Author's Note: So this story is partially based upon the game, but also upon the real history of Chuck E Cheese's. Most of it is my own imagination though. Enjoy!
Chapter One: The Set-Up
Like all kids growing up in the early 2000's, my favorite place to eat was Happy Rat's Pizza Place. It was a one-of-the-kind restaurant, where a kid could be a kid. Sure, the overpriced pizza was crap, and the indoor playground had not been washed in years, but I didn't care. My parents took me there each year for my birthday as a reward for making all A's in school. I loved everything about it. The rides. The flickering arcade games. The undercooked food. The mediocre table service. The sweaty costumed characters.
But most of all, I loved the animatronic robot band that played songs on the main stage. Leading the band was Happy Rat himself. He was a jovial sort of fellow with buck teeth, bloodshot eyes, a skin-tight tuxedo, and cigar dangling from his lips. He always looked happy to see me. Backing him up on the one-string guitar was his on-and-off lover, Yellow Duck. She was basically a giant duck with a red ponytail and female anatomy. She was my dad's favorite. Beside her was Shylock, a lovable hook-nosed criminal who banged the drums when he was not trying to steal Happy Rat's Secret Pizza Formula. The last character was Purple Blob. It had no gender, and was an unofficial mascot of the transgendered community. It kept everyone on beat with the cymbals.
I would stare for hours at the robot band as it played child friendly remixes of Linkin Park and ACDC songs. I sometimes asked the waiters how the characters could both be playing on stage and greeting the children at the front door, but I never got a straight answer. I never needed one. The place was pure magic for me.
As I grew older I came to see the flaws of the robot band. The robots were not built perfectly. They creaked with age. Their mouths were not synced up perfectly with the lyrics. They were coated with rust. I still loved it, don't get me wrong, but I could see it for what it was. I was still a frequent customer in my teenage years.
My early twenties was when everything changed. I began to delve in the secret history behind the restaurant. Apparently in the 90's, Happy Rat's Pizza Place was rivaled by a similar restaurant, Happy Time Pizzeria. The story of the battle between these two restaurants is filled with wins, losses, and betrayals. In all honesty, I've never been able to learn much about it. All public records I look through were surprisingly silent on the matter.
But this I do know: On April 1, 2001, Happy Time Pizzeria was forced to close down. What it's characters looked like, and the size and shape of its robot band—I cannot say. All of the animatronics were disposed of overnight. Like all dark secrets, they were hidden where no one was expected to go.
According to one uncited Wikipedia article, all Happy Time Robots were buried in the New Mexico Desert. Where in New Mexico, and how many of them? These questions have haunted me for years!
That is, until I graduated from college, and had an entire semester to kill before entering seminary. I had assembled my team. I had rented my minivan. I was going to New Mexico, come Hell or high waters.
If only I had known then just how much Hell was waiting for me underneath those grains of sand…
I was not wise, but I was dedicated—Happy Rat as my witness.