Hey guys :) This takes place after Unsafe Haven part 2, and it's nothing spectacular, just a little drabble that kept going round and round in my head until I had to write it down. Although...I'm thinking of using it as a pre-chapter to my future story which is a Leddi multi-chapter :) Hmm, anyway yes, I hope you guys like it, feel free to review/con-crit it as much as you like!
"My mother was… complicated. So for a variety of reasons, we spent a lot of my time in and around hospitals. They became so familiar to me. The long corridors. The smell of disinfectant, soap. And comfort. That's what I really remember. A hospital was a place where people made things better. Where strangers helped you. A hospital was my safe place. A haven."
He'd never expected to share that kind of information with anyone, not even someone he cared deeply for or even considered to be anything more than a colleague. But then overwhelmed and full of self-loathing, he spilt everything; making her the first person in a very long time to even get a glimpse into his past.
He'd stared at himself in the tiny bathroom mirror the next morning and barely recognised his own reflection. The hollow expression of a man who was so consumed by guilt and a multitude of scars that he couldn't bring himself to accept what was being offered in the here and now. A man who had experienced so much hurt in his past that he was unable to comprehend anything else. His troubled upbringing had led to his confusion and lack of understanding for basic human emotions. He was un-used to experiencing anything like that, which is why he didn't get it; why he drove the people around him crazy with his disregard for feelings.
And now, he knew he'd hurt her, he'd pushed her away, because he didn't like anyone getting too close. He couldn't let anyone break through the barriers he'd spent so long putting up; and they'd been up for so long that he himself no longer knew how to pull them back down.
It wasn't that he didn't like her, or want to be with her, he didn't do it because it amused him to cause her pain. In fact, he was constantly tormented by the pained expression she'd worn today, before she'd caught his eye and replaced it with one of cold indifference. No, he did it because he was scared. Scared that if she ever learnt what he was truly hiding that she'd run, like so many had before.
In fact she was closer than anyone had ever been before; usually women had given him up as a hopeless cause long before now. No-one had cared enough to want to accept his emotional baggage alongside their own. No-one had wanted to understand him and his demons, to help him overcome his issues and move on. That was what made her special. She had issues and problems, just like everyone else, yet she was still willing to be with him and deal with him.
Still, he couldn't let her love him because in the end she would ultimately be the one to suffer when he got too antsy and ran away again. She would be the one left to pick up the pieces; but at least then she'd understand his former protestations.
But for now he doesn't say any of this; he simply thanks whatever mystical presence made her give him a second chance (or possibly more like his thirtieth) and accept his offer of a date.
He smiles at her retreating back as she tells him to go and change. Possibly, for once in his life he's made the right decision and faced his demons head on. At some point he has to stop being scared of ruining what they have between them and just let nature run its course. As clever as he is, even he can't quite control everything.
AN: I just had to get this out of my head! But I don't bite, so please review with whatever you thought of it (good or bad!) :)