He knew. He knew how annoying and invasive he is. He knows how aggressive he can get, but he can't help it.
It keeps people away. Keeps himself from being betrayed by the so called people who called them his friend. He has been betrayed too much. Which is why he is so disappointed in himself because he let himself get to close to one Hajime Hinata, who could and could not be the traitor. He could see the flick of pain in those hazel eyes every time he purposefully distanced himself from the boy.
It wasn't like Hajime truly cared about him. He always saw the annoyance in Hajime's eyes whenever he called his name; the roll of his eyes whenever he mentions his interests and Miss Sonia; even the sigh from his mouth whenever he makes a suggestion.
He was stupid. He was paranoid. And he was non-existent.
He wasn't smart like Mahiru or Togami, he wasn't mysterious like Peko or Gundam, tough like Fuyuhiko, Akane, and Nekomaru, not was he graceful like Sonia and Hiyoko. He wasn't even odd like Ibuki or Nagito and social like Teruteru. He wasn't even kind like Chiaki and Mikan.
He was cruel. He knew how annoying he was to Sonia and the others, yet he made no effort to stop. He knew that targeting Gundam was pointless because he and Sonia were nothing but close friends, but it kept him from the breeder from wanting to get to know him.
That's why when it was announced that they couldn't leave this disorienting fun house until someone was dead, he was willing to do whatever he could to protect them. His friends. Or at least that's what he thought they were to him, even when they thought he was a nuisance.
After the fourth day, he could see the exhaustion seeping through his friends' body and he hated seeing his eccentric friends becoming dull with starvation, so he decided; his plan would begin tonight. He locked himself into his room, finding some bright papers and a bright pen to match and used all of the papers in his room to write some messages and hid them within his tracksuit.
It was 5 in the morning, according to the clock, when he left his room and traveled to the Final Dead Room. He entered and cleared the test with some difficulty and figured out the secret of the fun house. It didn't matter to him as he grabbed some rope and an elephant tranquilizer.
When he came back into his room, he tied the rope onto one of the television beams and created a noose. A very typical suicide but he wasn't all that creative when it didn't have to electronics and automobiles. He tied the noose to his neck and dropped himself onto the floor, the noose tightning and squeezing the air from his body. He could feel the blood rushing from his head and he couldn't breathe.
He wanted to live. But why? He had nothing to live for anymore. What was the point of living when he had nothing but an abusive father to go home to and dying from the hands of a friend who found him too annoying.
Don't loose hope.
Where did it come from? And why now? He let himself up and rapidly untied himself from the rope desperately grasping his throat and gulping as much air his lungs could carry.
He failed. He couldn't even kill himself and the despair was eating at him. He left his room, throat still clutched in his small hands and sprints to the Strawberry Tower, where he screams his already sore throat raw and cries. He takes the elephant tranquilizer from his pocket and jams it into his leg.
It moves through his body slowly and he can feel his body collapse with exhaustion and Souda allows it to happen. Before his eyes close, he hears a shout from a deep voice yell "NO!" before the darkness took him away.
And then he wakes up in one of the third island's hospital bed.