a/n: I louve chrithmaths. is a great holy day and i better get lotsa fuckin prizents this yur ya fil me son?
it was christmas in albukurky ABQ. there was lots of snpw and shit all oveer the fucking place. jingle bells jingle bells
walter was Driving home from his work at the meth and he mkae a lot of Money on the day today that is christmas eev. he had a lot of swag and a new car with Meth Spinners and a dope ass ride. he was smoking some red and green christmas weed because it christmas.
"mmmm yummy this dank christmas kush is weed." walt said.
he got home. his bitch wife skyler was there.
"walt." skiler said.
"enough of your shit you holy day whore you kristmas kunt." walt said.
"walt did you get everyones presents?" skylerd said.
"uhhhh." walt said. he was really high and coun't thnink.
"YOU FOR GOT ONE IMPORTANT ONE WALT. WALT." skyler said.
"wat WAIT"
SHIT. Walter had forgot to get presents for his family! He didnt forget mary tho he dindt get her anything on purpose.
"OH NO I FORGOT ABOUT JESSE"
"Who is jesse? walt? Jesse pink man? Walt?" sklyr said.
"skyler skyler shut the fuck up for a second and let me THINK"
walt put his hands up and leened his head forward and his bald head shone a light at her from the ceiling light and it made her stop talking
"fucking finally. god I gotta get presents!"
"did you forget the proensent?" sklyer said.
"no no no no no everything is okay! what do you think i sell crystal meth fo ra livnig or something and am HEISENBERG? no no nonono hahaha lol" walt said.
walter took his pants off to think and rand to the RV outside and drove to jesses house.
he put his clothse back on and knarked on the door of jesse pinkman's house!
"BITCH!" jesse said.
"very funny jesse but it is ME walt. Open the gosh darn door."
"who is it?"
"say my name"
"oh it's you"
"say my name"
"MISTER WHITE"
"there we go now open the doe" walt said in a cool way. he put his shadez on.
"fuck mister white it is christmas eve and I got a really big problem!" jesse said
hjesse opened the Door. He looked really sad.
"Jesse you look like fucking shit what the hell man/"
'mister hwite I forgetted to get jane a present!"
"SHIT"
"I KNO"
"well jesse that is good tho. I mean it's not good but listen. I forgot to get presents for everyone too. I'm fucked. I'm fuckiedy fucked"
"No mister white the problem is you WONT get fucked by your wife if you don't get the presents!"
"EXACTLY"
"SHIT"
"I KNO"
"well w-what Do we do?" Jesse Said.
"Listen To Me I Know Exactly What We Have To Do!"
Jesse wiped tears from his eyes which were red.
"well what is it?"
the wind blowed between them. the sun was sunny. walt handed jesse a costume.
"put these on" walter white said in his waltery whitest voice.
"mister white this is a reindeer costume" jesse said really confusedly.
"if we're gonna save christmas we must Break christmas Badly." walt said hysenbyrg stile.
"mister white that what does to do with this costume? bitch?" jessay said in his own way.
"put it on." walt was anger now.
"mister white I really really like thie costume but why do I need to wear it now? fuck? bitch?" jesse was reddy to cry.
"just do it cmon" walt pushed him a lil.
"no"
"why not"
"not until you tell me WHY"
"no"
"BITCH"
"NO" walter said.
"YEH" jesse screeped.
they were ready to punch each other badly. they almost did but they didn't because jesse farted and they started laffing because it was really funny! like dude real shit if you were there you'd be like duuude did you poop yourself? go change your pants bro because you be making brownies back there LOL. anyways then walt said
"jesse this isn't what xmas is about. we gotta work together if we're gonna get presens for everyone." walt said
"mister white just tell me your fucking plan you old bald asshole."
"we need to lure out..."
walt whispered it in jesse's ear. jesse screamed.
****************************BADDUDUP BADDUP BEWEEOOOOOOO DA DAD ADADADADDAD************************
(a/n that's the title opening if you didn't get it this is a new episode now)
\
jesse had his costume on. walt was dressed like an elf but with his top heisenberg hat. they were at the mall
"mister hwite i know we dont do good things but i dont think stealing toys is the right thing to do"
"jesse did you fucking listen to a god damn word I said. DID YOU" walt screamed
jesse cried a little "no"
"we're gonna steal something else. we gotta break christmas bad."
"but you know if you wanted an easy way we could just buy toys and shit mister white.
walt started sweating because jesse had a good point! but he couldn't buy jesse present in front of him! so he continued with his plan.
they went to a mall santa.
"mister white"
"jesse shut teh FUCK up are you fucking skyler or something? I know what the fuck I'm doing"
he didnt really for once. he could not think strait.
"fuck mister white maybe we should have a time out or something."
walt went up to the mall santa
"and what do you want for Xmas little boy?" santa mall said.
"say my name." walt said
"huh?" mall siad
"ah fuck that's right SHIT" walt said as he remembered no santa from the mall would no heisenberg!
walt then grabed a reindeer piece from the thing and ran off.
"RUN JESSE!"
they ran out of the mall and got away. but something was weird. at the mall bar hank schruper was sitting there drinking and watching.
"that was weird that looked like my brother walt. what the fuck lol" hank said as he had another beer. but he was also feeling a lil weird about what he just saw.
Exectuive producer Vince Gilligan
(a/n it's another new episode now)
walt and Jesse were driving to a hosue
"Mister white where are we going now? it's almost chirstmas and you're taking fucking forever and we aint got SHIT done."
walt stopped the rv.
"GOD DAMN IT JESSE LET ME THINK FUUUCK"
"alright alright don't shit yourself buddy"
"i hate to say it but we need to go find mary. she has something we need to get hwere whe need to go."
"OK"
they drove to hank and mary's house
walt got out and got into his sneaking gear (his undies) he didn't want to get caught by mary.
jesse waited in the car
walter sneaked in through the front pipe and snuck in.
"hello? is someone there?" mary said and tried to steal her own shit. that was stupid it was stuff she owend she can't steal it.
"no" walt said "SHIT"
"walt is that you? it's christmas eve walt?"
"it's not me it's the wall." walt said. he pressed himself up against the wall and painted himself wall colors.
"oh okay. well i gotta go to the store to buy a few things"
she left.
"FUCKING HELL" walt said as he fell over and could breathe again.
he went and got the plane wings in hank and mary's grage.
he broguht them out to the car and wlat was putting them on the rv
"mister white where are you doing? what is the big idea here?" jesse siad.
walt didnt tell him and got inside. he started driving.
"jesse you and me are gong...to the NORTH POLE!""
"MISTER WHITE! WE'RE FLYYYYYYYYYYYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"
they flew north.
****************************BADDUDUP BADDUP BEWEEOOOOOOO DA DAD ADADADADDAD************************
the north poll.
"alright jese hwere's hwat we need to do.' walt said in a weird way
"what is it"
"we need to land the rv safely and sneak in and steal presents from santa."
"okay cool"
"all we have to do is land the plane." walt said.
"I know what to do push this button" jesse said as he pushed that button.
"JESSE YOU FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" he pushed the crash the plane button!
"MISTER WHITE THIS SUUUUCKS" jesse said as the rv crashed int he snow.
they thought they died but they didn't. walt got out of the wreckage of the
"why is this happening to me." walt said.
"mister white that sucked."
"jesse..."
"..."
"...what?"
"This is...all your fault."
"oh yeah. but mister white we can still do this!"
walt and jesse walked into santa wonderland. but it was empty. no elves, nothing.
"Mister white where is he. santa."
"I don't like this jesse. I think some fuckery is a foot."
"Hey fuckers." a fat voice said from behind them. walt nearly shit his pants. they both turned around.
"I hear some bitches think they can steal from kris motherfucking KRINGEL." santa claus said.
santa stood there for a while
"say my name." santa said.
walt was crying now and jesse pointed and said "santa!" but in a scared wy. like think how walter and jesse were really scared of tuco but like more! this is santa and he meant to fuck them up!
"that's fucking right."
santa walked behind them and pulled out his knife. he put it under walt's niple because now walt was in his underwear again.
"fucking hell you fuckers think you can steal from me?"
santa ran over to a reindeer then and put his knife to the throat
"noooo" jesse said he was cryin too now.
"not steal...make a deal." walt said. in his slwo voice.
santa put the knife down. he ran back to walt and jesse.
" a deal?"
"yeah." walt said, and threw a bag of crystal meth into the snow. santa picked it up
"fuck this is good shit." santa said.
"you wanna trade/ we make the meth, you distribute. you give us the presents." walt said.
"fuck yeah." santa said as he did a hit. walt and jesse were really scared
"WOO!" santa said as he started running around.
then walt saw something bad. someone was sneaking up behind him. it was...
"HANK NO"
hank came up from behind. he had his gun.
"i've been following hisenberg's trail and it led me here."
"here"? walt said.
"fuck it's him! santy claus!"
"oh hohohoho. walt and jesse look who it is." santa said with a mean smile
"no god lpease hank leave LEAVE!"
"hey santa hehehe did you get my present?"
"depends on how you think of this."
santa took the bag of cyrstal meth and dropped it in fornt of hank the dea agent!
"what the fuck...this is heisenberg meth." hank sad as he looked through the back"
"HANK I CAN EXPLAIN"
hank looked really fucking pissed.
"santa you motherfucker."
hank lifted his gun up
"are you trying to FUCK WITH ME? MAKE A FUCKING DEAL WITH A DEA AGENT? YOU FUCK"
hank got really mad and shot santa and he died. santa fell in a box on the ground and the present warpped itself up.
"well I guess that's that. santa was heisenberg."
"but mister white I thought you were hiesenberg." jesse said.
"what was that?" hank said.
"nothing/." walt said giving jesse a pinch.
walt pulled out his trusty memory wiper.
"Oh hank can you look over here buddy?"
Hank turned
"sure thing buddy."
walt wiped hanks memory. he fell donw
"is he dead msiter white?" jesse said.
"nah he's sleepy. we're gonna put him in the trunk and get him out when we get home." walt said.
"how are we gonna get home? we don't ahve the plane anymore." jesse said.
"I think I have a way." walt said with a smile.
they looked at santas sley.
"but first we should see what we're bringing." walt said.
they opened santa's bag.
"fuck it's all here. xbox one, ps4, wii. blops 3." walt said.
"the gold mine."
"for xbox or ps4?'
"xbox duh"
"haha yeah'
"Mister hwite how can we get back to alberkerkee in time!? it's almost midneight!"
" i know just what to do."
they gave the reindeers blue meth and hopped on santas' sley.
"whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" walter and jesse said as they road the reindeer sley back home!
as they flew they looked over all the presents to give to their family and friends. they had really saved christmas.
"mister WHITE?" Jesse said
"yeah?"
"Merry fucking christmas mr white." jesse said
"Merry fucking christmas jesse."
"after all teh shit we gotta do with our family and friends...let's fucking play video games and party and get wasted."
"yeah'
and they did. MERRY CHRISTMAS