A/N: Damn there aren't any good RoxVen fics around. WHYYY. It's like Roxas x2, which is hot plus another helping of hot in chili sauce. I'm writing this off the top of my head, so I can't say too much for the quality. A/N end

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Half A Soul

A RoxVen fan fiction

One-shot

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Would it be wrong of me to say that I am in love with myself?

You see, it technically would be falling in love with myself. Twins are always talked about as the same soul in two different bodies. Sometimes, the link would be stronger, and that's how you get identical twins. That's the case with me. Roxas and I, we're inseparable. We can't even if we tried. Mum never tried to; she let us play together and left us alone, because we were reasonable kids that didn't make too much noise or get into trouble. That's when we're together. Once when Roxas was sick and Mum took him to the clinic, she made a mistake of leaving me at home with a good friend of hers. I went on a rampage searching for my brother, and nothing stopped me until Mom took him back. She never separated the two of us again.

Some teachers tried to force a seating arrangement on us, trying to keep us apart because they never knew who was who and didn't like us talking in their classes. We ignored them when they asked, and took to extremes when they insisted. I don't remember what we did, but the teacher relented, and ignored us for the rest of the year. We barely passed her class, but honestly, I couldn't care less.

Friends could hardly tell us apart, too. I mean, they tried. Axel particularly, always wanted Roxas to go skateboarding with him. Terra and Aqua were the closest to me in our group of friends, because the three of us were once chemistry partners, and we kept the friendship along after that. Roxas was a little more popular, being welcomed into Axel's group with Xion, or sometimes with Hayner, Pence and Olette (kindergarten friends) but more usually with Sora and his wide, wide network of friends. So yes, I suppose you could say Roxas was the more popular twin. Who could blame them? Roxas was cuter than me, more emotional, fun to rile up and you could have the funniest conversations with him. His snaky comments were so cute. Those who knew us better could differentiate us, especially when we were together, but they'd be hard-pressed to say who was who when we weren't.

The thing is, we're very close. Very.

We don't have separate rooms, because Mum never mentioned it, and neither did we wish for it. So yes, we share a bed. It's king-size, very comfy, very large, and we always sleep with at least some skin contact huddled in the middle. Mom says we're hopeless. I say we're dependent on each other. Roxas agrees.

I love my brother. I would kill for him, and that, I suppose, is most dangerous of all.

Roxas was kidnapped once, you see. The idiot who grabbed him did it in broad daylight, and shoved him into a waiting car. I heard our bikes crash onto the ground, but when I looked up, the car was already speeding off, leaving trails of smoke behind. I remember trying to chase after them on my bike, but I lost them, so I called Mum, who notified the police, who already had people on their trails because the man who ran the ice-cream store called them immediately. He also took care of Roxas' bike, but that's for later. I yelled at the police to tell me where my brother was, and one of them did, because he told me that he had a twin too, and he knew twins could always find their twin. I was sort of shocked when I heard that they were holding him just less than three kilometres away, in a simple housing area. Either way, I got there before the police cars did (I knew the way better than them, not to mention, I was a speed demon, and my twin was in danger. Do you know how much desperation helps you to do inhuman things? Although to give them credit, they were only about 50 metres behind me.) and rushed in without a second thought. They didn't do much to Roxas, actually, other than to bind his arms and legs together and turned on the TV for him (I remember it was showing Tom and Jerry. You don't forget details like these.) but I think Roxas was still in shock, because he didn't say anything, even when I kicked the door down and rushed to kitchen where the guy and his friend were drinking some beer. The police later found me beating the crap out of the two guys, and I think I did break a rib or two, but I was angry, and desperate, and even when I knew Roxas was safe (bound, but safe), I wanted to kill these people for trying to hurt him. Trying to take him from me.

Oh, Roxas wasn't hurt at all, but he did tell me he was kind of scared. He said those guys were first-timers, actually offering him some Oreos, and treating him nice. After that, though, I hardly ever let him out of my sight, but then I let up when Roxas said I was worrying too much and that yes, he could go to the toilet by himself, and no, there wouldn't be crazy rapists hiding behind the door. Now that I think about it, it was sort of funny, me breathing down Roxas' neck all the time. I'm surprised he waited until the third week to tell me so.

Even though we were twins, we weren't exactly the same person. He liked skateboarding and urban running, while I preferred to read or draw. We both enjoyed playing video games and watching movies, though. It was especially fun, because multiplayer is so much more epic than single player. We shared everything else, clothes, tastes in music, grades…

Then everybody had to go and have crushes on Roxas. Axel, Xion, Hayner, Namine, Sora… It was terrible, because everyday I was scared that somebody would take Roxas away from me. Roxas actually did try with Axel, but broke it off because he didn't like it. Couldn't like it. I was very much elated when he told Axel that he wasn't used to anybody other than me touching him. Apparently people saw that we were always touchy-feely with each other and thought that Roxas was okay with being touchy feely. I spent nine months wrapped around my brother floating in my mother's womb, of course Roxas would be okay being touchy feely with me. Either way, they broke up, and Roxas expressed zero interest in any kind of relationship after that.

It was good for me, I suppose. I had Roxas all to myself. The funny thing is, when you're as close to anybody like we were, you don't think. You just do. Let me explain.

We have never experienced being confessed to (well, Roxas did), or confessing, together with palpitations of the hearts or cold, clammy hands. The only time I've ever had cold clammy hands that involved Roxas was when he was kidnapped, and I assure you, that is not what I want to experience again. We're not stupid or completely oblivious to the world, we knew of the relationships and feelings of love floating about. It was school. There is always somebody crushing on somebody going out with somebody breaking up with somebody. We've just never tried it before. We've learned of sex and stuff, but never had an urge to try it out. Then one night, we just… did.

We were watching a movie. It was a tear-jerker, because Roxas liked them, and I didn't particularly hate them. So I suppose the two of us were being emotional and wanting to appreciate everybody before they died in some sort of freak accident because you never knew when that could happen. We cried a bit, went to bed with thoughts weighing heavily on our minds, and feeling a closeness we hardly do (in a way that I mean we were closer than we normally were… Which, being normal by our standards was pretty damn reading each other's minds, so you can imagine how raw our souls felt.). So we hugged, and I felt… Oh, I don't know, but it was a strong surge of emotions, and I remember thinking, 'I can never live without Roxas.' and snuggled him. And I kissed him. We've kissed before, I mean, but this time it was different. This was a desperate, I-love-you-I-can't-live-without-you sort of kiss. He kissed back. We kissed and kissed and we couldn't stop, and there was an incredible pain in my chest, and I don't know who started crying first, and soon we tasted tears in our kisses but we didn't stop. It was wet. I was messy. I loved it.

Roxas loved it too, and he liked kissing, because he gave me a good morning kiss before he got up. I could feel dried tear-stains on my face and truthfully, I felt terrible. I always did when I went to sleep crying. My head pounded and my eyes were dry and I was pretty sure I looked like shit, but Roxas made it a lot better.

After that we took it in stride and continued normally. There wasn't anything to be fussed about, really. We weren't "in a relationship" because we weren't. We were brothers who are inseparable and just found a new way to show our affection. We weren't going to "have anniversaries" or buy "couple" things to show our love, because we didn't need those things. We knew that we loved each other, and I'm proud to say that many who believed themselves in love were fooled. They believed. We knew.

Then there was that particularly warm day that made us go to bed shirtless. I've seen Roxas naked before, so it wasn't much of a surprise. I was, however, intrigued by how Roxas was… sexy, I guess. He was alluring, and in the dark with only the moon to give us a little light, he completely captivated me. So we went further than what, I suppose, normal brothers do. I didn't regret it, though, even though it was exceptionally hard for me to walk normal the next day. Trust Roxas to be not able to control himself properly. Still, I could bear it, and honestly if it hurt this much, I wasn't sure I wanted him to go through the same thing.

I suppose I loved Roxas… a little obsessively, as many others have told me before. I couldn't care less what other people thought. They didn't understand how close we are. We're basically two halves of the same soul, what wrong could there be? I didn't pay them any heed, and soon nobody commented on it anymore. Obsessively… It sounds wrong when you put it that way, doesn't it? It sounds as though I'm forcing Roxas to stay with me, or something, but it's not. He loves me the same way, and he loves me back. We were obsessive about each other.

…Do you still remember the tear-jerker movie I told you about, the one that had us kissing? Its main theme was how you should appreciate everybody in your lives because you never knew when you might lose them. The main character lost his best friend, right after a horrid misunderstanding, to a reckless driver; and then lost his girlfriend and mother to freak waves. Do you know how people would joke around, asking 'if both your mom and your girlfriend were drowning at sea, who would you choose to save'? I never liked that joke, and personally I thought it was insulting. Either way, he suddenly lost all those closest to him, and then the movie goes on about appreciating people while they're still alive.

I never unappreciated Roxas, but then again, I always took him for granted. I expected him to be always with me, for he was my other half. It was just… wrong, to think of him gone, because it was never going to happen. Not to us. Nothing could separate us.

We underestimated just how powerful the forces of the world worked. They wouldn't give a damn if a hundred twins who shared a soul stood in their way.

Some background, or else this wouldn't make sense and seem like something out of a movie.

Some twenty, thirty years ago there was a gang of people who disliked another gang of people, and that feeling was mutual. These weren't ordinary people like you and me, these were tough, ex-army, ex-marine, ex-world championship boxer sort of people. The first gang of people called themselves Heartless, and the other called themselves Unversed. In between, there was another small, elite group of people who weren't tough, ex-army, ex-marine, or ex-world championship boxer. These group of people called themselves Organization XIII, and they were waiting for the Heartless and the Unversed to kill each other off, then take control of both Twilight Town and Radiant Garden.

Organization XIII was smart. They kept themselves in the shadows, being another seemingly inconsequential group as they let the Heartless and Unversed fight amongst themselves. However, they didn't plan that the leaders of both the Heartless and Unversed would make a temporary truce. Together, they stand; divided, they fall. You know how the saying goes. Organization XIII couldn't wait anymore, so they tried to take both gangs down.

When two gangs of cold-blooded killers join forces, together with nearly the entire underground world, and try to kill you off, no matter how elite you are, your side will lose. Organization XIII was badly, very badly beaten, and they disappeared without a trace. They weren't completely gone, of course, just taking time off to regroup… and recruit.

We didn't know it, but Axel and Xion were part of that Organization XIII, and they had eyes set on a new member. Roxas. I knew of it because Roxas told me one night that he was afraid, and that Axel said he should face his fears, and all he knew was that he felt so undeniably helpless when he was kidnapped, that one time, so he wants to learn how to fight for himself, so that one day he would, in turn be able to save me. He wanted to join Organization XIII.

The very next day before school started, I met up with Axel behind the gym and proceeded to punch his guts out. Sure, I got a bloody lip and a black eye and bruises all over, but it was satisfyingly so. I thought that Roxas would be safe from Organization XIII, and that all would be well.

It never occurred to me that Axel was actually one of the founding members of Organization XIII, and by declining his offer on my brother's behalf (the specific words I used were something along the lines of "Don't you dare involve Roxas in your dirty, underhanded dealings, you sick bastard!") I had done much to insult them all. Organization XIII, for all disappearing without a trace, still had plenty of moles and rats around town, and they, in that laid-back, let-other-people-do-the-dirty-work-for-us style they're so known for, let lose information that would ultimately kill us.

They let both Heartless and Unversed know that Roxas was the one guy who could bring Organization XIII back to its former glory.

I have no idea why these group of adults (though not exceptionally bright, unlike Organization XIII, which, yes, I admit, has some of the best minds in the world) running an underground world would even bother with a kid who has yet to graduate high school. But they did, for we went through everything, from small (mean) pranks, to being beaten up in alleyways, and being nearly run over by cars… in succession. I was paranoid, because ultimately I was the cause of all this, and Roxas was scared.

I forgot the reason why Roxas wanted to join Organization XIII, and it being all about trying to stand up to people who would want to hurt us. The recent happenings scared Roxas badly, though, and it was soon obvious that his wish to join Organization XII became stronger, because the day after we were mugged by these assholes who took our wallets, cleared it out, and ripped our photos up -the ones we had taken at the beach- he dragged me off to the Organization XIII headquarters. Axel must have told him about it beforehand, because I didn't know where we were headed.

I did, however, know that things were not feeling right, because the road was deserted, completely. There were cars parked on the road sides, but absolutely no people at all. So I did what I did on instinct. I pushed Roxas to the ground, and the next second there was a multitude of noises, all ringing in my ears, from the deep bass of a gun firing, to the sharp click of the trigger. I must have taken some bullets, but the pain was dull, and for a short half-lifetime I saw nothing but darkness and heard nothing but silence. I couldn't leave just yet, because Roxas was screaming, and I didn't need to hear his screams to know how much he was hurting inside. He was yelling at me to not die, and I wanted to laugh at that, because how could you ask a dying person not to die? But I couldn't, because there was blood in my chest and blood in my throat and blood all over my white shirt, and I was thinking about how hard it would be, trying to get all the blood out…

I'm so selfish, because now I'm here, at least, alone, maybe, but at least I'm alone on this endless piece of glass, without light and without darkness, just emptiness. I left Roxas alone in the world, in the midst of danger. I left my other half missing half his soul, and for that I truly am sorry. Perhaps that day I took those bullets for him was because I knew I couldn't stand the pain of losing him, so instead I pushed all responsibilities of living alone in a world he once knew on him. All on him. I wonder how he is now, because in this place where there is nothing, I cannot feel him like I did, and I cannot read his thoughts, or perceive his emotions like I used to. In this place where there is nothing, I am only one half of a soul, and I've lost my other half.

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…I don't think I've ever written something so sad before. I'm sorry though, Roxas, for your loss. Er.

Many thanks to Spoons (now DainoChild) who helped me with the beta-ing, and being a FANTABULOUS pillar of support!

Please review, because this is, actually, truthfully, one of my dearest fics (never mind that I just wrote it a day ago, I LOVE THIS SO MUCH MY HEART BURNS.) and that I actually enjoyed writing things like this, so, in a nutshell, REVIEW! Please! To make me feel happier and then I'll write more RoxVen (hopefully this time without Ventus dying, so sorry about that, by the way.) which I love.

Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you guys enjoyed it (questionable?)!