I feel the need to confess, though illogically it must be to the empty room around me, certain feelings that I can no longer deny.

I…have…fallen in love with my Captain.

I can not say when exactly this shift in my feelings towards him has taken place… but it has.

I am driven to distraction by him, his smile, and the human warmth in his eyes that I am forbidden to feel. I am frequently awed by the intelligence in him; he manages to outmatch me nearly every time we play chess. He has a deep appreciation for historical text and a venturing spirit I have come to find endearing.

I have of course never spoken of this to him.

I openly admit that I fear his rejection.

I fear he will become disgusted with me.

I have never known acceptance in the race of my father. The only two humans who have ever accepted me as I am are my mother… and Jim.

I wonder, and have wondered often, how deep his acceptance of what I am lies.

He knows me as his half-Vulcan first officer, our professional affiliation.

He knows that I am half Human but I ponder whether or not he comprehends all that it implies.

I do not admit it openly; as any Vulcan I suppress my emotions, but I am not without them. My Human half has made the suppression that seems to come so easily for my Father's race difficult for me to attain. I have fallen short in their eyes regardless of my many achievements. To the eyes of the Humans, I am only a Vulcan, cold and unfeeling. I do feel, but they do not comprehend.

Jim…

I feel as though… I wonder if I deceive myself into believing that you do know that you do comprehend this of me.

I know of your reputation as a lover. I know of your many liaisons with many different women.

I lose hope with each one.

I console myself that since you have not found one among them that you would devote yourself to, that you may look to me, but I despair (and am relieved) that none of your many indulgences have been with males, and if they have, I have not known.

With this knowledge, I have little hope of you turning to me for such comfort.

However, if you had, I would have you know the entirety of my heart, of my love and devotion to you. How in the heat of any confrontation, my concern is not for my own life; it is for yours. How devastated I am whenever you have taken injury. It is against my learned civilities and discretions to speak openly or even admit to merely the thoughts I entertain of what could be

My Beloved!

T'hy'la!

My unrequited love for you is agony to bear, but I bear it for you! It will not leave me, I have tried so desperately, but I cannot will away my love, I cannot cast it away, lest it takes my heart!

Beloved, if only I could claim you as such, you would not yearn; you would not seek if you would open your heart to me. I would give you my heart, my whole being, I offer myself to you! To protect you, to hold you and claim you as my own, to be claimed by you and know that I too will never yearn, that my journey for completion has ended in the union I would find in you.

To my thirsting soul, thou art an oasis with hidden delights.

To earn your trust, to be so privileged to know the- I should not speak it aloud! But I must, I must…you will not hear. I am safe… what little I have of you, I cherish.

I wish to earn your trust, to be so privileged to know the pleasures of sharing your bed. To feel the cool caress of your skin easing the burning fires of my blood, such ecstasy I can barely comprehend!

Kiss me, Jim, I would beg you in my mind, my Vulcan civilities would forbid me to speak it aloud; but you would know. To feel your lips touch mine, your fingers interlacing with my own, to touch your mind and mesh so completely with you, such paradise it would be!

Jim… t'hy'la…do I hope in vain?

Will my longing go forever unnoticed?

Jim….

Jim… please see me.

See my longing.

Please, Beloved.

T'hy'la.