Greetings, everyone! This is my first Evanovich fic. I love her books, but like many here have mentioned, they are starting to lack a bit in character development. So, thank goodness for fan fiction. I am afraid Plum fics and Janet facts have become one in my head, the quality in here is STUNNING!

I listened a lot to a British girl group "Girls Aloud" while writing the first chapter, especially their song "Sexy! No no no..." I feel their energy and attitude are Steph-like. Here's a Youtube link for Sexy: watch?v=cZlttVuTgqY

Ps. Not making any profit from this.

Hope you like.

1 No Good Advice

"Cos I've been sitting back, no chance of falling, hoping that nothing ever blows (no, no).." - Sexy! No no no... by Girls Aloud

If a tree falls in a forest where no one is to see it fall, does it really fall?

If you fail at life in some other town than your hometown, does it really count as a failure? As long as you keep 'em life-praising postcards coming to your family….

I've sent none. I occasionally call. So that my mother knows I'm alive. Though it is my grandmother I dial. She has the honour of informing of my continuing existence on earth to the rest of the family. You see, mother and I differ vastly when it comes to defining goals in life. She drains life out of me whenever we communicate. She believes that a marriage and children will satisfy a good woman's heart. Unfortunately, that's what my ex-co-workers thought too in the town I left just yesterday.

It was an ex tempore decision to pack my bags and leave.

I guess I just lied. I live in a trailer. Didn't have to pack.

But back to me and my former co-workers. We had (me, Misty and Susie) gathered around the staff's kitchen table to call it a night in the seedy bar we worked in. For me, our usually nonsense chit chat ended to a sudden life-clarifying thought and a decision.

Our conversation in short:

"Sometimes I hate this job," I had exclaimed when I glanced down my shirt and noticed the beer stains.

"I agree," Susie agreed and applied a third layer of lip-gloss.

"You know, it is not just the job anymore… It´s like my whole life is stuck in a rut. Something needs to change."

"But Steph… how about that cop that you once mentioned?"

"What?"

"That Joe or something. You have a man right there."

"It was in high school when we…," I hated to call it a relationship,"came acquainted. And what do you mean 'a man right there´?"

"You know," she replied,"a thing to change your life. A reason to settle down. Have something long-lasting, life-changing… The shitty side working here is definitely the pervs, but a plus is you get to see the town's male population. That cop Martin is really cute!"

I just stared at her.

"What," Misty laughed, "what were you thinking about then?"

"I dunno. Like a new job."

"Honey. It's not like you are here to save money for medical school."

Ouch. That hurt. Even though I knew I wasn't doctor material.

"Well. Yes. But."

"Face it. All you need is a man. Though a man always needs you more. You have to train them a little," Susie said and paused like a trained poodle herself. I wonder where she had learned her life perspectives.

Ugh. I didn't want anything that needed to be "trained". Jeez. My own life was enough to manage.

Misty laughed. "You need a man, quick! How about that firefighter Chris?"

"Chris's hands are slippery when he thinks he isn't too drunk," I replied.

"But he likes you. You know, he would be a really good father."

I almost threw up at that.

Sooo… From our conversation I realized two things – I'm not good at making long-term decisions (I get distracted by Tastycakes, damn it!) and two, I really didn't need a man. Been there, done that. Men, used diapers often themselves, tend to drag trash into your house. And then they hump that trash on your kitchen table.

But most of all – something really needed to change in my life. The only thing I was now satisfying was my pastry needs.

I want more. But what, exactly?

Well, ironic that this horrifying realization ended me up in the town I escaped years ago in an equal hurry.

Yes. I was back in Trenton.

My name is Stephanie Plum, 28 years old. I am currently sitting in my trailer on Stark Street. Waiting patiently for a man called Chris O'Brien to show up. An hour ago I threatened my cousin Vinnie to give me a job as a bounty hunter. Grudgingly, he agreed and gave me a case.

I know vaguely about this job. Vinnie was never really discussed in our family – there were rumours about his sexual habits that didn't fit in Trenton normalcy. It's all about marriage, two kids, a dog and a white picket fence in here. Though I do hope that duck rumour is just a rumour – if not, I am afraid I have to castrate Vinnie for real.

When I left Vinnie's Bail Bonds, I heard Connie, his secretary, say something loudly about me and high-level skips through the open window. I guess you get lots of money from these high-levels. Suits me fine.

I have not opened the file Vinnie gave me. All I need is the skip's address and picture. How hard could this be? Not like you needed a police training to be a B-Hunter.

Wait. There he is! Helloooo, mister O'Brien...

By the way, what's a good woman anyway?