A/N. First story for CP Coulter's amazing Dalton :) Chapters 24 & 25 sort of disregarded...

Pairing: Jogan/Light

Rating: T for Language. Jules & Lo like swear words...

Disclaimer: Kurt, Blaine, and Dalton belong to Glee, which belongs to Ryan Murphy. Contrary-wise, Julian, Logan, Derek, and anyone else from Dalton belong to the Lovely CP Coulter :)

Reviews are Kurt's Magic Cookies :)

1.

Blonde hair. Captivating green eyes. Arrogant as hell. What was it about Logan that makes me think about him in that way? The vivid dreams, the disturbing thoughts. He's my best friend, for Christ's sake.

It's just a little crush. It'll pass. They always pass.

Julian's train of thought was broken as said blonde Stuart walked into his room. "Jules, can I borrow your French notes?"

He just nodded, gesturing to the pile of papers on his desk. Logan looked ok today, like the person Julian met at freshman orientation almost 4 months ago. Some days, Logan seemed less and less like that person. And more like…something else entirely.

But this was not one of those days. Logan smiled. "Thanks, Jules." He briefly touched Julian's shoulder as he left the room.

The actor's poker face faltered, and his stomach did backflips.

Fuck. So much for that.

2.

Midnight, Christmas Eve.

And Julian was still awake. It was his first Christmas away from home, and he was actually enjoying the holiday for once. He was at Logan's house, the Wright estate in Upstate New York, where he and Derek had been invited to spend the Winter Holidays.

Every year was much the same. He would spend Christmas Eve night awake in bed, staring at the ceiling for no good reason. Thinking about anything but his broken family life. At least this year, he had something, or rather someone, to distract his thoughts.

Logan. Damn his ass to hell. It's fucking Christmas and all I can think about is him. Prick. Like he even cares. Why the hell should I?

Julian's ears perked up. Suddenly, there was music. Very faint, but there. The actor crept from his bed, and followed the sound to the downstairs parlor, where the enormous tree dominated most of the space.

Julian had to cover his mouth to silence his laughs. From his perch on the staircase, he had the perfect view of one Logan Wright, dancing and singing to "All I Want for Christmas Is You." Twirling himself around the tree, singing into what looked like a hairbrush.

Julian never knew why Logan was singing that song at midnight on Christmas. He never asked. He never even mentioned the incident to Derek. He didn't want to taint that memory ever. Because it was the most adorable thing he'd ever seen, and Julian wanted it all to himself.

3.

It was not the first Death threat he had ever received. But it was the first one that scared him.

Julian found it on the steps that led into Stuart house, as he was walking with Bailey. He had just finished his breakout movie. The awkward transition from child star to superstar finally completed. And back at Dalton, he had just begun to feel at ease, when the "gifts" started.

It was a picture of himself, covered in what appeared to be blood. And a rose, covered in the same substance.

They had found him. Dalton was supposed to be a safe haven. Somewhere to get away from the crazy of Hollywood. Julian felt violated. Repulsed. Sickened.

But, as always, the poker face went up.

It wasn't until later that night, after Julian's vain attempts at sleep that the sobs broke free of his body. Tears came down like rain, and the brunette's cries were anything but quiet. Soon, there was a small knock on the door.

"Jules?" Another knock. "Jules?"

The door opened and there stood Logan. The last person I want to see.

"Princess, you've woken up half of Stuart, what the hell is-" Logan stopped short, as the light pouring in from the door illuminated a tear-stained face. "Jules…"

Logan sat down on the bed, and pulled Julian up. The actor fought back. "Get the hell away from me, Logan." He spat, though it didn't betray as much anger as it did sadness. Julian was trying, trying so hard to let go of Logan. To get rid of the feelings he knew the blonde boy would never return.

"No, I'm not leaving you." Logan whispered.

Damn him to hell.

Fresh tears streamed down Julian's face, and the sobbing continued. Logan simply wrapped his arms around him, and let him cry. He never asked, never questioned. He only whispered, "I'm here, Jules."

4.

At this point, Logan should have known better than to go home by himself. Especially when Michelle wasn't there to act as a buffer. Maybe it was his pride. Maybe it was the foolish, childish ideal that this time, everything would be ok.

Regardless of the blonde warbler's reasoning, he returned to Dalton in the foulest mood that Julian had ever seen. He snapped at the slightest things, and his fellow Stuarts even avoided him like the plague.

Julian, unfortunately, did not have the luxury of avoiding Logan when he was like this. One of the downfalls of loving/being the best friend of a psychopath. He endured, though, despite being called "Princess" at least 35 times, as well as any other insulting name the blonde could come up with. Though he denied anything being wrong every time the two asked.

Julian was sick of it. Damn Logan. Why do I put up with his shit? I'm Julian fucking Larson. I'm not his punching bag, and I won't be treated like one. It's time I got over him. What happened to him being the crush that will pass? It's been a year.

I'm done.

That night, Julian woke near midnight. Nightmares, as always. But he was not the only one crying. The actor could hear sobs from down the hall. Logan's room.

Julian rolled out of bed, and slipped down the hallway to Logan's door. There was no denying where the cries came from now. He opened the door.

Logan was curled around himself on the bed; the most pitiful Julian had ever seen him. The blonde looked up at Julian, his eyes red from crying. "Jules…" It was soft, like a caress. "Jules…I've really fucked up this time."

Julian swallowed his pride and gave in. I can deny him nothing.

The boys spent the night in each other's arms. Neither sure why the other was crying. Just accepting that they were two very screwed up people, who needed each other.

You'd think nights like these would change their daily demeanor, but there was never a change. They still fought. They still bickered. Neither made any hint that without each other, they would completely break.

5.

It was his longest stint away from Dalton to date. And Julian was taking it hard. Trying so hard not to remember. His mind terrified to forget.

They all started out with names. Lives, genders, hair colors, eye colors. They all started out as themselves.

But by the end of the night, they were always Logan. Each and every one of them.

Every touch, every moan, and every sigh. In Julian's head, it was all the green-eyed Stuart he was trying to move past. It was frustrating. Because it was never enough.

It left Julian feeling empty, and unsatisfied. It wasn't Logan, no matter how hard he wished. And it never would be.

But that didn't stop him from wishing.

1.

That's it. I'm leaving and I'm never coming back. Logan can go to hell for all I care.

His bags were packed. He was ready. The only thing keeping him at Dalton was the terror. The terror of a stalker that had reduced him to a puddle of tears once before.

But this time, Logan was not there to save him. Julian kept waiting for Logan to burst in and comfort him, but he never came.

There it was. The proof that Julian needed. Logan obviously didn't give a shit. He had to have found out at some point, and clearly didn't care enough to come to the actor's aid. 3 days… 3 fucking days of silence.

So, Julian was leaving. He pulled himself out of bed, called his agent, and grabbed his stuff. His whole life at Dalton, in 3 suitcases. The actor took one last look at the room he called home, and left.

When Julian got to the Stuart common room, he was immediately bombarded with a mass of Blonde-Haired, Green-eyed Fury.

'You're leaving? What the fuck, Jules? I thought we meant more to each other than that!" Logan pushed the brunette against the walls, the luggage falling to the floor.

Julian scoffed. "Oh screw you, Logan. Since when do you give a shit? I didn't see you at my bedside for the past three days."

"What? Derek wouldn't let me- he said you were sick! And then Bancroft's sister, she said something about blood-"

"I NEEDED YOU, LOGAN. AND YOU WEREN'T THERE!" Julian screamed. His pent-up frustration and rage bursting out all at once. "You weren't there." He whispered.

"Jules… I wanted to be there…" Logan sighed.

"No." He pushed Logan aside, and grabbed his luggage. "I loved you, Lo. And…" Julian paused. "Fuck it."

He walked out.

Logan just stared at Julian's retreating form. And he almost let him go.

"JULES! JULIAN!" Logan yelled at the actor, who was maybe 15 feet from the Dalton gates. He turned and looked back. Logan caught up quickly. "Jules. Jules, I can't let you leave."

Beneath the sunglasses, small tears rolled down Julian's face. "You didn't seem to have a problem before."

Logan rolled his eyes. "God. Just shut up and listen for once, Princess. I give a shit, Ok? I always have. I just… damn. Jules, I thought you were straight! What the hell was I supposed to…? Oh Fuck it." He grabbed Julian by the jacket and kissed him.

Fuck it indeed.