Family Still Matters
Happy Anniversary
By
LaTosha Franklin
All was quiet in the Urkel house as Maxine, Laura's best friend since grade-school, visiting from California, made her way to the kitchen one early June morning. To her surprise she found Lillie, Steve and Laura's youngest child standing on a step stool at the kitchen counter beating eggs in a bowl.
"Hey, Silly-Lillie. It's summer vacation. What are you doing up so early?"
"I'm making breakfast for Mom and Dad for their wedding birthday."
"Wedding birthday?"
"Yes." Lillie said as she poured the beaten eggs into a cold frying pan. "John-Carl said it's their universary today."
Maxine thought for a moment then it hit her. "Oh…their anniversary! That's very thoughtful of you to make them breakfast. What are you making?"
"Scrambled eggs and Froot Loops." Lillie continued to stir the uncooked eggs. "I wanted to make homemade waffles too, but we're out of Eggos."
Maxine covered her mouth and tried not to laugh as she knew the little girl was serious.
"You know Lil, those eggs would cook a lot faster if the burner was on."
"I know, but I'm not allowed to touch the buttons on the stove."
"Tell you what. How 'bout letting Auntie help? I'll even show you how to make waffles without Eggos."
"Ok."
A little while later the scent of fresh, homemade waffles and cooked bacon wafted through the kitchen. Under Maxine's watchful eye Lillie was able to pour batter into the waffle iron, scramble the eggs and plate up the meals just in time for Laura and Steve to walk through the swinging door.
There's nothing cuter than a five-year-old girl wearing her Disney Princesses pajamas and flour in her hair holding out a tray of waffles, eggs and bacon for her parents to enjoy on their anniversary, only at the moment her parents didn't seem to notice. They were having – what they always told the kids it was – a lively discussion.
"Steve, if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you. "Laura said as she burst onto the scene, still in her night clothes carrying a load of laundry, Steve, dressed for work, trailing her step for step.
"But Love Dumpling" he pleaded "How can I apologize for the dumb thing I did if you won't tell me what dumb thing I did?"
"It's not what you did, it's what you didn't do. And you always don't do it and it always upsets me."
Steve looked dumbfounded for a full three seconds before he spoke. "I'll give you fifty bucks if you tell me what it is."
"We can discuss it later. Right now you've got to get to work and as you can see, I've got plenty to do around here."
"All right, Laura. You leave me no choice. If you won't tell me what I did, then I'll just have to consult…the list."
Laura rolled her eyes. "Not that dumb list?"
Steve reached into his briefcase for his iPad and quickly began swiping until he found what he was looking for.
"Oh yes. The List of Dumb Things I Do That Annoy My Wife. Now…let's see. Number one: Leave the toilet seat up. Nope, I didn't. Number two: Gargle the National Anthem. No I stopped doing that after I nearly choked on the rocket's red glare. Number three: Leave the house without kissing you or the kids goodbye." Steve, quick as lightning, snuck a kiss from Laura before she could say anything. "Nope, remembered that. Oh, here's a big one. Number four: Forget our anniversary." Once again Steve reached into his briefcase and pulled out a small, rectangular box beautifully wrapped in gold wrapping with a bow on top. He placed it on top of the laundry Laura was still holding. "Won't make that mistake again. Happy anniversary, my queen."
The twins, John-Carl and William charged through the kitchen door with their usual Road-Runner-like speed.
"Good morning boys." Laura said.
"Good morning." They answered in unison. "Happy anniversary!"
"Thanks babies."
"Thanks guys." Said Steve "Sweet kids, huh?" He said to Laura.
Laura turned to her husband. "You're not off the hook yet." She walked towards the laundry room with Steve at her heels.
"Ah, come on, Sugar Toes!"
"Mommy, we made breakfast for you and Daddy." Said Lillie, still holding the serving tray.
"Thank you, baby. I'll eat it after I put the clothes in the washer."
Steve made one more valiant attempt to find out what he was being charged with. "Whatever it is, I'll do my best to make it up to you."
"Make what up to her?" Will asked his twin.
"I don't know, but it's probably on his list of dumb things." John-Carl answered.
Steve checked his watch. "Oh boy! Sweetheart, I've got to go." He called out to Laura from the kitchen.
Maxine, who'd stood by watching this whole thing play out was standing next to Steve looking at his iPad. "Wow! You got a really detailed list of dumb things here, Steve: spreadsheet analysis, graphics and everything. Is this Excel 7?"
"Yep. There's also a power point presentation that goes with it. Listen, Max, you wouldn't happen to know what the problem is, would you?"
"Not a clue. But I've only been here thirteen hours. Maybe you kicked her in your sleep. Do you still have that Rockettes dream?"
"No, not for at least a year." He swiped his iPad again. "So it's not Number 59."
He packed his iPad in his briefcase and started to head out. "I've got to get to work. I'll see you all tonight."
Lillie spoke up. "Daddy, what about breakfast?"
"I'm sorry sweetheart. I really have to go. But I will take a waffle with me."
He walked out the back door and walked right back in again and placed a kiss on each of the kids' foreheads. "Wait. I'm missing a kid." So he kissed Max on the cheek. "Give that to Stephanie."
After he left for real, Will noticed the tray of food Lillie was holding. "Ooh, waffles!"
She shoved the tray into his midsection. "Here! Happy Nanaversary!" She walked out in a huff exclaiming "Ich geschuftet über einem heißen Ofen den ganzen Vormittag , und das ist der Dank erhalten!"
Max called after her. "Lillian, you better not be swearing in German! She's not swearing in German is she?" she asked the boys.
They answered her in synchronized head shaking.
Max joined Laura in the laundry room a few minutes later.
"Oh hey, Max, I'm sorry you had to see that." Laura said, looking embarrassed.
"Oh girl, please." Max waved her off. "I live in Hollywood. I see more drama than that at the dentist office. So what did he do that was so bad?"
"Left the cap off the toothpaste." Laura replied nonchalantly.
"What?!"
It's a thing with me!"
"You got this man begging like James Brown…I can't!" Max laughed.
"Then don't. But help me out today."
"Doing what?"
"Well for starters, you could drop me by Fletcher Jewelers. I forgot something."
"What'd you forget?"
"My anniversary!" Laura smacked the heel of her hand to her forehead.
With mouth wide open, a look of utter shock and disbelief crossed Max's face. "You forgot your anniversary?"
Laura didn't answer, just buried her face in the dirty laundry she'd been sorting.
"How could you forget your anniversary? You've had eighteen of them. You should be used to the guy by now."
Laura pulled a sock off the top of her head and threw it back in the basket. "I don't know. I got so much going on with work and the kids. Then you called to say you were in town and it completely slipped my mind. Max, what am I going to do? I have eight hours to come up with something amazing. Ok…18th anniversary…what's that? That's um…"
"Porcelain, I think."
Laura snapped her fingers. "Porcelain. I'll get him his own toilet."
Max shook her head at that idea.
"No. Ugh! Come on Laura, think!" Laura said to herself.
"Does it have to be something fancy?" Asked Max. "I mean this is Steve Urkel we're talking about. Couldn't you just carve 'Happy Anniversary' out of a big block of cheese?"
"I already did that three anniversaries ago."
"Oh, I know. How about we go to Fletcher's, you get him a gift and make him a picnic lunch and surprise him at work?"
"That's a good idea. Oh, but the last time I surprised him at work he accidentally mixed hydrogen sulfide with nitric acid."
"That's bad?"
"It's explosively bad."
"Well, don't you worry. We got eight hours, your girl is here and I'm gonna help you figure this thing out." Max said with confidence.
"Thanks Max."
Five hours later
Laura and Max were sitting at the kitchen table still thinking.
"I am the worse… wife… ever." Laura said matter-of-factly.
"I think there are some women on death row who might disagree with you." Said Max while fiddling with her phone.
Laura stared at the back door. "In three hours he's going to walk through that door and find a frumpy, nagging wife still in her pajamas, who didn't care enough to remember her anniversary."
Max giggled.
"What's so funny?" A depressed Laura asked.
"I'm just remembering a time when we were thirteen and you said you'd jump off a building into a bed of rusty nails before you married Steve Urkel and now here you are stressing out because you forgot the anniversary of the day you married Steve Urkel."
"I know it's crazy, but if I'd known what an amazing husband Steve would turn out to be, I would've married him the first time he asked me; it was first grade. He'd been hanging by his suspenders from a coat hook and I helped him down. Oh, how could I have forgotten the day I married that goof ball? I was so in love with him. I still am. He goes out of his way everyday – not just on our anniversary but everyday—to show me he loves me."
"I know I make fun of him, but you got yourself a good man."
"He's the best! I'll never be able to top some of the things he's done over the years: the sky-writing, the cheese sculpture, the tattoo he was going to get but didn't because he passed out when he saw the needle. When I think of all the time I wasted rejecting Steve's love, I could kick myself, because I've never felt so loved, so cared for than I do when I'm with him. I don't think I could ever repay him."
Maxine grabbed her phone and stood. "I think you can." She said. "I have an idea. I'm gonna take the kids with me. While we're gone, you get cleaned up and put on the sexiest thing you can find. And when I get back I'll hook up that hot mess you call hair and do your makeup. Steve won't know what hit him."
"But Max, we have less than three hours. Will I be ready in time?"
"Honey, I styled Lady GaGa 37 different times in one night. I can hook you up. Now go get ready. I'll be back in an hour."
"Oh, Sweet Cakes, I'm home." Steve, bearing a dozen roses, decided to test the waters before jumping when he arrived home. When she didn't answer, he checked the laundry room. She wasn't there. He moved to the living room. It didn't seem like anybody was home. "Laura, honey? Anybody home?"
Then Stephanie descended down the stairs in one of her prettiest Sunday dresses. "Good evening, Dad – I mean Sir." She said very formally. "Welcome to the Winslow-Urkel. Do you have a reservation?"
"Uh…I don't know. I think so."
"One moment please, while I check my list. Your name, sir?"
"Uh…Dad?"
Stephanie made a big show about scrolling up and down her legal pad. "I'm sorry. There's no reservation under that name."
"How about Steven Q. Urkel?"
She scrolled once again, purposely taking longer. "Ah yes! Here we are, Mr. Urkel. Your party's waiting for you on the patio. If you'll follow me, please. It's a nice night for dining al fresco."
Steve followed Stephanie up the stairs, through his and Laura's bedroom, to the entrance to the balcony. "Through these doors, sir. Enjoy your evening." Hostess Stephanie said, rather professionally for a 14 year old.
The darkened, sheer curtains had been drawn on the door so that his view out had been obscured, but when he opened it he was rendered speechless and nearly fell backwards at the sight of his wife. She was wearing a gold, strapless evening dress that hugged her voluptuous curves like a Porsche 911. Her hair was pulled into a perfect bun and she was wearing the gift he'd given her earlier: a Tiffany South Sea pearl necklace with matching earrings.
She smiled flirtatiously at him. "Hey, you."
He didn't answer, just stepped forward still feasting his eyes on her form
"Are those flowers for me?" she asked.
"You…flowers…I got."
Laura laughed as she took the roses to her chest and smelled their heady fragrance.
After a few seconds, Steve was finally able to compose himself and form a complete sentence. "Wow! You look…magnificent, stunning, and absolutely gorgeous!"
"Just the adjectives I was going for. Thank you!"
Twin waiters appeared wearing crisp, white dress shirts and bow ties. The oldest stepped forward and in his best fake, French accent introduced himself. "Bon soir madame et monsieur. I am your head waiter, Jean-Charles and this is your other head waiter, Guillaume. We will be serving tonight the specialty of the house."
"Oh, what is the specialty of the house?" Steve asked.
Will –or—Guillaume stepped forward and answered "Whatever Aunt Max bought from that restaurant you like that doesn't have a kids' menu."
The boys pulled out the chairs for their parents to be seated. "While you wait" said Jean-Charles, "please enjoy the musical stylings of our concert violinist, Lillian Estelle."
Lillie appeared with her starter violin, wearing the black and white lacy dress she wore for the family portraits that she declared was too itchy. She roughly cranked out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. It was hard on the ears but to her parents, it was precious.
Laura and Steve gave her a big round of applause when she was finished.
"Thank you" she said "please tip generously."
Steve reached into his pocket and pulled out a dollar. "Do you take requests?" he asked.
"What's requests mean?"
"It means you play a song that I pick."
"Do you wanna hear Twinkle Twinkle Little Star again?"
"Well I was hoping for something a little more romantic. This is our anniversary. Can you play the Alphabet Song?"
Lillie sang it in her head for a moment and then her face lit up. "Yes, I can!" Then she cranked out the exact same tune.
Dinner was served and while Laura enjoyed her grilled salmon and Steve his badger fillet, the boys wheeled out the flat-screen television. Will handed Steve the remote control. "For your viewing pleasure, sir."
"Oh, boy! What's this?" He asked Laura.
"I don't know." She answered truthfully.
Steve turned the TV on and up popped pictures of Laura and Steve as children.
It was a slide show complete with background music. Steve and Laura laughed at each picture that flashed across the screen.
"Oh my hair!" Laura said. "The struggle was real in the 80s."
"Well, he thinks you're beautiful." Steve said, referring to his younger self.
It seemed in every picture where Steve was lucky enough to be in the same shot with Laura, it showed him fawning over her and her doing her best to ignore him. Then the slide-show began to flash the pictures that represented their teen years and we see Laura now beginning to tolerate Steve's presence.
"Hey, do you still have that cheerleader uniform?" he asked.
"Shut up!" she laughed. "Oh, look; our prom picture!"
"That was a dream come true: letting me take you to the prom. Then you kissed me!"
"And you smiled for three weeks straight afterwards."
Pictures of their first couple of years in college showed Laura finally warming up to Steve and Steve slowly making himself over into the man she would later marry.
"Do you remember that sorority auction you entered?" She asked him.
"I remember you nearly sucked the filling out of my molar."
"Hey, I paid a hundred dollars for that kiss. I was gon' get my money's worth."
"Mmm! And did you?"
"I haven't decided yet."
"Uh oh. There I am getting ready to go off into space."
Laura lowered her head. Thoughts of Steve drifting in space, almost lost forever, still made her shutter. "That was the scariest moment of my life when that reporter said you were drifting away from the ship."
"But I promised I'd find a way to come back to you."
"You did. And you came back a hero."
The next slides were of their wedding day. At the sight of Laura in her wedding dress with the sunset as her back drop, Steve whispered the same three words he uttered when he saw her walking down the aisle towards him. "There's my girl."
Laura took his hand as they continued to watch.
"Oh." He said. "You don't look so happy in this one. What was going on?"
"Myra Monkhouse locked me in a broom closet and this picture was taken after I kicked the door down. That hefah was crazy!"
"That was the first time the pastor ever had to forcibly remove a woman from church."
The next picture was of the two of them at the altar and a sound bite from Laura began to play over the music. "I was so in love with him. I still am."
It was just as much a surprise to Laura as it was to Steve to hear her own voice. Maxine, that sly fox, had been recording Laura earlier with her phone!
"He goes out of his way everyday, not just on our anniversary, but everyday to show me he loves me."
Pictures of their first kiss as husband and wife, pictures of their first dance together and of family and friends joining in on their celebration slid across the screen as Laura's recorded words continued to play.
"He's the best! I'll never be able to top some of the things he's done over the years…When I think of all the time I wasted rejecting Steve's love, I could kick myself because I've never felt so loved, so cared for than I do when I'm with him. I don't think I could ever repay him."
The final slide appeared as the last words were spoken. It was a more recent picture of Steve, Laura and their children. The slide-show concluded with the words 'Not The End.'
Steve turned off the television and turned his focus back on his wife. His eyes were misty and he didn't speak for a moment, so Laura did.
"Happy Anniversary, honey." She whispered. Emotions had taken her voice too. She left her seat and moved to sit on Steve's lap. They just embraced and stayed that way for a while.
When Steve was finally able to speak he said, "Sweetheart…that was beautiful. Really. I just…I don't know what to say."
"I meant every word of it." She caressed his chin. "Oh Steve, I don't know how to thank you for loving me the way that you do."
Just then, Max appeared in the doorway behind Steve and silently held out sexy lingerie for Laura to see. She gestured in Steve's direction then quietly slipped back inside. Laura smiled down at her husband and said, "But I have a pretty good idea."
Max reappeared with the kids, all holding their overnight bags. "Hey, you two. I hope you don't mind, but I'm gonna steal your kids for the night." She said.
Lillie announced, "We're going to a hotel and spend the night. It has a pool. But Aunt Max said you can't come."
"Oh darn!" said Steve. "We can't come! Oh well, you guys have fun without us."
"Don't forget your floaties." Laura added.
The kids kissed their parents and wished them a happy anniversary and were quickly shepherded back inside the house by Max herself.
"Good night guys." Max said. "Happy Anniversary."
"Thank you, Max" Laura said, but the look she gave Max meant thanks for everything.
When Max and the kids were gone, Steve looked at Laura and said, "Everybody's gone. Whatever shall we do?"
Laura stood, pulling Steve up with her and ushered him towards the bedroom. "I do have another gift for you. But you'll have to undress – I mean – unwrap it yourself."
Steve giggled like a pubescent teenager.
Laura stopped short of the door. "Steve, wait. Before we go in, there's something I should tell you. It's about this morning –
"Oh, no need." He interrupted. "I figured it out."
"You did?"
"Of course. You weren't really upset with me this morning. You were just pretending so you could surprise me with all this. Am I right?"
Oh my poor, clueless baby! Laura thought. "Can't put anything past you." Is what she actually said.
"Nope. I'm a scientist." He said, pointing to his brain.
"Well, come on, scientist. Let's go conduct some experiments."
He giggled again as they shut the balcony door.
Epilogue
Two days later, Lillie was awakened by a kiss from her mother and the smell of bacon. She opened her eyes and saw her father holding a tray of waffles faces.
One of them had blue berries for eyes, raspberries for a mouth, scrambled eggs for hair and a bacon mustache.
She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and smiled at the face that smiled at her.
"Good morning, baby." Said Laura.
"Good morning." The groggy Lillie said with a yawn.
"We have breakfast in bed for the sleepy head." Steve sing-songed as he and Laura sat across from each other on Lillie's bed with Lillie in the middle.
"Why?" asked Lillie.
"Didn't you hear?" asked Steve. "It's Lillian Urkel Day."
"Yes." Added Laura "Daddy and I were sorry we didn't get a chance to enjoy the breakfast you made for us on our anniversary, so we have declared today Lillian Urkel Day and today anyone named Lillian Urkel gets to have breakfast in bed and go to P.J.'s Party Town!"
Just the mention of P.J.'s made Steve break out in the kid-friendly establishment's theme song:
P. A. R. T. Why?
'Cause P.J.'s cool
P.J.'s hot
Anything you want and more
P.J.'s got
So band crank up the sound
'Cause we gon' party with P.J.
Party with P.J.
Party with P.J.
At P.J.'s Party Town!
That threw Lillie into a fit of giggles.
"So what do you think, huh?" Laura asked her daughter. "Just you, me and Daddy hanging out together, sound like fun?"
"Yes, but can I ask a question?"
"Sure."
"Can I go pee first?" Lillie asked very seriously.
"Absolutely."
The End.