Every night it comes back.
I can feel their eyes on me, and I feel fear and joy. Amazing, how hunger for power can make people do foolish things. I never had power. Never. I only had her. She was everything to me. An now she was gone. With someone else. Not me. With my enemy. With the person who tortured me for seven years.
I have nothing to gain, nothing to loose. Some promises shouldn't be trusted, but I believe Him. He says he can give me power in change for my loyality. I gladly accept. Now, as I extened my left arm, as His thin pale fingers touch my skin, I scream. In my head I scream. I don't want this. I can even hear her. She doesn't want me to do it either. Still, I cannot withdraw my arm now. It would be a certain Death.
I stare into the eyes of the Dark Lord, finding nothing of hatred in them. Soothing calmness washes me over, but in my head I still scream. Someone sobs. It hurts me to hear her cry, but she isn't here. She can't tell me to stop. One word from her, and I wouldn't do it. Even if it means Death to me, I wouldn't do it.
It's to late now. I have a mark I'll have to bare till the end of my life. Somehow I knew it would look like this, feel like this.
I stare at the skull and the snake on my forearm.
Shivers go down my spine.
And yet, people around me cheer. Are they glad I'm with them now? Are they glad I'm... one of them?
This should be my new family, my only family, yet the feeling is anyhing but soothing.
All this looks so familiar.
I scream.
And I'm unheard.
I scream again, and the scene starts to dissolve. I'm being strangled with something. I shot my eyes open, just to find myself lying in the bed.
It was all a dream... It was all a dream...
But why is the pain still here?
I raise my arm and I gasp.
It's there.
It happened.
I feel the tears streaming down my eyes now.
»If you could've only saved me, Lily... I would be different... I'm so sorry, Lily...«
I'm afraid to sleep.
I'm afraid to relive it all again.
I'm weak.
I'm weak.
I'm weak without her.