Coming Clean
Wyatt stood showering in a daze. He was washing the blood – Rufus' blood – off of his body, watching as it collected in a pool on the shower floor and swirled down the drain. Gone.
It was his fault, of course. All his fault. He brought Jessica into their bunker. Their safe space. He didn't question it, he rushed in and brought her down to live with them - why? Because he was selfish. Because he wanted to prove to her that he wasn't the same man she had married in her timeline. I should have signed those divorce papers. But that was just it – wasn't it? Rittenhouse. Jessica. They knew Wyatt. They knew his weaknesses. They knew that after six years of grieving and blaming, if given the chance, he would risk everything to make it better, make it right. And he did risk everything. The team. The mission. Lucy. The last one stung more than anything. I hit her. God. I hit her. It had been accident, but it should have never have happened. What did Flynn say that wasn't true? It was just because it came from Flynn. Flynn was supposed to be the one no one quite trusted, Flynn was supposed to be the one that was considered a security risk…but it turns out that role belonged to Wyatt…and Flynn crowing over him was more than he could stand. Lucy getting caught in the cross-hairs of their fight, the look of pain on her face, the disappointment in her eyes was something Wyatt could not soon forget.
He closed his eyes and let the emotions of the day over take him. Rufus dead. Lucy beaten to hell in more ways than one. Jessica's betrayal. Jiya, broken. And it was all his fault. His job was to protect them all and he put them directly in harm's way. He hated himself today more than he had hated himself after Jessica's death.
He had run after Lucy and Flynn, leaving Jiya with Rufus' body. She needed to have a private moment, a good-bye. Flynn was injured, Lucy had run off after Emma. He had never seen her so reckless and he was scared. Of course, he had driven her to that point. He shared in that. Wyatt only knew that with an injured arm, Flynn was at a disadvantage – Emma was strong and quick and Lucy, Lucy was being reckless. Wyatt had just lost Rufus, if he lost Lucy too...well he'd never recover.
Wyatt had run through the back alleys of Chinatown, listening hard for any clue as to where they might be. He felt lost in more ways than one. He heard Flynn's voice cry "Lucy" just ahead of him and he raced towards the sound of gunshots, panic rising in his chest. More gunshots – Wyatt was racing harder now, zipping through what seemed like narrow hallways. And then he came upon a scene that completely shattered him. Lucy was laying on the ground, Flynn had her head cradled in his arm and she was crying….crying so bitterly. She was broken. And it was his fault. All his fault.
Rufus. They couldn't take Rufus. Jiya was beside herself with grief, but they needed to get home. Jiya didn't want to leave, but Wyatt insisted. "Jiya, Rufus came here to get you, he told me he'd never forgive me if something happened to you. If you don't come home now, his death will be for nothing." Injured, broken, destroyed they made it back to the Lifeboat and dreaded the moment that hatch opened up to a present day, a bunker, a team without Rufus.
Wyatt dressed and walked slowly out of the bathroom. How do I fix this? What happens now? How can they ever trust me again? He didn't know how he could ever face Lucy. She blames me for all of this – how could she not? It's all my fault. As he entered the corridor, he saw her sitting on the floor with an ice pack lifted to her swollen and bruised face. He stood there, frozen to the spot, inwardly debating whether to try to talk with her or to give her some space. She noticed him and brought her ice pack down. Wyatt took this as invitation enough. He sat beside her.
Wyatt was never one to talk – especially about things that were bothering him. But he had to talk to Lucy. This had all happened because of him and needed to try to make it right.
"It's all my fault, all of it." Wyatt started. "No it's not Wyatt," began Lucy but Wyatt wouldn't and couldn't let her finish that sentence. It WAS his fault and he wasn't going to let Lucy defend him again when he didn't deserve it. He had messed everything up, the team, the mission, them.
After a beat, Lucy said "It's true, you did mess things up with us." Wyatt felt the sting of those words, but when he chanced a look at her, he saw a kind and pitying face. How can she even look at me after all I put her through? I never deserved her. I threw it all away. Wyatt was losing himself in a wave of self-hate, when Lucy continued, facing him now. "But Rufus is not on you. He knew the risks, we all did and we stood together. The most important thing to Rufus was that Jiya was safe. You did that – you kept Jiya safe, you brought Jiya home."
Lucy Preston had every reason to hate Wyatt in that moment. He had failed them in more ways then one. His selfishness had led to Rufus' death, her beaten face and broken heart. Yet here she was helping him see that he mattered, that he had somehow done right by Rufus by protecting Jiya. His heart filled with so much gratitude and feeling towards her the words he had been too afraid to say for a year came spilling out, "I love you, Lucy" He didn't expect anything back not after all he had done to destroy her heart, but he had to let her know how much she meant to him. She meant the world. After Jessica's betrayal, after failing the team, being THE reason they were all miserable, he hated the sight of himself…yet, here she was saving him all over again. He couldn't bring himself to look at her, though she had her eyes fixed on him. "Rufus wanted me to admit it, I bet he's looking down from wherever he is going "It's about damn time." The memory of Rufus in happier times made Wyatt smile in spite of himself. Lucy just sat there, beautiful, bruised, with her kind eyes fixed on Wyatt's face. "I can't believe he's gone" she whispered.
Wyatt knew he didn't deserve someone like Lucy Preston. This was not the way he ever imagined telling her he loved her. Why hadn't he told her before all of this? Why hadn't he listened to Rufus and just admitted it? He should've told her before she was taken by Rittenhouse. He should've told her in that army tent in 1918. Hell, he should've told her by that pool in 1941. But no, he was too scared, too full of guilt, too full of conflict…and now, now that he said the words he no longer felt torn. He was in love with Lucy Preston and now she finally knew it. His heart felt like it fully belonged to her….not that it mattered now…he messed things up so badly. He hoped that one day he would fix it, make it better. Somehow he would earn her trust and maybe, hopefully her love in return. He didn't care how long it took, she would be worth every moment. For now, he was happy that she was willing to sit here and hear him.
END.