He Never Listens.
XXXXXX
It isn't easy to watch your brother lying wan and pale in an hospital bed, especially when he's there instead of you.
When will the little moron learn that I'm the protector, the big brother. It's my job to take the hits for him, but he's the hardest-headed little bitch on the planet and he just won't learn that lesson.
Oh no; he has to be a hero; step in front of me and stop me from doing my job; my only true job, the one I want to do to the best of my ability. Keep Sammy safe.
X
Of course Sam has chewed me out more than once for what he calls my 'obsessive big brother syndrome'.
"Dean, I'm not a kid any more; I don't need you to get between me and the monsters. We're a team. I can take a bullet for you too, man. It doesn't always have to be you."
Of course I give him the standard answer.
"I'm the first-born, dude. I saw you grow in Mom's belly, heard you kick when she let me put a hand on her baby bump. I'll never forget how that felt. I swore then that I would look out for my little brother forever and that still stands."
X
Sam would look away, his voice muffled. "You were only a kid, Dean. Things change. A childish oath doesn't have to bind one for life. I don't have to be your eternal burden."
As this wasn't the first time he spewed up this stuff, I'd answered him as I always did.
"You've never been a burden, Sam. Stop saying that," I would almost yell. "You're the only good thing I've had in my life, man. We've shared everything; laughed together; cried together; suffered together, hunted together and hurt together and there's no-one else I could have been so open with, bared my soul so completely to; nobody!"
"Dean... " he would interrupt dewy-eyed.
"No Sam, don't give me the 'you could have other people in your life if it wasn't for me' speech, cos it doesn't work I've had that; girls, apple-pie life, even a daughter! None of that works, it all turned into crap. The only thing that's good is us hunting together."
Sam would sigh as he replied." Dean I want more for you than to protect my ass for eternity. I hate feeling that I'm holding you back."
"Sam," I had asked, taking a step forward, gripping his arm and turning him towards me. "Do you want me to take off and leave you? Would you be happier thinking I was out enjoying myself on my own? Come on, Sammy! Spit it out."
I saw the alarm flare up in his eyes, but I wanted to hear him say it loud and clear, so I waited. "Sammy?"
" No...no Dean. I don't want that. I've never felt as alone as when we separated that day in the park; all I wanted to do was run back to you. I… don't want you to leave me but I'll survive if it's what you want to do."
"You're such an idiot Sammy. I don't know why I still listen to this crap," I had bitched exasperated. "What's the point? I don't want to leave you and you don't want to leave me so why are we even bothering having this conversation? You know, when you act like this I realise even more that you still need me around. You gotta have your regular dose of big brother lectures just to keep you happy. Now bitch, don't bother me again with all this crap for months at least."
Sam's other hand came up to grip mine. "Thanks Dean, " he murmured giving me the whole puppy-dog emoting ritual, which despite my best efforts to resist, got me every time.
I must have been growing 'lady parts' as Bobby used to say but I found myself hugging the little geek far more often than I used to; I never hear him complaining though, so I'll keep on doing it."
X
X
Sam's eyelids fluttered and I brought my attention back to my waking brother. Glazed hazel eyes met my own.
"Dean.."
"Right here little brother, " I answered moving to release the hand I had been clasping between my own, but to my surprise Sam held on.
"Dean," he whispered again weakly. I don't know how he does it but he can express a thousand emotions with that one-syllable word; from anger to despair to love.
X
"I just can't get through to that stubborn brain of yours; can I, Sammy?" I scolded. "When I tell you to keep back, you never listen!"
"The only way to stop you stepping in front of me is to push you out of the way, Dean," he smiled wanly, as if he was enthusiastically happy to have taken a life –threatening hit for me.
"You betcha, moron but don't ever try that again or I'll whup your ass. Your place is at my back, not playing the hero," I riled at him but there was no anger behind my words. My little brother wasn't going to die and that's all I cared about.
"No way, " he answered drowsily as his eyelids fluttered again, plunging him into a natural sleep this time. "I'm gonna push you out of the way, when and where I want, jerk."
X
The enD.
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