A/N: Here we are with the newly revised first chapter of 'Calling from the Ashes'! I hope you all enjoy it. I haven't felt this satisfied with a chapter for this story in a while. There a lot of changes in this chapter, but in the later chapters, the changes are minimal. Review and let me know what you think! If you have any questions or comments PM me and I will get back to you as soon as I can.
If you or someone you know is being abused by a partner, parent, or family member you can call these numbers: The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453, National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673. There is also a Text Line that you can text if you have anxiety or are unable to call, called Crisis Text Line. You text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis support in the US. Please stay safe and healthy, and I hope you all have a long and happy life.
WARNING: GRAPHIC MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND SEXUAL ABUSE, MANIPULATION, CRUDE LANGUAGE, AND TRIGGERING IMAGERY. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS OR DO NOT ENJOY IT, DO NOT READ.
Chapter One.
Breanna's POV:
It had been months since I had left this house, four long months since I tasted the outside air and felt the sun on my skin. Everything had gone awry since May after I had made the decision to move in with William. How could it all go to shit like this?
We had been dating for two years and it had been perfect in the beginning. He was the light of my life, my savior you could say. A few months into the relationship he started to get violent. It was a slap here, a yank of my arm there. I hadn't taken it seriously because I dealt with that daily from my mother. But then it turned into full out beatings. I tried to break up with him and move on, but he always knew how to get under my skin and keep me compliant. William had me wrapped around his finger and he used that to his advantage.
He would always say that if I left he would kill his family; his younger sister, Emily who wouldn't hurt a fly and his niece and nephew who had just started to experience life. He even threatened his elderly grandmother who suffered from dementia.
Like an idiot, I stayed. I dealt with it all. And I still loved him despite what he put me through. Even when he tied me up for the night after going out to drink with his friends, even when he used me for his own personal pleasure over and over and I screamed no until my voice grew hoarse. I said no so many times; how could he have not heard me?
Tonight, was another night one of those nights where I was left bound to his office chair. William had left to go drink with his friend's hours ago and I was becoming restless. It had been two months ago since my last attempt at escaping, but that didn't matter to him.
Shit, shit, shit. Come on, stupid knot, just work with me already. My trembling hands worked on the rough rope as I attempted to untie it. I hissed as it rubbed against the open wound across my wrist, causing more blood to leak down my arm. I just wanted to be able to move around. I hated being bound like some animal. Biting the inside of my cheek, I ignored the pain and tried again to free myself from my bounds. Oh my god, please just work already!
Then I heard the footsteps.
"Breanna, are you still awake?" I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat and felt beads of sweat drip down my forehead. How had I not noticed he had gotten home? Had my thirst for freedom distracted me that much? Ignoring him, I yanked again on the stupid rope, feeling my stomach start to tighten from anxiety. Come on, you stupid fucking knot! Untie already! The hair on the back of my neck stood at attention as his footsteps got louder, echoing in my ear as my chest started to tighten. Fuck, fuck, please untie. "Breanna?"
"I'm about to go to sleep, Will. Go to bed." I called into the dark doorway, cursing inwardly as my voice cracked. Hopefully, he was drunk enough not to ask questions, and do as I say.
But luck was never on my side it seemed.
"What did you just say to me? Did I just hear you order me?" Tears pricked my eyes as I felt despair sink into my bones. Shit, shit, what have I done?
"I didn't mean to order you, I just meant that you need your rest and-"
"Oh, I know what you meant. I don't need some bitch trying to order me around. If you hadn't noticed, I'm the only one of us to actually finish high school." His voice was slurred from the alcohol and he laughed wildly after he finished his sentence. Anger bubbled in my body, but I bit my lip to hold it in. Don't say anything to provoke him. Keep your cool. "Now go to bed, or I'll teach you not to mess with me."
"Yes, William." His footsteps lessened until I heard his bedroom door close and I was left with only the soft hum of the air conditioner turning on and off. I waited a couple of more minutes before trying at the knot again, the sound of my heart pounding in my ears and the feeling of fear in my bones. My lip broke in between my teeth and my mouth filled with blood.
No, I couldn't deal with anymore. It was now or never. If I could get out of these bindings I could walk out the front door and leave this shit hole.
Another half an hour passed until I got it loose, and ten more minutes until I felt safe enough to get up and move. After a couple of attempts to pull my arm free, it finally fell away, and I was left with a searing pain as the cold air hit my wound. Gritting my teeth, I looked at it more closely and inspected the deep wound the rope had made. I hope it's not infected.
With shaking hands, I pulled myself upright and slowly started to tiptoe out of the room, internally exploding as the old floor creaked. When a few minutes passed, and his door hadn't opened I started again, going extra slow as I walked past his doorway. Inside I could hear music playing and the hard blank of his softly humming. Hopefully, the music was loud enough to drown out my escape.
With a deep breath, my heart started to feel a little lighter. I could do this. I could actually get out of here!
When I made it to the living room all hell broke loose. With the new-found hope in my heart, I made a dangerous mistake. I wasn't watching where I was stepping and tripped over my feet into a table, knocking over a few pictures. As they shattered, I felt my life flash before my eyes. I knew I was done for. It was almost like life started to play in slow motion as his door flew open and he hit me, my teeth clanking together as blood spurted from my gums.
"What did I fucking tell you about disobeying me?"
"Will-" I was silenced as he punched me again, sending me falling back into the broken glass on the floor. "Please stop, I-"
"You knew exactly what you were doing." His hands gripped my wrists as he put them over my head, his knees digging into my stomach as he knelt on top of me. My heart felt like it was stopping as the minutes passed, his green eyes staring down at me blankly. This was almost worse than the beating; when he stared into my eyes like this I almost felt like I could forgive him like I could deal with another beating if I got to be with someone so beautiful. William, my William. Chiseled jaw, beautiful eyes. Soft lips I used to love to kiss. But he was a monster underneath the beauty, the niceness all a façade. I had been fooled, and now I was paying the price.
His jaw was clenched but his lips were pulled into a small smile, his dimple glowing in the dim light of the moon through the open window. How did it come to this? He had acted so great in the beginning. If only I hadn't said yes to that stupid date if only I hadn't been fooled. Then I wouldn't be in this mess.
Another punch broke me out of my thoughts, and my vision started to become blurry.
Even as he hurt me, I felt my mind wander, trying to escape the terrible moment I had put myself in. In present time I could taste the blood dripping from my lips, but in my memories, I could faintly remember the flavor of vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and Sundays with my grandmother.
When William finally pulled himself off me and went back to the bedroom, he left me to clean up the mess I made. He didn't bother to tie me back up; he knew I wouldn't try to run again.
There was no point. I would never get out.
I was going to die in this fucking house.
After a few minutes of aching peace, I pulled myself up and made my way into the bathroom, turning on the shower to clean myself. Tears sprung to my eyes and rolled down my bruised cheeks and I sobbed roughly, feeling my pain wash down the drain. I was so tired of fighting a losing battle; I'd probably never get out of this place. Even if I did, he would find me in a heartbeat and beat me until I learned my lesson again. My heart ached for my mother and my old home, and the comfort and safety that came with it. I used to think my mother was bad, but she was nothing compared to him.
I stepped out of the running water and dried myself before wrapping my long hair up in a fluffy pink towel. Slowly, I made my way to our bedroom, sighing with relief as I saw that he wasn't in his room. I quickly went to work putting on a bandage over the rope burns on my wrists and then put some makeup on to cover the bruises on my face. His sister, Emily, would be here in a few hours to drop off the kids, and I had to be presentable. She couldn't know, or we'd both be dead. With my makeup done, I slipped on some nice, light blue skinny jeans and a cream-colored turtleneck sweater. It was starting to get colder outside, and it was easier to hide the beatings now.
"Hurry and clean up your mess! I let you live here rent free, and this is how you pay me back?" Will hollered from the living room, and briskly I cleaned up my dirty clothes and towels and threw them in the laundry basket, letting my hair out to air dry before rushing into the living room. He sneered as he saw me, narrowing his eyes. "What's with that lipstick? You look like a cheap whore."
"You loved it yesterday-"
"Excuse me? Are you seriously giving me attitude even after you trashed my living room? I thought you would know your place by now." I looked down at my feet, suddenly feeling self-conscious. I was wearing a turtleneck; how slutty could I possibly look? "What are you waiting for? Clean up this mess!" With shaking hands, I went to work to make the living room look presentable.
It took a half an hour, but I finally swept up the last of the broken glass and wiped up the blood off the floor just in time to make breakfast for the kids. They were homeschooled, so I was their caretaker for most of the day while William worked.
Taking care of them had become my safe-haven, a break from the hell I went through. I really loved those kids and would protect them at all costs. They were another reason why I couldn't leave; I couldn't let them deal with Will. They were so young. No one should go through what I was going through.
Just as breakfast was finished, I heard a knock at the door. Will went to answer it, now dressed in fresh clothes and a fake innocent smile pasted onto his face. My stomach churned; he was so fake, everything about him was fake. How could I fall for such a lie?
The front door opened, and he hurriedly led Emily and the kids inside, a scarf around her neck and the children bundled up in their winter coats.
"Em, it's not even snowing yet. Katie looks like she's going to fall over." The girl toddled over to the couch close behind her brother, who helped her out of her coat before throwing it on the couch.
"It's thirty degrees outside, and I'm not having my kids getting sick."
Taking this as my cue to enter, I walked over and kneeled in front of the two children, grinning. "Kiddos, I made breakfast this morning." Johnny grimaced and sighed.
"I wanted hash browns from McDonald's." I ruffled his hair and chuckled, shaking my head.
"Sweetheart, you can't live off McDonald's."
"Is that a challenge?"
"Jojo, stop it! Not anything is a game!" Katie hollered before crawling onto the couch and laying on the plush cushions.
"You mean everything?" I teased her, and she just scrunched her nose up at me and glared before yanking the remote out of her brother's hand.
"Hey, I was about to watch Chalkzone!"
"I don't wanna watch stupid Chalkzone, I wanna watch Foster's!"
"Chalkzone isn't dumb, Foster's is!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!" I couldn't hold in the giggle as they glared at each other, almost looking like twins with their matching blonde hair and eyes.
"Guys, they're both great shows, and you can take turns watching them after you've finished your breakfast." Emily implored with a roll of her eyes and a grin. "Come here and give momma a hug and kiss. I've got to head to work now."
"Do you have to go, momma? Can't you stay and play with us?"
"We've been over this, honey. I have to go to work so that you can have those awesome action figures and Barbie's, right?" Both nodded, still looking distressed. My heart ached for them, I wish I could take away their pain. "Sunday we'll have a family day, and papa and I will be all yours."
"You really mean it, momma?"
"Sure do, baby." They both rushed over to her and hugged and sloppily kissed her cheeks before grabbing Will's hands and dragging him to the kitchen. "Love you both!"
"Love ya too!"
"Thank you for taking care of them, Breanna. I don't know what I'd do without you and my dork of a brother."
"Don't mention, I love them to pieces." We said our goodbyes and she left, and I let out a breath. Every time I saw her I wanted to scream what Will was doing to me, but I couldn't endanger her or her kids like that. Who knows what Will would do to them if they became witnesses to his abuse. The very thought of them coming to harm caused me to feel guilty for even thinking asking.
I couldn't even think about why I'd fought so hard to get away last night.
William walked out of the kitchen where the kids were loudly arguing about which Power Puff Girl was better and wrapped his long arms around my waist, pulling me tight against him. I fought the need to throw up and how much I wanted to melt into his touch and forget all the pain he put me through.
"You're so good with them," he whispered lowly in my ear, and a small smile tugged at my lips. "That's one of the reasons why I love you."
"I love you too." He softly pressed his lips against my cheek before pulling away and heading back towards the kitchen. Maybe it would be different now, maybe he would be better.
At the last second, he turned back around and exclaimed in a quiet voice, "I thought I told you to wipe off that lipstick. It makes you look trashy."
I was left dumbfounded and all hope left my body as quickly as it had come, and I felt like an idiot again. How foolish I was, how easily manipulated I was. One sweet gesture and I was putty in his hands again. Why did I never learn?
Brushing the tears that had started to fall, I quickly went into the bathroom and wiped off the lipstick, pausing to stare at myself in the mirror.
Perfect hair, perfect makeup. Perfect clothes.
Dead eyes.
Everything looked perfect on the outside, except my eyes. They couldn't hide my emotion, no matter how hard I faked it. And I tried so hard to fake being happy all the time.
A rush of emotion hit me, and I softly cried, closing my eyes. I couldn't bear to look at myself; I was a shell of who I was.
Something needed to change, I needed to be myself again. But there was no hope, so salvation. What was I supposed to do when nothing went right?
As I stepped into the kitchen, my eyes took in William serving his niece and nephew. He smiled so sweetly at them and they ate it up like candy.
I sighed and walked back to the living room to hang up their winter coats. The children's laughter bounced off the walls and then William's joined in. I cringed at the thought of the monster that lay right beneath the surface.
I couldn't tell anyone and risk their safety, so I must grin and bear it. Swallow the pain.
Closing my eyes, I took in a deep breath. Another day living in my own personal hell.
William's laugh echoed through the house again and my mind remembered the vicious punches he gave me only hours again.
The only friends I had were the demons in my head. And it would stay that way.
"You think you can just insult me like that in front of them?" Saliva flew from his mouth and landed on me as he screeched, his hand clutching my throat. "How fucking stupid are you?"
"I w-wasn't trying to upset you-" My words stopped in my throat as he smacked my cheek, causing a burning sensation to take over my face.
"Shut the fuck up!" His free hand flew down and unbuckled my jeans, ripping them down. A sob broke my throat and I gagged as he clutched my neck harder, squeezing the air out.
"Please, don't." I gasped out as I felt his hand pulling down my underwear, rubbing his hand over my naked skin. Why did he have to do this? I didn't do anything wrong! I thrashed and attempted to kick him but only succeeded in hurting my already aching body. Shit, shit! I can't let this happen!
"This is what bad girls deserve." William's fingers slipped inside roughly, causing me to cry out. His green eyes sparkled at my yelp of pain and started moving harder, and it felt like my body was ripping apart. "If you had only listened none of this would have happened."
"I'm sorry, please stop! I'll be good next time." Tremors shot through my spine as he slipped his fingers out of me and unbuckled his jeans, letting them drop to the floor. I was frozen in fear as he rubbed himself against my entrance.
As he inflicted abuse on my body, my mind went somewhere else. Even with the pain that I felt I stayed still, knowing that whatever would happen if I tried to stop him would be much worse than this. What was I supposed to do? If I tried to fight him off I'd have to go through the pain of another beating, but this seemed like a much better option.
"Is this what you wanted? To be fucked?" He licked up the side of my face and I shuddered in disgust.
My imagination saved me from the horrors that I was dealing with, and I could feel no pain or unhappiness. In my memories, I could see a beautiful pink sky and my grandmother by my side. I wish I never had to wake up.
When he finished he yanked up his pants and left me naked and bleeding on my bed sheets. It was as if the world had stopped and I couldn't move, only cry as the pain overtook me. It felt as if hours passed before I got the urge to move, hissing in pain as I slowly lifted myself up. Without covering myself I trudged out of the room and down the hallway until I finally made my way to the bathroom. I didn't let myself cry until I stepped into the shower, making sure the sound of the pounding water drowned out my tears. I had been through this numerous time before, but after every time I felt like I was covered in dirt. How would I move on from this? If I ever finally did get away, who would even want me after I'd been used like this? No one wanted something reused or cheap. I would never be happy again.
With lavender scented soap, I scrubbed my body raw, trying to get off every single particle he had left on me. Looking down at myself, I could see all the disgusting marks I had. So many bruises and cuts that I lost count. Why did I put up with this? Besides the fact that he kept me here against my will, there had to be something I could do.
"Bre, are you done in there?" William's voice echoed through the door and I froze, my eyes widening. What did he want from me? Another round? I don't think my body could take that. I shivered as he kept talking, covering my arms tightly around my body as if to protect myself. "I made dinner." Dinner? For me? A few minutes passed as I thought of a reply, too shocked to think. "Babe?"
"Y-yeah, I'll be coming out in a second," I said meekly, beginning to wash my hair. A little bit later I was finally clean and stepping out, drying my body and hair before wrapping my body in my robe. With shaking hands, I cursed myself for taking too long and finally unlocked and opened the door, my dark brown eyes were met with Will's green ones, now softer and warmer than I had seen in a long time. Without warning he pulled me close to him, strong arms wrapping around me as he kissed my forehead. My body betrayed me almost instantly and I melted into his sweet touch. After feeling so worthless for so long I gladly took to this, letting myself feel like I was hugging an actual nice boyfriend in a healthy relationship. It almost felt like when we first met; the tender kisses and our movie nights where he would cuddle me until I fell asleep. Until this moment I had no longer felt that same comfort, only aches, and pains. I was like a greedy addict, finally getting her fix. It made me sick to my stomach.
"I'm sorry." He whispered into my hair, his voice husky and low. "You know how I get sometimes." But that didn't make it right, I thought to myself. Another kiss, on this time on my cheek. "I promise never to do it again." I knew he was lying but I also knew if I didn't accept his words he would turn back to his old self right before my eyes.
"No, it was my fault." The words felt like vomit in my mouth even as a real smile covered my cheeks, which he kissed again. After a couple more thoughtful words, he led me to the living room, making sure I sat on the couch before setting a plate of French fries and chicken nuggets in my lap. We sat in silence, just eating the food he cooked and watching the monotonous television show he had put on. What was it again, Supernatural? Will was into so many supernatural-themed shows that they all ran together now. After I finished my food I made a move to stand and attempted to take his plate from his hand but was pushed back down and had both dishes taken from me before I could blink.
"No, I'll get that. You just sit down and relax, sweetheart." Sweetheart? As he disappeared into the kitchen a shudder racked my body and I felt bile at the back of my throat. What was he playing at? Was he testing me, and would he teach me a lesson later? Shit, no, what is going on? I wasn't going to say anything, though. It was better dealing with this than the latter. He stepped back into the room seconds later and pulled me into his arms forcefully. "God, I love you." His lips contacted with my cheek from behind and I fought the urge to jump away.
"I love you, too." My voice was uncertain as his lips trailed down my neck and I bit my lip to keep from crying out, my hands clenched in my lap. Memories flashed in my head, and panic started to fester into my belly.
"We haven't made love like that in weeks. I'm so glad I got to share it with you." It felt like the whole world was crashing down inside of me, but on the outside, I was grinning at him. Making love; what a bunch of bullshit. William knew what he was doing, his mind couldn't be that messed up. I looked into his eyes, looking for a trace of guilt; something to tell me he wasn't being totally serious. White hot fear raced through my body as he just looked at me with adoring love, his hand clenched a little too tight on my arm while he made his assault on my throat. "How about we have a second go?"
At his words I let my body go limp and he came around from the other side, pulling my pajama top up as he licked up my breast. A tear rolled down my cheek, but I stayed silent, my brain going to another place. This was all I was good for, right? Some toy to play with whenever he chooses to. This was my life, and it wasn't going to change anytime soon.
Two days passed before the beatings started again, this time becoming worse and worse until I blacked out between them. Time meant nothing to me; all I felt was agony and fists pounding against my body. Having the old William back was just a broken dream; I was stupid to hope it would last.
"You like that, slut? You like it when I fuck you?" I felt like a cheap toy as he took up the spaces he wasn't hurting with his fists, with his private part. It had become routine for me; I didn't even fight it anymore. He had never been this rough, but with his niece and nephew being at their grandparents for the week, he didn't have to hide any of the marks. No one would question why clumsy Breanna busted her nose for the fourth time, or why her leg was misshapen from the impact she took from the vase that she had bumped into. At first, I tried to fight, but it was futile. The only thing that would make this go by faster was letting it happen.
"Please stop." My voice cracked as I spoke for the first time in days, attempting to stop the assault he was doing inside me. "Will-"
"Do you ever learn to keep that big mouth of yours shut?" In an instant he covered my mouth and rammed into me harder, his breaths becoming ragged as he started becoming closer to his release. I felt as if I would split in two. Why did I have to be so stupid? I knew this would happen, he always wins. Tears ran down my cheeks while I sobbed into his palm, the dam breaking on my emotions as they flooded out of me. I would always lose if he had this power over me. A moan shot out of his mouth as he started rutting faster, finally meeting his peak. A few minutes later he pulled out and removed himself from on top of me, standing up and stretching his pale muscles. Freckles peppered his skin, and they reminded me of a better time; a time where I had kissed each one before we made love for the first time. And look at me now, nothing but a used-up whore all purple and blue. He grinned at me as he pulled his jeans up, swiftly yanking his shirt back on before heading towards the door. William stopped mid-step and turned back towards me, his eyes glowing in the darkness.
"This wouldn't be happening if you would just listen to me for once." Then the bedroom door slammed shut, the lock clicking before he stepped out. I lay in agony as my vision becomes blurry, his words bouncing back and forth before my eyes. Maybe if I just listened none of this would happen. I could try and be a better girlfriend from now on, and then he'd be a better boyfriend again. I smiled lamely as my vision grew black, and finally, I was asleep.
"Will?" He had his back to me, his fingers typing diligently onto the black keyboard. I knew he would be mad at me for interrupting him while he was working, but I had to take this chance. They paused for a second, his clean nails shining in the light of the lamp on his desk. Then he continued typing, completely ignoring me. Fear choked me, but I swallowed it down, psyching myself up for it. Come on, you need to do this. You could be really sick, and he needs to let you get checked out. I breathed in deeply and blinked a couple of times before speaking again.
"William?"
"Yes?" His voice sharp and shaky, as if he was holding the rage he was going to unleash once he was done working. I felt tears prick my eyes, but I wiped them away with my fingertips.
"I think I'm sick. I need to go to the hospital to get checked out."
"How can you be sick? I always make sure you're properly taken care of. Have you been doing something you aren't supposed to? Is that why you're sick?" Will swiveled his chair around to face me, jaw clenched and green eyes hard like steel. I shivered and shook my head, clasping my fingers together tightly in front of me.
"No, I haven't done anything I wasn't supposed to. I've just been feeling ill for the past few days and then this morning I got sick in the bathroom-"
"Did you clean it up?"
"Of course."
"How did you clean it up?" Always the perfectionist, I thought to myself grimly.
"I bleached the toilet and floor and then lit a candle to cover the smell." I stepped closer to him, trying to smile even through the terror I felt inside. "I decided to clean the whole bathroom afterward so its sanitary for you."
"Good girl." With a disgruntled sigh, he stood from his chair and came over to me, holding his hands against my cheeks before pulling me into a soft kiss. My heart felt like it would break through my rib cage and fly through my chest. It could have been hours or just mere minutes before he pulled away, I had no idea, but when he did his face was plastered with a perfect chiseled grin. "If you are feeling this ba, of course, course we will go to the hospital. I'll schedule an appointment after I'm done. Okay, sweetheart?"
"Okay. Thank you." Then he went back to his chair and sat down, and I took that as my cue to leave. When I was back in the living room tears suddenly flooded from my eyes and splattered down my cheeks, a river of emotion flowing through me.
What was I doing? Taking orders from him like a dog. Treating him with the utmost kindness while he shits all over me. What kind of respect did I have for myself to keep going through this? I love him, I really did, and I wanted him to love me too. But I also hated him so much and wished I could just leave him and never have to deal with him again. I swallowed the cries that threatened to break free and breathed in a couple of shallow breaths, trying to calm myself before he heard me. If I pulled him out of his concentration again he would have my head; literally.
The pristine air of the hospital tickled my nose as I breathed it in, relaxing my hand into William's as we waited for the doctor to come into the room. It had been a week since I had told William I had been sick, and finally, I was getting in to see his family doctor. Dr. Paul Jacob Walter was a balding man in his mid-sixties who always had a smell of peppermint and freshly brewed coffee, the latter of which had yellowed his teeth. He smiled at me kindly and lightly pushed William away from the exam table, getting out his usual equipment.
"So, you've been feeling sick lately, yes?" I opened my mouth to answer but was cut off by William's harsh voice, his green eyes lit with fire.
"She's been throwing up for a couple of days."
"Have you had sexual intercourse the past couple of months, Ms. Ulery?" My cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he spoke, hands clasping together tightly as a rush of fear raced through me.
"Yes." His eyes flickered at me for a second before he brushed it off, a small smile appearing on my face.
"I'm going to need you to take a couple of tests for me. William, can you step out for a while?"
"Why do I have to leave?" I glanced down at my hands, twiddling my fingers absentmindedly. I would be paying for this later; I knew that much just by his tone.
"Just protocol."
"I'll be right outside, okay? Just do what the doc says." My eyes stayed down as he kissed my forehead and left, the door slamming behind him. After a couple of more minutes, I looked up, my body relaxing as Dr. Walter smiled kindly at me.
"I'm going to ask you a couple of questions. Can you answer them for me?" I nodded. "How are you feeling at the moment?"
"Slightly nauseous and achy." The achiness came from burning this morning's toast, but I wasn't about to tell him that.
"Have your breasts been tender or do they feel sore?"
"Yes, really bad actually." What was he getting at?
"Have you been sleeping a lot more?"
"When I'm able to." Which was barely, since I was always either cleaning, cooking, or filling out paperwork for William. Not to mention the pain he inflicted on me daily.
"And you've been vomiting a lot?"
"Yeah, a couple times a day." He smiled knowingly, and I gave him a confused glance, anxiousness flooding my system. "So, what do I have? Is it serious?"
"It depends on how you look at it." My heart beat loudly in my ears and my throat started to close. Depends on how I look at it? What does that mean? The flu, a common cold, something worse? His warm, wrinkled hand clasped my shoulder and I jumped before relaxing, attempting to give him a smile. "I'm going to have to run some tests to be sure, but-"
"But what?" I cut him off loudly, clasping my hand over my mouth as I realized my mistake. He gave me another grin before starting out the door.
"I will send in some nurses to do the tests, so just sit tight." I nodded and looked down at my pale hands, twiddling my fingers together again. "Oh, and Ms. Ulery?" He waited until he had my attention, a small smile on his face. "Congratulations, you are going to be a great mother."
No, no, no. All I could think was that one word, my brain frozen in shock as my body took over the work for me. After a blood test and a urine test the facts were clear, I was pregnant. I should be happy; no, ecstatic. But all I felt was a terrible dread. What was I going to do? I couldn't have a child in this environment. Well, if you keep it, a voice muttered in my head. Would I be keeping it? I was sure I didn't want an abortion; this baby deserved a chance at life. Another option was adoption, but I'm sure Will wouldn't want anyone else to raise his child.
"Oh no, what am I going to do." I sobbed pathetically in my hands, snot, and tears mixing together.
"Honey?" Will asked from outside the door, a hard edge to it as he knocked lightly. After we had gotten home I had locked myself in the bathroom and had not come out since. It was around six and I would have to start making dinner soon, but all I wanted to do was hide away until I could figure out what to do. "Breanna, answer me"
"I'll be right out to start on dinner."
"Don't forget to put on more makeup. You cried it all off." His footsteps echoed away from the door quickly as I covered my mouth to hide my sobs, more tears trickling down my cheeks like a leaky faucet. What was I going to do? I couldn't live like this anymore. It was different when it was just me; I had nothing to offer the world, and I wouldn't be missed. But this baby, this sweet and innocent little baby could turn out to something extraordinary, and I couldn't be the reason he or she wouldn't succeed. I would have to find a way out and fast. But first I would need to plaster a happy face and cook my lovely boyfriend dinner. Swallowing my sadness, I cleaned my face and put on some fresh makeup, brushing out my long, dark hair and brushing my teeth before leaving the bathroom.
William's eyes grew dark as he took me in, causing me to cringe inwardly.
He stood up slowly and sauntered over to me, long arms wrapping themselves around me as his large hands grasped my buttocks. I yelped in surprise, closing my eyes shut tightly. William's cold lips kissed my collarbone, and then my neck as I swallowed my fear.
His breath was ragged as he spoke, "You know we haven't had any fun in a while. How about we just order a pizza and go back to the bedroom?" I couldn't do that, not with this baby living inside my stomach. Who knows what could happen when he's in the moment. Choking and punching me during sex? That was just the beginning.
"I don't think that's such a-" He cut me off with his lips, tongue shooting into my mouth as he tasted my freshly cleaned teeth. I grunted in surprise, my hands balling into fists as I fought the urge to push him off, fear for my unborn child rivaling my anger. He pulled away after a few seconds, his eyes staring black holes into me.
"Turn around."
"What?"
"I said turn around." In seconds, I was flipped around, my hands slapping against the counter. He pressed my body down until my butt was in the air, and I knew it was over from that moment. My jeans were yanked down, along with my fraying underwear, and his hand slapped against the cold flesh of my bottom. "Yes, bend over just like that."
"Please don't do this." I moved to stand back up, but he pushed me back down, my head knocking against the counter. Should I fight back and potentially get hurt, or let him have his way and deal with the damage that comes with that? I didn't want to hurt my baby, but both situations seemed to be able to do just that. My body was trembling as he licked the shell of my ear, my cries seemingly floating away from his. "William, don't."
"I've been waiting all day to enjoy this." He unzipped his jeans and let them fall to his ankles, positioning himself behind me. This was the last moment I would have to escape before he started his abuse. It was now or never.
"You can't do this, I won't let you." I gasped as I felt him inside of me, a sob choking my throat. I lifted my head to turn and look behind me, his green eyes making me flare with anger. "You aren't going to hurt me anymore!"
"I will do whatever the hell I want with you and you won't do a damn thing." The words left his throat as he slammed my head back onto the counter, blood dripping from a newly formed cut. Without warning he started to assault me, causing me to scream out in agony. Anger flooded into my veins as he took advantage of me, my body trembling harshly.
"Stop it! No, you can't do this! I won't let you!" His hand wrapped around my hair and yanked it back, my pale neck open for his mouth to spread disgusting hickey on it. "Get off me!"
"Shut the fuck up." William slammed my head down again to try and shush my cries, causing my nose to spurt blood all over the counter. He moaned loudly, grabbing my hips as he thumped faster. Disoriented, I flailed my arms in an attempt to hit him, but only touched air. I've got to protect my baby, I was the only one that could. William ignored me, nails digging into the flesh of my waist. I screeched loudly, pounding my fists on the counter to try and create some noise. Maybe someone would hear and come save me from this.
"Someone help me, please! Please, anyone!"
"I said, shut the fuck up!" Then his hands started wailing on me. My back throbbed as his hands collided with it, causing me to cry out in even more pain. When will this end? I can't fight him off, I can't keep him from hurting me. I couldn't protect the baby from this torture. I whimpered as I let my body fall limply onto the counter, trying to ignore the pain at which his body caused. He sighed in content, grabbing my hips again as he hurt me from behind. "Now I can really enjoy this." And then it went on for what felt like hours, pumping and grabbing and sucking and hitting until I could barely stay awake.
As my vision dimmed, the dam finally broke and he finished inside me, a low groan emitting from his throat. His hands and nails gripped me until I felt blood drip out of the wounds, and then he let go. I caught myself before I dropped to the floor, turning so I landed on my back, cupping my stomach protectively. William yanked his jeans back up, fixing his belt before leaning down to my face. His hot breath assaulted my face, toothpaste and aftershave clogging my senses.
"I hope that was as good for you as it was for me." He attacked my mouth, tasting every gum and tooth before pulling away. My vision went black as he moved to leave the room, which I was thankful for as my body screamed in agony. Is my baby okay? Please be alright. Please be alright.
It was dark when I woke up, which meant I had to have been asleep for hours. Doctor appointment at around noon, and it happened around six this evening. I looked up at the wall clock up on the wall; Ten-o-six. Shit, I had been asleep for hours. And Will still wasn't back yet. If he had been, I would be in even more pain. Eyes full of sleep, I slowly lifted myself off the floor, biting my lip to keep in my agonized scream. I ached all over, but none more than my private area.
When I finally had my pants on I looked around and something shiny caught my eye. A silver flip phone.
No way.
With trembling legs, I stepped closer to the counter, leaning onto it for support before grabbing it greedily in my hands.
Will's phone. He probably forgot it after the whole ordeal. Tears pricked my eyes in happiness. This had to be a sign, life was finally looking up. Without wasting time, I typed in three little numbers and held it up to my ear as my real first smile in months became plastered onto my face.
"Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?"
"You fucking bitch, you have no idea what you've done!" The police would be arriving any second, but I still was left with the aftermath of what I had done. Guilt was the first emotion I had felt after he had caught me, with thoughts of, I shouldn't have done that and how could I be so stupid. I love William, didn't I? He only did it out of love. I deserved it.
But then he tackled me, and all those thoughts vanished, and I was only filled with happiness and anger. Every punch I took to the face would only serve to put him away faster. Sirens rang in the distance, but I couldn't really concentrate on it. Blood spurted from gums, and my teeth became loose.
"I'll make sure you never breathe again, you whore." His large hands wrapped around my neck and squeezed tightly, my eyes widening as my air supply was cut off.
"You'll never win." I sputtered out, my arms flailing around for a way to hit him off. My nails dug deep into the meat of his cheeks. William's hands let go as he held his bleeding face, glaring down at me. "It's my turn to win this time."
"No wonder I beat you. You always seem to fuck up things." His face turned up into a grin, and I felt myself tremble under his hold. "Not this time, though. You're never going to fuck up anything in my life again."
"Please, please don't." I rasped out, hitting as his hands pitifully.
"You're going to die, Breanna. And I'm going to be the one that kills you." My brain felt like it would explode as I uselessly tried to fight back against my attacker, but there nothing I could really do except hope the cops got here in time.
"William..." I pleaded, but he just chuckled in response and tightened his grip.
"Save your last breaths, sweetheart. You're going to need them." No, my baby. My baby. I couldn't let him kill my baby. My life was already basically over; I was going to live my life under William's thumb until I found out about the precious thing inside of me. My mother wasn't talking to me, my father was god knows where. My whole family was gone except for the child I was carrying. And I was letting him or her down too. As my vision started to grow dark I let myself relax.
I'm so sorry I've failed you, baby. I love you.
My eyes shut on their own accord, and the last thing I see is William's radiant green eyes. How much I had loved them, and now I felt sick just staring at the sight of him. My vision went dark just as the door slammed open.
"Police! Put your hands where I can see them!"