When Shepard returned to the Normandy, she felt as though she had been gone for weeks instead of days. Omega had been rough. Sometimes there was no way to prepare yourself for the things you had to face, especially in war. She had learned this lesson over and over again during her time with the Alliance, and sometimes she thought it got easier, but she was always wrong.

The adjutants, they got under her skin like a dirty needle and the wound was festering. Cerberus was playing with forces they didn't understand, and couldn't control. The Illusive Man had gone too far. Using Reaper tech could not have a positive outcome, no matter what his intentions were. Maybe there was a time when he wasn't insane, but that ship had sailed and Shepard knew she had to take him down.

Unfortunately, now was not the time for that.

"Joker, plot a course for Sigurd's Cradle, lets find out what this Leviathan really is." she said to the roof of the cabin as she entered, nearly collapsing at her terminal in exhaustion. But this couldn't wait.

"Aye aye, Commander." came the response - "ETA six hours."

Good, that would give her some time to rest. There was a light blinking on her terminal, and she called up the message.

Shepard -

I know you've got it under control, but I joined the Normandy's crew again so I could help, don't sideline me again.

Kaidan

It was short and to the point - Kaidan didn't like being left behind, and he wanted her to know that. She knew already, of course. He joined her crew to be by her side and they had just recently rekindled their relationship but much to his frustration she was leaving him behind a lot. Shepard tried to tell herself it was a coincidence, but the truth was she was terrified after Mars. She watched him almost die and it had felt like someone had reached into her chest and mangled her heart.

Shepard sighed heavily as she sunk into the bed after removing her armor, not having the energy to shower. Kaidan had proven himself to be extremely capable since their time on the SR-1, and Shepard knew her paranoia was about her feelings for him and not about fear for his safety. He could more than handle himself. She would have to come to terms with that, she needed him by her side and she'd make sure to prove that to him - after they found Leviathan.

Her head was throbbing. This was a victory - she had met the Leviathan and learned about their history and their involvement with the Reapers. She had even convinced them to join the fight. But her communication with it had been some sort of telepathy and it was exhausting and she had been barely conscious when they got back to the shuttle. Thankfully EDI had no trouble carrying her. She was going to have one hell of a migraine.

Ann Bryson was going to join the war effort, helping Admiral Hackett with the Crucible project. All in all the mission was a success and she was looking forward to some R&R. As she stepped into the elevator, Shepard made a mental note to call Kaidan up to the cabin. She needed to see him, needed to touch him, needed to tell him that she loved him - before this war muddled everything even more.

When her cabin doors slid open, Shepard realized she had made a mistake in her assumptions of how the night would go. Kaidan was there already, in her cabin, pacing back and forth in front of the bed, scowl firmly in place. He didn't look up when she entered, though she was sure he heard her.

"Kaidan." she said by way of greeting, and he still didn't look at her, but he stopped pacing and focused intently on the model reaper hanging over her desk. She busied herself with the task of removing her armor, tossing each piece into the open locker since Kaidan was no longer blocking it.

"Why do you do this to me." it was not a question, but a statement, huffed out in a barely audible growl that made Shepard's stomach do flip flops. He was angry. This was not Horizon angry and this was more than Mars confusion, he was seething with a mixture of the two and she found herself at a loss for words.

He met her eyes then, his glowing blue with the biotic energy he was trying with visible effort to suppress and she tensed, ready to go on the defensive. Kaidan wouldn't hurt her - she knew that - and yet she'd never seen him lose control like that.

He must have seen the change in her posture, because the glow in his eyes began to fizzle out and he slowly unclenched the fists that were balled at his sides. His eyes didn't soften though, and she panicked for a moment, unsure of how to handle the situation. Give me a Harvester any day, she thought, enemies were simple - point and shoot - relationships.. that was another story.

"Kaidan, I -" she started but he interrupted her.

"Shepard, how many times are you going to make me lose you before you just let me stand by your side?" he asked her, sadness and anger mingling together in his voice, and she felt defeated. She had made the decision to stop sidelining him, she was going to tell him tonight after showering off the seawater and taking her time to thoroughly explore his body again. But she had miscalculated his frustration, thinking she could get away with one more mission without him, one more unknown behind them.

She opened her mouth to speak again but he put a hand up to silence her.

"When are you going to realize that I can help?" he was pleading with her and he walked the few steps to close the distance between them, grasping her arms in his hands and staring daggers into her eyes. "I am not here because I like the view, Shepard, I am here for you." he hissed at her, his eyes darting back and forth between hers, searching for something - she didn't know what.

So Shepard did the only thing she could think of - she kissed him.

As soon as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his she felt him tense even more, but she wasn't about to stop. Three years had passed since she had felt his lips on hers and while it had only seemed like one to her, Shepard's body knew better. Her biotics were humming to life beneath the surface of her skin and she knew he could feel it. She kissed him hard and let herself begin to flare, relishing in the feel of his own biotic energy mingling with hers as his body registered the kiss.

All at once the kiss ended, Kaidan pushed her backwards and his hands released her arms. He turned away from her, cursing under his breath and Shepard was left blinking, back up against the fish tank, and a faint burn from where his hands had been on her arms moments before.

"Dammit, Shepard." he whirled around to face her, anger renewed in his eyes, blue light flickering around the edges. "This is not a game!" he roared and she actually flinched. "You can't diffuse every situation with humor and sex." he spat the words and she realized faintly that they hurt. It wasn't the first time someone had called her out on her defense mechanisms, but it was the first time the person on the other end had mattered to her.

"I just - I missed you... I just wanted-" she stammered the weak excuse and wondered if a stranger had taken over her body. Insecurities had no place in her life, confidence had always been her tool, and here she was feeling like a shy school girl being rejected by her first love. She stared at her feet.

He took no pity on her.

"Why didn't you take me with you? Why did you leave me behind - again - I thought I had made it clear that I wanted to be there, maybe if I had been you wouldn't have ended up unconscious with two brutes standing over you!" he yelled, his voice escalating as he spoke.

Shepard had no idea how Kaidan already found out about the hairy situation she had gotten herself into on Despoina, but there was no reason to refute it now. Her shoulders slumped and she let herself lean back against the fish tank, the troubles of the past week starting to weigh on her.

"I didn't want to risk it, risk losing you - after Mars - I just couldn't." she confessed in a voice so small that it didn't sound like her own. When she looked up at him again she realized this had been the wrong thing to say, Kaidan was now shaking, trying to maintain control over the energy that was trying to burst free from him. He advanced on her again, breathing heavily and she could feel his biotics, making the hair on her arm stand up and vibrating against her skin. Her own energy responded to his, in a way she missed so terribly in their time apart but hadn't really felt the meaning of their absence until now. She knew he felt it, his eyes widened for just a moment, showing his surprise. Here he was, barely managing to keep his anger in check and her body was just reacting to his proximity. It was instinct, it was primal, it had nothing to do with the conversation and everything to do with the energy.

When he faltered, she took her chance.

Shepard placed her hands against Kaidan's chest, letting the energy seep out of them slowly, right over his heart, knowing he'd feel the subtle thrum there, she maintained eye contact with him as she slid her hands down and along his sides, over his hips, down to grab his ass - which rewarded her with a small gasp from him - and up, sliding over the ridges of his back. He had muscles that were far more defined than they used to be, and she was determined to explore each and every one of them.

She was still watching his eyes when he repeated his words from earlier - "Why do you do this to me." in the same breathy growl that wrapped her belly in heat and sent electricity through her limbs. She pouted in an attempt to look hurt by the words, but he responded with his mouth on hers, taking her bottom lip between his teeth and pressing his body against hers. Her back was still against the fish tank and he was hard against her stomach, and she smiled against his lips at her victory, feeling his energy against her waist as he grasped her and lifted her up against him. She wrapped her legs around him easily and as he pressed against her with intensity, she wondered how she'd lived without him all this time.

She deepened the kiss and his hands tightened around her. She snaked a hand up to curl in his hair while the other steadied herself against his shoulder. When he pulled back from the kiss, she whimpered, lips swollen and bruised but missing the feel of his on them. He was gasping for breath, and she realized that she had been holding hers. When she let it out it was a shuddering breath - betraying everything. She was vaguely aware of the discomfort she was beginning to feel from their position against the fish tank, but she didn't care enough to move. There was desperation in Kaidan's eyes and she couldn't look away if she wanted to.

"I love you." she whispered in a foreign voice. Words she'd never said, words she hadn't even known were coming out of her mouth until they were there, hovering in the miniscule space between them. It had been true for a long time. Before Mars, before Horizon, before Illos, even before Virmire. She had never said them because she was afraid of the power three little words held over her. But now that they were out, she heard the tiny catch of Kaidan's breath in his throat and she saw something flicker over his face that looked like relief, right before he claimed her mouth again.

Shepard wrapped her arms around his neck and locked her feet behind his back when Kaidan's hands ran along her thighs and gripped her ass, pulling her impossibly closer to him as he retreated from their position against the fish tank. When she realized he was carrying her to the bed, she broke the kiss shaking her head. Kaidan looked shocked and confused and she hastily stifled his worries with a quick kiss and an explanation.

"I just spent an hour in seawater on Despoina. I was hoping for a shower..." she trailed off but grinned at him and he returned her smile with a relieved one of his own, turning to carry her to the bathroom. When he released her just inside the door and she slid down to her feet, he chuckled and made a show of sniffing the air above her head.

"You do smell quite a bit like a dirty ocean, Shepard... I didn't wanna say anything." he said, with a wicked grin.

"Hah, hah," she retorted sarcastically, reaching to tug his shirt from the waistband of his fatigues. He let her lift it over his head, and when she brought her hands to rest against his chest again - this time without any fabric between their skin - she thought she felt him shiver at her touch. She ran her hands over the muscles in his chest, holding back the biotic energy that threatened beneath the surface, wanting to feel his skin under hers. They had been apart so long, and she needed to feel him to know he was real. She continued her exploration over his stomach, letting her fingers linger along his waistband, stroking the hair that gathered below his navel. When she looked up at him, his eyes were dark and hooded and the look he gave her sent heat sliding down her spine to coil in her belly. When she slid her hands back up his chest and over his shoulders, Kaidan placed a hand against her cheek and leaned down to kiss her again.

This kiss was more reserved, softer, exploring her mouth with his tongue gently - as if he needed to feel her too. His thumb stroked her cheek and then slid along her bottom lip when he pulled away to look into her eyes. His hand went to the snaps at the front of her under armour and she kissed the pad of his thumb while her hands explored his arms, relishing in the feel of his muscles moving beneath her hands. When he finished with the snaps, he slipped the fabric over her shoulders and she let it fall to the floor.

Kaidan stepped back to look at her and Shepard felt a little shy under his scrutiny. But before she had time to feel self-conscious, he gave her an appreciative nod and then his mouth was back on hers. He reached behind him to activate the shower without breaking the kiss, and when his hands returned to her body, he was peeling the lower part of her under armour down. She helped him and stepped out of it with little effort, then helped him out of his fatigues. He tugged the Alliance issue spandex that passed for a bra over her head, and they each relieved themselves of their underwear before Shepard all but leapt into his arms, resuming their previous position.

Kaidan half stumbled backwards into the shower, finding purchase against the wall before reversing them so that Shepard's back was pressed against it, water streaming over her head. She laughed and sputtered and he let her slide down so that the water went over their heads. Then his mouth was at her jaw, trailing kisses along the scar that had become a result of her cybernetic implants - courtesy of Cerberus. He continued down her neck, dipping his tongue into the indent at her collarbone, and when he closed his teeth against her shoulder she shuddered, and he let out a breathy chuckle against her skin. As he made his way down her body, trailing with lips and teeth against her skin, he paused to squeeze some soap onto his hands. He returned to her, mouth at her neck again, and then his hands were on her breasts, equal parts washing and kneading. She gasped when one finger brushed over her nipple, and he laughed again - the sound sending ripples of heat through her core. When one hand dipped down between her legs but then simply caressed the crease at her thigh, Shepard thought she was going to lose her mind.

She reached for the soap but in one fluid motion Kaidan turned her so that her back was to him, holding her wrist against the wall so she couldn't reach the soap. He knew she wanted to reciprocate the teasing and he wasn't going to let her. Bastard.

"Uh uh uh," he purred against her ear as he pressed against her back so she could feel just how hard he was. "I'm not finished washing you yet." he finished the sentence with a bite to her earlobe and she shuddered again.

Moments later his hands were along her sides, slick with water and soap, gliding over her curves. He took care not to miss a spot, and she found it hard to stand when he payed special attention to the side of her breasts, the curve of her hips, the small of her back, and the place where her ass met her thighs. When his hands - rougher than she remembered - grabbed her hip and he ground against her ass, she pressed back against him and elicited a delicious moan from his lips. It was her turn to laugh, though she was virtually dripping with her need for him.

The hand he had braced against her hip slid down her thigh and came to rest between her legs. The time it took for him to close the distance felt like light years. When his finger found her nub she flared. That was all it took for him, they were both letting go then, lighting the small space in glorious blue, coronas intersecting and two energies dancing together along skin, making them one, no care for control any longer. His finger stroked her while his knee nudged her legs apart so he could settle between them. Her skin was electric and when he thrust into her she nearly came apart at the seams. He didn't move for a long while, just stood there fully sheathed in her, both trying to steady their breathing as the water trickled over his shoulders onto her back.

When she thought she would die from wanting him, his finger began rubbing her again, and she felt the nerves twisting and coiling inside of her, threatening to release. But she wanted more, and she arched her back to press herself against him, drawing another moan from him and causing him to press harder against her clit before he finally gave in and thrust his hips against her. Shepard cried out in relief and pleasure and matched his pace, bucking her hips against him as he delved deeper into her, his hand never moving from her bundle of nerves. This wasn't the lovemaking of the two people giving into their feelings before Illos, learning each other and taking their time to feel every breath and kiss every scar. This was need, pure and deep and urgent. And when Kaidan moved inside her, she felt the world melt away. He came first - pouring heat into her as his biotics flared a cool ripple across her skin. The contrast was enough to send her over the edge, matching his flare with her own, grasping the hand he was using to steady himself against the wall and squeezing with her own release, legs threatening to give out on her. He was panting against her shoulder, hand steadying between her legs when he breathed the words.

"I love you too, Shepard - always."