Kindred Affair

Chapter 1

As he came over the crest of the hill and descended into the valley, John McBain reflected on how long it had been since he had last driven through the Pennsylvania countryside. The last time, he had been going the opposite direction, his foot firmly planted on the GTO's accelerator hell bent for leather to put as many miles between him and Llanview as quickly as he possibly could. That was over two years ago...a lifetime ago...since the inevitable final good-bye, knowing that she no longer cared for him quite the same way he cared for her. He wasn't good at just giving up, letting go. But what other option had there been, especially because no one could ever accuse him of being capable of sharing? After months of turning it over and running every possible scenario, it really had boiled down to a fatal tactical error on his part. John had given her the choice; never really expecting that it would not be him she would choose. Fuck - even after all this time, it still amazed him that Nattie could actually have married another man - let alone that one.

John's hands tightened involuntarily on the steering wheel as he recalled the months leading up to his departure. The catalyst for setting his life on a collision course with irrelevance had been Natalie coming to his apartment on Valentine's Day in tears to tell him that she was pregnant.

"You're sure?" He had to ask, though he knew the truth of it by her red-rimmed eyes and nervous hand ringing. For a moment John almost thought he could feel the earth tilting on its axis.

"Yes, John, I'm sure...and I know with everything going on with you right now, the timing couldn't be worse. But I didn't plan on this, anymore than you did. That night just keeps coming back to haunt me, I should know better than to drink so much. Especially when I'm with you," her voice trailed off. After nearly 8 months of being apart, she and John had reconnected in the way that the two of them always managed to communicate best, with their bodies. It caught them both by surprise, but John had taken it in stride at the time because when it came to Nattie, being with her was the one space in his life where he felt normal and whole. And that's what he'd needed that night, to feel undamaged, and Natalie had helped him get there.

"Hey, no regrets, remember?" He caught her hand in his and squeezed. "We're friends first, and we'll get through this. I'll respect whatever decision you need to make. But if you let me have a say in this...I think we can do it. You and me, Nat. We can parent this child." He was surprised at how much he meant it, how much he wanted it.

He remembered distinctly the look Natalie had given him, searching his face for any sign that he was only telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. "John, we don't love each other any more. We're exes...and in order to really come together and parent this child, we need to be able to trust each other, communicate, agree that the decisions we make are what is best for our child. As I seem to recall, not having the ability to do this with any sort of competence is what sent us into ex status in the first place."

John sighed. Christ - it's what incessantly annoyed him about Natalie, she was smart and pragmatic. She always called them like she saw them and more often than not, her assessments were unerring. Frankly, he was none too pleased that she could presumptuously state they were no longer in love; because he was none too certain that his heart could claim that. "Look, I never said it would be easy, I just said I thought we could do it..." He brushed the tears off her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. "I won't walk from this Nat; you have my word I'll do whatever needs to be done for both you and the child."

"John, I have no doubt you have good intentions, but things are so much more complicated then they were just a few short weeks ago. There's Jared and all the turmoil that's going on at Buchanan Enterprises, and everything else that's happening with my crazy mixed up family. " Natalie turned from him and placed distance between them by moving to the opposite end of the room, unconsciously wrapping her arms around her middle. "You don't even like having family, let alone the complication of my new uncle Jared and how all hell is going to break loose when the rest of the Buchanans find out I'm carrying your child. How are you going to deal with all of that in the midst of dealing with me? Once this baby comes into the world, like it or not John, you are tied to the Buchanans forever."

Nattie was overwhelmed, he could see it in her posture and hear it in her voice. Then it hit him, it wasn't about his stubborn need to retain his self-imposed isolation which was fostering her doubts that they could succeed at building their version of a family together. This was more about the fact that no matter how she tried to convince herself, Natalie wasn't over Jared Banks. Sure, the romance had never really gotten very far before a DNA test had ostensibly determined that Jared was the DE facto illegitimate son of her grandfather, Asa Buchanan, making Jared her father's half brother and in turn Nattie's uncle. It was this nasty little revelation that had sent Natalie screaming from Jared's orbit and into a bottle of tequila and finally straight into his bed. Regardless of how hard Natalie was trying to convince herself otherwise, John could see that for Nattie, Jared was still unfinished business. The whole situation wasn't easily untangled because Jared's new-found entree into the Buchanan family placed him squarely into Natalie's life through the family's fortune 500 corporation, Buchanan Enterprises. Now that they both had seats on the Board of Directors, Jared was a fixture in Natalie's day to day existence; more so than John was, or probably would be in spite of their connection now through the baby. John didn't like it one fucking bit, and he vowed silently to do what he needed to do to keep both Natalie and his child safe from that two-bit hustler.

"I'll deal with it - same as you, one day, and one situation at a time. But hey, it's not as if you and I aren't able to navigate successfully through uncharted territory. As a matter of fact, I think through the years we've done pretty well."

"Yes," Nattie agreed, turning slowly to face him head on, her deep blue gaze unwavering, "but the stakes were never this high before John. And you and I, well, we've not exactly behaved as adults when it comes to dealing with our emotions - let alone owning up to the fact that we even had any." Her little dig at his closed perspective on relationships in particular or sharing feelings in general was not lost on him and he started to interrupt, but she simply held up her hand to stave him off. "Hear me out before you try and tell me how wrong I am. If you can honestly tell me that you will agree to let me live my life separate from you and as the sole custodial parent of this child, then we might have - and I repeat - might have a slight chance of making this work."

He placed his hands on his hips, "If you don't think this is a plausible solution, then why are you here? You could have just terminated the pregnancy and I never would have been the wiser."

"Because I'm just not sure." Her eyes had filled with fresh tears. "It's our baby John, yours and mine. How could I even think about making that kind of a choice without talking to the man who used to be my best friend?" Her voice broke and she buried her face in her hands as she tried to get her emotions under control.

"Shit." In three long strides he was across the room and had Natalie safely wrapped in his arms. "Look we don't have to work all of this out in a single afternoon. I don't even think that's practical. So for now, why don't we just agree that we'll make this decision together. Have you been to the doctor yet?"

"No. My first appointment is tomorrow morning at 10:00. Will you come?" Her voice was muffled as her face was partially turned into his chest. He could feel her warm breath through his shirt, smell the familiar spicy sweet scent that was all Natalie, only Natalie. He rested his chin on the top of her head and ignored the sudden sharp pain that pierced his heart. He wanted to tell her that she should just let him handle it, that he'd make it all better...but he couldn't bring himself to actually speak the words; to admit to her how overjoyed and terrified he was all at the same time. John had never felt such an intensity of conflicting emotions in all of his life. Christ, he was beyond paralyzed with fear and how could he reassure her if he didn't even know how he was going to handle it himself?

Instead he hardened his determination to present the familiar facade of Johnny Mac so cool and unaffected - yeah that was him all right - so with a steady voice he said, "Wouldn't miss it."

And he hadn't, not that appointment, or the next, or the one after that when they discovered that baby McBain was a very healthy active boy. John still carried that first sonogram picture of his son with him in his wallet. It was the single most defining moment of his life, and Natalie's too. They had celebrated at Rodi's with double cheeseburgers, a beer for him and a chocolate milkshake for her. Nat had been starving, intermittently shoving French fires with one hand into her mouth and holding her cheeseburger with the other. John couldn't help it, he sat back and watched her in amazement until he finally had to laugh.

"What's so funny?" she had eyed him suspiciously while she took another bite of her burger.

"You. Never saw a girl eat so much at one sitting. Hell, I can't believe you even have room for it all." Although it was obvious she was eating for two as her belly was decidedly rounded now that she was half way into her second trimester.

Natalie grinned. "I know. It's just that I get sooo hungry! And not just hungry, but starving for certain things - like scrambled eggs. Or like I have to have an orange or I'll just die, real cravings that I totally obsess about. A couple of nights ago I made Jared go out at 2:00 in the morning to find Rocky Road ice cream, I just HAD to have it and I don't even like marshmallows." She shoved three more French fries loaded with both mustard and ketchup into her mouth.

"So, you and Jared have patched things up?" John couldn't look at her, he wanted to know but he wasn't certain he was ready to have this conversation. Natalie had only recently discovered that Jared's claims he was the long lost son of her grandfather, Asa Buchanan, had indeed been a sting. Jared, with the help of Asa's faithful butler Nigel had seized the original opportunity to exploit the situation in order to help Jared obtain a seat on the Board of BE. Asa's rightful heir, David Vickers had at last unearthed the truth of his birthright, and along with Max Holden divulged the lie Jared had been perpetrating for months. But, in the interim, Jared had worked masterfully to avert a potential financial collapse of the BE empire. He had proved his worth as a shrewd businessman and more than one family member was willing to champion him tenure as a senior executive with the company. Jared had not only stabilized the BE parent corporation, but stock prices for subsidiaries had also shot through the roof. As a Buchanan, Natalie had been obliged to admit that Jared probably did have the family's best financial interests in his sights and it would certainly be better to keep him at BE rather than risk him going to the competition with intimate knowledge of the company structure. If the gossip John was hearing was accurate, it was that continued proximity between Jared and Nat over the past several weeks which began to allow Jared to mend their friendship.

Natalie put her hamburger on her plate and carefully wiped her fingers with her napkin. "I wouldn't say we've patched anything up, but let's just say we are talking. And since we're both living at Asa's mansion, there are occasions outside of BE that we do manage to cross paths."

"At 2:00 in the morning?" John raised his eyebrow and eyed her skeptically. He wasn't about to admit just how much the whole thing was frustrating him; especially because outside of Natalie's scheduled OB/Gyn appointments, he really never saw her. Her choice, not his and that annoyed him as well. There had been a time when John had come first with Natalie, and John didn't know why he had thought he could simply take this for granted and it would always remain so.

"Yes, John. Even at 2:00 in the morning. I was trolling the kitchen for something to eat and Jared had a case of insomnia and happened to come down for a drink. After he left to go get the ice cream, Nora came downstairs as well. But I don't suppose you'll question me about what she was doing wandering the mansion at that time of the morning now will you?"

He chose to ignore her snark and instead said, "I still think it would be better if you were staying in the carriage house at your mother's estate...it would place a little distance between you and Jared, that's all. And don't most women want to be near their mother during their pregnancy? What if something were to happen?"

"Well, I think Nora is a pretty good substitute and is more than able to pinch hit for my mom, not to mention my dad is at the mansion, along with a legion of servants, Nigel included. So, John, considering that my sister Jess is now separated from her husband and living with my mom, I think the best place for me is at the mansion with my father. Jared is a whole lot less aggravating and stressful to be around than Jessica is. Besides, I don't want my mom to feel as though she needs to choose between Jess and me right now, she certainly has her hands full enough with Jessica's drama with Nash."

John was well aware that Jessica's role in Jared's scheme had done irreparable damage to her relationship with both her husband Nash and with her twin sister Natalie. She had endangered her mental health and placed herself at Jared's mercy more than once, despite her husband's strong objections. It was common knowledge they were probably headed for divorce and that Nash was going to seek custody of their small daughter, Bree. For the most part, John thought Jessica's motives went deeper than the need to stop Jared from exposing how Tess, Jess' alternate personality, had set Jared up as a thief several years ago and ultimately landed him in Statesville Prison for two very long years. At every juncture throughout the Jared's con, Jess had sided with him against both her husband and Natalie. Jess had seized opening after opening to sabotage Natalie's BE business reputation both with the Board and key shareholders in an attempt to further ingratiate herself with Jared. John was fairly convinced that what Jess really hoped to gain with her two-faced behavior was one Mr. Jared Banks himself. And knowing Natalie, none of her sister's hidden agenda was lost on her either.

But if John's instincts were on target, and he was pretty sure they were, there was a more central threat; it began and ended with Jared, who had nothing but contempt for Princess Jessica Buchanan. In Jared's eyes, the jewel of the Buchanan Empire was Natalie and had always been Natalie. And John believed the imminent birth of their child was of no consequence to Jared. On the contrary, John thought Jared saw his son as an added bonus. And despite all of John's attempts to try and sway Natalie to seriously consider a more permanent arrangement between the two of them, for the sake of their child of course, Natalie would not budge. It was a source of tension between Nattie and him that John was certain Jared had been using to re-establish a level of intimacy with Natalie that John had sincerely hoped had been terminally damaged. And their close proximity at the mansion made Jared's attempts at reconciliation easier to push toward. From where John sat, Jared was embarking on an assault of opportunity.

"Well, you could stay at the Angel's Square hotel. Roxie already told you she'd give you a suite of your own if you still don't want to move in with me."

Nat sighed, "We've been through this before, the idea is to successfully co-parent, not get all tied up in each other's lives again. We're exes McBain, and I seem to recall you telling me I was damn well better off for it."

God damn but he hated how she could do that…remember every lame ass thing he'd ever uttered and then drag it up when it most suited her crazy red-headed logic. It's why for the most part he just didn't talk. "Who said anything about getting into each other's business," he lied. It was the only way to salvage the conversation. "I'm just concerned that you could be placing yourself under too much stress. Dr. Fleming has already warned you about your blood pressure, and anything that could affect it absolutely needs to be avoided."

Nat rolled her eyes and didn't even bother to try and hide her irritation. "It's a done deal John, I'm staying with my father and Nora at the mansion. I'm not going to do anything that would hurt our little Justin McBain and I don't need you to hover over me like a fussy old nurse maid to make sure that I won't."

That stopped him in his tracks. "Justin?" And holy shit - him a nursemaid? He hardly thought so, but he would let that one slide as well.

"Yeah, I like it. It's a good strong name for a boy – and it means 'just, fair.' If he's anything like his dad, it's totally going to fit."

"So, I guess you wouldn't have any objection to my choosing the middle name? Justin Thomas," he said softly. "We could call him JT for short…"

She smiled at him and took his hand across the table. The contact shot a jolt of electricity straight up is arm and into his heart. Natalie had never looked so beautiful and it was obvious that pregnancy suited her. She hadn't been sick a single moment and her skin just glowed.

"I was hoping you would suggest Thomas. It was my first choice but I was afraid it might be insensitive, especially after all that you, Mike and Marcie have just been through."

"Yeah well, Marcie is getting the help she needs at Saint Anne's to cope with losing Tommy. Mike pretty much spends most of his time there too." He shrugged his shoulders with resignation. "Not a lot to say. Manning still isn't willing to let anyone near that kid. But from what I've heard, Tommy isn't adjusting to life with his real dad and step mom all that well." John was referencing the recent loss of custody by his brother and sister-in-law of their adoptive child, Tommy McBain. Todd Manning, who coincidentally happened to be Natalie's mother's brother, was the biological father of Tommy. Todd had not known that Tommy survived his birth and been subsequently adopted by Michael and Marcie McBain. John later had been a party to knowing the secret that Tommy was really Todd's son. He had consciously helped his brother to keep this tidbit of information from Manning in an attempt at Marcie and Michael retaining custody of the baby. However, Manning had figured it out, sued and won the right to raise his son with his off again now on again wife Blair. That had set into motion a chain of events that had left the McBain family devastated. Because Marcie couldn't have children of her own, the blow from losing Tommy had sent her right over the edge into panic-stricken madness and she had taken Tommy and been on the run for months. It wasn't until she was caught in Texas that Todd was finally able to secure his son. Marcie had been placed in Saint Anne's for an as yet undetermined period of time to work through her issues. For John's role, he had been suspended and recently let go from his position as Lieutenant at the LPD and Michael had been suspended from his job as Chief Resident at Llanview Hospital. But if John had it to do over again, he seriously doubted he would change anything. There was no way he would willingly let that sweet little boy be raised by quasi-psycho Todd Manning and his shrieking harpie of a wife, not when he had two perfect parents who loved him and were providing him with an ideal and stable home.

"No," Nat confirmed "he's not adjusting very well at all. But my mom says it is getting a little bit better and sometimes he'll go for a whole day without crying for Marcie. I just wish my Uncle Todd wasn't so hateful and would let Mike see the baby every once in a while. I think Tommy would have a smoother transition to his new life as Sam if he wasn't feeling so abandoned by both Michael and Marcie. He just can't understand what's happened to him. But you know Todd, and there's just no talking sense into him. Though God knows my mother has tried." Nat twirled her straw in the milkshake before she took a long sip. Setting the glass down on the table, she spoke with anxiety rising in her voice, "Promise me John, that we'll never do something that cruel to our son…use him as a pawn against each other or keep him from knowing how much we both love him. Promise me you'll always be here, just like you are now, a real part of his life and mine. I don't think I can do this if there is even the tiniest chance that we'll fall apart..."

"We're not going to fall apart Nat. And I'm not Todd. Justin will have both of his parents, and he's going to grow up with a good understanding of what it means to be both the next generation of McBain and Buchanan. No substitutes. I'm in it for the long haul, same as you." But if John had known then what he knew now, he would have insisted Natalie swear that she would safeguard his place in Justin's life; because that's where the threat of their falling apart as parents had really been.

To be continued……..

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