After The Rising Moon

by Darkshines1984

Please review! Follow up peice to Waiting For The Rising Moon but it's cannon to the season four episode New Moon Rising so you don't have to have read it. Story is about the final scene of the episode and beyond the candle being blown out.

After the Rising Moon

Pairing: Willow and Tara

Rating: M (tasteful but there is sex children)

Disclaimer: If I owned Buffy the Vampire Slayer then Tara would not have died!

Summary: The end of New Moon Rising in season four and after the candle stotted being extra flamey. It follows on from my other fanfic 'waiting for the rising moon' but you don't actually have to have read it. It's pretty much cannon with the episode.

It's from Tara's point of view again because she's my favourite and I understand her perspective more than Willow's. If I could swap places with one of them though it would most definitely be with Willow though! I love Willow ... I just love Tara oh so much more!

************

I hadn't meant to get anyone hurt and I certainly never wanted it. Now however I was faced with the very real possibility that I was partly to blame for someone else's misery, two people's misery even.

It had been early afternoon when it had happened; early afternoon when I had ran the length of the campus to find Willow. Early afternoon when I had to break the news to her that the man she may want to spend her life with was in danger. Early afternoon when I was forced to watch her run away from me to save him; not knowing if she would ever return to me.

It had been early afternoon when I had abandoned all my lectures and escaped to my dorm to sit and wait.

Day had faded into night without me really noticing its passage. Curled up in my chair by the window I had let the hours fade away in silence and stillness. I still wore the offending cardigan, even knowing it had been a mistake to wear it I still could not bear to take it off. I had worn it with innocent intentions, as a keepsake, as something of Willow's to hold close to me. Instead it had turned out to be part of the catalyst of the day's events that not only threatened to end mine and Willows relationship but also Oz's life.

I had not expected to see Oz at college in the first place but I had also forgotten the fact that he had heightened wolf senses. She had not told him about us and for him to find out by seeing me in her clothes and smelling her on me must have been terrible for him. I know how torturous it had been for me early that day to not know who she was going to chose. Now it had hit him like a ton of bricks that he had competition he had previously not known existed. In fact, worse than that he had competition that Willow had been with that day. I was wearing the top she had wore that morning when they had parted and of course, I may have washed her of me enough for human senses but his wolf senses would smell the fact we had been intimate.

I had felt guilt for him in the corridor even though Willow was now my girlfriend; I felt guilty because he had been kept in the dark and I felt guilty because he had found out from me and not Willow. Even when he changed into a werewolf and tried to attack me I still felt sorry for him, I should have been stronger this morning with Willow, I should not have let anything happen whilst she was so undecided.

So now I sit and wait to see if anyone informs me what's happed. I have a horrible feeling that the scoobies will be too late to rescue him from the initiative and Willow will hate me and blame me for his death. Or I have a horrible feeling that I will be sat in this chair all night because they will save him and Willow and Oz will have the big reunion and forget all about me. There is no way I will sleep though so waiting is all I can do. There is nowhere to run now either, just the darkness of my room to hide in.

A knock at my door breaks my reverie and I know that it must be Willow, or perhaps there is a slim chance that Buffy has come instead if something bad has happened. Even though I'm terrified about what's to come I am quick to my feet and across the room. I ease the door open to find Willow stood on the other side holding a large candle. I cannot greet her, no words will come and I feel like I'm silently choking. She looks so apprehensive and nervous but she is not upset so Oz must be okay which means the moment has come. The moment has come when Willow will tell me she has chosen Oz and I must act like I'm happy for her and tell her I'm still her friend.

"No candles? Well I brought one and its ... extra flamey"

I don't really understand the relevance of her bringing me an extra flamey candle, is it a parting gift? Is it something to do with friendship that she's read in some Wicca book? I don't have time to dwell on the importance of the candle though because suddenly she is stepping slowly towards me. I step back to allow her entrance to the room and she thrusts the candle into my hands. I take it, terrified that my hands are shaking so much that I may drop it and make a fool of myself. She keeps stepping towards me even after the candle is in my hands not hers and part of me panics at her proximity. I don't know if I can cope with being so close to her and not reach out to her or cling onto her so she can't leave me. I take two or three steps back so I can put space between us but she closes me down again so she is only a couple of feet away.

"Tara I have to tell you...." Oh god I can't actually hear this. I don't want the speech; I can't bear to have her tell me that she likes me but she loves him. I can't bear to hear her tell me that it's the end for our relationship; I'm not that strong.

"No ... I understand" I cut her off before she can say anything that hurts "you have to be with the person you l...love"

I suppose just giving in again and not letting her reel of whatever speech she has planned for me is another act of escaping. I'm running away again, running from the pain her words will inevitably cause me. For the first time since I saw her in Wicca group I'm wishing her miles away from me and not here in my dorm about to emotionally cripple me. I can't even bring myself to look at her so I focus on the dancing flame of the candle she has given me.

"I am"

She's what? For a few second I pour over the two simple words and their context, not quite able to believe that what I was hearing and interpreting was true.

"You mean?" I wanted to hear some sort of confirmation. I needed to hear some sort of conformation to make sure I hadn't got it wrong or worst of all imagined it.

"I mean. Okay?"

Okay? OKAY? OKAY?!?!?!?! What a crazy question!

'Oh yes!' I manage to say, desperately trying to focus on staying calm and not dropping the candle and doing a victory dance around my dorm. I know she's not with me for my coolness factor but there is a level of lack of coolness that not even I will stoop to; however much I may currently want too. Oh my god has she just told me she loves me in an indirect roundabout kind of way?

"I feel horrible about everything I put you through ..."

I feel like just telling her not to bother, I feel fantastic right now so why the hell should she feel horrible. I understand what she means though; she feels bad about leaving me to worry this long tonight, she feels bad for putting me in such an awkward position this morning in this very dorm and now she has decided she wants me she probably feels bad that she didn't just tell Oz about us straight away. It's all irrelevant now though, what's done is done and moping will not undo it. Instead we can just move forward together, maybe even strengthened by this because perhaps now she has finally moved on from Oz.

"...and I'm going to make it up to you, starting right now."

That is a very enticing offer. Especially taking into consideration how much I wanted her earlier that day even though I thought she was leaving me. Now, having been told that she is still very much mine and I'm very much hers that want has just escalated tenfold.

"Right now?" It's an academic question really because I can see by her smile and the look in her eye that she is waiting for me to give her some sort of sign that she can start ravishing me. I'd probably have saved her the worry and be ravishing her already if I didn't have my hands full. I'm still not entirely sure what exactly the candle is meant to signify but it is kind of romantic and sweet, just like Willow herself. Right now though romantic and sweet isn't really cutting it so I decide to find a new meaning for the candle. She can't start kissing me until the flaming object in my grasp is either put down somewhere or becomes less hazardous. I keep eye contact with her as I blow on the candle and the previously large dancing flame becomes no more. It very suddenly throws us into total darkness and the soft moonlight flooding in through the window only provides a slight glow that outlines her against the dark of the room.

I didn't even have a chance to put the candle down before her lips where on mine and one of her hands laced in my hair at the back of my neck. Her other hand removed the candle from my grasp and tossed on the floor out of the way, regardless of the hot wax that was probably now peppered all over my carpet. That same hand then found its way to the small of my back and she pulled me against her firmly, deepening the kiss. Any complaints I may have had about her candle tossing slipped away and were replaced by Willowy ecstasy as her mouth crashed against mine and our tongues duelled for dominance. During our few sexual endeavours before this we had been slow and steady, happy to spend time exploring and discovering the other. The only exception to this before today had been our second time, which had been haphazard and desperate, but that had come about because of the very sexually charged spell we used to discover Faith and Buffy's body switch.

This time however we didn't seem to be going for the soft and slow approach and I really don't mind. So much so that I find I'm encouraging her by pulling her hips closer to mine and using the other hand to claw into her upper back slightly. This is not only causing her to moan into my mouth, which is driving me wild, but she is reciprocating by raking her fingernails across my lower back. She has the advantage here though because my top is just baggy enough for her to have slipped her hand underneath so she is in contact with bare skin. Her top on the other hand is far too fitted for me to be able to reach under so instead I go one step better and pull it off over her head so the barrier is completely removed.

She follows my lead and soon my top is dispensed with too and we begin edging sideways towards the bed. We move slowly because that part of the room is pitch black and I have no idea when I'm going to come across my furniture. Even if it was light I'm sure we would be stumbling just as slowly because she has managed to undo the zipper of my jeans and they are now half way down my legs, making it hard for move. As soon as the side of my leg hits the bed frame I find myself sitting on the edge, Willow has pushed me onto the bed. My jeans are slid the rest of the way off very quickly and I reach in front of me and search for her zipper. It is nearly impossible to find it in the dark and instead I merely succeed in patting the crotch of her jeans.

I reach across the bed to the nightstand and fumble around on the nightstand until I finally manage to turn the lamp on so we have some illumination. By the time I sit back upright again Willow has removed her own jeans and they are joining the candle and my clothing across the room somewhere. Now I have some dim light and I can see her again I take the chance to admire her stood before me in her cute red and white spotted underwear. She is so lean and perfect, which always makes me feel slightly self-conscious as I am much thicker set than she is. Her exposed skin is flushed with desire and her eyes are burning an even brighter emerald green than usual. Those bright eyes are roaming my body like mine are roaming hers and I wonder what she sees there that she likes because whatever it is she's the first person ever to pick up on it. Nobody has ever found me attractive in any shape or form never mind wanted to throw me on a bed and ravish me. Not that I'm complaining.

Her hands are suddenly on my shoulders and I gaze up into her eyes waiting to see what her next move will be. Suddenly those eyes get much closer as she kneels over me on the side of the bed and straddles me. I let out an involuntary gasp but it is cut off by her mouth crashing against mine again. I return the kiss with gusto and snake my arms behind her so I can remove her bra as I've suddenly seen a very big advantage to the position she's put us in; I have excellent access to her.

I'm impressed by how easily the bra pops open (I must be getting quite skilled at this now because it was not that easy the first couple of times) and I let it fall on the floor by the side of the bed. I daren't try and toss it in case I knock Willow off me and onto the floor in the process. I break the kiss and dip by head down to her right breast, taking it in my mouth and sucking, causing her to moan my name. She repeats my name several times as I work her nipple with my tongue and teeth before swapping to the left breast. One of her hands struggles with my bra strap whilst the other is clawing into my shoulder so that she doesn't overbalance and fall backwards of the bed. My hands don't seem to be able to stay still and they roam everywhere from her face, her back, her hips, her legs and breast my mouth is currently not occupied with. I haven't dared do this much exploring in all the other times we have made love but this time feels different somehow. Now she really does feel all mine and my hands are at liberty to run wild all over her.

She finally succeeds in undoing my bra and pulls my head up back to hers so she can remove it. God knows where about in the room she lashes it to; I only pray it hasn't hooked on the window frame somewhere for any passerby to see in the morning if they look up. My worries about the bra cease when she starts kissing me again but she does not stay at my mouth for long. Instead she slides of me and onto her knees on the floor, peppering kisses on my neck and shoulder en route. She stops at my breasts and busies herself with returning the attention I had just given her. I plant one hand behind me on the bed to support me as my back arches in response and I let out a low throaty growl. It surprises me but it doesn't seem to surprise her, in fact it spurs her on and she begins to tug at my underwear with one of her free hands. I raise my hips of the bed slightly and she slips them down my legs and they pool somewhere by my feet.

She moves her head lower and her lips slide across my stomach, occasionally kissing, before dropping to the inside of my thigh. I tense as she presses her lips against the soft sensitive skin of my upper thigh.

"Willow" I gasp "are you sure..."

She has not done this before. In our encounters I have used my mouth sometimes but she has been all hands which is fine by me. I suspect the idea of going down on a girl still seems slightly weird to her and I don't want her to feel like she has to do it to prove a point to me. I wouldn't care if she never ever made love to me that way; it is more important to me that she loves me and wants to be with me.

Her answer is a physical one rather than a verbal one as she descends onto my centre with her mouth. There is nothing hesitant about the first contact, her tongue is firm and she instantly scoops it against me to taste me. Any trepidation I may have about whether or not she should be doing this is eliminated when she buries her head into me and begins keenly pleasuring me. Our moans mingle and it's hard to tell who is enjoying themselves more as she tugs at my hips to pull me closer into her face and I desperately try to keep myself propped up with one shaking arm so the other can hold her head to me.

I murmur all sorts to her, most of it pretty standard stuff like 'that feels so good' and 'oh my god Willow' but there is other stuff like 'I love you so much' and I think I may have reminded her that she needed to stop and breathe at some point. I can't actually remember her heeding that advice at all so she must have really good lungs on her. Soon I can feel my head spinning as the tension inside of me grows and grows until finally it releases and I cry her name out far too loud considering we are in student dorms.

I am instantly nervous because of the size of my release; I have no idea how Willow is going to cope with being totally covered in Tara juice. It appears I have little reason to worry though as she doesn't emerge from between my legs for a few seconds because she is still busy mopping up with her tongue. It occurs to me that considering she had never liked women before me and had thought herself straight she seemed to be bloody good at this whole lesbianism thing. A natural at it I guess.

"At what?"

Willow asks as she finally raises herself up out of my crotch and up onto her knees again. I'm not sure what she's asking about so I throw her a confused look before reaching across the bed again for the box of tissues that luckily sit on the night stand. She accepts a couple gratefully and wipes her chin and mouth before tossing them in the direction of the bin.

"What am I a natural at?"

I must have spoken some of my thoughts out loud but I knew it was just an academic question by the look on her face. She is smirking and looking massively pleased with herself so she damn well knows I meant she was good. I play up to her though because she obviously wants to hear me say it.

"At making me feel amazing" I reply "Willow that felt so good"

I had trailed my free hand down her chest as I spoke and it was amazing to see the effect it had on her coupled with my words. She was already full of desire before she had made love to me, now she was blatantly raging with desire. Her breathing was so ragged that I could not define any kind of rhythm in the rise and fall of her chest and her beautiful green eyes had dilated that much that I couldn't work out how the dim lamp light wasn't stinging them.

I reach out to her to pull her onto the bed but my movement just seems to set something off in her again and she half cups, half grabs my face pulling me down to her and starts kissing me like the world is going to end. I try to respond but I can't even keep up with her to dual with her tongue so instead I just let her dominate me and explore my mouth. It's the first time I've ever tasted myself and it's not as strange an experience as I would have previously expected it to be. Especially not when it's mingled with the taste of Willow kisses, and Willow kisses taste really good.

She finally breaks of the assault on my mouth and clambers onto the bed again, this time kneeling next me in-between me and the headboards. I pull my legs under me and shuffle across so I am kneeling in front of her and facing her and I realise that she is actually shaking slightly. I cup her face gently and press soft kisses against her lips and her brow where a thin sheet of sweat has formed.

"Tara"

Her voice is throaty and low and full of the desire I can see in her eyes. It's like dirty talk but without the smut and it's oh so much sexier.

"Please...Please touch me"

It's a cross between a demand and a plead, leaving me feeling instantly guilty for not just jumping her the second she came up from between my legs. I am happy to oblige her though and I guide her body so she is lying back on the bed with her head resting on the pillows. I lethargically drop little kisses down her torso till I reach her stomach. I have no intention of rushing, I want this to last a while and I want to make it really good like it was for me.

Her underwear slides down her legs with some resistance as they are soaked with desire and I can't help but marvel at the fact that I did that to her. I am in awe of the fact that her desire is because of me and the need to touch me and be touched by me. It's quite a sexually liberating thought and I'm already feeling quite sexually liberated already tonight, for the first time in my life. Holding that thought I decide to be brave and experiment so I roll us so that she is now on top and kiss her reassuringly.

"Come here and kneel up" I request softly, using my hands to start guiding her.

She looks at me questioningly for a second or two but then follows my instructions so that she is straddling my face. She looks down at me again but this time she is just checking she is in the right place. I'm not sure where my sudden burst of confidence or knowledge has come from but I wink at her so she knows she's doing just fine. Taking a firm grasp of her hips with both hands I reach up to her with my mouth and begin to slowly and softly move my tongue against her very wet centre. I have a great view of how she is reacting from here and the first thing she does is close her eyes as one of her hands shoots out to the headboard to steady her.

As I continue my soft administrations with my tongue she moans and writhes and tries to press herself down onto me for firmer contact. Using my hands on her hips I prevent her though and she whimpers, my teasing driving her a little bit crazy.

"Tara"

She is begging me for more and as slow as I wanted to make this I cannot help but give her what she asks, so I pick up the pace. Her whimpers are replaced by moans as I release one of my hands from her hips, allowing her to press down on me and I move my free hand to her breasts. At some point her other hand reaches out for the headboard as my actions become quicker and firmer again and she begins to tense. She is tensing to much that as I dart my tongue inside her it nearly gets stuck there as her muscles clench around it. If I thought I was moaning nonsense before then Willow wasn't even speaking English. Random words were pouring out of her mouth interspersed by my name. Something like 'yes, Tara, good, Tara, sexy, Tara, you, Tara, Love, Tara, oh...' etc etc. Trust Willow to babble even when having great sex, she is so damn cute.

Finally everything starts to release and she leans forward so her head is lying on her hands which are grabbing the headboard. The poor headboard actually creeks under her grip but I understand why she's buried herself there when she finally orgasms. The headboard only partly muffles out her cry of my name although it is still far too loud to have gone unheard. Everyone in my corridor is going to know that Tara and Willow had sex tonight unless they were lucky enough to be out.

After a few seconds Willow extricates herself from my face and somehow manages to swing herself round and flop on the bed so that she is at a right angle to me with her legs hanging over my stomach. She actually looks exhausted and incredibly out of breath, her chest is heaving up and down trying to get oxygen into her lungs. I can't help but muse that she looks incredibly sexy nakedly strewn across my bed like that. I wipe my mouth with a tissue and toss the box of the bed and onto the floor; I'll worry about the mess when I wake up later in the morning.

"I love you"

Willow's breathing is still all over the place and the words come out as a chesty whisper. She manages to raise her head and look at me a bit before collapsing back down again.

"I was trying to tell you before but I couldn't construct a damn sentence"

I suppress a little giggle as I remember the string of random words that had flown from her mouth during our lovemaking. She seemed like she might be a little self conscious about it but it was hard to tell whilst she was crashed out like that.

"I love you too" I tell her "Now come here so I can have Willow snuggles"

"You'll have to come here pet"

She giggles at her own helplessness and manages to find enough energy to pat the bed with her hand. I shift out from under her legs and shuffle round on the bed so I'm lying across it with her, my lower legs now hanging of the bed. I prop myself up so I am leaning over her slightly and move her sweat soaked her out of her face, letting my fingers linger and caress the skin of her cheeks. Her eyes open and I am welcomed with the most wonderful affectionate look I have ever seen.

"Tara I love you so much"

Suddenly her hands are around my back and head and she pulls me into a firm and passionate kiss which last for about half a minute. As she pulls away I feel wet against my cheek and see that she is crying silent tears.

"I'm so sorry"

Her eyes are pleading with me desperately and I haven't really got a clue what's happening or why she is crying. I've just had a great time so why the hell is she sorry?

"I've treated you so badly baby, I should have told Oz straight away because I do love you, I knew that before today."

It had all slipped my mind somewhere between her kissing me and starting to strip me and I wondered if it had been plaguing her all the time or if it had just hit her after we finished. It was over and done with now, in the past, gone, goodbye.

"I was just scared about telling people before in case they didn't understand and Oz was Oz and easy for them. I'm not scared anymore though ... I've told Buffy ... I want them to know."

That was quite a lot to take in during one sitting. Not that I didn't already know or should I say have guessed the first bit but the fact Buffy knew was very ...well ... new.

"Its fine" I try to comfort her and I use my thumb to try and wipe away her tears, cursing myself for tossing the tissues on the floor already. The thumbs are just smearing the salty tears all over her face and she hasn't calmed at me words so I go for method two. I kiss her softly, trying to ignore the unpleasant saltiness that keeps dripping on her lips. After a few seconds her silent sobs ease and she starts kissing me back, gripping me to her tightly with her arms so that I can't run off. After a while she seems satisfied that all is well and I'm not going to escape so I break the kiss and hover over her again.

"Sorry"

She is now apologising for the tears I think so I peck her lips and go hunt out the tissues that I prematurely chucked so she can wipe her face dry. She manages to sit up as I pass her the box and let her deal with the moistness and the nose blowing. I move back to the correct part of the bed and dart under the covers because now we've become inactive it's starting to get a little chilly in here. Once she's finished with the tissues she puts the box back on the nightstand and this time takes the used tissues to the bin, picking up our other scattered waste as she goes. Once she's binned them she returns to the bed and climbs under the covers with me and I turn the lamp off. It doesn't plunge us as far into darkness as it had earlier because somewhere in the distance the sun was beginning to come up so there was a faint glow of light entering through the window. I shuffle close to her and snuggle into the back of her so I am spooning her. We sleep like this a lot and I always marvel at how well we fit together because this is really comfy and perfect.

Technically we both should be up at about half seven for lectures but then it's already past five so I can't see that happening. Not considering how exhausted we both are from not only our love making but the days stress. Willow was up the whole of last night as well and I barely slept, we'll just have to do some serious studying to catch up.

All this thought about college is having the desired effect and I start to drift into sleep. The last thing I hear before nodding of is Willow mumbling that she loves me to which I respond with a noise that sort of sounds enough like 'love you too' to pass of as a response at this stage of the night.

Sleep always comes easier when I'm wrapped around Willow because she makes me feel safe and on this night more than ever before she also makes me feel loved.