Disclaimer: I am Joseph Fink. Not a fan writer pretending to be him. Seriously. Don't accept any other. Although while I am Joseph Fink, I'm still obligated to say that Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Common Place Books and no money is being made of this fanfic (or Cecil's).

Okay seriously, this isn't in my job description. When you said you had an editing job for me I thought I'd be going over the wording of news reports or something. I'm not here to feed your inner teenage fangirl. I better be getting a whole two hours of college credits for this, because that's how long it took me to shift through this mess.

My edits will be italics. My dignity will be somewhere out in the sand wastes.

Disclaimer: Jaws is owned by Universal Studios and municipally approved by the City Council and the Shreiff's Secret Police. This a free fanfic work and I am not profiting off it anyway. Once this fanfic has been published all required purification rituals and sacrifices will be completely within a timely manner.

Shark Love

By FixedPointCatRadioGuy42

And we're off to a great start. That is literally the worst fanfiction title in existence. And yes, I'm including that Harry Potter fic with the title HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH in that assessment. Maybe try something like Love is in the Water? Fear of Sharks and Love of Men? Maureen Should Get the Week Off? Anything other than Shark Love.

Ch.1

Like A Shark in a the Water

No, not "like" a shark in the water. There is literally a shark in the water.

Darkness disguised as light. A storm brewing in his heart with the beat of a thousands winds.

A thousands? I think you meant thousands or a thousand. Pick a numeral. Also do away with the pronoun. He who? Actually, just do away with this whole section. It's even more pretentious than one of your cold openings and makes even less sense.

The storm raged on and on, much like Sheriff Brody's heart raged on for that of Hopper.

*Hooper

He wanted nothing more than to pray over bloodstones for the removal of the foul beast that preyed over the turbulent waters of the little New England town of Amity. Well perhaps, he did want more. He wanted to hear Hopper talk science.

Author appeal. The word you are looking for is author appeal. Seriously just stop writing this and just go play with your pretty haired scientist that you're always going on about. And on about. And on about. YOU LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND. WE GET THE POINT ALREADY! SHEESH!

...Is not at what I meant to say.

What I meant to say is that he seems like a great guy. With great hair. Is there a certain amount of praising the station's favorite scientist I have to do before I can skip out on taking field notes on the next Street Cleaning Day?

He wanted to feel Hooper against his body, he wanted to feel his hardness against him.

If this is THAT kind of slash fic I'm going straight to station management and filing a sexual harassment complaint. Also, that's a comma splice. Use a semicolon.

HE wanted to feel their bodies come to together in a fury of passion and love.

Why is "he" in all caps?

He wanted to display the shark sideways ripping out its viscera proudly overhead in a celebration of love and passion and love for the man he was fighting for.

I get that it's stylistic, but do away with the second "and love". Honestly, this line as a whole is too repetitive in context of what comes before it.

He wanted to brush his cheek slowly.

Would work better after "talk science". Build up slowly to the non-canonical, crack man love.

But priority and duty to the people of Amity came first. First they had to destroy the beast that consumed their fair citizens as they frolicked in the waters. Declarations of love and passion came second to duty.

He looked at his cell phone.

Jaws is set in 1975.

A text message!

Still 1975.

Perhaps, just perhaps he was in Hopper's thought as wells.

*thoughts

A/N: FIRST FANFIC SO NO FLAMEZ GUYZ OKAY?!11!1!111!1!

WAIT A MINUTE, YOU WROTE THIRTY CHAPTERS OF THIS?! OH FOR THE LOVE OF THE GLOW CLOUD, COME ON!