Curses!

Chapter 1

D.A.C.T.I.D.

Demonic Antagonizing and Curse-specializing Tactical Infiltration Device. Created by the Seireitei research and development team, which consisted of Mayuri and his assistant, Nemu. Mayuri had been very proud of it, at the time. It was designed to cause havoc amongst any army sent against the Soul Society, and – like most of his experiments – it had come out perfectly. However, since not much was going on at the time it had been completed, it quickly ended up mothballed in some back room storage facility off from his lab, forgotten as the next invention took up the mad Soul Reaper's attention.

There the DACTID had remained, in a sealed, unmarked box for a year, gathering dust. Life went on around the Seireitei without it, battles were fought and won, fours seasons came and went, until it finally saw the light of day again.

Yachiru, pink-haired menace and lieutenant to probably the least sane captain in the history of the Soul Society, found the box. Inside it was what looked suspiciously like a tic-tac. She stared at it for a moment, thinking deeply. It would probably cause untold destruction and lots of battles if she were to – for example – put it in Mayuri's coffee. He would probably be quite annoyed if it grew to epic proportions and ate him, or perhaps turned him into a puppy. Then again, Kenny had been bored lately, and he liked untold destruction and lots of battles.

"Come on, tic-tac." She decided, pocketing the small pill. It had been boring lately, after all. Sneaking out of the store room and back into the main lab, she sidled up to Mayuri's unattended coffee cup and took the little pill out of her pocket, squinting at it. It didn't look very interesting, and as she dropped it into the hot liquid she hoped it would do something fun.

She also hoped it was waterproof.

The first thing Mayuri did when he got back from injecting one of his lab rabbits with sodium pentathol to get it to tell the truth for once, was to take a large swig of his cooling coffee. It had been a long day, and that rabbit was proving to be a stubborn opponent.

The second thing Mayuri did was to stand very still for about three minutes as his skin changed from creepy white to an equally creepy shade of light blue.

The third thing Mayuri did when he got back from injecting his rabbit with sodium pentathol was to blow up his lab and a large portion of the surrounding street.

"What the hell?" Ichigo demanded as an explosion rocked the Seireitei and alarms began to wail. Renji, Rukia and Uryuu looked at him blankly for a second before they all set down their sake cups and scrambled out of the bar. Once outside they could see a column of smoke and fire rising from the direction of Mayuri's lab, which gave them some idea as to what might have happened. Mayuri blowing himself up was a fairly common occurrence, although he rarely did it this thoroughly.

The four of them set off running towards the cause of the destruction, weaving around the maze-like alleyways of the Soul Society. When they reached their destination, the lab was in ruins and spread across most of the wide road it had stood beside. Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya and his lieutenant Matsumoto were standing nearby looking around for any sign of Mayuri or anyone else who might have been caught in the blast. People injured by debris were being carted away by squad four and since Toshiro seemed to be in charge of the situation, Ichigo and his friends bounded up to him. He gave them his usual flat glare, while Matsumoto started ranting about how the sudden explosion had interrupted her drinking time. She seemed to still be drunk.

"Anything to hurt?" Kenpachi rumbled, looming towards them.

"Nope, just another lab explosion." Renji replied, getting bored and hopping up onto one of the larger chunks of smouldering lab wall to finish the bottle of sake he kept in his uniform.

"Boring." Captain Zaraki rumbled again, turning around and wandering off back towards his captain's office. Yachiru was with him, asleep draped over his shoulder like a ragdoll and gurgling slightly.

"We don't know it was only a lab explosion." Toshiro pointed out, scowling at the lack of professionalism from... well, everyone else in the Soul Society.

"The lab exploded, that's a pretty big indicator." Ichigo muttered, scratching the back of his neck and discreetly watching Uryuu poke at some of the wreckage, trying to look like he was doing something useful.

"I meant what caused it, fool." Toshiro glared, not noticing the fact that Nemu had walked out of the flames directly behind him. He turned when Ichigo stared past him in shock at Mayuri's assistant, who was slightly on fire.

"Mayuri caused the explosion." She said, patting her arm casually to put out the flames.

"Big shock there." Rukia commented, wondering what Nemu was actually made of.

"He has become evil." Nemu spoke again, addressing Ichigo and Toshiro, who she assumed were in charge.

"He was already evil," Ichigo frowned, not quite getting it. Toshiro glared at him a little more, for good measure.

"He has become more evil." Nemu corrected with endless patience. "He has also become blue."

Ichigo opened his mouth to say something about Smurfs when a mad cackling noise began to bubble out from the heart of the flames still engulfing the lab. It rose in volume until even Renji was paying attention, watching the now blue-tinged Mayuri rise up out of the fire. He had a more manic look in his eyes than usual, which was saying something.

"What is the meaning of this, Mayuri?" Toshiro demanded, Matsumoto drawing her sword next to him, albeit in a slightly wobbly way.

"It is not Mayuri. It has taken over his body. It is an infiltration device." Nemu supplied helpfully.

"What does it do?" Rukia asked, also drawing her sword along with everyone else present.

"It curses people. It was designed to cause chaos. None of the curses are fatal, however, I suggest you try to avoid them if possible." She stated.

"Jeez, thanks." Ichigo muttered, then yelped as the cackling started again and a stream of blue light shot out at him. He side-stepped it and raised his Zanpakutou, ready to strike when Mayuri began to glow a sickly green colour that clashed horribly with his now blue skin.

"I suggest you all run." Nemu said, quite calmly, as the glow grew.

"No way, I'm not running away from-" Ichigo began, cut off by hundreds of streams of light shooting out from Mayuri, each one cutting through buildings and crashing into the ground. A cloud of dust and ash was thrown up, obscuring their view of the deranged scientist for a moment. When it cleared, Mayuri was gone.

"Did he just explode?" Ichigo asked, looking at Nemu.

"No. He escaped." She told him, before staring behind him at where Uryuu was looking down at himself, gaping in shock. "Your friends appear to have been cursed."

"Whuh?" Ichigo said intelligently, turning around. He was about to ask what was up before his brain caught up with his eyes and he froze. "Uh..." He mumbled, not quite sure what else to say in that situation.

Uryuu was still gawping down at his now very female figure, eyes wide and a look of hilarious shock on his face. Ichigo would have died laughing at that alone, had he not spared a glance around at the rest of his friends. Renji's clothes had disintegrated and he was standing around naked, looking slightly confused but not too bothered about it. Toshiro, however, was about to kill someone. Both Rukia and Matsumoto were pawing at him, Rukia cuddling him like a teddy bear and Matsumoto attempting to suffocate him in the usual way. They both had strange, starry looks in their eyes when they stared at him, and he was struggling in vain to escape. Nemu was also staring at him, although she was just blushing and standing in place.

"Oookay..." Ichigo decided. "This could be a problem."