Once upon a time, there was a teeny tiny magical alpaca baby. His name was Gimli Talos Junior. He was beautiful, his coat coloured like the rainbow, in stripes of pink, blue and yellow.
Gimli Talos Junior was very special, because he had two daddies, Legolas and Gimli. Legolas was an elvish prince, and Gimli a dwarven lord. When the two daddies fell in love, the teeny tiny alpaca baby was born out of their love. He came in into existence from a puff of magic.
The little alpaca was very different from his parents, but they still loved him for who he was.
But on one fateful day… Gimli Talos Junior got stolen. When his parents woke up in the morning, the little alpaca bed was empty! So they set out on a quest to find their lost son.
While the two daddies were crossing mountains and treacherous rivers, little Gimli Talos Junior was speaking his first words.
"TALOS THE MIGHTY!" he screeched from out of the canvas bag he was trapped in, "TALOS THE UNERRING! TALOS THE UNASSAILABLE! TO YOU WE GIVE PRAISE!"
The alpaca-napper sighed frustrated. He had almost reached his destination, but Gimli Talos Junior was putting his patience to the test.
"WE ARE BUT MAGGOTS, WRITHING IN THE FILTH OF OUR OWN CORRUPTION! WHILE YOU HAVE ASCENDED FROM THE DUNG OF MORTALITY, AND NOW WALK AMONG THE STARS!" the teeny tiny alpaca continued.
"Shut up!" the alpaca-napper hissed. Strangely enough, this voice sounded familiar….
After a day of searching, Gimli and Legolas had decided to stay in an inn for the night, to continue the searching the next day. They sat at a table, having a little to drink, but then, suddenly, Gimli bursted out in tears.
"Oh, where could my precious little Gimli Talos Junior bee-e-e-eeee?" he sobbed, as his husband tried to console him.
Then another voice spoke up.
"Talos, you said?" a guy at the bar said, "I know sumthin' 'bout a Talos."
"Really?" Gimli said between two sobs.
"Oh, don't listen to him," the bartender said, "He's always drunk."
Despite this warning, Gimli still wanted to hear what the drunk had to say. Maybe he had a clue or something…
"I was walkin' in the woods," the drunk said, "When I heard sumthin' strange. I heard someone shout 'bout a Talos. Something 'bout TALOS THE MIGHTY! TALOS THE UNERRING! TALOS THE UNASSAILABLE!"
"What, where?" Gimli said desperately.
"I can show you…" the drunk said, "but for a price…"
"I will do anything to see my son again!" Gimli said.
"I want five hundred septims!"
"But… I don't have that kind of money…"
Luckily for him, his spouse was a prince. Legolas wiggled with his eyebrows, and then, casually, shoved a bag full of coins to the drunk man.
"I'll show you tomorrow," the drunk man said as he picked the bag up, "Be here at… sunrise!"
Gimli and Legolas nodded, as they watched the man stagger outside. Or, at least, that was the plan. When he reached the door, the man flopped over in front of it. The bartender sighed, muttering a "Oh, not again…", and grabbed a broom. With this broom, he pushed the drunk out of the door, and slammed it shut.