A/N: That's Life will be a series of songfics of sorts based mostly on the songs from Lifehouse. I need to thank PenguinOFTroy, tycho, rkcaskett, & docvap for assisting with the beta. Please leave a review if so inclined. As usual I don't own any of these characters as the honor goes to Andrew Marlowe & crew. Hope you enjoy it.
Whatever It Takes
Swings, they go back and forth, up and down, in all directions. A toy that can be used by yourself or with a friend, pushing or pulling with the end result of just having fun. Such an iconic thing from just about everyone's childhood yet I found myself here as an adult, in the pouring rain, lightning all around me. The logical side of me, the smarter side of me if you will, told me this is a very stupid move, that I could get myself killed, struck by a large bolt of lightning yet here I sit staring at the empty swing next to me. If I'm honest with myself, yeah I know Dr. Burke would say that is not exactly my strong point, I nearly died today anyway and for what exactly. Revenge? Some sense of twisted obligation for my mom's death or maybe my own selfish desire. So I continued to sit, thinking about anything and everything, trying to make sense of it all. Figuring out how I'm going to make things right with Castle, with my life and where I go from here. Oddly I've never felt more calm in my life as when I turned in my badge, even smiled to myself when I shocked Gates and walked out. My dad used to tell me when I made my mind up, nothing or no one was going to be able to change it and my mind right now is on Castle.
Looking back at the empty swing, I know it's time to act. Take the first step toward him, toward my future, if he'll have me. Right now I'm not sure he will so I call as I started to walk toward his building. It ended on the first ring, just great. He must have seen my name and ended the call not wanting to talk, not that I blame him really. The man poured his heart out to me, laid all the cards on the table for me to say in so many words, I don't care. My life and this vendetta was more important than anything he had to offer me or so I thought. I was wrong about so many things, especially with Castle. My mom was right, even in death, with Vincit Omnia Veritas. That truth conquers all and not just the truth I thought at the time, but the whole truth, the one that included owning up to my mistakes with Castle.
I reached his building and smiled at his doorman who let me head on up without announcing me. I'm grateful for his discretion even if the guy really doesn't know or need to know why I'm soaking wet, headed for Castle's loft. It's a story he may be told about later if I can get that far because I just know he's friends with Castle. The guy knows everyone and treats people fairly, no matter their station in life. Taking a deep breath, I raised my hand and knocked on the door.
The look on his face when he answered the door didn't surprise me. He had no desire to see me after what I put him through, hell I wouldn't want to see me, but I forged ahead anyway, kissing him and telling him how sorry I was. My heart stopped for a minute when he pulled away asking what happened. He could have told me to leave, that I was too late, he had moved on but looking into his eyes, I could see the love. It was time to show my hand even if I wasn't ready to say the words. He took me in anyway, started what I hope was the path to forgiveness.
We found ourselves several weeks later at his house in the Hamptons. He somehow talked me into going despite the long history we have with the place. He wanted to go earlier but I insisted he needed to spend some time with Alexis. My relationship with her was rocky already and I wasn't about to let her think I was taking her father away from her. No, they needed time alone before she started a new phase of her own life. Admittedly, I also needed time to sort out life myself. With the help of Dr. Burke, I figured out some sort of plan of action, even if is a short term one but one I think we can both handle. We need the time to really talk, dig into the last several years, both of our missteps and miscommunication because that stops right here, right now.
Standing on his amazing wrap around deck facing the ocean, I could feel him staring at me behind me for a moment before he reached me. Casually putting his arms around my waist, I leaned into him, enjoying the feeling but knowing it was time. We both needed to face the hurt we caused each other and start to put together a plan for our future.
"Castle, you know if we're going to make this thing between us work, we're going to have put aside our distractions, and really let each other see how we've hurt each other. We can't hide behind it, like I did in my mother's murder or what you did with the other women after the bombing case."
Feeling him tense a little, his lips start to trail along the underside of my jaw and down my neck, making me moan a little. It felt so good that I almost didn't want him to stop.
"Distractions are so nice though.."
"Castle...be serious or try to at least for a little bit and then I'd be happy to let you distract me."
"Yeah, ok. I know you are right but it's been my experience that 'we need to talk' has never ended well for anyone, including our past several attempts."
"Yeah well, this time it will...end well because I know what's at stake this time. I'm not going to let us down, walk away from what we have been building with each other. No matter how much it kills me to hear how much I've hurt you and I know I have. We've hurt each other."
Turning around in his arms and reaching for his hand, slowly intertwining my fingers with his, brushing my lips briefly with his, I pull him toward the stairs leading to the beach . We've walked this path before when we first arrived and hearing the sounds of the ocean might ease some of the hurt or at least put it more in perspective.
"So where do we start since you seem to have some grand plan my dear. I'm all ears or is it legs since you dragged me out for a walk. A nervous habit of yours I've noticed when something is bothering you." I heard Castle murmur.
"Dear? Seriously?" I shrugged but tightened my hand around his and smiled. Not much for pet names but with Castle it just seems right. Doesn't stop me from giving him a hard time though.
"Well.." I hesitated for a moment letting my eyes gaze at the waves. "I lied, you lied. We lied to each other. Flaunted various people in front of each other, said things we probably meant at the time but know the truth now, assumed many things that weren't. Granted we seemed to have made up since then, both come to our senses if you will,still doesn't make it any better. "
"And what a make-up session that has been..." I heard him mumble before he stopped and pulled me into him, nibbling on my ear as I looked out to the ocean.
"Yeah well, even though I know you deserve much better than myself. Let's be real here, you can have any girl you want. I mean they don't call you the white whale for nothing. How about we start with this statement and work from there…"
At that moment, I turned myself in his arms so I'm facing him. Looking into his eyes so he can't misunderstand anything I'm about to say.
"I love you Castle. You are my solid ground even when I was sinking and pushing you away in the process. You let me go because it was what I needed at the time only to let me back in when I came crawling back, tail tucked between my legs. "
Taking a moment to collect my thoughts further, I use the time to let my mouth lightly touch his in a kiss that promised so much more.
"Let's use this time, right here, right now to hold onto each other and start over. Start fresh, no secrets, no lies. Just us. I promise I'll keep us together. "
"No," I heard him say which made time seem to slow down before my brain kicked in that he was still talking.
"No, I won't agree to that promise. What I will agree on is that we'll do it together. We both screwed up and we'll both work together to turn this around. We're partners after all."
"Whatever It Takes," we both say before letting our lips collide in a long, sensuous kiss.