twenty.
A prodigy.
The youngest company president in all of Japan.
'She's not coming …'
And yet …
'… she's holding your performance back …'
… there was something …
'The board members are already expecting you …'
… he considered as his weakness.
'… sort out your responsibilities.'
Hyuuga Natsume abruptly closed his laptop and leaned back at his chair. He didn't know why he was so bothered about this realization, but in the two years of his company management he has never felt so … so …
' … I sure hope you know what you're doing.'
… vulnerable.
He banged his fists hard against the wooden table, his hands numbing in the process, but he couldn't care less.
'She's not coming …'
He had already crossed the line. His mother had already agreed about him not having to marry until he wanted to, so it was safe for him to call the deal off.
To end all of this.
To stop this pretending.
'… the blind faith you have in that woman.'
And yet …
'… she's holding your performance back.'
… he couldn't bring himself to let her go.
'I just wanted to thank you.'
The image of a familiar brunette flashed in his mind and he tried hard to shove it off.
'You're perfect.'
No.
He wasn't.
He wasn't …
He had never been …
He will never be …
' … I'm the only imperfect thing in your perfect world.'
… perfect.
"Let her go," he hoarsely whispered to himself in his quiet office.
'… sort out your responsibilities.'
He brought both this hands to his head as he crouched towards his desk, his elbows weighing him for support.
"Just let her go," he repeated.
'… she's holding your performance back.'
No.
He couldn't. Something inside of him was stopping him from doing so.
He didn't know what …
… or why …
… but this something …
… this something needed her …
… wanted her …
Just a little bit longer.
… so much …
… that he just couldn't …
… let her …
… go.
Keep her with you for just a little bit longer.
Hyuuga Natsume found himself lost.
And if he hadn't been here, experiencing this anguishing feeling, he wouldn't believe it.
Because Hyuuga Natsume had never been lost.
The sun has set about two hours before he found himself sitting on his hotel room shifting blankly through the channels in his television. He was halfway through his new report when he found himself in lost of ideas.
And, inevitably, he wasn't happy with this.
He continued playing with the remote until he heard three consecutive knocks at his door.
Natsume's lips pressed together as he placed the remote carelessly on the sofa. Natsume stood up and walked slowly towards the door.
"Hey," the brunette greeted with a small smile.
Natsume said nothing in return. Instead, he turned around and left the door open for her to let herself in. Natsume heard the door close after a moment.
"What was it you needed to talk to me about?" Mikan asked in a formal manner. Good. At least she wasn't making the evening any harder for him by being professional.
"Well," Natsume started as he reached for a short manila envelope on his bedside table. "These are the files I need you to check for me," he explained, handing the envelope over. "Make sure to give a report of it ASAP. I need it right away."
The brunette nodded once as she scanned the contents of the envelope. "When can I give it to you?"
"Tomorrow if possible," Natsume answered. "If you dropped by the office today, you didn't need to have any work done tonight."
She bowed her head apologetically. "I'm sorry," she said, sincerity all over her voice.
He hated this. He hated this tone of hers. When he heard it, there wasn't a chance he couldn't forgive her.
"I went by Misaki-senpai's place and lost track of time, so -"
"I don't need to know," Natsume cut off, rubbing his temples and looking away. "I wasn't asking."
Natsume was paying attention enough to notice the brunette let out a frown. Something twitched inside of him when he saw this.
"Okay," Sakura Mikan said softly. "Do you need anything else?"
'No,' he mentally said to himself. 'There isn't anything, now dismiss her. End this conversation already.'
Natsume swallowed, attempting to follow his thoughts when something stopped him again.
Just a little bit longer.
Something was stopping him.
Keep her with you.
Enough.
For just a little bit longer …
Enough of this!
Just …
… a little bit …
"About what you asked me last Tuesday," Natsume began, looking away again. "I won't be needing your services as my fiancée anymore after my press conference on Wednesday."
Mikan's auburn eyes blinked twice. "Oh," she said, seeming to have lost words.
… longer.
"You may leave."
Just a little bit longer with her.
Mikan narrowed her eyes for a moment, as if studying if he was serious, but then turned away, saying nothing.
She was on her way to opening the door when she sighed and looked back at the raven-haired boy.
"I have to tell you something," she said softly.
Natsume raised an eyebrow. For some strange reason, something about her statement humored him, considering she had nothing else to say to him after their first meeting in that airplane, where she began to talk unconsciously about her self-kept secrets when she thought she was dying.
She was like that.
Even if she's been keeping a strong front she was …
Nervous.
Fragile.
Of course he couldn't keep her.
Because with one word, he could break her.
Just …
… like …
… that.
And then she would vanish.
Forever.
So why hasn't he done that yet? Wasn't that what he really wanted?
"Something you haven't told me yet?" he said with obvious amusement in his tone.
Mikan half-glared at him, picking up his implication, but quickly regained focus. "You see …" she started, her voice trailing off at the end.
Natsume crossed his arms. "What?" What was it she wanted to tell him that she was so nervous about?
"I … I …" Mikan began to stutter, as if contemplating if what she was doing was the right decision or not.
Natsume grew impatient as he glared at her.
Mikan pressed her lips together as she eyed him sheepishly, avoiding his stare.
"Polka-dots, you have ten seconds before I send you out of this room."
'Ten.'
No.
Not yet.
Keep her for just a little bit longer.
'Shut up – nine.'
Just a little bit longer …
… with her …
'Make her leave already – eight.'
Not yet.
'Seven.'
Sakura Mikan groaned.
"I love you, okay?"
Natsume's head suddenly snapped towards the brunette.
What did she –
"There! I said it!" she boomed. "And I know that I shouldn't be feeling this feeling and that I shouldn't be saying this, but I just can't help it anymore! And – and I don't know why you're acting all stiff all of a sudden but –"
He cut her off.
He just couldn't take it anymore.
Something inside of him just …
… snapped.
He lifted his hand to touch her face, pressing his lips against hers.
'What are you doing?'
He continued kissing her, feeling her soft, sweet lips. Suddenly, he wasn't in control anymore. He has never been like this before. He felt …
… different.
Not like when he kissed Nobara. Or any other girl he kissed.
With her, everything was …
… different.
She was different.
Entirely different.
It was moments after when he pulled away, noticing the brunette's reddened face.
"What –"
And then he kissed her again.
More forcefully, this time.
Pouring every ounce of desire and need he felt for her. And it didn't help when she kissed him back, returning the very intensity and want she was making him feel.
'… the blind faith you have in that woman.'
Just shut up.
Just shut the hell up.
He reached for the back of her head, pulling her closer to him. His other hand snaked its way to the arch of her back. She tiptoed and wrapped her arms around his neck as he reached closer.
She was a drug.
She was addictive.
She's …
'… holding your performance back.'
He quickly pushed her away, realizing what he had just done.
'… I sure hope you know what you're doing. '
She looked at him in confusion. "What –"
"Get out."
"What?" she countered, her voice rising. He could see her auburn eyes watering slightly, but he tried to ignore it. "Wha – look you were the one who kissed me!"
He needed her away. If he saw her crying, he would …
"Just get out!" He was shouting now. He needed her away. Out of his sight. Out of his life -
No.
Keep her …
… with you.
Mikan shook her head and put her hands on her waist. It looked like she didn't have plans of going without an explanation. "Look, if you're mad about what I said, we could just forget about it and –"
'Make her go away.'
No.
Just a little bit longer …
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!"
Tears were starting to fall down her eyes. She was looking at him with a pained expression. She was confused. She was lost. She was …
Just a little bit longer.
… broken.
Taking the envelope in her shaky hands, she began to turn around and march towards the door, shutting it abruptly behind her.
You broke her.
'She's holding your performance back.'
She didn't deserve to be treated that way.
'… I'm the only imperfect thing in your perfect world.'
She was Cleopatra.
She was Joan of Arc.
She was Aphrodite.
She was …
You should have kept her …
… for just a little bit longer.
… the only perfect thing in his imperfect world.
What could he possibly offer?
He stared at his door.
No.
She's not coming …
She's not coming back.
JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER.
/END
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