Because after all is said and done, they can't be together.
Whenever she was alone, she found that her thinking got exceptionally confused and muddled (even more so than usual).
Enough that she would sit down on her desk, pull out her special parchment, and try to write.
Dear Gray
She crossed it out.
Dear Gray. I hope that you are well
Cross.
Dear
Cross.
"Dear Gray," she whispered,
Dear Gray,
How are you? I know we haven't seen each other in a long time, but I hope that you're well, wherever you are. I've been working as a rookie journalist lately. Maybe you've read some of what I've written?
She looked at it, then crumpled it up.
"Dear Gray," she whispered. "I miss you."
"Gray-sama, would it be alright if we had last night's leftovers for dinner? There's quite a lot, and it would be a waste not to eat them…"
"Mm."
Juvia broke into a big smile. "Alright, then! Juvia will heat it up. It'll be ready soon." She left the room, bouncing on the way out.
He watched the door, wondering. Eternally wondering.
He turned back to the letters he was writing.
Natsu,
Where the hell are you? You just fucking left all of a sudden. You didn't even tell me where you were going.
He put it away, to be finished later. The feelings of anger deep inside just couldn't be mustered right now.
Dear Erza,
I hope you're well. I'm keeping up with my training with Juvia, even though you're not here to nag me.
He put it away. Gratitude.
Dear Lyon,
I heard that Lamia Scale is doing well. I'm glad to see you're comfortable in your new life. I heard Wendy's a member now. I hope you're taking good care of her over there.
Away, away, away. (well wishes)
"Gray-sama!" Juvia called, from the kitchen. "Do you want water or tea with dinner?" Her head was poking out of the kitchen door.
"Tea," he answered back.
"Okay!"
He turned back to the last letter on his desk.
Dear Lucy,
He stared at it, willing for the words to appear.
How are you?
He crossed it out and got a fresh sheet of parchment.
Dear Lucy. I hope you're well.
Crossed it out in one, withering sweep.
Dear Lucy
"Dear Lucy," he murmured. He could hear Juvia bustling in the kitchen, humming to herself.
I know we haven't seen each other in a while
Cross. Erase. Blank.
Dear Lucy
"Dear Lucy," he said, the name rolling off his tongue like so many years ago, when they'd first met.
"What was that, Gray-sama?" asked Juvia, sticking her head out of the kitchen to look at him. Her blue eyes were wide and concerned.
Her brown eyes are wide and bright.
"Nothing," he said, swallowing the remains of his resolve. "I was just talking to myself."
Juvia frowned. "Juvia thinks you work too much. You should rest more," she said, worried.
"It's fine. I'm fine. I'm just… thinking."
Her frown dissipated into a gentle, knowing little smile. "That's alright, too. Juvia knows you need it," she said, her eyes a little sad.
She withdrew her head, leaving him wondering if she'd ever cleaned out his desk without him knowing. He turned back to the letter.
"Dear Lucy," he whispered, willing the words to blow away on the wind. He didn't even bother trying to write them down. "I miss you."
Because one year later, Juvia tells him she loves him,
Because he says he loves her too, since there's no one else to think about.
Because when she kisses him, he feels so cold and numb it's a relief.
Because when Natsu finds her, he holds her hand and looks into her eyes like she's the only one he sees.
Because he's the only one with her, and there is no one to feel but him.
Because when he kisses her, the feelings hidden inside melt and mix and become wholly indistinguishable.
Dear Gray,
Dear Lucy,
I will miss you.
end.
Author's Note: I actually promised a happy story for my next story, and I know that I failed to deliver, so don't nag me about this, haha. I do have a college AU in the works, so keep watch for that. I promise, they will actually end up together there, no one will die, and there won't be too many sucker-punchy feels.
History:
.
published June 16, 2015
.
edited June 17, 2015
.
this is a little ficlet that I really wanted to write, regarding the one year time-skip in the manga. This takes place in the time before Gray gets all freaky-deaky, and before Natsu returns... so, around three-four months after Fairy Tail disbanded? I just wanted to write a possibly-canon reason on why GrayLu can't happen, something that's actually possible in the canon universe. Guys. I ship Graylu to death, but I've come to terms with the fact that they're most likely not ending up together. (I mean, come on, Mashima threw me that curveball and decided to have Gray and Juvia live together, I mean, what the actual fuck.)
By the way, it's not really that catching, but the part where Gray chooses tea is important. Cookies to those who might be able to guess why.
Disclaimer: fairy tail doesn't deserve the honor of being mine.