A/N: Another "Bella discovering herself" fic. Yeah, it's over done, but whatever. I'm still posting it.
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Bella leaves not because she doesn't love him, but because it's just too hard to stay.
It's too hard to live when he isn't, but it's impossible to give up the things that come with life.
Rosalie helps her pack her bags and her eyes are soft for once—Bella gives her a watery smile despite it all, because Rosalie can be sweet when she wants to.
She doesn't say goodbye because she knows it will be too hard to leave if she does. Rosalie stops her from going to La Push. Bella can't depend on people if she's going to live her own life.
She has to learn to make it for herself.
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She's a college student before the summer is over, and she signs up as an English major because she likes to write but she hasn't been able to in a while.
She studies the way she's supposed to and she's surprised to find that making friends is easy; and even though she half-way suspected that there would be some boy ready to sweep her off her feet, she's kind of glad when there isn't.
She spends her Saturdays with her girlfriends at the coffee house around the corner, sipping espressos that she hates and finding that she isn't so self-conscious when she pigs out on chocolate as long as her friends are eating, too.
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She tries not to think about Edward (and she can't help but wonder about Jacob). Her friends are curious about the pictures she keeps in her room, the one with the pale boy and the other with the black motorcycle. She blushes and changes the subject, and when this brings on stories about all of their old boyfriends, she's sort of sad to find that she missed out on a lot of high school, as hard as Edward tried to keep her normal.
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Rosalie visits and Bella finds that not all the looks they get are for the blond. This causes Rosalie to make snide remarks about all the other fish in the sea, and Bella laughs despite herself.
She asks about Emmett and Jasper, and she's surprised that Alice's name is so hard to say. She misses her, and Rosalie gives her the cell phone number even though they both know that Bella's not going to call.
Neither of them mention Edward or the life that Bella left behind, and it's easier that way.
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Bella takes Rosalie's advice and the next time she visits, Rosalie eyes her suspiciously when she finds the clothes thrown about her dorm room.
Bella realizes that love and sex don't always go together, and that's okay.
She gossips with her friends and Rosalie fits in easily, because past her perfect looks, she was always more human than the rest of the Cullens.
It doesn't hurt as much to say Alice's name, and Rosalie tells her not to bother calling, because the black-haired girl already knows that she's doing fine.
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The years go by quickly and Bella is soon standing in her graduation robe, crying with her friends. She invites Charlie and he invites Billy but she isn't hurt when the Quileute doesn't show.
Her eyes are red and she knows all the pictures will turn out blurry but it doesn't matter when she's hugging her friends goodbye. She finds Rosalie waiting in a dark car and the thank you she gives her is genuine, because somewhere between the insults and the phone calls, they have become something that resembles friends. Bella means it when she says that she'll miss her.
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Bella gets a job for a newspaper in Northern California, where she gets to enjoy the sunshine that she can never get enough of. She's good at what she does and doesn't say no to lunch when her coworkers ask her.
She isn't surprised to find that it doesn't hurt to think about Edward anymore.
A part of her heart will always belong to him, but Bella reminds herself that her life belongs to her.
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It takes her a year before she finally calls Jacob. He answers with the same rough voice that her subconscious has kept locked away, and the conversation is as easy as it always was.
They meet for dinner, to catch up, but after the first Hey, honey, Bella's lips have other things to do.
Kissing Jacob Black is one thing that hasn't changed.
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They make love after a week, and the heat of his body warms her to her soul, where she remembers the feel of his hands in hers and his breath on her neck and being in love.
She coughs out the word belonging, but this Bella Swan doesn't belong to anyone.
Jacob laughs at her newfound independence and promises that the only way she belongs is with him.
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It takes her five years, but Bella remembers what it's like to breathe.
She writes columns and gets take-out with her friends, calls Charlie and invites Rosalie over for dinner.
She kisses Jacob and he is a part of her life now, the way that love is supposed to be.
The way that life is supposed to be.
And that's okay.
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END