Silence that Remains
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Also, fic title "Silence that Remains" can be translated into "Hasheket Shani'shar", which is a song by Shiri Maimon. So title credits go to that. (:
Emptiness. It was the feeling that my heart was most familiar with; it was the emotion that my mind truly accepted. It tears my heart apart night and day; it tortures my mind with a silent pain. It was hard for me to accept that emptiness was there to stay, at least for a while. A few years ago, everyone would have found me happy and my life filled with ecstasy. But now, people always ask me...they always ask me why I'm doing what I'm doing, how I'm coping with unbearable pain.
Is it really that inconspicuous; are they just idiots? My heart has no desire to stop "what" I'm doing. To put it bluntly, I have no heart. It's a long story, and for all the intellectual people, they would be go into their smart-aleck mode on my ass, and I'd be in for a really long lecture about how I wouldn't be living if I didn't have a heart.
Yes, they are idiots. It's not that I don't have a heart; it's the fact that I chose to give mine away, the fact that I gave mine away because I was in love. No, I'm not some lovesick puppy, or some two-faced bimbo who likes man for their money and looks. Don't get me wrong; I still have some dignity to uphold. Those idiots that think they know everything about life are wrong. They say they've been through it all, from happiness to sorrow. Oh, they don't know a thing about life.
Love is a double-edged sword. It brings so much joy and happiness, but it also brings so much pain and sorrow. No matter what good thing one find about it, there is always a bad thing that comes along with the good.
Love is miraculous.
But it can bring the death of one who has fallen so hard.
I look at love like a rose. A rose brings so much beauty, but there are thorns that bring pain. The red rose is the sign of a deep, true love, but red is also the color of blood. Who knew that something so...beautiful or handsome could cause so much pain?
I was always told to "never judge a book by its cover". As a young girl, I took that into heart. I believed my mother when she told me. As a preteen, I forgot. It was when I was still in my academy days. I had stepped into my classroom, and my eyes scanned the people around me. My eyes stopped within seconds. They saw raven hair, deep, onyx eyes, and beautiful pale skin.
Ever believe in love at first sight?
I did. Right when I saw him, I fell hard. I was ready to rip my heart out then and there, and hand it to him. Imagine that, huh? Class hadn't even started, and already I fell meters deep.
"Hi! I'm Haruno Sakura, and I'm giving you my heart because I love you!"
Yeah right I said that. But looking on it now, I slap myself for my stupidity. What ever happened to "never judge a book by its cover"? I had already judged.
By the time I had passed the Academy and graduated as a Genin, I had fallen head over heels with the man. Mother Fortune must have loved me so, as she had placed me on the same team as he. But she must have hated me for judging his cover by placing me on Uzumaki Naruto's team, and gracing us with the most perverted sensei ever.
As we went on missions together and trained more and more, that was when I truly began to read the book and not drool over the cover. Finally, I was able to open up his hardcover and begin reading his text. And finally, my emerald eyes had opened up to the light.
Sure, I was already in love with this man. I already loved him with all my heart. Or so I thought. But when I finally began to read the text, see his life and his personality, whichwas when my crush for him blossomed into a real love, not some delusional joke.
I still remember the first time I realized how hard I had fell; the first time I realized how much I truly loved this man. It was part of the Chuunin Exams in the Forest of Death. I was still weak and a scared pansy at the time, and he had just received the curse mark from the Snake-Freak/Pedophile. Fortunately (or unfortunately. Depends on how you look at it) for me, I was the one stuck awake and left to caring for my teammates. I had just woken up from a doze, and I felt light penetrating through our shelter.
Walking out of that shelter changed my life forever. Before, I was weak and relied on my teammates for my survival. But from the moment I cut my pride and joy, my hair, my eyes once again saw the light. I was able to fight back without showing any fear. From the moment that the Sound-nin Kin grabbed my hair, to the moment that there lay a mangled body with broken arms on the floor, my life had changed forever.
When I had truly realized my love for the man was when he had awoken. He had wakened with purple chakra surrounding him, black marks drawn and burned onto his pale skin. He had asked me who had done it, and I was too shocked to answer. And then, the stubborn Sound-nin, Zaku was his name, answered for me. "I did it," He said. Arrogant fool. My love had walked up to Zaku, and had detached his pride and joy, his arms, from his body. He was about to kill the other, Dosu if I remember correctly, but I didn't want him to. I didn't want him to already have the bloodstain forever on his hands. He had seen enough death. It wasn't his time to cause it, not yet.
"Stop!" I yelled. I hugged him, crying into his shirt. I didn't want him to kill when it wasn't the time. Finally, the black marks had receded, and he returned back to normal. He told me to say nothing of his mark to our teammate. I could tell he wanted this more than anything.
Indeed, he had wanted power more than anything. He had wanted to kill his brother more than anything. It was plain to see like night and day. There was no stopping his ambition. He was an avenger. He had no time to play with petty emotions. His deceased loved ones were more important than the present. I remember once, when nobody else was around but us, I spoke to him.
"You can't dwell in the past, you know. You need to wake up."
He walked away. I just stared at his retreating figure, tears streaming down my eyes. He disappeared from my view, and I clutched the clothing above my heart, and my tears fell harder, and my stifled sobs were heard.
Then came that fateful night that I distaste; the night I breathe in and taste its bitterness. He was leaving; he was leaving everything behind him.
"I love you more than anything!"
My love wasn't enough to stop his ambitions. He lived to avenge his clan; he lived to kill the man that destroyed his life. He told me I was annoying. But couldn't he see? I loved him. He knocked me out, but I heard words.
"Thank you."
When he had left that day, he unconsciously took my heart with him. Had he known that, would he have stayed?
My love wasn't enough.
Now that love is gone, I'm trying so hard to find where I belong. It feels that I truly don't belong in this world of light, joy, and ecstasy. No, my life was darkened with sorrow, and a stoic mask clouded my happiness.
I wonder about that day. Had it already been time to say "good-bye"?
But no matter how hard he hurt me, no matter how many tears I cried...I couldn't forget him; I can't stop loving him. I can see that my love held some blindness in it; I can see that I could have done better as a person and as a lover. Now, only the silence remains; but sadly enough, I accept it with open arms.
The silence reminds me of him.
It reminds me of his love that he never showed.
And what we could have had.
But what can never be.
It reminds me of what hurts the most.
It reminds me that I can't stop loving him.
My name is Haruno Sakura. And I am broken.
I was just listening to "Hasheket Shenish'ar" by Shiri Maimon. Beautiful song and lyrics, you should listen to it sometime. (: Anyway, it proved to be the inspiration to this fic, and the fic is even named for the translation of "Hasheket Shenish'ar" (The Silence That Remains) Thank you for reading!