Blaine was nervous. He was very nervous.
Not only was he nervous because he was asked just two days ago to perform a song at Will and Emma's wedding, but he now found out that Kurt was coming. Yes, they were 'okay.' But Kurt had moved on. He had moved on, and he was happy. He hadn't been, of course. Blaine still remembers when Finn broke the news to him about just how depressed Kurt had been.
Blaine walked up to a group which had formed in the choir room. Murmurs were being carried throughout the circle among worried faces.
"What's going on?" Blaine asked. Everyone grew silent.
"Hey, um, man, come over here." Finn said quietly, directing Blaine away from the circle. Finn's eyes brimmed with tears.
"What's happening? Is something wrong?" Blaine grew worried.
"It's Kurt," Finn licked his lips. "He's… he's…he's been cutting himself."
"What? No, that's not right. Kurt would never do that. How do you even know? Kurt doesn't do that, he could never—" Blaine started, his breathing growing heavier.
"Rachel. Rachel called me this week because she didn't know what else to do. She said that Kurt had seemed upset since that night in battery park. She said that she tried comforting, but then one night he exploded. He apparently showed her his arms and screamed at her about how miserable he was." Finn's eye contact remained intact, despite the tears that had began falling.
Blaine's hand flew to his mouth in attempt to disguise the sob that escaped his throat.
"It's all my fault," He sobbed. "It's all my fucking fault because I was selfish. I was selfish and I fucked around. And now look at where that got me—where that got him. He doesn't deserve this, Finn. He doesn't deserve this."
Kurt, of course, had recovered since then. He had a new boyfriend, someone to make him happy. Blaine wasn't jealous in the slightest. He was still hurt, however, when Kurt stopped talking to him the moment that he met Adam. Blaine had tried to text Kurt. He had tried to send him cordial "How are you doing?" Texts. But Kurt never answered. He never texted back, he never acknowledged Blaine's existence. Yes, they had spoken over Thanksgiving, they even saw each other at Christmas. But ever since Kurt started dating Adam, they didn't speak. They were practically strangers.
But now, today, Kurt was coming to Will and Emma's wedding. Unaccompanied. So, yes, Blaine was very nervous.
Blaine had asked many times what the dress code was, but he never got an actual answer. Really, he wasn't in the wedding, so why should he follow their colors? He decided that he didn't need to. After around forty-five minutes of going through his closet (for no particular reason, he had no one to impress) he settled for a black tux with a royal blue bowtie. Kurt always loved bowties when Blaine wore them. But, of course, that didn't really matter that much, because Kurt had a boyfriend, right? Right.
Blaine arrived to the venue of the wedding and hummed his song, memorizing each pitch change and beat. He was asked by Emma to sing an acoustic cover of "Marry You" by Bruno Mars. This was no issue, Blaine always loved the song. The only intimidating part was that his ex-boyfriend was seeing him sing for the first time since that night. But it didn't really matter if Kurt was impressed or not, because he had a boyfriend.
The wedding began, and Blaine sat in the sixth row on the left side. He sat on the left end of the pew. Just his luck, Kurt sat down next to Rachel, on the fifth row on the left side. He sat on the right end of the pew, thus giving Blaine a perfect view to admire him. But Blaine tried not to let his eye wander too much, because Kurt had a boyfriend. But he was so… irresistible. A little gazing from afar never hurt anyone, right? Right.
Kurt was wearing a black tux with a pink vest underneath it. His tux was tight-fitted, sleek, and absolutely gorgeous. He was gorgeous. Blaine was automatically reminded of their first prom. And everything flooded back to him. He inhaled deeply through his mouth, and then licked his lips.
Kurt laughed at something Rachel said, and his teeth showed as his face crinkled up in joy. He looked happy. That's all Blaine ever wanted. Kurt's laugh dimmed to a light chuckle, and he looked back in Blaine's direction. He flashed him a small, awkward smile, and Blaine gave one in return. Kurt waved three fingers, and Blaine's mouth formed into a straight line as he waved back. Kurt turned away with a look of unease.
The wedding started. Blaine couldn't focus. He was too distracted by Kurt and that damn tux. But what he was distracted with didn't matter anymore. It didn't matter because Kurt was happy without him. Kurt had found someone new, someone who made him happier than ever before. Blaine wasn't important to Kurt anymore. He wasn't the one that Kurt called when he had a nightmare, or even the one that he called when he needed help deciding on an outfit. Blaine was meaningless; Adam was the important one now. Blaine hated himself. How could he have done that to the only thing that mattered to him? How could he? Blaine was awoken by his long, lingering, torturing thoughts by the whoops and hollers of the people surrounding him. Oh. So the wedding was over.
Blaine rose to his feet and followed the excited crowd to the reception in the gymnasium of the church. He wasn't excited, though. He was happy for Will and Emma, but he felt like he was going to throw up because of himself. He didn't though, because Will was pushing him onto the stage outside before he could excuse himself to the bathroom.
Blaine stumbled onto the raised platform, his guitar clanking against the hard wood of the floor. The bright lights were harsh against his sweating face, so he shielded his eyes. Under his hand, he could see Kurt at one of the tables, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Blaine was never like this.
"Um," Blaine squeaked. "How is everybody doing tonight?"
Silence. The only sound filling the air was Blaine breathing heavily into the microphone, a few coughs escaping from the back.
"Well, um," He shook his head, his eyes fluttering shut. "I was…I was asked by Will and Emma to sing a song tonight, and um…" Blaine made eye contact with Kurt once again. His eyebrows had straightened out, and his lip was now pulled in between his teeth, his eyes filled with hope.
"And um, I'm gonna switch it up a bit, if that's okay with Emma," He flashed a glance to Emma, who was giving him a gentle nod. "Okay, great. Hope you guys enjoy." He gave a small smile in Kurt's direction before sitting down on the stool in front of the microphone. He brought his guitar up to his chest and began to play.
"And I know that there's friction between me and you.
I know that you're uncomfortable, believe me, I do."
I know that it's hard for you to tell me the truth.
But while we are doing so, I'm still in love with you."
Blaine could visibly see Kurt inhale deeply, his mouth opened slightly. If Blaine wasn't mistaken, he could see tears glistening in his eyes. Blaine never broke eye contact. He couldn't.
"And though your skin is sheet white,
And your arms carry scars,
Your hair isn't clean much,
Your lungs black with tar.
And god," Blaine laughed, "you love to argue.
You can't play guitar…"
Blaine's face grew sincere once again.
"But still, let me tell you that I love who you are.
Still let me tell you that I love who you are."
Kurt was definitely crying now. Blaine saw his hand fly up to his face to silence his now muffled whimpers. His entire face was red, and Rachel had a comforting hand resting on his back. He cried hard. Blaine broke.
"Love, young love… I hope you are well.
At least we now both have a story to tell.
Young love, I feel you know me better than most…
And in spite of real distance, we'll always be close."
Blaine was practically bawling now, looking down at his guitar as he messily strummed.
"In spite of real distance, we'll always be close." Blaine managed to choke out these words before brokenly apologizing. "I'm sorry, please excuse me." He muttered as he set his guitar on the floor and rushed off the stage towards the door. He needed to get fresh air. He needed to get out, he needed to escape.
He pushed through the door quickly and let out a sigh of relief as the cool air hit his face. It wasn't long after that that he walked over to a tree in the grass, slid down to where he was sitting in the fetal position, and sobbed.
"What are you doing, B?" Blaine heard someone ask. He looked up to see Kurt standing over him, tear marks trailing their paths down his cheeks.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Blaine choked out, his voice cracking. Kurt sat down to where he was sitting opposite Blaine.
"Blaine, Blaine. Look at me." Kurt whispered, and Blaine uneasily lifted his head.
"I still love you, Kurt." Blaine rushed out.
"I know. I know you do. And that's okay." Kurt reassured him.
"No it's not. It's not because you don't love me back. You don't love me back because I'm stupid. I'm stupid because I fucking broke your heart, and I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me." Blaine bit out.
"Please stop mentioning that." Kurt's eyes were now swimming in tears. "Look, we need to talk. Come over."
"What? But—"
"Just come over. Please." Kurt shut his eyes.
"Okay."
They both sat uncomfortably on the couch in the living room, their jackets discarded by the door.
"I miss you." Kurt finally admitted after a long silence.
"I… I miss you too." Blaine replied.
"No, I mean, I miss you. Not us. I miss…just you. I miss hanging out. I miss piling up in my bed, watching movies. I miss calling you, seeking help for which outfit I should wear. I miss you coming over in the middle of the night to hold me when I had nightmares. I miss everything, B. I miss everything."
"I miss that, too…. More than you know. I miss you. I miss being the reason that you smile. I miss the way that your lips taste. I miss being able to tell you that I love you. I miss the way your hands feel in mine, I miss the way that you sound just after you wake up. I miss everything about you. Everything."
"Glad we're on the same page." Kurt let out a dry chuckle.
"How long have you missed me?" Blaine asked timidly.
"Since that night in battery park," Kurt admits, and Blaine's stomach drops. "I've tried hating you, B. I've tried so damn hard. And I want to hate you. But I… I can't. It's impossible. I've tried forgetting you, I've tried everything. I miss the feeling I used to get when you kissed me. I miss the way your giggle sounded when I put too much lube on. I miss the way that your body warmth felt when we were watching movies, snuggling. Can we… can we pretend, just for one night, that nothing happened? That it's the old Kurt and Blaine? Can we pretend? Just for one night?" Kurt asked, his eyes filled with hope and love.
"But what about… what about Adam?" Blaine bit his lip.
"I broke up with him." Kurt admitted.
"You what?"
"I broke up with him. I broke up with him because he tried touching me. He tried touching me and it wasn't the same. It wasn't you, Blaine. It didn't feel right. He didn't know how to touch me, he didn't know what to do to make me feel good…And god, he didn't smell like you. He didn't sound like you. He wasn't you, Blaine. He wasn't you. That's why I broke up with him. Because he wasn't you." Kurt cried.
Blaine couldn't resist. He surged forward and planted his lips on Kurt's while his fingers entangled into Kurt's hair. He didn't care about how messy it was, he didn't care if his ankles would hurt in the morning because he had twisted them, moving so fast. All that mattered was Kurt. That's all that ever mattered. Blaine licked over Kurt's bottom lip and his mouth opened eagerly. Their tongues twirled around each other, and Blaine shifted his body to where he was straddling Kurt, his erect cock rubbing down roughly against Kurt's. Kurt broke away and gasped loudly and Blaine took the opportunity to hungrily kiss and suck Kurt's exposed jawline and neck.
"Missed you," Blaine murmured, and Kurt's hips bucked up as he grunted when Blaine sucked on a particular spot just behind his ear.
"Missed you too, more than anything." Kurt replied.
"I still love you." Blaine whispered as he pulled back to pull off his bowtie and rip open his dress shirt. He discarded it to the couch, then reached to pull open Kurt's. Kurt helped him willingly, and the material fell of his shoulders with ease.
"Really?" Kurt panted.
"Forever." Blaine assured him, and Kurt then leaned forward to grab Blaine by the neck and kiss him hard. Blaine rolled his hips down at a steady pace and Kurt moaned loudly into Blaine's mouth.
"Bedroom?" Blaine asked as he rested their foreheads together, and Kurt replied with a sturdy nod before Blaine was up, grabbing Kurt by the hand and practically running to Kurt's bedroom.
"Blaine?" Kurt stopped after they shut his door.
"Yes?" Blaine replied, worried flooding his eyes.
"I never stopped loving you. Even through it all. I never stopped." Kurt shook his head, and then Blaine's face scrunched up as he kissed him passionately. They stumbled back onto the door, and Blaine's hands clung to Kurt's hips, squeezing when Kurt would flick his tongue behind Blaine's teeth. Blaine's hips stuttered against Kurt's, and Kurt moaned into his mouth at the contact. Blaine reached down behind Kurt's thighs and lifted him up to slam him against the wall. Kurt wrapped his legs around Blaine's waist, groaned and rolled his hips down in response. This was kept at a steady pace, and Blaine began rolling his hips up. Everything was growing hot and heavy all too soon. Blaine carried Kurt to the bed and dropped him on the white sheets. His pants were tugged off easily, and Blaine was thankful for that as he took his own off. Blaine stopped before taking off anything else.
"Let me see your scars." Blaine said, and Kurt licked his lips as he shut his eyes and lifted his forearm to where Blaine could see. Written like an abstract piece of art against Kurt's delicate skin, there laid six pink lines. Blaine lifted the scarred skin up to his lips and he kissed each scar.
"You're still beautiful. You'll always be beautiful." He whispered.
"Please kiss me." Kurt begged.
Blaine smiled before pressing a loving kiss to Kurt's open lips. Kurt breathed loudly through his nose, their tongues danced a very familiar dance that was sent from the heavens.
"I love you. I love you. I love you." Blaine babbled as he broke away from Kurt, his eyes shut.
"I love you more. I love you more, forever, and ever. I've always loved you more. That's why I was broken when you hurt me."
"I'm so sorry." Blaine apologized.
"It's alright now. I just need you. I need you here, with me, and only me. I need to trust you with everything. I need to be able to do that again, Blaine. Can we do that again? Can we try again? Can I trust you?" Kurt asked, his eyes locked with Blaine's.
"Yes," Blaine breathed. "A thousand times yes."
"How can I know for a fact that you're trustworthy?"
"Kurt," He licked his lips and shut his eyes, searching for words. He opened them once again when he found them. "You have to understand that I'm sorry. When you hurt, I hurt. I feel like I'm… connected to you, in a way. And when you were broken, I was ten times more broken. Because it was my fault. And I am so, so, so sorry. You have every reason in the world not to trust me, but I hope you will because I love you. I really, really love you. You want to know why? Because I adore everything about you. I like the way that your eyes light up when you laugh. The way your hair flickers when you turn your head. How you look when you first wake up in the morning. How you laugh at my jokes when I'm not even funny. The way you comb your hair. How you listen to the best music, and you help me decide what to wear when we go to fancy events sometimes. How you sing in the shower, how you get too involved with fictional characters. How your favorite television show is about happy teenagers because you've never experienced true happiness yourself. How you feel about the way the stars look in a lightless town. How the moon reflects off your pupils, and how you furrow your eyebrows when you realize I'm looking at you. The way that you have to color-coordinate your pajamas, and how you think that matching couples are dumb. How you think that clichés are overrated, and how you make up new words or ways to say things when you're bored. How you adore literature and how you compliment authors when they use big words because you understand them better than you do when small words are used. I adore everything about you, Kurt. I don't plan on going anywhere, ever again. Because I can't stand to be apart from you, even for a day. I've learned that the hard way. These past seven months… have been complete and utter hell for me. If I lost you again, I'd lose myself. I'll love you for as long as you'll let me. The only way that I'll ever stop loving you is if you stop allowing me to." His words were sincere, they came from his gut.
"I believe you." Kurt breathed, and that was all Blaine needed.
Kurt was all Blaine ever needed.