Disclaimer: RWBY is property of Rooster Teeth and the late, great Monty Oum.

Chapter 1

"Please, just take my Lien and leave!" the old man pleaded.

"Calm down, we're not here for your money," Roman Torchwick replied, "…although that's not a half bad idea." He thought for a moment. "Oh, fuck it," he said, shrugging. "Grab the Dust and the money." His (or rather, Junior's) henchmen complied.

One of the thugs was heading down towards the back of the store, when he spotted a short figure in a red hood and cape, facing away from him and reading what appeared to be a magazine of some sort. He drew his sword. "All right, kid. Hands where I can see 'em," he snapped. There was no response.

Oh, Oum look at that one, thought Ruby Rose as she stared at the weapons magazine she was reading. A pair of sais that transform into pistols. She turned the page. And there's a battle axe that turns into a fucking railgun! She was rubbing her thighs together. She was definitely breaking out Crescent Rose's "special" attachment tonight. Ruby was suddenly brought out of her weapons fetish-induced haze when a hand grabbed her by the shoulder. The red reaper turned around, causing her hood to fall back, revealing not only her face, but also the headphones covering her ears. The thug who had grabbed her pointed to his ears. Getting the message, Ruby took her headphones off. "Yes?" she asked, both curious and more than a little annoyed.

"Hands in the air," the criminal said.

"Are you… robbing me?" Ruby asked, as if she couldn't believe what was happening.

"Yes!"

Ruby looked at him for a few seconds, before grinning widely. "Yay!" she cheered, much to the thug's confusion.

Roman was waiting for his men to finish packing up the stolen goods when he saw one of the aforementioned men get knocked back, crashing into the wall behind him. He gestured at two of the others to go investigate, only for them to get knocked back as well, this time through the window. He looked out, and saw that a red cloaked figure had gone outside with them.

Ruby was grinning widely as she faced the criminals, Crescent Rose unfolding into its scythe form in her hands. She twirled her beloved weapon a few times before slamming the blade onto the ground.

"Okay…" Roman said. "I'd be lying if I said I expected this." Looking at his henchmen (who were just standing there, staring at the girl), Roman sighed in exasperation. "I shouldn't even need to say this, but… Get her!" They rushed to comply while Roman casually walked out of store behind them. He had a feeling he would have to intervene personally.

He was proven right when the girl easily took them out grinning all the while. Funny, she seemed to remind him of someone. He thought for a second before the answer came to him: Neo. The girl reminded him of Neo. Well, not quite, he thought to himself. Neo would have literally slaughtered them. So she's more like Neo Lite. He remembered the last time he'd been in prison. Neo had busted him out, killing the guards, and many of Roman's fellow prisoners, on the way. When they'd left, she'd brought the warden with them. The authorities had found the warden a week later. He'd been still alive, although after days of enduring Neo's sadistic attentions, the warden had probably wished he wasn't.

Roman was brought out of these happy memories when he realized that the girl was charging towards him. He quickly brought his cane, Melodic Cudgel, up, blocking the swing of the huge scythe. Ruby looked surprised at this before grinning again. "Oh good," she said, "Somebody that can put up a fight!" She then swung Crescent Rose again, and again, and again, all to no avail; Roman blocked each time. She was then knocked back with a kick to the gut.

Roman aimed Melodic Cudgel at her, the bottom opening up. He fired a firework-like shot at Ruby, who dodged easily before charging again. She activated her semblance, leaving her trademark rose petals. Roman couldn't react fast enough this time, although his aura managed to absorb the damage from Crescent Rose. The self-styled criminal mastermind quickly aimed his cane at the ground firing a round before immediately letting go. The recoil from the shot sent the cane flying up, connecting with Ruby's chin and sending her flying. She fired up her semblance again, while folding up Crescent Rose into its gun form. Ruby actually seemed to fly for a bit as she rushed forward in mid-air, aiming Crescent Rose down at her opponent and firing as she did so. He just barely managed to block it. Using her semblance, Ruby bounced off several nearby street lights and buildings like a human pinball, shooting at Roman all the while, who only managed to block about half of the shots.

Roman pointed Melodic Cudgel at the red reaper again, only this time with the hook-shaped handle. It fired out, attached to a long cord like a grappling hook. The handle snagged Ruby, stopping her mid-air bouncing, before Roman swung downwards, slamming the girl on the ground, before retracting the hook back into his cane, yanking Ruby (who was still snagged) back towards him. This proved to be a mistake, as she swung both her feet, connecting with Roman's face and sending him stumbling back. After yanking the handle of Roman's cane off of her, Ruby charged ahead once again, turning Crescent Rose back into scythe form. Roman dodged to the side, scooping Melodic Cudgel up before turning around to face his younger opponent once more.

Their fight was interrupted by the arrival of an airship, which flew down from the sky, stopping above the two combatants' heads. As the door on the side opened, Roman aimed Melodic Cudgel's handle upwards, using it as grappling hook to bring himself up to the safety of the airborne vehicle. Once inside, he turned and fired one last round at Ruby who jumped out of the way. Ruby brought Crescent Rose up, once again switching it to gun form and returning fire, but the airship's door closed before any shots could hit her now former opponent. The airship swung around to face Ruby, who saw the machine guns on the front about to fire.

In the cockpit, the pilot prepared to fire, but stopped. Glowing amber eyes widened as she recognized the figure below her. What in the name of Monty is Ruby doing here?! She then saw another figure running toward the young girl and decided now was a good time to get the fuck out of there.

Ruby swore as she watch the airship fly away before turning to the woman who had just arrived. As she looked at her, with her riding crop, sexy teacher get up and enormous breasts barely contained by the woman's white shirt, one thought occurred to her: Yang would so want to hit that.

"Your actions will not be not be taken lightly, young lady!" Glynda Goodwitch said sternly. "You put yourself and others in great danger!"

"Well, what the hell was I supposed to do, just let them steal what they wanted?!" Ruby demanded angrily. They were in what looked like a stereotypical interrogation room, complete with a single hanging light. Glynda brought her riding crop down on the table Ruby was sitting at, prompting an "eek!" from the girl.

"No," Glynda conceded, "but you should have exercised a bit more caution."

"Now, now," a new voice piped up, "let's all just calm down." The owner of the voice walked into the light. Ruby's eyes widened. Holy shit, it's Professor Ozpin! Oh my Oum, I hope I didn't just blow my chance to go to Beacon! Then she noticed the big plate of chocolate chip cookies he was carrying and immediately forgot about everything else. Ozpin set the plate down and was about to tell Ruby that she could have some, before the red reaper pounced on the delicious delights and scarfed them all down in the blink of an eye.

Shaking off his surprise, Ozpin asked Ruby, "Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"S-signal academy," Ruby replied, uncharacteristically nervous.

"They taught you to use one of the most dangerous weapons ever designed?"

"Well, one teacher in particular."

"I see," Ozpin said, "I've only seen one other scythe wielder of that skill before. A dusty old crow."

"That's my uncle Qrow!" Ruby explained, making a mental note to call her uncle a "dusty old crow" next time she saw him. "He taught me everything I know… well, everything about wielding a scythe, anyway."

"So, I assume you want to be a huntress, then?" Ozpin said.

"No, I carry around a big-ass sniper scythe for fun," Ruby replied sarcastically, before remembering who she was talking to. "I mean, yes; yes I do."

Ozpin looked faintly amused. "Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"You're Professor Ozpin," Ruby replied. "You're the Headmaster at Beacon Academy."

Smiling, Ozpin decided to cut to the chase. "Would you like to come to my school?"

"Oh, fuck yes! I, I mean yes. My sister Yang's starting there this year, and in two years I'm gonna apply there."

"How would you like to start now?"

"Say what?"

"I can't believe my baby sister's going to Beacon with me!" Yang Xiao Long said ecstatically, hugging her sister close. "This is the best day ever!"

"Mph," Ruby replied. That was about all she could say at the moment. Yang was much taller than her, and until she'd met Glynda, the bustiest woman she knew. Because of this, her hugs invariably meant that Ruby's face would be wedged in her older sister's chest. She didn't try to fight it; as Yang was much stronger than her. She simply waited, holding her breath and feeling both her sister's breasts and the flask she had tucked away in her shirt pressed against her face.

"I'm so proud of you!" Yang said, releasing Ruby.

Her face finally freed from her sister's colossal cleavage, Ruby took a big breath before replying: "Really, sis, it was nothing."

"Nothing?" Yang said incredulously, "You call being skipped ahead two years by Ozpin himself nothing?"

"Look, can you just not make a big deal about this, okay?" Ruby asked. "I don't want people thinking I got special treatment or anything."

"Technically, you did."

"Yang…"

"Alright, fine." Yang conceded, before the large screen on the side of the airship they were on caught their attention; more specifically, the news report it was playing.

"The robbery was led by the wanted criminal Roman Torchwick," an off-screen reporter said as a mugshot of said criminal was shown, "who continues to evade authorities. Back to you, Lisa."

Ignoring the rest of the broadcast, Yang turned towards the other hunters-to-be on the airship and began openly leering at them. "Well, I guess I'd better choose which of our new classmates I should… get to know first. And by get to know, I mean fuck."

Rolling her eyes at her sister's nearly insatiable libido, Ruby replied, "I'm surprised you're choosing. I figured you'd want to bang all of them."

"Hey," Yang replied, "Even I don't sleep around that much!"

They were interrupted by a blonde boy running past them, trying (and failing) to keep his lunch down.

"Well," Yang said, "I now know who I'm not gonna fuck."

End of Chapter 1